What would be good female chilvary?


What would be good female chilvary?

Another question got me thinking about this, as its not really addressed at all. My older bro bro was always told to be a "gentlemen," holding doors open, pulling out chairs, ladies first etc...

I was taught more home maker type stuff but always felt thanking men for being chilvarous wasn't enough.

What would be some neat chilvarous things a girl could do for men akin to door holding or ladies first?

I was thinking things like:

*helping put on his jacket after the meal, which usually men take off the ladies at arrival.
-This is nice because you get a good feel of his build and can cutely fix his collar, button his jacket or tie it 😃 great chance for a nice compliment or kiss

*Buying the appetizer before he comes as most people are pretty hungry at arrival, and offering to purchase the desert. Most chilvarous men insist on paying for main course, so leaving a hearty tip so he doesn't would be pretty nice. (to him and server lol)

*Offering to get him a drink or snack on a casual outing or if he stops by

*Addressing men as 'sir.'

I noticed gentlemen guys often call women ma'am, even if she is being jerkish. Its honestly pretty sexy. Dual respect could be a good idea?

*Not talking over men and avoiding cuss words (unless telling a story or something)

-Women can talk lol letting him have a bit more authority in speaking kinda appeals to the submissivness men like in women.

Now if he puts his hand up like,

"BE STILL WOMAN... PHAROA SPEAKS"

Then by all means ask for the bill and leave lol

Im trying these on the guy Im currently seeing and he has completely opened up and has even gone out his way to be even kinder to me.

I don't know guys, what would female chilvary look like to you?

Updates:
"Expecting the opposite gender to do some type of act as a reflection of their character isn't right;

Why are guys moralized or feel obligated to hold open a door / pay for the date? Its because society has trained them to think that women will think they are cheap or rude for not doing so.

Oddly on the other hand, if a woman can't cook, its wrong or sexist for a man to be critical of her about it?

Thats not equality."

A poster sparked a good point

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Most Helpful Guy

  • * Understanding that relationships are endeavors of mutual respect that neither participant is supposed to profit from more than the other.
    * Have common sense.

    These two things are really the only things you need to impress the other person and to lead a lasting relationship with them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This should actually be titled, "How to be Nice and Not an Entitled Cunt Who Takes Nice Men For Granted".

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What Guys Said 88

  • You pretty much hit the nail on the head. The two things I'm not really sure about are assuming a submissive role in conversation and calling me "sir"... I might still call a woman I'm on a date with ma'am (because she's a lady), but I'd feel a bit weird about her calling me sir, (it has a feel like Sugar Daddy or Grand-pappy, to me, I'm to young and immature for that). Just my first name is fine. That said, if she were to call my DAD "sir", that would be an instant plus in my book.
    As far as being submissive in conversations, that might be "okay" in some cases. But personally I'd much prefer an intelligent, full on, two-way conversation. Ultimately, it's about showing (and having) mutual respect. Guys LOVE being respected. Just like women do. And like you seem to have experienced, we will poor respect, love, and couteousness back ten-fold to women who recognize our efforts and try to reciprocate our respect. (Which is why less guys open doors for women now... sadly... we often get told to "stuff it" or receive no thanks, so why try.)

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    • Because GOD allowed you the blessings of being with someone so special.

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    • I wish I could edit comments, my last one came off as harsh. No offense intended. ;)

    • @isopsis pls breathe, it is okay, its life, some people are like that and we have to deal with it xD but it is nice of you for still being polite 😊

  • Enough with the chivalry talk. Chivalry involved horseman etiquette, killing less innocents, and only beating women if a knight really thought they deserved it. We should probably look for a better word than "chivalry."

    How about men and women treat each other equally and don't be assholes to each other? How about we communicate what we want and need, and meet each other half way? No horses necessary.

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    • feminism were first to attack chivalry.. and look where that's gotten us as a society?

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    • I can get behind that.

    • "chivarly" towards women was a real thing in until the 60s. I was raised to be "chivalrous" towards women and people and general.

      Now its more cool to be disrespectful. Women who disrespect men are considered "strong" by feminists.

      I actually applaud the take owner for writing this. It shows me not all hope is lost.

