How do guys feel about being chased?

And, no, I’m not talking about a game of tag.
How do guys feel about being chased?
As a guy, how do you feel about being intensively pursued, romantically?
Have you ever been chased? Have you ever made someone chase you?

As a girl, have you ever chased a guy? How did he take it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I think anyone wants to feel desired, really.
    Being on the "receiving end" obviously does away with the uncertainty you normally have to face as the one doing the pursuing.
    However, if there was no time for me to even develop an opinion about them then I would certainly be a little wary.

    But as for "chasing", "courting" and "gender roles in dating" those are things I absolutely loathe the very ideas of.
    I have a firm belief that relationships and their development is a mutual and organic endeavor.
    Both of the involved have their own responsibility to determine whether they are interested in the other person or not.
    Placing any kind of arbitrary hurdle into something that is presumably supposed to be in the best interest of every involved party is something I deem utterly moronic.

    I was never "chased" per se, but all my relationships were indeed initiated by the other person.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have personally never chased a guy before because I’ve always thought If a guy is interested he wouldn’t need to be chased as I think men are more straight forward with that stuff and don’t tend to play hard to get lol.

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    • “I would never chase a guy because they can chase me!”

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    • @Logorithim I’m not saying I don’t show any interest lol, I just don’t chase them meaning IF they show no interest I don’t try get them to like me.

    • OK, that's completely reasonable.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 215

  • It's the word "intensively" that makes me pause. If a girl pursues a guy, will she pick up on hints if he is not interested and stop? Sad as it may be, girls have more experience saying "no" to someone they are not interested in. Since guys are used to pursuing someone they are interested in, they are usually not ready to be pursued, and don't know how to say no. In fact, they may not even be ready to say "yes"!

    Let me explain it this way. A guy can be very indecisive. He doesn't know if he is interested in a girl or not. Finally he decides he is, decides he wants to focus on one instead of "keeping his options open," and then he moves in, starts to show interest, waits to see if she returns the interest, then asks her out, etc. But if a girl out of the blue asks him out, or starts pursuing him intensively, it can cause him to run, because even if he might have wanted to pursue her, it has taken him by surprise and he hadn't decided himself if he wants to stop looking around and focus just on her.

    The best way for a girl to succeed is to show her interest in a guy, smile, flirt a little, touch his arm, etc. You are letting him know that you are interested and that his advances would be well received. Not only are you getting his attention, you are drawing his interest, and also removing his natural fear of rejection.

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  • Nooooo please don't. The only girls that have ever chased me have been ones i've got no interest in. They're either not attractive (to me) or not girlfriend material (to me) or both.

    However, i think in situations where i did like the girl and chased her, there was a little return game too, as in i'd lead her along a little and make her come to me, that back and forth was VERY fun indeed.

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  • We love it to death, especially here in the US where it’s so rare! I’m kind of used to it after France and China where there’s much MUCh more equality in relationships.

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  • It can be very annoying. I had a female try to shame me into being with her in High School... very publicly. It gave me an impression of "this bitch is crazy, imagine that crazy if you did agree to be her boyfriend."

    I've also had to deal with the guy that wants to fight, because he says my new found girlfriend is his girlfriend. She says she doesn't like him and wants nothing to do with him... but he obviously doesn't care what she thinks, she's property and he thinks he owns it. Same impression really... they're crazy.

    I would compare it to oppressive governments or religions... at a certain point it's just nonsense and crazy.

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  • It really depends. I kind of take it as a compliment in any case, but I've had some really clingy girls assume I'm just playing hard to get even after I've outright said I have no interest in them... So they keep chasing me, that's awkward... especially when you've otherwise tried the "just friends" approach, and they're friends with your friends... So no... it's not really enjoyable in my experience, but then again, I'd like to think I'd give "the one" a little time to chase me, just a bit... (Though let's be honest, I'd be the one doing the chasing.)

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  • Well I feel quite flattered. Unfortunately the two times it has happened I didn't have any feelings for the girl :/

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  • I'll let you know when it happens! LOL ;)

    I'd never make them either unless I wasn't interested in which case that's not on me if I've told them so. I actually was once but she wasn't so much casing me as turned out to be a total stocker! Like almost needed to call the police stalking. Not good.

    But yeah it depends how I feel about them. If I'm interested I would like it, course they wouldn't have to "chase me" for long.

