Are there guys out there that are respectful gentleman?

So i guess im picky when it comes to the opposite sex. Im old school, i like guys askin to go on a date, paying for dinner and being a gentleman. Not the other way around. Do thet even exist anymore?

So i went out with this guy and because he asked me to hang out he thought i was gonna sleep with him. Like wtf nooooo. Then becauss he didn't get what he wanted he started calling me a bitch and a bunch of not right names like wtf. Really. Is that how guys are now a days. What happened to those guys giving flowers to the girl. Opening the door and basically treating her like a princess. Do they not exist anymore?

Or what about this other dude askin me out through text. Like text is not a problem but i would think if u liked her u would tried in person to persuade her to go out with u. And if she says no through text would u call her a bitch again?

Nowadays thats all the dudes i run into. Its disappointing.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I had a first date with a lady last night. I picked her up at her condo. I opened the car door for her. When we got to the restaurant, I helped her remove her wrap and to get seated. I paid for our meal; she has much more money that I do, but I would never consider asking her to pay for anything. When she invited me back to her condo for a drink after dinner, I did not assume that she wanted to have sex. In fact, I hoped that was not what she intended, because I want a woman who does not jump into bed with every guy on the first date. At the end of the evening, I gave her a good night kiss and told her that I want to see her again. We decided to see each other again next weekend. I told her it was a wonderful first date and then said good night. By my standards, it was a wonderful first date and I look forward to seeing her again

    We are not yet extinct. I think some guys in your generation get the idea. I think it is more common among the better educated, more intelligent younger guys.

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    • As you can tell our generation of s all care Bout women's ass and tits. We got hoes at the gym working out the ads everyday. We got men *cough* I mean children looking for curves then the females face and personality. We got hoes looking for a guy with a good body a shit ton of money more than personality. To end things off. I just wanna say was born into wrong generation

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    • @123Justice123 We are just getting to know each other, but she is the kind of woman who would be a great wife!

    • Thats the spirit 😊❤

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why do you expect random ass guys to treat you like a princess when they don’t even know you? Why do you think you should be treated this way, when you clearly state you’re not interested in doing it back?

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    • I'm glad there are women out there like you thank you for speaking up.🙂😊

    • @Unit1 it’s just annoying some people feel entitled. (Men do it too).

      Expecting someone that doesn’t know you to treat you amazingly is not only weird, it’s just not how the world works anymore.

    • I completely agree. Royalty treatment should be earned first.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 98

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    • That basically sums it up.

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    • @ManwithaConran
      https://i.imgur.com/b3AHAAg.gif
      That's where the white knight in shining armor comes to her help 🤔

    • @Unit1 Put in a crash helmet first though... she is likely to be less than happy. Oops my bad...

  • At the same time, if you aren't really doing anything, but expecting the guy to do everything for you, including paying and taking you places.. basically live your life for you.. that's likely also how the guys will see you, and why they treat you how they do.

    If what you want is a proper person who'll like you for you, start going about your life without the intention of a relationship. If you spend time on yourself and what 'you' want to do, then the guy you find will see you for that, and like you for that. That's a far better way to start a relationship.

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  • I don't think they are very common at your age range. When they do, those guys are typically the shy/quieter ones, that younger women always write off as boring losers.

    This is not a new concept. Young women emerging into adulthood seek excitement and adventure that life holds. And the men that tend to engage in those activities (particular ones that are more risky/dangerous, like entrepreneurship, riding motorcycles and fast flashy cars) are also the douchebags that women love so much.

    Women at 19 are 99.99% unlikely to be looking to settle down with a "respectful gentleman" and so they are passed over.

    Usually what tends to happen is that the "respectful gentlemen" are picked up by the women who are ready to settle down earlier. Women in their early-mid 20's will find a good guy, get married... etc...

    Then the good men (and good women) are mostly gone by age 25. The remaining people are the douchebag men, and the women who think they will remain youthful forever. But when these people hit their 30's, douchebag men are left with aging women, and the whole world comes crashing down.

    But fear not, you are still young. You just need to weed through a lot of shit to find a gem.