  • A girl I was dating calling me sir would make me think that she was trying to start some kinky role play stuff. I'm down! But seriously, I think that modern-day chivalry is synonymous with courtesy. There's nothing wrong with a woman holding the door if she makes it there first. I think this applies across the board with most "chivalrous" actions.

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    • Lol wow kinky? Hmm I wouldn't ever thought lol

      Ha ha holding doors for guys here is impossible, they will literally stand there until the girl goes in, even if she tries to hold the door 😂

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    • 😂😂😂

      Lol I've heard some social horror stories about Boston -

      One guy asked a girl out and she told him to shoot himself!

      Like... daaaaang

      Rude level 6000

    • Wow, sounds about right. I don't live in the city but Massachusetts is pretty much the same. That's why they call us Mass Holes. Lol

  • Cooking for your man, acting submissive with him, propping up his ego. There's nothing more powerful for a man than to have his woman prop up his ego when he's doubting himself.

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    • submission is not chivalrous.

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    • normal =/= ethical. Again, ignorance is not an excuse. The "child vs adult situation" was me highlighting how it's fallacious to compare the two on equal footing. Children have different brain capacities then adults, a child may not know murder or violence is wrong or even be aware of what it even is until they are taught and mature/grow - morality isn't something they've fully grasped at this point. Adults know as they are taught this in their childhood and their brains have developed; so for instance a white person knows hitting someone is wrong (and thus would not hit fellow members of his race for unjustified reasons) but may physically become hostile to a black person. In this case, it's not ignorance - it's outright prejudice which also isn't an excuse.

    • @Volvagia

      If prejudice is something your raised to believe is fine, then to you the hostility is justified, even if its an incorrect stance ethically.

      If you have met a really prejudice person, they dont think its wrong at all.

  • My last girlfriend and i had this thing where i would come home from work... stare at the window and wait for her to ask, "how was your day?" I would respond with something on the lines of, "can we not talk about it/horrible." So, she would make me a giant cup of hot cocoa hahaha it was the best!

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    • Awww so sweet! Thats awesome to pay attention to little things that make people happy. My friend loves gummy worms, and when he is down I bring him lots of gummies!

      The truth is not so much chilvary, but having a warm heart for anothers comfort and well being XD

    • Call it what youd like, but it was one of my fondest memories with her 🙄

  • Good female chivalry?
    How about females ask men out for dates and bring them flowers and surprise presents?
    I'd like to feel desired too. I'd like to be told im hot and pretty and withhold sex until the second date *cuz i'd be a slut.*

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  • I would say you already have some really nice ideas. It would be refreshing to see some female chivalry. I try to be somewhat chivalrous towards ladies and oftentimes it's just overlooked without so much as a thank you, I hope to see female chivalry become a trend in the future.

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  • Next time somebody says something negative to them, throw a glass of wine in there face, ask them for a duel at dawn and go buy and learn how to use a sword. Quickly.

    Chivalry isn't what you think it is.

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    • Lol sword fight might be pretty epic XD

      I read before that "knights" were pretty rude and even raped women despite chilvarous decrees?

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    • Aye, but it is a strongly valid point...

    • Might get blood in the carpet

  • The things you listed are pretty good. However, the jacket thing kinda seems a little motherly. Like for me, nobody has helped me put a jacket on since my mother did it when I was a kid, so if I was with a girl that did it, I feel like it'd weird me out.

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    • XD Kenshin!!!

      *composes self

      Lol she all licks her thumb and wipes your face after buttoning jacket 😂😂

    • lmao... oh and then maybe she can offer to tuck me in before bed, maybe tell a nice story or sing a lullaby.

  • Some of those don't sound bad at all, I'll be honest with ya. I'm thinking we should bring Victorian Era shit back into fashion. Really bring the idea to life xD

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  • Sounds about right. In general I think men preffer actions from women rather then money but it is definitely appreciated when she pitches in from time to time with buying dessert or what have you as you mentioned. But yes everything you said is what a lady should do. And as you have noticed the more you do for him, the more he wants to do for you and its a self feeding cycle, that's probably why you would hear about people being married fifty years and now its suprising if they make it to ten, because instead of doing what you can to make your partner happy people now are convinced that they have to be out only for themselves which of course does not help create that connection and that desire to work together, its more of a competition now and that's just not healthy in my opinion. So yeah, I like everything you said and would agree with it. And as you mentioned being lady like doesn't mean you have to be mistreated, their is courtesy and then their is being a doormat and they are two very different things. Glad that you actually put some thought into this.

