Hot guy hit on me.. I was too nervous... how do I get him back?



OK, so I'm an attractive girl but I have heavy social anxiety that I've had my whole life and when attractive men hit on me I get extremely nervous (unless I've had a few drinks) and tend to freeze/get paralized.

It has cost my countless social and romantic relationships.

I used to be a bar-tender and I would often get hit on by the customers at my bar. Partially because I was scared what people would think of me and partially because of my anxiety I never accepted offers from guys.

Anyway, a guy came into the bar one time.

Dude was fine. In fact he was so handsome that I wasn't even attracted to him at first because I thought he was out of my league, I'm probably a 7. He looked like a famous male actor.

Anyway, we small talk and I'm not even viewing him romantically - as I said, SUPER handsome men I just view the same as attractive women, like "wow, they're aesthetically pleasing", not "wow, they're hot".

So anyway, we're chatting away and he's all "nice to speak to you", I thought nothing of it.

I noticed that every time he'd come in, he'd come to me to be served. We always had nice conversations and he just seemed like a decent dude. As I figured him out of my league, he gave me no anxiety whatsoever, I just found him a really nice and pleasant guy to chat to.

Anyway, so he thanks me for this bar-tending favor I did for him.

Then he's all: "I come in here for the staff, because they're so nice... mainly you"... suddenly, I was like: "****, is he hitting on me?" - suddenly, the panic set in, the nerves etc.

The next minute is kind of a blur to me, I can't remember exactly what he said... although I know that "restaurant", "dinner" and "a classier type of place" came up. I can just remember feeling nervous as **** and forgetting to smile.

When he left the bar another patron was shaking his head. I asked him: "did that guy just hit on me?"

{tbc underneath}
Updates:
And he was all: "Girl, you're an idiot, he just asked you out... and you were so rude about it"

Anyway, after that, when he came to the bar to be served he would try not to have me as my server. He'd avoid me, and if I had to serve him, he wouldn't make eye contact, no matter how nice I was. However, when it was a busy bar, I'd catch him staring at me then he'd quickly look away when I looked at him.

I've stopped working there now but I can't stop thinking about him.

I know he goes in when th
football is playing, and I really want to see him.

Any tips for what I can do when I go in? Unfortunately, he usually goes in with a group of guys so it would be hard to isolate him and I don't think he'll talk to me anyway as he thinks I've turned him down.

Maybe I could talk to one of his friends about him...

If I ask if he's single it's a bit forward... but if I say something vague it doesn't communicate interest, or worse, it may look like I'm making fun of him.

Any ideas?

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  • Well just mention small talk to him next time that he comes in. Just be casual and maybe say its nice seeing you again. and so forth. Just dont worry about pushing yourself too much because you anxiety is so high. Just little gestures and comments like this will be enough for him to pick up on. It already seems like he is very interested in you.

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    • The problem is that he was feeling rejected enough that he wouldn't make small talk any more after that incident. I'll be going back in as a customer, which means I can have a couple of drinks, which helps me a lot with my anxiety. In my experience, men don't get subtlety too well either. Any idea of how I can make amends for rejecting him without even intending to?

    • hmm then thats really tricky then. Maybe you could seek him out then and show your interest again. Having a couple drinks will for sure help you open up much more. So I would recommend that for sure. And honestly men dont get subtle thats something I do have to agree with. I would maybe then be casual and say sorry if it seemed like you rejected him and explain you just get nervous in a good way around attractive people. That amount of vulnerability is a good thing

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