How to not get jealous/insecure in relationships?

I know both partners will find others attractive. I know both partners will likely have a sexual past. I know both partners are individuals. But, sometimes i can’t help but get jealous and insecure. My boyfriend has never cheated on me. I get jealous about social media likes/follows. And sometimes i get jealous with him around other girls if he seems to be enjoying conversation with them. I try and keep these jealousies to myself. However, sometimes it is hard.

How do some people never get jealous? My boyfriend, i know he gets jealous sometimes. But, he just brushes it off and never tells me “x y and z made me feel jealous”. I wish i could be more like that.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you have trust issues, that is something you will need to work through.
    I've never had a problem being mature and believing people when they say things. You have to be open to vulnerability. You may just be too afraid to get hurt, so you're always suspicious by default so that if something ever goes wrong, you'll feel less hurt because you expected it. Puts a real damper on a whole relationship. Just be vulnerable and open. Don't just say you're jealous, say out loud why you're jealous. You have to confront your own feelings, and that's something an app can't do for you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly this has always been relatively easy for me, because I found a guy I trusted. I'm just not a jealous person and figure if I was constantly getting jealous there's either something wrong with me or I'm not fulfilled.

    I don't get jealous because I know that humans are humans and just because a girl has a pussy doesn't make her a threat. He's not dumb enough to fuck around like that.

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What Guys Said 22

  • You don't. I think it's innate, or you've had a life experience thats made you distrust men, or made you insecure. Either way, you should talk to someone, because there is no bigger turn off than a jealous girlfriend. And don't play games, i. e start talking to other boys etc, that's just as bad as jealousy. DON'T tell him not to talk to other women, or you'll be labeled a bunny boiler. There's nothing 'wrong' with you, we are all victims of our circumstances, so talk to someone, a psychiatrist or psychologist or try CBT, CAT or NLP. Good luck, and do something about it - it ended my marriage because I couldn't even go to the shop without her being in a sulk and pretending not to be...

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  • Everyone gets jealous and has insecurity the best way to overcome it is to remember you can't force someone to love you all you can do guide them to. If they choose to cheat or flirt with other people while they r with you then that's disrespectful so play their game. A relationship only works when each of you wear each other's shoes and not selfish

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  • Women, in general, tend to be more emotional and expressive than men do. So while your boyfriend does probably indeed get jealous, he isn't going to let you see that unless he wants to for some reason. A lot of guys are good at hiding these kinds of things. But you'll know - how he interacts with you, what he says and does. If it "feels" right, it probably is. If it feels off, it probably is.

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  • Jealousy is THE most useless emotional response we have. It only makes us weak.

    Just trust, and kick jealousy as soon as it tries to come your way.

    The logic is simple: Your relationship will last x amount of time. If something happens and it ends, at least you enjoyed it fully while it lasted. And also remember that your added self confidence makes you more attractive.

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  • I agree with @Jamie1865 No matter how much you work on it, it's something that will always be there unless you dull your senses... Seems you just need an output for that post jealousy that doesn't involve showing it to your boyfriend if that's what you're worried about. End of the day, be yourself.. When you stop giving a monkeys about others and act yourself, things will change. Your boyfriend can brush it off, you can't. That's in your nature. You can always write a journal or something as sometimes writing things out on paper is a good outlet... Or talk to a friend or take up a hobby to distract yourself..

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  • Just stop being selfish and understand that you and your boyfriend both wanna dick other people And move on to an open relationship. If you stay this way you'll eventually get bored of each other, and even if you dont, why limit yourself and your boyfriend from the variety this life offers? Be transparent with your partner

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    • I don’t want an open relationship 😂😂

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    • There’s many benefits to being monogamous. Also, monogamy is a choice. I make the choice to be monogamous. If i wanted an open relationship, i would ask for it. If i wanted to have sex with other people, i would be single.

    • What are the benefits?

  • Stop being jealous/insecure

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  • At the end of the day you can't control what you feel; but what you can do is exercise self discipline. Take a moment, breath in some fresh air and rationalise the situation. You may not be able to control your emotions but the important thing is not to let them determine your actions when you know they are irrational. Other than that, make sure to spend quality time with your boyfriend, trust is a delicate thing that take time to nurture and can only be cultivated by time spent together.

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  • A little jealousies is good in a relationship, but it can destroy one fast if it is allowed to get out of control. If you can not trust some one then you truly do not have a good relationship.

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  • Talk bout it, it hiding feelings ain't never a smart option

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  • See first of all, what you experience is quite normal. Second be confident in your self. You feel this way because you treasure this relationship, so trust me, you need to get out of there make new friends, meet new people. Your relationship is a part of your life, not your entire life. Make space for yourself, this might vanish off.

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    • I do have plenty of friends. I am currently studying at university and I’m part of various clubs at school. I go to the gym 5x a week and i have a job. Still, i have a lot of free time to ruminate... i guess i should make less time to ruminate

    • Wow someone should give you medal if you still make time after that schedule. Anyway pick a hobby or something that keeps you busy and takes your mind off him. You need to tackle it as I've been there where you are and screwed up pretty bad. In my case, if i was not insecure and a little preoccupied myself i wouldn't have messed up. Also try to cultivate trust. Clear your doubts and communicate. Thats going to help.

  • Because the trust he has for you is more then that feeling a small worry is normal but true jelousey shows distrust in him

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    • Yes. I have a hard time trusting him :/ the things i worry about/have mentioned, he never comes talking to me about it. He has said to me once “these things you mention. I never mention them to you or worry about what you’re doing”. I’m not sure how to trust someone soooo much. He trusts me nearly 100%

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    • It something you need to deal with otherwise it could break up tour relationship

  • Believe in urself, and listen carefully to the other to surprise him or her, relationship is about feeling secure and no limit to love

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  • Oh, he's dumb enough. Give them a reason to not care anymore and see what they do. Some people have no clue what the value of a relationship was until they F'k up and it's over. Life has a not so gentle way of showing us when we've really messed up.

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  • you are jealous because you truly love him , sometimes people can control themselves and sometimes not.

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  • I takes trust. If you learn to trust your boyfriend then you will know that he will not cheat. He may look and even talk to others but he will always be yours.

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    • How do you trust someone like that? I tried to trust my ex, and found out after we broke up he cheated so many times on me... i know my new boyfriend isn’t my ex. I am trying to work on the trust... he trusts me so much and never questions me or gets jealous/insecure about my past. He only shows a little bit of jealousy if we go out to clubs/parties and guys approach me. But, he doesn’t show it too much.

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    • It's not about the other part "earning" your trust. That's bs and trends to be a never ending story.

      It's only about you *deciding* to trust.

    • Deciding to trust? Well, my boyfriend trusts me a lot. He doesn’t ask “do you talk to your exes/past lovers?” And he doesn’t really show jealousy. He also doesn’t really mind what i like/post on social media. Or worry what I’m doing/texting/talking to etc.

  • Uh... so it sounds like you're addicted to technology bullshit. Stop using it so much. Simple.

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  • Remind yourself that at the end of the day that person is coming home with you and if you feel like you have done to make the other happy this worry will be very little

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  • Jealousy will be the end of your relationship. So ask yourself if you want to destroy the relationship by being jealous or make the most of it and be supportive and have a good time while it lasts.

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  • We all get that way, its a little green monster in the back of our heads. I'm still trying to figure out the answer.

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  • No its fine to be jealous. Im also. Best i can say is. Dont give him a reason to be jealous make him feel more like the only man in the world and he will make you feel like the only woman in the world

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  • impossible

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