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  • Over time women train men not to act like respectful gentlemen. The guys that get women flowers and stuff like that, are either seen as desperate, or get accused of cheating and are assumed to be feeling guilty about having an affair. I can tell you from experience, being falsely accused of cheating, just for surprising a woman with flowers is not fun. Nor am I the only guy that has ever happened to.

    While I don't think it is appropriate to call a woman a bitch just for saying no, you are asking too much out of guys. What have you done to deserve flowers, or for him to open your door, or to be treated like a princess?

    Treating women like a princess was do to the gender roles that were enforced by society. In fact, in a lot of the "evil patriarchal societies" that we hear about, the women normally don't want to have anything to do with feminism, because they don't want to lose their female privileges the way western women did. You can't expect to live in a world where men and women are seen as equal, and then expect a guy to treat you like a princess.

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  • Even though I kissed my recent girlfriend as soon as I asked her out (she was so shocked and so pleased with finally being asked out by a man in person rather than on an online dating website, we both went in for the kiss right there and then!) Then again, we were acquaintances who had met several times prior. On our first date, I tried to open the car door for her, but the door was locked and my car was running. I had to go back to the other side to unlock it and I was like "so much for chivalry eh?" We both busted out laughing. I paid for our meal, and we were so anxious during the date, that we had some cute faux pas moments that we both chuckled at. It was crazy, but she invited me inside that night and yes, we ended up having sex. Things moved fast, but we are official now.

    She kept saying that she didn't want me to see her as too easy, but I told her that as far as I was concerned, the sex and my interest for her are two different things. Say for example I wasn't interested in getting to know her and didn't want to get serious, I wouldn't have kept dating her regardless if she had sex with me or not. And we had sex because of the insane chemistry, which we both commented on in our near disbelief (it was damn strong).

    However, I did and do want to continue dating her and getting to know her, that would have been besides the fact of whether we had sex then or if we would have waited for 2 months. Sex is sex; it feels good, we both wanted it, and there should be no shame if you want to get busy, just so long as boundaries are maintained and both parties are open to where they want the relationship to go.

    I don't think of her any less because she decided to "put out" so soon. She wanted it, I wanted it, and things ended up going great.

    In some ways, I feel a guy should push for what he wants but respect his partner when she wants to wait (or not). That doesn't mean he is a dog, a pig, a pervert, a player, or only interested in sex.

    Anyway, my girlfriend doesn't want to be treated like a princess, she wants to be treated as an equal. She calls herself "medium maintenance", a woman who wants her man to be a man but also wants him to give her room to treat him like a king too. Who am I to argue. ^_^

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  • The respectful gentlemen are the ones who are rejected by women, especially by women you are younger than 30, because it is only the dangerous sociopathic bad boys who give young women the clitty tingles.
    When I was in the age range of the asker, I could almost not get a date (let alone anything more) because I was not a scumbag who looked as though he belonged on a wanted poster and treated women like shit.
    Forget everything that women say that they want. Instead, watch for whom they spread their legs. Bad boys and scumbags win every time.

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    • I'm not sure how this elderly gentleman knows so much about the modern dating scene, but that has been my experience also.

    • @UsernameMadness
      Elderly!
      WTF! :-)
      I spar and fight against teenagers and 20-somethings, as well as help to teach them karate.
      On Friday, I had the great pleasure to throw out on to the concrete footpath a 20-something punk who fancied himself as a Muay Thai fighter. I was working security in a bank at the time.
      Anyway. . . the reason that I know so much is that because the nature of man does not change. All that changes is the technology that we use.
      That is one of the lessons of history.
      The moth-to-a-flame attraction that young women have for worthless sociopathic bad boys has been a recurrent theme throughout history.
      About age 30 women have the epiphany that the bad boys are not a good choice, so begin to look for the men who were 'too nice', or 'boring' when the women were 20.
      I lost count of how many times I was given the 'you are too nice' line, or something similar, when I was a teenager and then a 20-something. That is what comes of having manners and respect.

