How can I get over a guy who already has a gf?

Long story short:
-Started to like a friend when we were both single.
-Too scared to go for it.
-Waited too long, he gets together with someone else.
-Same friend group and I don't want to make it awkward.
How do I get over him since he was never mine to begin with.

Updates:
Thank you all for your answers (even the funny, weird, odd, etc.) I appreciate it!

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3780

Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi. First off, I'm sorry that your time window of opportunity, at least for this round, has passed. I've been there before with this one girl in Jr. High and never seen her again after that, so I feel you on that lost opportunity. You'll hear a lot of people say stuff like "move on" or "distance yourself from him" or "go for a different man/woman (preference)" but it's a bit different in your situation since you're both in the same group of friends. Every time that you see him/them will remind you of your "unwanted" feelings, and to tell you the truth, that OK. Feeling will be feelings, but there are tricks around it, if you like to try it out, feel free to do so, and I hope it helps. BUT!!! This will MAYBE have to be done many times.

    1st - Accept that he has someone else and say it out loud if you need to. This is kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous when they say, "The first step to recovery is to acknowledge that there is a problem/challenge."

    2nd - Forgive yourself for passing up that opportunity, because beating yourself up about it won't help you release the "negative" energy that's stored up within you. As you forgive yourself, you give yourself permission that what has happened is OK and that you're good to move on.

    3rd - Accept and love yourself for who you wonderfully are. Ask yourself and reflect, "What can I learn from this event? and How can I improve myself from this situation for the next time I'm interested in someone else?" Everyone has traits that hinders us on moving forward the best way that we can (e. g. - not being confident, low self image, being a people pleaser, shy, etc.) and that's OK. Those are skills that can be later learned, should you wish to develop them. You're still young. =) The reasoning is the same as the 2nd - Welcome Yourself.

    4th - Keep saying to yourself or out loud, in a manner on how you would think about your other friends, "He's just a friend." Do it in a friendly and calm manner. Say it enough times, and it'll trick your brain to have him categorized as, "just a friend." Do it whenever any feelings of him comes up, when ever you see him or them or her, if friends say anything that mentions him, or after kicking it with him (in the group).

    5th - Do something (an activity) that's productive away from the group. Something that you might enjoy with other different people or alone.
    Yoga/Meditation
    Reading Personal development books
    Watch or listen to motivational videos on YouTube and listen to their stories/lesson

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    • One more thing to add:
      This won't be easy, unless you're a type of person who knows how to adjust quickly, then that's a different story. Give it some time, but you'll have to put the action into then motion. IF you don't, then it'll be like a non-flowing lake, not being able to receive fresh water and not letting go of the stale water. Be like a river stream that's able to move fresh water in from the mountains and bad water down to the oceans or lakes. Everyone have the potential to change, but it's a choice that you'll have to make yourself. The choice to stay the same with the bottled up feelings within you or change and become better by accepting and letting go. This is my opinion on your situation, and I hope it gives you perspective.

      Once you're all good, and the feelings of him is, "just a friend" then you'll see how silly it was for you to think that way in the first place and can regularly talk to him. Because you became a better you. Go and Grow. I know you can do it. =)

    • So many kind words and great advice 👍.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words and guidance. I'll definitely keep your words in mind and learn from them :) Thank you!!!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 79

  • Talk to other guys. It will get your mind off of him. Since he's part of the same friendship circle, you need a distraction rather than trying to pretend he doesn't exist.

    This is a perfect example of why I urge girls to ask a guy out once they know they like him. Sure, it's great when he gets a clue and asks you out, but you can't necessarily afford to wait for that, since it may never happen. When you take the initiative, you take control and ask out the guy you want.

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  • You're just having a big crush and deep infatuation with him. It's all in your head. And besides, you might not even be right for each other, have you ever considered that or think of that? No? Maybe you should then. Even if you were to have been with him in a relationship, you two could still break up all of a sudden one day and split, so I mean, really, it's not exactly always going to turn out the way you expect or hope it to be, hope that it's all magical and would make you feel happy or feel good, so instead right now it's best to just let it go and let it be. And there's really no need to be jealous. At this point, you might as well be patient for some time and see if the window of opportunity comes around when the guy you are interested are no longer with your friend, and if the wtwo of you did end up together, good luck with it! Enjoy your time together, if you were meant to be with each other, then it shall happen and it shall also work out, otherwise, forget about it altogether. So for now, it's best to just keep going forward and focus on other more important thins such as school, work, etc. And besides, you don't need a boyfriend to live or survive, unlike how you need air and water and food, so just relax, you'll be alright.

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  • You've dodged a bullet from my perspective. Think of the catastrophic consequences a failed relationship could have had on your friendship, not just with this guy, but also the rest of your friends. The division it could have caused.
    This might be a cynical view of the situation but I prefer to mitigate risk rather than expose myself to more problems.

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  • That's exactly what I'm going through right now, to be quite honest. Except even her family and friends don't like the guy after they found out what was up. So I'm caught between trying to get over her and trying to just help her as a friend. And maybe I'm subconsciously holding out hope that I could still have a chance.

