Why do women get into relationships with men that they can control or that they feel are not as superior or operating on the same level as them?

I’ve seen this before in my life and other venues where the woman will get into a relationship with a man that is deemed below her or not as dominant. Are these women doing this due to insecurity, perhaps some sort of coping mechanism? Or maybe these women are just more dominant and non complying with the relinquish of their power or control.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The reason is no different from why men get into relationships with such women or why some people, in general, befriend people who are inferior and subservient to them.

    Both the surface reason and the root cause are noted in your post, lol.
    On the surface, it's because these people feel the need to assert control. People who are clingy, needy, insecure, dependent, and passive are easier to control. Such people make it easier for the controlling person to appease their own need to validate their ability of asserting control. They serve as proof-providers to the controller that he/she has control over his/her life. If you can dominate another individual, that provides you with direct evidence that you've got things under control.

    That brings me to the root cause: insecurity. People who have such a dire need to prove to themselves that they're in control, to the point where they seek out subordinate, submissive lovers, are people who actually lack security in their ability to assert control. If they were secure, they wouldn't seek out individuals that they perceive to be beneath them. They'd seek out individuals who are roughly equal to them in their self-perceived rank.

    (I should also note that seeking out someone who is domineering and/or above your rank also has insecurity as its root cause, but that's a different matter)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Part of it is to prove something that they can manipulate someone that society has deemed the dominant sex. However, in the natural state, women like men who take control; this, these relationships do not last. The domineering woman will move on because it gets boring.

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What Girls & Guys Said

137
  • One answer: Feminism and the Jezebel spirit. They're Jezebel's. And the men they control have the seeds of Jezebel's. Most of these so-called men were more likely raised in single-parent homes. At the same time, HOW is the women controlling the men? Firstly. People being controlled WANTS to be controlled because they can't control their own envionment. They have no structure. So they need somebody who does. Or creates a pseudo version of 'structure'.

    The problem with this dynamic is simple:

    1. He's insecure. She's insecure.
    2. He's desperate. She's desperate.
    3. He wants a relationship where he doesn't to try to be the man. She wants a relationship where she can be the woman, AND take the role of a man. Until she is tired of playing both roles.
    4. She doesn't want a relationship where a man 'controls' her. But grows bitter when another woman willing heeds to his leadership. And he doesn't want a relationship where he has to LEAD his woman. Yet grow bitter at the men who have more guts than him.

    You be with somebody who is on your level or a little higher. No lower than that unless they are seeking GROWTH. And if they are seeking growth, make sure you can handle the job and they are willing to do the job they say they are going to do. Or else your just wasting precious time. People who have this issue just need's to stay single. Get help and seek freedom from the bondage's of their own mind.

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  • i think some people try to do this deliberately bc they think being of value means seeing themselves as superior and assume others should. i think some people are better able to see value non stereotypically. just bc something looks to you like a great disparity in value or ability from the outside, doesn't men he's not a miracle to her/ or her to him.. people love who they love. and 'why' is often a mystery to others looking from a distance.

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  • One thing I can think of is the need for attention. I think that they are not being serious about the relationship. It’s more of a pass time until she fixes herself.
    This is just a guess.

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  • The feeling of dominating someone is great, the empowering feel it gives you is a very great feeling. Women who get into these relationships love that feeling, it can also be boosted by insecurity, scared that the man will find someone better than them, thus it makes them become possessive.

    Funny enough, when a woman is clingy it's seen as cute, but when a guy is clingy it's seen as possessive and controlling. Very peculiar.

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  • Well, because they want somebody around who they feel won't "stress" them out.. They want to be in a relationship, and marriage, but they're naturally manipulative to get what they want.. I guess..

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  • Well i think they want to feel equal to their partner, i don't like dominating people myself but it does not mean that i'm insecure it is just that i hate people controlling me

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  • Sometimes that's just who you fall for. There's nothing to fault a woman on if she wasn't aiming for that specifically

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  • there's people who like to be ''more submissive/passive'' in life and others more ''dominant/controlling'' it's the same for women. A woman being more controlling or authoritative doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong about them like being insecure or having issues...
    could you explain your coping mechanism theory? not sure to get that one lol.
    or maybe they don't care about their boyfriend's job status or social status and they just date whoever they are attracted to.
    ooor maybe they had issues in the past and they want to be more in control that time.
    also, just saying that because a woman is more controlling in life with her boyfriend doesn't mean it's the same in bed (people usually make that association)

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  • Insecurity’s cause women to get into a relationship where she feels more in control. It never works out in the end.

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  • Maybe afraid to lose power. I wouldn't mind letting guy be the driver. As long as he logical and wise with his decision.

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  • If someone goes for such a person, I doubt they're actually beyond them.

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  • Boosts their ego, the fact that they're literally 'the better' half in a relationship.

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  • A man that can be controled os a man that cannot leave, woman want security, a man that won't abandon her, can't leave when you are on a short leash

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  • See the recent Jordan Peterson interview

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  • I haven't the slightest idea

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  • they like to have power in the relationship

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  • Huh? Where are these dominant women? I want one!

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  • It's probably due to insecurity.

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  • They like to dominate

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  • There are plenty of women who like being in charge and they match better with more passive men, who can be glad they make decisions.

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