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  • This is what the world used to be like. Ever wonder why people pine for the 50s as far as romance goes?

    These are fine ideas. I'd marry a woman who treated me that well, and move stars to see that she gets the same from me.

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    • Yeah, I don't know why we betated such pleasant treatment to each other. I feel its to do with a more egotistical focused ideology that started to gradually take over for some odd reason

    • People were just raised spoiled and decided that they should take the best care of themselves, and disregard everyone else.

    • Man thats sad. All we have is each other, in fact if we concerned more for eachother, a lot of serious problems would not exist

  • I was gonna poke fun at the idea of female chivalry but then I read through it all... and you are just the sweetest thing lol

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  • As I always have seen it, the man is the source of security he makes the woman feel safe, and is the emotional rock the woman can always fall back on, he holds the doors and basically takes care of the woman. The woman in turn always provides joy to the relationship, she cheers the man up when he is down, helps him de-stress but also she cares for everyone around the couple, is kind with kids and kind to strangers. And that is really what it all comes down to in my opinion.

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  • These all sound quite nice. I think a big part of chivalry is knowing how to accept chivalry with kindness and grace.

    I once tried to hold a door for a girl, and she plowed right on through, as if she didn’t even realize I was holding it for her, slamming the door against my hand in the process... whatever female chivalry is, that ain’t it. Lol

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  • Maybe not texting your friends if on a date. Bringing up exes. Things that would cause a friction with the potential for a good time

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    • I hate when people text just during dinner with friends, unless its absolutely necessary of course.

      It makes you come off like your guy is a boring waste of time, even if not your intent, consider how it may make him feel.

      you're even worse if he puts his phone away.

      Its like men are suppose to devote all to us, but we can ignore them.

      Not okay

    • Absolutely it sounds to me like you are realizing love and good intent sent will be felt and reciprocated. That is a great thing that you have both grown from trying to be kinder to eachother. Good on you I don't see it as chivalry though I see it as good character we should see all of our neighbors that way not just the people that we like.

  • It's not about you! Men have the need to act like a gentleman. The best thing you can do is let them. Act like a lady and they will LOVE you for it!

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    • Act like a lady - yes this is the head of the nail that society hesitates to hit ha ha there aren't any standards for a woman to be a "lady" anymore, like men have standards taught to them to be gentlemen.

      My brothers gentlemenness lol was set in stone, but women are told to be ladylike, just expectant of fine treatment from men :(

  • Personally, the bigges act of chivarly a woman could show a man she likes it to show interest in things he is passionate about. This doesn't mean that she should pretend to like something if she doesn't, but let's say that he's really passionate about hiking. Just agreeing to going on a hike with him even if you don't like the idea is one of the best things you could do. And if you didn't enjoy it, then that will be fine. But just the fact that you tried is definitely one of the best things you can do.

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    • I agree with you

    • Yes, this. I hate that "he spends more time on his car/sports/game/interests than me!!"

      Why not help him fix his car or learn to shoot some deer? If you dont like it that much, how about packing his hunting gear for him or surprise him with some new tools for his car parts?

      Omg Id die of love if my guy hated art but shows up with some canvases he picked out and an idea he wanted me to paint lol

  • Chivalry is a code of conduct on how men should behave towards women... women dont need such a code bcs men are/were expected to open doors and such

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    • Men don't need such a code either.

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    • I was never taught silly gender roles. I was taught to do things for myself. When I cook I only make what I want, which is 100% vegetarian, so if someone wants me to cook for them, they're going to have to live with that.

    • Gender roles might be silliy to you but i can guarantee a lot of men take them seriously... why? Bcs no man wants to hear the "you're not a real man". bcs thats also a necessary thing when it comes to family

  • What about putting your arm around his when walking together?

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  • You have good ideas, but I don't really classify that as 'chivalry', it's just being kind. Still, that's not a bad thing at all, and it would be refreshing to see more ladies actually give a damn and make an effort like this.

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  • Your suggestions leave little room for improvement. Your guy is truly blessed to have you.
    The only thing I could think of adding is to ask him questions that have you genuinely interested in his answer. It's a good invitation to understand him better.
    I bet it would make him feel more important too.