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  • It never happens. 98% of women won't chase because it makes them feel "desperate" yet that is how guys feel 💯 of the time trying to play a women's game of "feeling empowered" it's kind of sick and selfish but we can't change it. To answer your question though if this hypothetical situation were ever to happen a guy wouldn't make the girl wait. And if a guy did play chase he doesn't really care about the girl anyways.

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  • It depends.

    If it is a woman I'm interested in than it is great. It's awesome having a woman show interest.

    If it is someone I don't want to date than it is uncomfortable, just because I know I have to tell her no and reject her and I don't really want to hurt anyone's feelings.

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  • It's nice, sometimes it's creepy. I mean, I've been chased before, but never creepily, however, I had a friend who was a little unnerved due to the girl's rather aggressive approaches.

    Basically, it's nice so long as the girl isn't extremely overbearing, I don't want a random girl suddenly appearing down in front of me on one knee and proposing to me.

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  • I love it when girls chase. Now don't get me wrong, if I know a girl likes me and I like her then I would ask her out.

    However, if a girl chases me she cannot throw me mixed signals, ignore me, or play hard to get... those are such turn offs that leaves me questioning whether or not she likes me.

    In my opinion, girls get an extra point or two on the attractiveness scale (out of 10) if they chase since it's so seldom that I experience or witness it.

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  • That is the only way I know for sure she wants me and if she wants me, I want her. I don't trust any women if I have to pursue her.

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  • I've never been chase because most women think that's a man's job. It's also another way of saying they are cowards that are too scared to put their feelings on the line so they let the man do it for them. Don't get me wrong, I will chase a woman if I really want her, but if she knows I'm what she wants, what kind of stupid logic is it to wait until I chase her?

    I think if you know what you want, then go after it. Man or woman, because life is short.

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  • Never had this, or more, facilitate it. Mainly for if a woman pays me the attention I address it. By being direct, and sat politely no, or exultantly yes.

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  • Since this has never once happened to me, I can't really comment. I don't think it would make any difference to me though, I am happy enough dying alone.

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  • Depends on the guy. Most guys who do like being chased like it more than the actual girl, it's just validation for them. But some guys genuinely just don't know how to deal with their feelings for girls and so have to be pursued.

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  • Most people don't like being chased and smothered. I will be honest, I like the attention! As long as the girl has a good temperament and respects boundaries, then chase and smother away! I like being the center of a girl's universe and, once we are in a relationship, making her the center of mine.

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  • Depends. It actually starts happening to many guys around 25. There's nothing wrong with it unless the woman is psychotic/stalkerish about it - which means like checking in 40 times a day, etc. But a girl asking to go for lunch, a girl asking to go for coffee, etc., nothing wrong with that

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  • Why not? Women go after all else in life-Jobs, Home, Cars, so why not hunt down the guy that you want to share your life with? Why make an exception there and then end up without anything cause the guy was too shy or had low self esteem issie to approach, or because some girl with more determination came and took what you wanted because you simply decided to sit back and wait for it... Ladies, be smart and hunt down that guy withoit scaribg him off. You dont want to come across as a stalker ither. You want to approach, exchange numbers, call him three times a day, send him texts, bring him a gift, invite him out, present him to your family, put him in place and situations that call for character and human emotion exposure, and then bring him to your home... where you will be showing him his future with you before turning him into the man of the house.

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    • But if the woman leads everything in the relationship how can he be the “man of the house”?

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    • In your original comment did you mean the man would also pursue the woman equally, or the woman would be the one constantly chasing him unequally?

    • Both men and women should be like this with each other, but since the question require the vantage point of the male, the response carries the message for the woman.

  • I don't know why some guys are saying it's annoying or weird since, it's not like they have a fan base and, random girls are running after them.
    Well, being completely honest, who doesn't like being chased by girls.
    I haven't been yet but, I would like to have that feeling. If, I can concentrate on my career and, I get a girlfriend for free, what's the problem lol.
    I might sound a little desperate lol.

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  • I have been chased once, she was too upfront though and just made me feel that she didn't just have a desire for me sexually. It was a girl from a different country and it felt like she was trying to use me to get to england

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  • If it’s romantically, it feels awesome.

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  • Depends who it is and how they chase.
    Generally, flattered but if I am not interested, it'll have to stop at some point.

    It's happened once and... well, lets just say, she ended up in a mental hospital. I'm glad we got her the help she needed but... I am kinda happy that I'll probably never see her again. She was majorly obsessive.

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    • Why would she end up in a mental hospital? What happened? And I have a bit of an obsessive personality but I’ve never harmed anybody or went to a mental hospital? How did she chase you?