  • Now and days yes. You seem to be a very smart woman, and have a good head on your shoulders and for that, I am proud of you, there are not a lot of woman at your age that think like that. I sure you know the difference. You have guys, boys, and dudes then you have a man and men. Hints gentlemen and a gentleman finding them around your age is hard, but there are some. Real men and a man is a species that is going extinct. The days of yesterday are almost no more. The days of wearing suits are old school and having your pants on your ass is what is cool. The days of call a woman miss, or ma'am is replace with the words bitch or hoe. If you notice I have been calling you a woman, cause of days of old that is one of the best way to show respect to a female was to call them a woman, and not a girl or young lady. SO ma'am good luck to you in your search and do not lower you standard for anyone that is will to disrespect you.

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  • Of course there are. However it's got to be within reason. You say you want guys to ask you out, hold the door open for you, pay for dinner, be a gentlemen and treat you like a 'princess'... Well, what are you bringing to the table to deserve that kind of treatment?

    Me personally, I'll do my up most to give the world to a girl who I feel deserves it.

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    • I bring loyalty. Respect, honor, integrity. I try to show them they matter but if there gonna treat me like dirt then they need to go find a hoe.

    • Respect, loyality and integrity should be a given in a relationship. That doesn't justify having someone else foot your dinner bill.

    • By asking a man to do that religiously makes you a hoe. Meanwhile we men get used for a free meal

  • I strive towards gentlemanly behavior... whether or not I succeed in that might be another issue entirely. One thing I make a point if is... well... not acting like a spoiled brat. The girl doesn't owe me anything. If I do something nice for her it's meant to be a sweet thing to convey affection... it's meant to be a gift, not a payment. I'm not making an investmentioned with some expectation tof be paid back. The payment I want is for her to be happy and so far that's a lot more satisfying and it feels better if she decides she wants to give something in return. It feels like a more mutual thing of wanting to make the other person happy, which I think is pretty much the only way for a relationship to work. That is, the only way to make a relationship work is for both parties to be focused on the wellbeing and happiness of the other, rather than their own. (Sorry for straying off topic).

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  • Just don't compromise on your standards. It is inevitable, you are going to go through some horrible dates before you meet that lucky guy. Trust me you'll find him, they're out there because I'm one of them. The quickest to filter fuckboys is to wait till marriage. 😉

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  • Been with my girlfriend for 8 years now.

    I still open doors for her, bring her flowers on random days to surprise her, and take her out on dates to her favorite restaurants (about once or twice a month).

    I scrape the ice off her car in the morning, tuck her feet in at night when she's too sleepy to move, and buy her fancy drinks and wine and things all the time.

    And I cook her dinner a lot.

    Does that count?

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  • You seem to expect a lot of effort from the guy, but are you putting out the same level of effort? Are you constantly demure yet inviting? Do you wear only feminine dresses or skirt and blouses? Do you put yourself out there as a female that would appreciate a man who took charge of all situations? If not, then adjust your expectations of always being catered to.
    As for the foul language, that is an unfortunate side effect of modern male frustration and hip hop music lyrics. Ideally, we shouldn't use that term, but these days are far less than ideal.
    The solution, should you wish to maintain your equal status and still have your needs met, is to be upfront about what you want and how you're willing to act. You don't have to promise sexual favors in exchange for a meal, but describing what you want in the way of romance could only help your potential man navigate the minefield of modern dating.

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  • Why would guys do that right now? You have to put yourself into the position of your average guy?

    1. Why not expect to sleep on the first date? Thanks to sexual liberalisation a lot more women are willing to have casual sex. Why bother otherwise then if you just want sex?

    2. Why treat women like a gentleman if they aren't ladies? And the number of actual ladies have drastically decreased.

    3. Why pay for the date when both are supposed to work and have income?

    4. Why approach a woman if its so easy to call the guy out for sexual harrassment at this point?

    5. Why approach a girl in general in the face of rejection? With all the equality talk, why would a guy be the only one to do that?

    Not that I necessarily agree, but many guys ask themselves why bother with all that and not just go for the easy way. And it is a reasonable question within the current status quo of society.

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  • Problem is, the "old school" had men both acting certain ways and enjoying benefits to go along with them. The man being a gentleman and paying for dinner and calling the lady up wasn't asking out a girl who had had 5 sex partners already.

    Every system has responsibilities and benefits. You don't get the benefits of old school from men and the benefits of feminism and the modern system too. Or as Jesus put it, "You expect to be paid twice?"

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  • Here's my story...