    Beyond that, invite him to plan things more often, putting him in the driver's seat, even if he's a bit hesitant to take contol.

    If you marry, then things get more wild with trying to bebeing and polite.

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    • I hear that a lot about how girls dont carry a conversation, which is odd since we are the talkative gender. Honestly this is going to sound bad, but since men tend to do more in trade/craft and work, I think a lot of women can't hold a conversation well for lack of understanding.

      My friend cried one time we went to hang with some guy classmates, one of whom all the other girls liked. I didn't like him, but I startes discussing chemistry and fetal manipulation with these guys who were thrilled that I knew these things lol

      The cute guy apparrently, was really intellectual. The other girls were being giggly and sexual, but I ended up getting all the guys attention by hypothesizing the plausiblity to infuse certain protein sequences in animal DNA and how thatd impact the military world 😂😂😂
      Im also skilled at video games and played COD with them then made some food for everyone.

      Just thinking about you really - like your needs, your interest, not just my own intent

    • Oo, I wanna hear more about this protein, do you mean eukaryotic DNA as a whole to enhance human soldiers, or are you thinking of making a war animal?

      It makes sense, most guys I know like to talk about politics, machinery, money, tech, music, a few video games, processes in science and less about social things whereas the girls I know just want to talk extensively about people, relationship developments, personal feelings, and a few TV shows.

      As a nerd with a lot of goals, and ideas, I find both annoying. I'm like "can we just talk about politics, psychology, economic theory, and how awesome Elon musk is please?

  • This is the best idea coming from a woman that I've seen on this site. Kudos. Wish more women would think like you.

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  • This sounds very outdated to me; it’s as if my grandma wrote this.

    If you believe there are certain acts that are chivalrous for women and certain acts for me, you’re making it even more divided when it comes to dating.

    I would hate it if a woman expected me to take off her coat, and I’d hate it even more if she tried putting my jacket on me. I’m a grown man and you’re a grown woman, DIY.

    Also just split the bill. Don’t cherry pick if you want to pay for one thing, but not another.

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  • Miss, *whispers* you aren't allowed to say that, did you forget that the men are oppressing you?

    Jokes apart, hats off to you miss, you have gained the undivided respect of almost all the men and some women who have seen this post.
    It is extremely ridiculous how one can't even be nice these days to the opposite gender without being slapped with tags like being sexist, and mansplaining.

    Saying 'good morning beatiful' or 'have a nice day gorgeous' , etc. Are now considered harassment.
    Holding the door now means that you don't think women can open door for themselves.

    The worst part is, be a gentle. men and get accused of being a pervert trying to get into the ladies' pants, be a complete asshole to them and be loved in return 😂

    Wherever you are and whoever you are, you are an amazing person, god bless you and take care 😊.

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  • Technically, chivalry was the 15th century British code of jousting. It features 19 articles on the proper ways to fillet armor-clad men on horseback and only one code on how to treat women.

    Women can be ladylike just as easily as men can be gentlemanly, whether there's an antiquated code outlining the proper ways to do it or not.

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  • Your an exotic young lady. It's a rare woman who gives such thought to the needs and basic enjoyment of the men around her. Thank you miss.

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  • Fuck the not using cuss words thing lol, I like it when she links arms especially being surrounded by couples or another girl is eyeballing you, a kiss on the cheek after a thank you, running around the house naked or at least without underwear, taking his dishes and fixing his plate, sticking up for your man, I don't know that's the best I can think of, haven't had much of a good women so I probably shouldn't even give my opinion

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  • A woman, a woman actually planning a date. And paying for it.

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    • That would be awesome! We do honestly get the urge to take men out, even as teens we would talk about surprising our crushes with movie tickets or how fun itd be to lead him to a picnic or something stupid and cheesy lol

      Its just nice to entreat someone close to you

  • just have a mutual respect and treat me like you'd want me to treat you

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    • Right, the date is also about the guy having fun and feeling comfortable, not just swooning her lol

      Hey if I want to date him, another girl will too, I gotta work to keep him ha ha

  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 26

  • I think this is more being a good human being.
    This: *Not talking over men and avoiding cuss words (unless telling a story or something) I don't agree with at all. Mainly the cussing part. Swear words are just words. Our dainty sensibility is what makes them "bad"

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    • Yeah that one is def old school. I try to avoid being vulgar but we are still adults, and they are still words lol

  • Why the fuck am I calling my dates “sir” in this scenario? No. No no. Nono no.