    • @foreveralone22
      As long as your obsessive behavious slowly leads to better trust and less obsession, it can be tolerable. This is mainly concerned with when obsession is minor, however, lets just say you don't really want to know what levels of obsession she was at.

    • Behavior*

  • I'd prefer if she didn't intensively pursue me. Like give me some breathing room. Pursue me, sure. But not to the point that its too much.

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    • And what would you consider too much?

    • @MissRee84 texting/calling me multiple times before I have a chance to respond, always wanting to be around me, always trying to make plans with me even if I seem reluctant

  • I prefer she just shows interest, and I pursue. I've had a few women "chase" me and I didn't have feelings for them so it was awkward

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  • It depends. I'm not available now, so when I get the impression that a woman is expressing romantic interest, it's uncomfortable. When I was single, it depended on whether I was interested in the woman or not. Contrary to popular belief, guys don't jump into the sack with every woman who is available. In retrospect, there were instances where I missed the cues and didn't realize at the time that I was being pursued. Men are conditioned to think that they are the ones who are supposed to go after the women, so when it's reversed, it's easy to miss.

    Rejection is bad enough if you're a guy; I imagine for women, it's worse because the assumption is that men never say no.

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  • I've been subtley chased by someone I didn't like back in that way. She was good to talk to, there was no shroud or filter.

    I gave in in the end and made out a bunch of times etc
    It went too far one night when we were both and I don't know for certain but I'm pretty sure I said some stuff I'd regret. She was awkward towards me from then on sadly

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  • I think as a human anyone would love the feeling of being sought after... but only if there's a possibility of success

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  • I get chased all the time, and it never gets old. We all have egos, and they love that kind of attention, even if it's coming from a girl who isn't the most attractive.

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  • İf the guy is attracted then its great, if not attracted then it sucks sometimes

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What Girls Said 44

  • If she’s physically attractive, they like it.

    If she’s not physically attractive, they think she’s a “crazy desperate girl” or something.

    Stupid? Yes. Most guys will say they’d love to be chased by a girl. But what they actually mean is - “I want a girl WHOM I FIND ATTRACTIVE to chase me” rather than “I want a girl to chase me” only.

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    • it really sucks if u werent blessed with amazing genes like some people and it really put you down

    • Everyone can be attractive, it just takes more work for some than others

    • easy for u to say cuz ur GORGEOUS by the way
      yeah i know but i was kinda hoping i wouldn't have to change my clothes or my makeup or anything

  • I’ve chased plenty of times when I was younger and they just weren’t interested in me so I guess you can say I just was naive and couldn’t take a hint. No matter if it’s a man or woman... you shouldn’t and don’t have to chase behind someone if they’re genuinely interested in you. While you’re fighting for attention... they’re giving it to someone else effortlessly

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  • As a girl I have never chased a guy for far too long as I always had the fear that if I try to be flirty and playful in my behaviour but he doesn't respond in a serious way, he's simply not interested in taking me seriously. I've come to cut to the chase on how I feel once I develop serious feelings for a guy. I like to make clear that I'm not the type to fool around but actually desire a serious relationship. I've just seen far too many friends who chase guys only to see that the guy is stringing her along for either an ego boost or seeing how badly the girl wants him sexually, and I personally have past the stage of being strung around.

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  • I'm not sure about the meaning...
    I kind of "chase" my boyfriend to get him and since he is mine now I think he liked it 😊

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  • Well, I doubt anyone on here wants to be pursued by someone that doesn't turn them on, someone who has issues, isn't attractive enough, or someone they think is a player and will dump them later. It sounds nice, but in reality it's not that great. You just feel bad when people call you shallow when you reject them due to personal preference or annoyed when they don't take a hint, or constantly worried that you're making the biggest mistake of your life.

    As for when you actually see potential in the person chasing you... I've never experienced it.

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    • Wow, I feel really stupid. I only read the title and I thought it said 'you guys'. My bad. Frankly, I've only approached guys, never chased them. But their reactions were really weird, like they didn't trust me or they had other reservations...

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    • If you weren't referring to me *as pretty, I apologize. Please ignore reply.

    • @Meninist Yeah, but if the guy doesn't approach, he doesn't know anything about you-- your personality, your paycheck or anything. The only thing he can go by is your physical looks. So either A) you're not his type B) he's too scared about being rejected by you or society. Of course, I always assumed it was A [and still do].

