Is it ok for girls to ask guys to go out instead of waiting all the time?

I'm not scared to ask a guy to go out with me, whether its just to hang out or to try for more than hanging out. Of course I still get a little nervous when asking but do guys like it when girls take the lead and ask them out somewhere?

Also, when asking a guy somewhere but finishing by saying to them "but there's no pressure" does that ruin any image of any confidence that a girl may have had when asking a guy out?

  • Yes it is ok for girls to ask first
    Vote A
  • No it isn't, girls should wait for the guy
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not bad per se, just understand that if your crush is too weak to lead, make decisions, and be the man, that he's likely awful in bed too, will cry a lot, and you'll soon grow bored to tears with him.
    If you take up a LTR with him chances are high that when you DO get bored, and you will, then you'll shut down sexually, bail, cheat, or any combination.
    This a biological imperative. And why the GUYS ask the GIRLS out. You want him to LEAD.
    And the more a girl acts like a guy the less desirable she is to a REAL MAN.
    Choose wisely, treat kindly. _Dr. Laura

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    • What is wrong of a woman asking a guy out then just beaue the man has to lead?

    • It shows confidence in a woman and guys likes confident women I guess

    • @kitty71 - Re-read what I said - I didn't say it was wrong per se, just that if the guy isn't strong enough to initiate then likely he'll be like that with everything. Why would you want that?
      I'm telling you that you don't and you'll highly likely lose respect and when that happens then he just cannot ever measure up. So you either have to take the reigns and lead or just get bored and shut down or bail. It's just not a good combination.

      For some reason women are gleaning from the FI that 'strong and independent' means they should be the man in a relationship. I'm telling you that just doesn't work out so well in a normal man-woman romantic relationship - for a LOT of reasons.

      And you're confusing confident with taking over and being the man. If you're not then I'm misreading what you're stating. And I don't think so - it's based on YOUR question - 'is it okay'. The short answer is 'NO', and I explained why.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It could be either one. But if a woman is the one it is fine by me. What is the difference of a man asking out and a woman asking out? Just becauase of gender?

    Now this is the scenario when a man and a woman are int heir mid 40´s and single both who has to do the asking? What if I contact the guy first and tell him my intentions of going out with him., Will taht be wrong? Im currently in the situation. But I know that up to the guy I will wait forever for him to even make a move to contact me, will it be ok if I contact him first?

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What Guys Said 50

  • Considering how many accusations are coming out towards men (regardless if they're true or not) and public judgement is outweighing legal process, seems to me that it's safer for everybody if guys just stop asking girls out and let them do it for now on.

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  • You will definitely get a guy's attention in a positive way if you ask him out. He'll think, this woman knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it.

    Don't qualify it, however, by saying that there is no pressure on him to accpt. That makes you look unsure- a fully confident woman knows the value of her invitation to him.

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  • The only reason why girls wait is because they think that "if the guy isn't pursuing her then he doesn't really love her" and she wants to be "really loved" so she either waits or doesn't get her hopes up. It doesn't really matter on the guys end. But I'd refrain from saying "no pressure"

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  • Yes, it's okay for the girl to make the first move. If she likes a guy and doesn't take any initiative, she will likely be waiting a looooooonnnnnng... tiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmme.

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  • I don't know about other guys but I usually say no when a girl asks me out not because I find it unappealing but it's mostly because if I wanted to go out with you, I would've already asked you out, if I didn't means I'm not interested.

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  • I wonder by itself if you scared to date a guy if you should date the guy. Perhaps you seek somebody you feel comfortable with and by it self you have no problems and all your problems vanish.

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  • I'm fairly traditional so I prefer that I be the one to ask out the girl but in the situation that a girl does ask me out if I actually liked her in that way I probably would respond with "would you like to go out with me" just so I can make sure I asked her out even if she asked first.

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  • As a guy who has been rejected I feel a girl can get an extra point of attractiveness just by being forward.

    I would only ask the girl out if she liked me and was single. If I am iffy about those things then I don't ask.

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  • I think it's completely okay for a girl to ask a guy out. The no pressure thing makes you sound unsure and lacks sincerity. Be confident and throw the guy off his game a little. Make him curious.

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  • It's definitely ok for a girl to ask out a guy. Just be prepared for an awkward stare right after you ask. I personally would find it very attractive but I'd probably need time to process to make sure that I understood what was being asked.

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  • It's totally okay for a girl to ask a guy out. Half of my advice to the female population here is "You should take initiative and ask him." in some form or other.

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  • Go for it. Nothing wrong with it. A good one liner... hey Scott, did you see the cool restaurant at ffhht? I wanna try out thier burritos and I want to see if you would like to go with.

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  • Pleeeaaase show initiative instead of being passive. I personally will not date a woman that expects me to make all the moves.

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    • a guy here says that if a guy let a woman ask them out are pussies. jerk

    • @kitty71 It's okay, pat him on the head as he climbs on to the short bus. There's not much we can do for window lickers.

  • It's a good thing that you ask a guy out because it shows your confidence and that you're not mucking around!

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    • Im also Taurus. So is a good thing a woman takes the initiative and contact the guy first to arrange a posible gathering or date?

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    • the guy says that men who let women ask them out are pussies oh my!!!