    And why should I let him talk more? That’s not the point of a date. Sitting and allowing someone to speak for the duration of the outing makes for a really shitty date. Been there, done that, blocked his number.

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    • Yeah sir can make some people uncomfy who aren't used to it. My family is southern so ma'am was often a term used toward women, as well as sir. Coming to the west, men still use ma'am but women not so much with sir in the same, equal and politr manner.

      Lol not like he is your drill sergent though ha ha

      Of course you would also talk, but just not interrogating him or talking too much about yourself.

    • Hon. You’re not supposed to sit in awe of a date. That defeats the purpose of going on a date.

    • Lol well of course not. I personally talk over people because Im blunt and headstrong. Its a bit rude and unnecessarily dominating

  • How about just treating people in general with common courtesy and not bother too much about what gender they are? ^_^

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    • Exactly. Dating is just extremely one sided, as well as having manners. Men are expected to be gentlemanly, but if women are jerk offs its just supposed to be accepted.
      Why is it okay for him to be told to be a gentlemen and go the extra to be nice, and these rude women can't even say thank you or return the favor?

      Even some women get offended if men treat them just as crude and call them jerks lol

      Takes one to know one.

      But I agree, respectful regardless of gender.

    • Well gender matters and men and women want different things and think differently hence tailoring ones behavior to take into account those innate differences.

  • I think a lot of it has to do with common respect as well. Basically treating men, how we would like to be treated. Thats how I treat them. How can I expect them top do it for me, if i dont do it for them.

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  • I wish there was a way to save this post 😂 I love everything about! I always think about this but didn’t know how to word it. Perfect post and I love reading the comments!

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    • Saaame! You can save the post by tapping on the 3 dotted lines on the top of the post and click "follow" but it'll give you notifications as well (new people who comment n stuff) sometimes its overwhelming

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    • Thanks! I may do a video mytake of trying out female "chilvary" interview the guys and gals to see what they feel XD

  • chivalry is not gender-specific. It shouldn't be, at least.

    Chivalry to me is just another term for behaving in a respectful, courteous manner. So.. both men and women should make an effort to not curse in public. Both men and women should hold the door open for anyone using the same door who's not too far behind them.

    BIlls should be paid by both parties. I mean... assuming how most women have incomes/expenses similar to those of most men, I don't see why we should still expect them to get the bill, y'know?

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    • Yes! It should be common sense right? Why not offer to cover the meal or hold the door for him too?

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    • @Isopsis yeahyeah, of course. I wouldn't insist that I pay if the guy expresses wishes to do so but I think simply offering goes a long way in terms of showing a bit of your views on things like how traditional or modern you view gender roles as being.

    • All good. Tabs and stuff is really decided in the couple. I don't think it's a blanket statement one way or the other. ;)

  • I always thank him with sweet names and his reaction is a little like shy blushy and his face is so cute ❤
    We don't meet often (ldr) but when I'm with him I make him cakes, he goes crazy for carrot cake 🍰 and I also cook for him his fav meals every time, it is so lovely to eat together and see his happy face smile and his "mmm" (how do you say this in English?) is so funny and makes me happy too 😄
    I like these suggestions for chivalry by the way I want to try them, I don't know if calling him sir will surprise him because it sounds a bit off but I want to try and see how he reacts heheh

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  • I am quite polite in general and cannot help but be someone chivalrous to everyone. But if someone is making such an effort back, then I do the same. I think it can be a natural thing you don't even think of. Your points I feel are really good. 😊

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    • I think it makes the other person happy to just know your polite gestures are for the sake of just letting them know they matter.

      Even when total strangers girl or guy holds open a door, its just nice lol

    • I agree. 😊

  • I really do love this post 💕 I do half of these things but I tend to be more on the quiet side unless someone purposely brings up a subject I get excited about and, even then, I try to tone it down. I love the reactions when I'm polite, pay or spontaneously do something even though it's normal to me? Sadly, it's not as normalized as it used to be

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  • I think the word 'sir' has lost its meaning in this age of bdsm...