  • But I love tag

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  • I've never "chased" a guy--I've shown interest and have texted first or instigated plans. But if he repeatedly acts cold or wishy-washy, I drop him. I think everyone likes being chased--it's a great ego boost, let's be honest! But I think it's best to sort out if he likes me pursuing him *only* to make him feel desired (but with no follow through) vs. if he's also genuinely interested in me. The former is a no-go.

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  • I prefer to let them chase me.

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  • I think it depends on the girl - if the girl is "objectively speaking" cute/pretty/attractive/etc then they take it as ego boost and decide to pursue or don't
    if the girl isn't though, I've seen some guys be rather rude about it - they make it super obvious that they aren't interested (a lot of the times in a way they know they'll never be) in way that's least bit empathetic.
    For example, I have a co worker at my part time job that (put nicely) is oblivious about social cues and is oblivious to the fact that she is and thinks of herself as very normal.
    Not to be offensive or anything, but she has very high standards about the type of guys she finds attractive and makes rather blunt moves. a lot, if not most guys act very cold and "professional", not making barely any eye contacts, and just in general pretend as if they had and want nothing to do with her.
    and that's for a girl hitting on a guy, not full on chasing him. so I can only imagine what that would be like

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  • I feel like I'm always pursuing guys. It's cool at first but I'd like to be pursued for once. I've never experienced that.

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  • I'VE CHASED SO MANY GUYS AND FAILED
    I'VE BEEN PLAYING THE GAME WRONG MY ENTIRE LIFE
    They mostly backed off and made me feel like sht. I guess I just showed affection a lot and they didn't feel the same way and I maaayyy have come on too strong. They prefer to chase I suppose.
    @txdiie_

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    • well it's the past. 2018 is a new start

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    • i have no idea, sometimes you can't help it... it's fine

    • I once dated someone that chased me, we're even friends to this day, moderation is the key to everything in life, just dont over do it, life really is short, if you don't go after it, how will you ever get it by just waiting for it

  • Based off the picture, I thought you meant like actually running after a guy. I ain't about running after anyone 😂 anyways I'm fine with chasing as far as flirting and, if the flirting goes well, asking for the number/to ask out. But after so long, if the guy doesn't show any interest in me, then I'll move on

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  • I’ve never chased a man. This is very sexist, but my mother raised me that as a confident young lady I shouldn’t have to stoop and chase a boy.
    I believe that it’s in a mans nature to chase, but to each their own. I’m not personally attracted to men who can’t put his neck out to date me, (such as asking me out) but maybe some do.

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    • Chasing someone takes confidence though.

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    • @ScarletAngelic yeah, lol definitely. I don’t particularly like to sit back, I think it should be a 50/50. You tell him you like him, he asks you out, you invite him on the second date.

  • I chase them without them knowing :)

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  • Chasing guys is a 50/50 outcome. Who knows the guy just might be an old soul who prefers chasing women. Or maybe he wants to be chased. Either way don't smother him.

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  • Whenever I chase guys I feel like I’m a burden or I’m bugging them so I choose not to anymore

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    • It really depends, if you are an interesting person and someone's type then they probably won't mind, but I can see a guy disliking it if you aren't his type, then he'd not to put in effort to not hurt you while also bringing across his point.

  • i have.. and they sometimes would like it and sometimes reject me but I've always got a good feedback from thm

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  • I suppose it would depend on what I'm chasing them in.. a little black dress :) or a car...

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  • Never chased after a guy before..

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  • Do not do it ladies.

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  • I feel like the answers you’ll receive won’t be that useful. Most guys on here are shy, and shy guys love being chased. Most other guys will not.

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  • I’ve never been chased i also haven’t chased anyone.

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  • The thing is.. when guys chase girls, it's kinda cute. But when girls chase guys, most of the time they wind up looking crazy.

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    • Both sexes are definitely equal

    • Fine, but some girls don't know how to chase guys without coming off crazy. Most guys are better at chasing than most girls.

  • I never chase a guy. If he's interested, then hell perdue me. Plus I'm extremely shy so Im not good at communicating.

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  • Nope I have never

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  • I think I would rather chase a guy in the beginning. It’s been a 50/50 out come.

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  • I'd love to be chased by girls ^^ sadly that's not a common thing to happen to girls.

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  • I don't think I've chased, but I've shown interest that weren't returned, so I moved on.

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  • I slept with a 100 percent gay guy so nix that.

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  • I think its ok because your showing your devoted to them

    But sometimes it makes you look thirst because sometimes some guys tell everyone but they tell it to others like your desperate for them

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