From Teens to Middle Age--- 30-Plus Years of Twistedness.... any answers ?

I became entangled with my best friend's brother when I was a teenager. We had a crazy, kind of secret relationship. Well, the intrigue must have twisted my mind because when I was 18 years old I fell in love with him. Still, the relationship was one of intrigue and was rather secret. He basically wanted nothing more than to play with me and I was OK with it for a while. But when he started actually dating other women, I got insanely jealous...Didn't let on too much..But it really hurt me.

I gave up on him for two years...Then out of the blue, when I was about 22, he wanted to "play" with me again. I was still obsessed with him and I gave in. We played for about a month and decided I wanted more...But assumed he didn't ... So I told him to leave me alone and don't talk to me anymore. So, he was dating another girl and he married her within six months. I was pretty hurt.

Moving on...His marriage didn't work out so when I was 24 (about 2 years later), he calls me at a new place I was living at 1 am, and he wants to "play" with me again. I missed him so bad I said YES. He came over...Loved it. But when he left..Rather abruptly, I was really angry. About a week later he called me and asked me if I wanted to "play" again. I hung up on him. I had been through hell in my heart and mind over this person. He got married, now he was cheating on his wife with me and I wanted really wanted to forget about him.

At 26...He calls me again. Can I come over ? I said sure, again, I missed the addicted twistedness of all of this. Come over. He wouldn't go to the store and get me something on the way and I told him to "go to hell".

At age 29, again, he calls me. Wants to come over. Again, I missed him like crazy...let him over. We played. He left abruptly. I cried. I said NEVER AGAIN. I met and married my current husband that year, my 29th year and I've been married for 21 years now and we had 3 daughters together.

18 years into my marriage, I had seen my twisted soul mate a few times over the years, at his sister's wedding and his mother's 60th birthday...and each time it was very hard for me. He was now a single bachelor living out of state, far away from my state which was good for me. I got away from his sister's wedding OK, but he was all over me at the wedding and my husband even gave me a look like what are you doing ! huminah huminah ! It was awkward. He was overly emotional and drunk and propositioned me. My husband and I left early.

Other things happened but too much to say. Flash forward 5 years later, he calls my house after I had emailed him (stupidly thinking it was safe to do so.) He is crying on the phone telling me it should have been him and I who got married. OH NO not again ! Anger and longing for him flooded over me. For the past 5 years we are in touch on and off to "play", online,

Skype..whatever. I'm completely obsessed like I was 18.

My question: What is this ? He wants to play but that


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What Guys Said 1

  • You have engrained this "fairy tale" of him in your mind since you were 18. In reality, he's a loser that can't hold a relationship together and only contacts you when he wants sex.

    You need to realize your actions and take preventive measures when you're in a "sober" state of mind (like when you posted this question looking for help). If you "cannot resist" him then take actions that will not allow you to fall into this same trap.

    1. Change your email address or setup a filter to automatically delete/move to trash any emails that he sends.

    2. Change your skype, block him, or stop using it altogether.

    3. Move the computer to a public area of your house so you can't possibly "play" with him online without someone seeing you.

    • Thanks for reading of my insanity and giving some pretty good feedback.

    • I suppose this is what they call sex/love addiction. So sad that I've known this person all of my life and we cannot be just friends.

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