    • I'm shaking my head at this guy @kitty71. He obviously doesn't see that the world has changed now and women are allowed to ask a guy out if she wants!

  • I welcome it. It would make a good impression that you would rather be direct and not play stupid mind games, even if I'm not interested.

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  • Of course. It’s stupid to wait for someone to make the choice for you

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  • 100% do it if you're interested is someone just ask, when girls approach me im always open and friendly

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  • Its what I prefer. I prefer chics to ask me out. As an alpha I dont ask chics out anymore.

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    • let me re phrase that for you. 'As an "Alpha" I don't have the balls to ask a girl out but in order too look like I have huge confidence I call myself Alpha and blame it on that.'

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    • Reading your comments make you sound more "alpha" then it seems. Apart from the fact that I don't really believe in Alphas and betas with humans, most that claim to be are everything but Alpha.

      Wich makes me wonder since you seem to enjoy casual sex even with "anoying girls", Is it weird that I seriously could not care less about sex and a girl if that is all she wants? Like, if she just want's sex, it has no value or something?

    • @ThatshyDude i dont think its weird man. You could be just sick of women. There comes a point on every mans life when for a period he is sick of women. You are pre-MGTOW.

  • I believe in equality. What difference does it make? A woman can see what a guy goes through when asking someone to go out with them.

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  • It's fine. However in my experience girls have only asked me out when they have perveived that I am a higher quality person than they are. It usually happens because I'm not 100% sure that I like the girl and therefore haven't asked the girl out yet. So you may get guys who don't super like you, but think you're ok. But time builds attraction so if you can get them on a date or two, they may realise you're a pretty cool girl.

    And yes "No pressure" comes across as weak and unsure that the guy will like you. Assume attraction until proven otherwise. That's sexy.

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  • Sure, it's okay. As with doing anything that isn't usual, or expected, you should probably be careful about the signals you might be sending.

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  • Of course it's ok. I actually enjoy when girls are straight forward with me.

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  • Haha I wished they asked all the time. Only happened to me a handful of times.

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  • It is, we should break these patriarchal stereotypes.

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  • This is a yes 100%. One of many questions that should not have a need to, been asked.

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  • Most guys will be really excited to have a woman approach them.

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    • I guy on this site says that men who let a woman ask them out are pussies. What a pig dont u think?

    • @kitty71 I do think guys should usually have the courage to make the first move however, we shouldn't always have to do it and we can't tell sometimes if a woman is interested.

      I think that guy is being a bit extreme, I am sure if he was approached by a woman who would appreciate it.

  • Seems like most girls are ok with the possibility of waiting forever.

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  • Its ok I guess, but I'm the one that likes to ask the chick out.

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  • yes just make shure it's like a concert or carnival

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  • In my opinion, it's not only okay, but appreciated.

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What Girls Said 16

  • I'm a firm believer in taking charge...

    Back when I was single, if I came across a guy I wanted to go out with, I didn't stand around and wait for him.

    It worked well for me, I'm married to one of those guys !!!

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    • Let’s be honest though most girls expect girls to do all the courting?

    • @SportsFan78 I don't disagree... that said, why sit there and wait until a guy gets up the nerve.

    • Honestly, I want to be pursued by a girl but that's never happened

  • Yes it’s ok to ask. But adding the ”no pressure” thing is actually a bad idea, I think it adds more pressure and ends up having the opposite effect. The guy is probably aware of the fact that there’s no pressure and that he can turn you down if he wants. So it’s kind of unnecessary.

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  • Yeh that's ok practise but you gotta make sure th guy likes you instead of using you! Feelings need to be mutual. I m so sad to see girls initiating and being taken advantage of.

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  • lifes meant for living not waiting.

    yeah dont say no pressure --its defensive. all you did was ask him out. you in no way are forcing his hand. at all.

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  • I don't see anything wrong with a girl asking a guy out

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  • I personally would want the guy to ask. But it is really upto the individual. Everyone is different i guess

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  • If you've got the guts, go for it!

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  • Yeah it makes things less stressful if he is shy.

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    • Girls asking guys out? That never happens! At least for me, maybe that says something about me?

    • “Shrug” I guess I’m just more confident. If not going for a date I go for a kiss

  • Yes.

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  • Ofcourse it is.
    Its the 21st century now lol

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  • Yes totally

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  • Sure It is

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  • Yes its totally fine for girls to ask first.

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  • No lolol

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  • Not sure if I will explain this in the right way, but you wrote
    "I'm not scared to ask a guy to go out with me"
    Then next you're worried about how the guy will see you.
    I think you're sabotaging yourself. If you ARE a confident lady, you don't need to worry if that will scare the guy off or whatever, because whatever happens you will find out if you were a match or not from the get go!

    "But there's no pressure" sounds to me like something silly to say. Surely they won't feel pressured into going out with you just because you asked.

    Also, I've only asked two guys out in my life:
    - The first one ended up being a player who thought I was easy. He was very pushy and I was an idiot. It burned out rather quickly.
    - The second one was really happy that I did (he actually said so) and was very respectful from the start, still asking me where I wanted to go and so on. He's now my husband.

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    • * do not be afraid to be yourself, that's the gist of what I wanted to say.

  • Of course it is ok.

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