    There was that girl who was my bestfriend for years...
    We've been bestfriends since the 7th grade, and before I knew it, I found myself slowly developing a massive crush on her...

    I was literally the best topper at school since day one, a quality which somehow attracted girls to me, well, not seriously attracted!

    At the finals I was literally an alpha male for girls would never leave me alone asking me to explain stuff, but once exams end, they don't give a shit about me!
    She, on the other hand, would make sure I did well after every exam...
    Hell, she even got my results for me when I fell ill!

    I was deeply attracted to her since the day I met her, and always treated her in a very special way...
    I would occasionally buy her chocolates
    I would always try to sit as close as possible to her in class
    I would always try to talk to her, but I always ended up blushing and smiling instead, lol!

    I had finally developed a massive crush on her by the end of tenth grade, which made me feel super depressed for we were no longer together and she barely answers my texts ever since I've changed schools!
    I spent the rest of the summer vacation moping around and crying for that fact, however, I didn't give up and decided to save money to visit her school and see her again...

    And I did!

    I finally visited her again this year skipping an important exam at my school, and God it was the best day of my life!

    It's been two years when I visited her on that day!
    I spent the whole day in her class and at the end of the day, I swallowed my fears and asked her out to my birthday, she could still see me blushing when I asked her out, lol!
    Her face was literally out of this world at this moment, for the she had the best smile I've ever seen in my life!❤️❤️❤️

    She gave me a vague response when I asked her out, but I was too drunk with the happiness of seeing her again after a really long time!
    Too drunk to think of her response

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  • "What happened to those guys giving flowers to the girl. Opening the door and basically treating her like a princess"

    media.giphy.com/media/UZA15w44oCT1m/giphy.gif

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  • With femenism these days. The gent days are over. Time for the girl to play like the rest of the boys. Dont open any doors for them let them be like the rest.

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  • wait.. do you mean gentlemen or a guy that is whipped. Like most of the girls that say they want a gentlemen are girls that want a guy to be their servant and pamper them but they could care less about how the guy feels so? Which one are you talking about?

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  • There are a lot of good guys out there, but they apparently are harder to find than the used to be. You may be looking in the wrong places. How you were treated was ridiculous. They probably thought they were buying you, when the paid for the dinner. By no means are all guys like that.

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  • There are still guys out there, but don't expect to encounter them much
    Because since third wave killed being ladylike, there is no need for gentlemen.

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  • I'm old school but in the age of hookups, friends with benefits, swiping and so on the old "perfect gent" approach is a bit redundant. In fact it tends to be met with bemusement or even hostility. But manners maketh the man... So I'm staying old school.

    And sometimes the perfect gent is really just a cheeky rotten bounder... watch the original "School For Scoundrels " with Ian Carmichael and the wonderful Terry-Thomas battling to win the heart of fair lady through any means necessary...

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  • Old school here, i still open doors for females even if out shopping or at work, gave up my seat on the tube yesterday to a girl who just looked knackered and she almost cried I think she had been through it during the day you could just see it in her face.
    I like old school dinners out and surprise dinners in with candles etc and have been known to fill a bath knowing my girlfriend was on the way home and do the candles in the bathroom so she could chill for a bit, no phones on the table evenings.

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  • Of course they exist. As others have said, maybe more rare in your age range, but they're there. Just keep up your faith and search; you'll find someone!

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  • It's wrong of them to treat you like that, but think for a second and tell me exactly what is in it for a man in treating a woman like a princess, if not even sex? We're supposed to pay for your stuff, make romantic gestures, do everything you want us to do... for what? Why do you think you deserve this? It just makes a man feel used if they get nothing in return (and sex is not a favour you do us, by the way, if you treat it like that, he will see you as nothing more than a sex doll and get it from someone who looks better or is cheaper if he can. It's something we share.)

    Also, can someone explain to me how the hell someone is supposed to treat someone like a princess AND respect them? I can either be your superior and treat you like a princess, because that's the only way something's in it for me, or we can be equals. Unless you treat me like a king. And that means cooking and cleaning for me and serving me downstairs, pardon my french.

    I'm sorry, but you'll have to give something back, and maybe develop a sense for spotting assholes. Good Luck.