    The truth is OP, it's hard to give you advice on how you can get over it when I can't even figure out how to do it myself

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  • my story :3
    same, there is one girl who i like ALOOOOOOOOOOT, she had boyfriend and i knew but from first day school she just stare at me and since them i knew we are for each other, perfect couple, she had problems with boyfriend dont know what and was not interested in that. In that time when they had problems that was almost year after i know her (we never spoke before i just saw her in school sometimes) and i saw her once in one place and she gived me compliment randomly spoke to me, she was really happy i mean she was smiling a lot , i knew she had boyfriend so i just took compliment and said thanks, i saw her few times a week after and she would stare at me all the time, watch me watch me watch me and it was awkward, and after i heard she is together with her boyfriend and she still stare at me but not in way before, i realized than that she likes me and we are perfect couple but can't ruin someone life by taking his girlfriend (no im not scared of him lol he is probably scared of me but dont want people to hate me for no reason xd) and yeah, im still seeing her daily and we say hi to each other, she still stare sometimes , she probably think that i "reject her" after she give me toons of signs she likes me, and probably thinks im not interested or that i dont like her but just can't make someone feel bad becuase of me, so she still doesn't know i like her and she probably didn't realized i like her because i give her 0 signs, i can hide my feelings perfect , and i dont know how to forget her -_- .

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  • Depending on your day to day schedule you can try to absorb yourself in something new. If you aren't working out, start! You can do simple exercises at home and still tone your abs, arms, legs, and butt.

    If the opportunity presents itself (i. e. it doesn't go well with him and her), don't "pounce", consul him and when the time is right tell him how you really feel!

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  • Perhaps the best way is to focus on other guys, and to tell yourself, repeatedly as necessary, it will only cause trouble if I go for him now. With all the mutual friends, it could be a mess. And the time may come when he no longer has a girlfriend, and you might still be interested.

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  • Drinking an telling him how you felt that way it's out there and you can start getting over him ( I suggest before you tell him you take shot of vodka)

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    • Because of another person's big mouth in our friend group, he and his girlfriend (also a close friend) already knows and they're both chill with it. Now I just I have to work on the moving on part, haha

    • Show All
    • This is what I did

    • Good choice

  • Maybe my opinion May not be the most popular one but I think you should tell him how you feel, in confidence, before things get too serious with the new girl. Say something like, " I know that you're in a relationship now but I just needed to let you know that I have feelings for you". Then, leave the decision in his hands. Chances are he never knew you were into him.

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  • Well it is awkward now. Should've gone for it a little bit when he was single. Now it has to be a Jim Pam momment if you want to be with him. But you may just have to let him go, too little too late kinda deal.

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What Girls Said 37

  • Distance yourself. It's not shady, it's not passive aggressive. It's what you need to have that physical separation so you're free to grow and move on the way you need. Also, who is this big mouth friend of yours? Y'all need to vote them off the island, shit.

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  • Imagining me in your shoes seems quite complicated, I am already in a relationship but if any of my bf's friends had a crush on him, I would like to talk to them and maybe reason together if possible, if they don't want to reason at least I know who I have to kill 🔪

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  • Human nature is to want most what you can not have.
    I fell for a boy madly and in the end I could not have him and I still haven't gotten over it but my best therapy is to be around girlfriends, family and maybe other guys that will lend a soft shoulder to cry on:)
    Good luck!

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  • I’ve been in this position. I bluntly told the guy about my strong feelings, which was the first step to getting over him. Honesty helps a lot. If he’s a good guy, he’ll keep it to himself and not spread it around, if he does, you’ll get over him much faster and be legally allowed by the laws of douchery to rant about him. Which is also a large contributing factor to getting over him.

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  • Show them that you want to be their friend and always be there for them if their relationship is going through a bad time. When they break up, be there for them and if they're vonerable just kiss them and they'll probably kiss back. Even if they're a mess

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  • I have had a similar situation and it really sucked however I tried these things and it helped me get through. Concentrate on yourself - self love is the best way to go! Search on YouTube on self love and look on the internet too.

    I realised how I was so focused on the guy I liked that I wasn't actually thinking of myself and focusing on what was really important like education and my family. I made sure I got busy, whether it be with my interest, hobbies, schooling or making positive improvements for making me feel more confident in my own skin.

    Keep your head held high and I assure you you will find another! Good luck 😊

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  • Find another boo or texting buddy to keep yourself from thinking about him.

    Keep yourself busy so that you avoid those sad, alone times.

    Normalize the fact that he's there in your friend group dont make things awkward but try to make conversation with him slight.

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  • Just the mere Thoughts that he is Taken... Would make my Skin crawl to another Here, dear.
    Good Luck. xx

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  • Either move on or wait for him to be single again. It's say it's definitely a bad move to try to sabotage his current relationship.

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  • I guess you may feel you are too late to tell him how you feel for him. It is better to once tell him what you think of him. If you find it scary write him a letter or use social media to express yourself fully. I hope it helps.

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