How soon is 'too soon' to start looking for another serious relationship after a break up?

I'm not talking how soon before rebounding, or how soon before one night stands or even how soon for just casual dating. I mean specifically dating or looking with the intent to start a serious relationship.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me November of last year, so it hasn't really been all that long, almost three months. I honestly feel like I am over him. He was really emotionally abusive, and over all not a good person, which I didn't realise until after the fact. Thankfully he dumped me before I ended up spending more than a year with him.

I met this guy late December, and we talk quite a bit, started watching a show together. He's very friendly, I've told him a few things less than a handful of people know, he trusted me with some stuff he is a little insecure about. I admitted to myself that I like him, and definitely want to pursue something with him at some point if he wants that too. However, since we just met a month ago, I know that I need to wait at least another month before approaching him about that. Is that still too soon?

I want a serious relationship, and based on everything he has told me, that's what he wants in the long run as well; but, I have been told and read that you should wait a year before dating again, especially on a serious level. Should I wait just the next month, two months, half a year?

How soon do you think is too soon?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's whenever you want to start feeling love and passion and you want to share the same things with somebody but more important think deeply what you learned that situation and try to look at things in a different way people come into our lives all the time for a reason. Do you teach you something positive or negative who we want to be or who we don't want to be. so I hope your last boyfriend taught you something about yourself and you do all the signs you said he was emotionally abusive and not a good person the very first day that started is very first day you should have walked away because it'll never stop and you cannot change him so to answer your question, you're ready to start a new relationship when you know exactly what you want and who you are and exactly how you want to be treated and how you don't want to be treated because if it's a negative and you allowed to keep going on that's who you're going to be for the rest of your life learn the signs and walk away there are 500 billion guys out there that would probably love to date you don't have love tunnel vision and be hurt somewhere down the road good luck true love is a beautiful thing whether you're giving or receiving

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 7 months to a year to iron yourself out. BE fully clear of your thoughts and learn from your mistakes and regrets. Now I know a lot of people often want to say that saying about don't have any regrets. But the fact is if you've done something wrong especially concerning premarital sex you are going to regret it. And for others that say that there's no such thing as being too soon, are not being smart. Only you know who you or as a person. If you're mostly sensitive and you attach to people easily it would not be wise for you to immediately jump into dating. And if you do try to get into a serious relationship start out as being friends first before you even think about if dating is something that you both should get into. As long as both of you make your intentions clear then it's best for you to just wait it out and not rush. What they had said is correct that you most certainly should wait at least a year. Everybody has to go at their own pace, but only you know what you're looking for in a dating partner.

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What Girls & Guys Said

319
  • I don't think "too soon" is a thing. Everyone is different. Depending on how the relationship was, how it ended, whether you initiated the breakup or was the one getting dumped, whether you still see each other on a regular basis etc, are all things that can affect how fast or slow you move on. There's not a set time that you should wait before dating or getting into another relationship.
    Instead of time, I'd say that these criteria are way more important:

    - You know for sure you're over your ex and you're not just feeling lonely. Many people get these feelings mixed up.
    - You've done some thinking after the breakup and you know what you want/don't want.
    - You've spent some time alone (again, totally dependant on your situation) just to feel what it's like to be single again and whether it's something you want or don't want.
    - If you're ready to date but not commit, you're open and honest about your wants with the people you date.
    - If you're ready to commit, you know for sure that it's what you want and you don't feel like you're jumping head first into something just to get over your ex or to not be lonely.

    If you can't check all of those off, then you're not ready. If you can, then you're ready. Don't feel guilty just because it's "only" been 3 months and you've already found someone who has caught your interest. Your boyfriend was abusive and you probably started moving on/detaching yourself from him before the breakup even happened.

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  • Well, when people are talking about "too soon" in this scenario, it generally means, don't start a new relationship as long as your mind's still stuck in the old one. It doesn't sound like that applies to you, so you could enter a new relationship now if you want.

    But I advice against it for other reasons. Think about it, now you have a prime opportunity to be single for a while. You could do whatever with no relationship demanding attention and effort.
    You can change things up, get rid of old habits, try new things, set up every night of the week for visiting all of your friends in turn, throw out the old furniture, or just suck in the solitude for a bit and read a good book.

    I'm not saying you can't do any of those things while in a relationship, but there's decidedly less time, and it's easier to do oneself when there's noone else you constantly needs to take into consideration.

    If it doesn't entail sleeping with a bunch of other people on a whim, I'm sure this new guy of yours would understand and wait for you a bit.

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  • I'm the last person who should be answering this, but I will anyway. The way I see it is if it's so soon it looks like you're just trying to not be single, then it is too soon. If you still have any lingering feelings for an ex, then it is too soon. You need to be ready to give your whole self to the new relationship, or it's not fair to either one of you.

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  • Lmao i was totally gonna ask this question yesterday. I mean me and my boyfriend agreed that if we broke up, we should give it a month at least. he's lucky we made that deal cause any other time i wouldve bounced back in 24 hours

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  • I don't know about a year. You didn't spend "more than a year" with what's-his-name, the one who dumped you.

    If you are not still thinking about what might have, could have, maybe possibly have been, then I don't see why it is "too soon".

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  • Waiting a year is probably directed at older people from longer relationships. I think for the fact that ending a long term relationship comes with a lot of "baggage" and it does pawn off onto other people when you start trying to date again. If you dont feel tied to the person emotionally or mentally then by all means move on

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  • when you feel like u have some love to give in case you meet someone who deserves it. when you feel like u want someone to spend time with (not just sexually) or care about.

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  • Starting a relationship is good. Fucking outside a relationship is bad.

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  • I would say six months to detoxify. But every one knows what him/her feels. As long u ain't doing that to Forget about someone...
    Its alright, its okaaaay...

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  • Do not look for a serious relationship just let it happen. But wait for at least 2 weeks. Give your heart time to heal.

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  • If you moved on go for it. If you always thinking and crying because of your ex you shouldn't search for a new relationship

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  • Don't over think it, if someone asks you out and you want to go for it, just go for it.

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  • It's depends on the guy if u get a best guy n can't expect such a guy in future u can immediately

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  • There is not a time to do wherever... If you feel it, just do it.

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  • Like a few days after the last one. I feel like 2 weeks in between should suffice.

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  • Depends in your reason for wanting to be in a relationship

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  • As soon as you feel ready. It's utterly up to you

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  • It's never too soon.

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  • When your heart is OK with that.

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  • It depending on the person

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  • I don’t think there’s really a time limit because it depends on the new guy as well as how the old relationship was. Like one of my friends got out of a two year relationship and got into another relationship a little over a month later. She currently lives with him after almost a year of dating. My first relationship I started dating around 4-5 months after it ended and my last relationship I didn’t start dating around until a little over a year after it ended.

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  • Too soon is looking for a relationship before you're ready, there is no too soon otherwise. If you feel like you are over your ex and you're ready for it then do it ^^

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