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  • "Are there guys out there that are respectful gentleman?"

    Idunno. Are there girls out there that are respectful ladies?

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  • You are still 19 and looking for a gentleman, let him become a man first you are expecting a lot from a boy.

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  • I'm old school so are other guys we're just a bit harder to find these days.

    @OlderAndWiser I would agree with what he said but I would also add that it's a two way street, gentleman like to have a lady. And effort is required on both sides just in different ways.

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  • Ooof, you are asking them to invest in you a lot when you don't guarantee a return, frankly I'm not surprised if they react that way though it is out of line.

    Don't worry they exist, just in the minority.

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  • Guys and girls both need to discipline themselves. Guys shouldn't try to manipulate girls into sex like that. The whole thing though about "if he really likes you he'll ask you in person" depending on the situation can be a little over the top for a few reasons:

    1. If the only time he sees you in person are in public setting when you're almost always with people, then he has to stalk you and wait for a time when you're alone to slip in and ask, and him doing that will suddenly change the atmosphere in intense ways you might not actually like. "Asking someone out" doesn't happen smoothly like it does in the movies

    2. If he doesn't really know you yet then he can't "really love" you so you need to let him get to know you first before expecting him to "really love" you

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  • Are there any ladies?

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    • No shit bro. Where did they all guy? They still act like they're 8

  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 23

  • Yes , but you have to understand men are human and people of both genders suck in different ways. I agree that it’s rude for him to expect you to sleep with him but you shouldn’t expect dudes to treat you like a princes, fairytales and dumb Romance movies condition girls to have unrealistic expectations. Relationships are 50/50 and it goes both ways !

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    • I'm glad there are women out there like you 😊 thank you for speaking up.

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    • @Unit1 yeah a lot of guys on this site are petty and mysoginistic

    • I have noticed.
      Well, you still got the blue upvotes. So we have that 🙂

  • My brothers and my boyfriend are all very respectful gentlemen. They're so adorable! They're no wimps either. Definitely not! I'm proud to have them in my life.

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  • Man who act that way belong in a group who will leave him if he would show effection for you what makes the group he belongs to jealous.
    He is used to the same thing with woman who belong in a group with man who are jealous if woman would look at other woman so they are cruel to a man and act not as a lady.
    Those man therefor do not know what woman look for in a man so they choose the group because they do not know it anymore that they actually do not need the group not to end up alone and have no sex in his life what is basccally his biggest fear.
    In other words people in a group will be rejected by the group if they show effection at people who live not in that group.

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  • Depends on their maturity and what they're looking for. There are good guys and even some gentlemen out there. You just have to sift through the weeds. Make the type of girl you are known right away. Because just like gentlemen are hard to find, girls with your values are as well.

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    • I wish I could find girls who like a guy who does gentleman like things. But I’ve never experienced that. I’ve only been rejected. Maybe being a bad boy is how i get girls to like me?

    • @SportsFan78 Yeah. I'm not going to lie. Girls not women. Your age girls. Some of them do tend to have a thing for bad boys often. It's a horrible flaw. But most of them eventually grow out of it.
      OR
      Sometimes its just chemistry. Just because you are a gentleman doesn't mean you'll get the girl.
      You win some you lose some. You're young. It's so early. Don't get jaded yet.

    • At this point, I expect to be rejected because that's what has happened to me everytime

  • Maybe the problem is where you’re looking?

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  • To every one of these questions, there are guys who complain that girls don't give them attention and/or straight out reject them.
    I'm sure there are exceptions, but a lot of the times those guys are who would aim for girls who are (in the looks department at least) out of their league, grow bitter and complain that girls are only interested in douchebags.
    Then those girls that reject all the average looking guys for douchebags feed their egos and make them feel like they can do w/e they want and take advantage go the situation. That then leads those girls feeling like all men are douchebag fuck boys these days because to them, those are the only type of guys they put into that category.

    so yes good guys and girls do still exist, they just aren't one of those that stand out that everyone desires. you have to look past the looks and be ok with someone whose not into big parties, clubs, one night stands, perfect bodies, instagram worthy makeup, and unlimited bank accounts

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    • just a woman to think it is ok to be insulting with regards to mens looks. and bring up this league nonsense.

