What should a guy do when he realizes he has no appeal to women and that he’s a loser?

So I’ve come to grips with accepting I’m a loner and a loser. I’m 29 and have only really been in one serious relationship. I thought I loved this girl but turns out she was screwing dudes behind my back non stop. I retaliated and hooked up with her friends and she claimed it was worse than being raped. After all of that I overhead people telling me I’m just a broke loser and I believed it. It just feels like women want a man with money and I am still living with my parents. Who honestly would give me a chance? I lost my good job after the breakup and started using drugs and alcohol to get by. By doing that I got into debt and now have no close friends to talk to. I do have another job now but I’m at rock bottom. Not too long ago I drove drunk and totaled my car but luckily I didn’t hurt anyone. That was a huge wake up call as I could’ve died or killed someone innocent. I’ve started to realize my clothes lol horrible, I physically look sick now, and I’m not performing at my job. After being cheated on I ran up 25k in debt but I’ve got it down to 11. It feels like I am unable to connect with anyone on a relational level guy or girl and it’s totally defeating. I see other men at my job and in my head I know they are better than me. It makes me question why anyone would ever like me to begin with seeing as how I’m just a bum. I seriously feel like dying would make it easier but I’m not willing to hurt myself or make anyone in my family endure that. Is it just hopeless or should I just continue to live with the fact some people just won’t connect with anyone as adults?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • A lot of people go through these things. What you need to do is see them for what they are, just bumps in the road and obstacles to overcome, and when you come out the other side you will a better person for it. You are not a loser, she crushed your spirit, that doesn't mean there is a thing wrong with you. Sometimes people are just cruel. You can see things are bad, so start fixing them. Work towards a person who you are proud to be. Fuck her and what her friends think. Do it for You, and in the back of your mind use her as a motivation to get clean, get out of your parents house, work hard, pay off your debt and get back on track so when your life straightens out again you can give her house the finger with pride as you drive by. But never give up. Don't give her the satisfaction. When things get better, and when you start to feel better you will find love again, and when that time comes you can be proud to present that woman with the man you want to be.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You’re still young, dude. You have time to fix things. Definitely get your credit & money situation fixed. Also, moving out & knowing you absolutely have to have rent/utilities every month is a big motivator. Your parents could be a crutch to you & doing more harm than good. Don’t even get a roommate when you move out. Better on your own.

    Start making long term goals & short term goals and going for them.

    And yes, the older you get the more important having money becomes. Love it or hate it... it’s how the world works.

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What Girls & Guys Said

43
  • What's worse than feeling like you're in hell? Knowing that you're the cause of it. You should start small and try to clean up your life with your finances and alcohol use. You may want to seek out a behavioral psychologist to try to sort yourself out. Just my 2 cents and I wish you good luck.

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  • You are making progress if you were able to pay off 14k in debt. I suggest seeing a therapist if possible. I was pretty depressed at your age and one helped me quite a lot.

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  • Build your confidence back up.
    See a therapist if ur willing. Just cuz u dated a total. whore, doesn't mean all girls are that way.

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  • You will pull through :)

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  • Move on

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  • It seems most really bad things that have happened to you are self-inflicted. Stop damaging yourself.

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  • You got 25k down to 11, that's actually incredible.
    Now listen, i think you should move out as you may be leaning too much on your parents, & need to learn how to organise things. It'll help when you got your own place to maintain and slowly you'll be charge of more things.
    As for women, don't fuss. You must be decent looking enough if you got hookups from your ex's friends. So just tidy up your clothes a bit, get some new changes to feel more better for a new fresh start.
    Go out, meet new people and you'll be fiine.

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