Are you turned off by the idea of guys building their confidence by dating/having sex with girls of increasing attractiveness?

One of my male friends has always been kind of fat and shy around girls, and he's trying to work up his courage with girls. He said that he's going to start dating less attractive girls so that he can have success and build up his confidence. I think this is a bit conniving, like he's using these girls in a kind of bad way. Thoughts?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That’s really rude to use the girls in order to eventually “move up” to better ones. But I think in general guys use girls for ego boosts in different ways, like hooking up with an ex to know they still got it or whatever. That’s why guys suck...

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    • yeah, i'm always leery of guys wanting to reconnect...

    • same 🙄 sometimes you can’t help it though. It’s kind of an ego boost for us too. However, I think that with his type of attitude he will have a hard time finding a girlfriend ever. I also think the girls will kind of sense he is being selfish.

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What Girls Said 21

  • Yes, that isn’t an acceptable way to build confidence. He’s using women for his own personal gain and it’s not fair to them. Like sure we all go for people who may be “out of our league” but specifically getting with someone only to prove you can? That’s low. You don’t date people to level up you date people to get to them and yourself.

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  • A lot of guys who lose weight, like a lot, see the end game as dating hot girls.

    Not knowing that they could have gotten hot girls when they were a little tubby as easily or easier by their attitude.

    Wanting a girl just because she’s hot is kind of a bad dating plan.

    Losing weight to then date girls you don’t find attractive so they will like you and make you feel special... plain sucks. User behavior is never okay and you are cheating yourself, the other person and wasting time. Not healthy.

    Then if he does get a hot chick she’s a trophy. Yay...

    It isn’t fulfilling. The relationship has no base to grow on.

    I’m not surprised at all as this is a thing I see overweight guys do.

    To the guy who lost weight he’s a god.

    I love being fit because of how it makes me feel physically. I doo like having a slim waist and all but back when I was dating I tried to hide my shape on first dates by wearing skirts and what not.

    I’m the same person +\- 10 pounds. You shouldn’t date someone who is after your body.

    And most girls don’t see a guy differently because he lost 15 pounds. He isn’t toned he just doesn’t have a gut.

    It’s his own self esteem he battles.

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  • I don't support using people for any reason. It's possible to build your self-confidence without hurting others in the process. It's one thing if he is genuinely attracted to these girls but to purposely date someone who you aren't attracted to and know you won't be with long-term isn't right. I would have less respect for someone if I knew they used other people and intentionally hurt others in order to build themselves up.

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  • He should build his confidence by losing weight so he can feel better about himself and develop meaningful relationships with girls he cares about (sexual or platonic). Plus if he's overweight and average looking, he'll reach a plateau in his little "conquest" plan, likely sooner than he thinks.

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  • That's super rude and flat out disrespectful to the girls he plans of dating. Even if it's not physical it seems wrong to me. He could be spending all of the time he's trying to catch these less attractive girls and channel it into working out or getting out of his comfort zone to boost his confidence in a more genuine way.

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  • I was this girl. My ex only dated. me because didn't think he could get my freind, who is way hotter than me. It sucks, you feel worthless and stupid. No, your friend is a bad person.

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  • He'll never have a healthy self-image if he basis his self worth on how many women (who genuinely care about him) he can use and discard. True self-love has to come from acceptance of himself, not acceptance of women he'll gain through deception.

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  • Thats so horrible as he build his self up he is gonna tear those beautiful women dwn that he thinks is less attractive and he will get nowheres with that but karma that comes around 😔

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  • He sounds immature for wanting to use girls to build up his confidence.

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  • I mean if it works, it works. He shouldn't date anyone he doesn't actually want to date though. That's just using them.

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  • I think that is very wrong because he is fully aware that dating these girls comes with them putting feelings into the relatioship, he doesn't seem to care about their feelings at all. He's only focused on building himself and disregarding the girl for another

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  • I think it is a little mean. How would he feel if he found out a girl was doing the same thing to him? It would be especially cruel if one of the girls ends up liking him. Also I don't think that it's smart for him to use girls who he thinks are less attractive to build his own confidence. That confidence will probably be superficial and most likely won't last, so it would be better if he made an effort to feel more confident on his own. It can be very difficult, but at least that way he won't depend on someone else to make him feel better about himself.

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  • He's using those other girls he doesn't consider good enough. I don't have respect for him.

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  • No, he's really just doing what we all do but more openly. Nobody wants to downgrade.

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  • Not attractive cos who wants a guy who uses people like that? Don’t care if he’s slept around as long as he was open about his intentions

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  • Honestly, I guess whatever floats his boat.
    With that said, I believe that it won't really benefit him in the long-run.

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  • He needs to find other ways to build is confidence

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  • That’s disgusting to hear !

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  • That's kind of sad tbh lol

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  • As long as they know he doesn’t want something long term, it seems ok.

    He is probably overestimating how far he’ll get though, or that he won’t catch feelings.

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  • I think he should find another way to build up Husband confidence and horn use girls because he said a insecure piece of shit

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