How do I get past my negative preconceptions of women?

I don't want this to sound like I'm bitching, I'm asking a sincere question on which I need some advice. Sorry for the long wall of text to follow...

I've had absolute s*** luch with women since my first girlfriend at 15 years old. I have been cheated on more times than I care to count. I've been dumped for "better" guys. I've had girlfriends change their phone numbers. My ex-wife asked me to stay home with our newborn son a few years ago and take care of him... then shortly after she kicked me out served me divorce papers, and took my son (I only get to see him every other weekend).

I fully admit I have my own failures and shortcomings, and for a while I was VERY overweight... but never did I think it was anything awful. I've never hit a woman (and never will); I've never done ANYTHING with a woman to which she did not consent; I'm not addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling; I've never cheated on a woman; I've never stolen anything; I have no criminal record; hell, I've never even LIED to a woman.

I've been working on self-improvement since the separation and divorce. I've lost a LOT of weight (over 90 pounds), I've been eating less and eating healthier, I've been working out a lot (and am starting to get back some muscle tone), I've gotten a job that I like in my field with my Bachelor's Degree (and am currently working toward even better opportunities), I've paid off a LOT of debt, and I am better at money management.

But still, since the divorce, I have had 4 girlfriends / exes. One cheated on me, one abandoned me out of the blue, one dumped me for another guy, and one threatened to kill me and eat my testicles (I am NOT kidding).

It's is to the point where even hearing the word "woman" brings negative thoughts and feelings. I know all women aren't bad people but I cannot shake the preconceptions I have. I've even toyed with the idea of exploring homosexuality once or twice.

I can't afford therapy, so that's out. What should I do? What CAN I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Please don't become hopeless in the matter, but dont rush into relationships either. Take a break, focus on yourself and build yourself. Honestly, sometimes we dont realise it but we go running back to the same types of people and end up in a cycle of hurt. Women are supposed to be a source of comfort and support for the men around them (father, brothers, sons, partner etc). So any woman who isn't making you feel that way does not stand as a representative for all women. I come from a family where, despite living in the west, we tend to take on a more traditional approach- so us women take pride in looking after and empowering the men around us, it is our power!

    Learn to make yourself happy first, be content within yourself- DO NOT put your happiness and self respect in the hands of others. Humans are complex creature- you will get hurt. Take hold of your own happiness and contentment. You will see the world around you becomes more bearablešŸ˜Œ

    • That actually helped. A lot. Thank you

    • No problem at all! If you need any support ill be right here

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • If the thoughts about women causes so much negativity in you, try not to think or talk about them. Yes, you can't avoid women on a daily basis, but it isn't like every woman you bump into will cause problems.

    Just think of everyone as 'people', irrespective of their gender. And avoid getting too close women, until you are able to separate the good and bad ones.

  • You're not alone. Since my divorce, years ago, I haven't had near the desire to consider a serious relationship. Been cheated on way too many times, been "the good guy", etc. But now it seems like more hassle than it's worth. The problem is, part of me still wants to be with someone. Best just to focus on work, self improvement, and indulge in something creative now and then.

    • I have buried myself in work a lot over the last year. It does help

  • Lol most of my family is female they don't understand you and trying to be a prick that's all I'm going to say in the matter

  • What country are you from? When things like this happens its because you allow others to walk over you. People are not stupid, they take advantage of those who they dont respect and when they see they can walk over you they will. You have to put your foot down and be tough. Be there for your son. If a women threatened to kill you then you can also get some charges on her. The main thing is you have to put your foot down and realize that being passive in this world will not help as there are mean people who will take advantage of you. Take charge of your life and never let anyone including women define who you are and what you can't do. You are not dependent on women.


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