    I've never thought of these like chivalry, to me it's just regular polite behaviour.

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  • Well, first we have to go back to what the chivalric code really was. It was really all the things that were expected of gentlemen who owned, and maybe battled, on horses, because that put the in ahigher class from the peasants, and they were expected to behave respectfully to the lower classes.

    Since women were considered a lower class than men, it was considered appropriate for men of good character to engage in special kindnesses toward women.

    Now, we know that all humans are equal even if we don't all have the same riches and prosperity.

    What then is the duty of the chivalric classes - those who have a bit more to show for themselves, to people of less economic opportunity, in this modern age?

    In dating, women and men have always traded courtesies, especially when wooing one another. It's all up to the particular people to decide what they think is appropriate for their relationship.

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    • what do you mean?

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    • I see, yes historically it was a status thing. But also those of the same status were chilvarous to each other as well. It was most outstanding in the medieval times when chilvarous etiquette was shared amongst the higher classes, and peasants were deemed as being poor mannered.

      In this way it would just be showing more courtesy, like calling an elder ma'am or sir, not to put anyone higher or lower

    • I know you want to think that, but it really did have a lot to do with how the chivalrous class was to treat who were considered lower class. We just don't really have much idea about what it really was.

      In this day and age, there is not just one set way to treat other people - there are many shades to etiquette, nods to tradition but new etiquettes evolving.

  • I personally hate when guys give me 'special treatment' because I'm a girl

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    • Well on the other hand he is giving extra thought in considering you. Never can be too kind?

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    • It's good that the world doesn't have to tilt on its axis to accommodate what you think ought to be true.

    • @Manpower61, please, exit this discussion so that she doesn't have to worry about replying to two people at once.

  • i just think of it as being respectful , but you have cute details :)

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    • Right, its crazy that basic courtesy to another human of the opposite gender is "chilvary." This should just be natural manners lol

  • I don't really have much to add to that honestly, although I wouldn't call it chivalry more like being kind and respectful.

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  • People should do that regardless. And I don’t mind paying for the bill and I don’t need a man “to complete me”.

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  • I never thought about that before. I'm definitely taking your opinions to heart.

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  • Female chivalry to me, would be addressing my man as "m'sir" and being a "nice girl".

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  • Respect them, treat them how you treat then men in your family

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  • Not telling a guy to get blown by a shark lol

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  • Taking turns as the big spoon.

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  • I disagree with all of this

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    • that's because your public education is brainwashing you with feminism

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    • So shut the fuck up when you call me naive and don't pretend to be a sage on gender politics when you fail to understand the importance of intersectionality to acheving the goals of women's and men's rights.

    • Lol well that escalated quickly.

      there's toxicity on both sides; we are still a post patriarchal world, and for drastic change to happen, a drastic push such as feminism was unavoidable.

      Men did oppress women - there's no argument there. It makes no sense that your own mother wasn't allowed to vote or even have a decent education / job only because she was female.

      Gender roles were heavily biased and illogical at best, and men let their machismo get the better of them for a long time.

      Just respectfully treat each other lol

      Why is that so hard?

  • I should try these out too

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  • A woman

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  • Just common respect and decency..

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  • I would add:
    Be generous and sincere with praise
    Say please and thank you
    Put your phone away on the date
    Be on time
    Make an effort to look and smell nice
    Don’t make him pay for everything
    Answer his texts/calls promptly
    When you’re talking, be present in the conversation - not multitasking.
    Ask questions and listen without judging. If he says his favorite band is someone you think is lame - don’t assume he has no taste, ask him what he likes about them.

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  • the fact that you cared to think and practice what a female chivalry would be already puts you ahead of the curve than most women. i doubt most ever think like this. i know i haven't

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    • but to land you on reality as well, you know that chivalry is just superficial right? humans need to be transformed from deep inside to get from manners to radiance. i hope you understand that.

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    • if more of us were like you things like mgtow i guess wouldn't exist. i don't know where this mindset stems from, and if it as your parents' upbringing and values, but kudos overall. i'll try to think as well how to be more feminine for my man.

    • i mean who even cares to think like that. i'm gonna learn some cooking and ironing.

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