  • The only men who say they don't exist anymore are the ones who are too lazy to put forth the effort to try to be one. Unfortunately, for our age group, a lot of men don't understand why they should put any effort into the dating scene going so far as 'pay for yourself' or not wanting to open doors or pull out chairs, the simple stuff. Honestly, I'd have to say most gentlemen aren't even our age and probably more so in their mid 30's and older.

    They exist but I'd be lying if I said they weren't going extinct because they are.

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    • I never pay for dinner, never buy drinks unless she bought one for me first. Not for any political reasons, not to be a jerk or anything. I just value my time and presence and expect her to also. I have too much self-respect to be an old-fashioned gentleman.

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    • Oh yeah, @raspberry0416 , that’s definitely not true 😂

    • @raspberry0416, you are right, Americans are a lot more old fashioned and conservative than Scandinavians.

  • Sorry to hear you had a horrible date. Some guys NOT all can be rude and disrespectful. But try to go for a different kinda guy that you would never think about dating. Sometimes we have to try something different and get out of our comfort zone. I am a pretty girl and truth be told I kinda like Nerdy guys. Some guys wouldn't believe I would even date a guy like this but something about a guy being so smart is amazing to me.

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  • lmfao, no.

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  • Yeah but it's hard to find them

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  • Yes there are. Once you act like a lady almost all men treats you like that.

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  • Expecting sex from a date is totally ridiculous. Guys like that are entitled and stupid.

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    • if a man pays for the date he should expect something in return for that.

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    • Wow so that's being entitled and stupid but you expecting the guy to pay for you isnt? You said on one of my questions "I would rather be single than date a guy who won't pay for me."

    • @markxcds
      Those guys need to work on getting rejected less.

  • hard to find

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  • There are surprisingly some good guys out there, I've met some/worked with some

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  • They are out there hidding.

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  • Guys can be a gentleman for anyone.

    I'd suggest that you search for personality traits that you share or understand. For example, I always enjoy dating males that are considerate (even with time management), witty, confident in his abilities, empathetic, passionate, thirst for knowledge, adventurous, reserved and persistent. Sometimes those traits are found in females and I enjoy dating those females as well. Everyone is still completely different and nobody is perfect.

    Just in case anyone is wondering, I find these amazing guys at my university, church, skydiving grounds, libraries, in groups (I prefer sustainability and volunteer work groups), cafes, at my favorite market, in the country-side (where I love riding horses and quads) etc.

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  • They're still exist somewhere

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  • Every guy is a gentleman to some and an asshole to few

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  • Not all guys are fallen angels

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  • Dont judge all guys based off some.
    My boyfriend is a gentleman. He opens doors for me, says good morning to me, attenpts to pay for me (i usually convince him to do 50-50), etc.
    Love him.

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  • who needs those losers? they are usually broke or small penised

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  • i have only dated guys who are gentlemen.
    if i don't like the way they talk to me i block them or play them then toss them away... its easy to tell the intend of a guy when you know what you want.
    sometimes you read between the lines from text messages or from a few phone calls...

    if they dont want to call you the time you want them, drop them. if they dont sound like a gentleman over text, drop them.

    you will have to learn to go through a lot of guys who have been spoiled by stupid girls nowadays. sadly but true.

    there are guys out there who will treat you right when you "train" them...
    dont go out with them till they have called you enough times that they are the one who pursued you over the phone, who asked about you and care about you. then asked what are some fun things he has in mind to do when out on a date... its a learning experence for you and him.

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    • Okay but you have to show interest too, this isn’t a one way street

    • when you train them, we are not dogs you misandrist sexist bitch.

    • @markxcds
      it took a few sessions to train my boyfriend how to have sex with me. he is really good at it now and happy. i am his first.
      other women trained him to be a little boy that he had no clue how to treat a woman.

      life is a learing experience... even at my age or at 60, you will encounter differences between two partners.
      being with another human being is hard work and it is those who is willing to go through such journey with one person that will understand and appriecate he/she is truly worth the journey...

      nowadays, most get into the hook up culture and have no idea what it means to love yourself and the others in a very very deep level.

      i love my man, if you treat me well, i will give you back what you give me...
      good luck with your journey...

  • Many lf them.

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