He got angry when I asked directly what he wanted and is not talking to me. What should I have done differently?

I've met this guy online about 2 months ago. We live in different states. He has been contacting me once every 1-2 weeks or so. When he does contact me he consistently says nice things, how much he likes me etc. I like him too, and I let him know that. He asked me if I would be willing to meet him, I said yes. However, he hasn't made any plans. When I asked him what he would like to have with me, he said "We will see". Actually, that was the question that he asked me earlier. Another time he said he wants me to be his woman. Last time when we talked, I directly told him that I was unsure of how much he liked me and that he seems ambivalent, and if he was not very interested I should move on. He became offended and said that he has been very consistent, he "resents" me thinking that way about him and he doesn't know what kind of men I am used to. I said usually when a man liked me they would try to meet with me, and he hasn't. That is what made me feel unsure of what he wanted. I know that there are guys who just want to text and look at photos. I am 41 and don't have time for games or flirting that leads nowhere. I am happy to give a guy what he wants but I want to know that we both want the same thing. After he got angry, I apologized and tried to explain my point. He hasn't replied. I feel so bad now, I know my communication skills could have been better. He seems to have a wall built around him which made it hard for me to understand what kind of person he is. Seems like he has a ginormous ego. Again, if I knew it, I would have been choosing my words more carefully. I feel that I failed at connecting with him and I am having hard time forgiving myself.
Updates:
So, should I just let go of him now? I thought maybe I didn't apologize well enough. But then I thought, it is a two way street, and the other person needs to be willing to communicate too.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey. My opinion is that he is either ambivalent for whatever reason we may not know without his help, or that is isn't fully available so he can't commit to a full pursuit in good conscience.

    I don't get why there's always some reference to men having big egos as if women's are any different though. However, egos are important protective mechanisms for human beings, and even if someone has a big ego, the most important thing to consider about it is what is the basis of whatever attempts a person may make to protect themselves.

    I liked that you asked directly what he wanted, though if it's too early it might easily be taken as you want a level of certainty, decisiveness or commitment that may just be premature. I've found that it's quite helpful to talk about the pace at which both parties usually like to proceed in romantic relations and relationships.

    Hope this was of some help.

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    • The reason I asked him about it was I was annoyed by his messaging pattern, and I couldnt decide if I should continue dating other guys or not. Because I don't talk to more than one man at a time, I needed to know. He was asking me that question much earlier, so I thought it was OK for me to ask. And I wanted to make it clear, I was looking for a real thing, not just texting and dirty talking. I still think some men have huge egos. I am a very humble person, it takes a lot to offend me. I can still stay calm and rational. And he doesn't seem to be able to. He explodes about minor things.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You didn't do anything wrong. If you want something specific, why waste your time? His interest seems to be low and looks like he wants to keep you as back up. Bye! lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It's been 2 months and he hasn't tried to meet you? Depending on the distance between states and his and your work schedule I'd say he's playing games or at least beating around the bush, I wouldn't say he has a big ego though I mean maybe but usually people with big egos are more blunt and direct either they're in or they're out he seems to be limp

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    • 5 hours flight. He owns business, he said he does so well that he takes winter off. I am financially stable too. I get 6 days off every 2 weeks. So, plenty of opportunities to meet.
      So maybe it was not his ego, but he seems to get angry easily. And then not talk for a while after he gets angry. Seems to be his pattern.

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    • An apology is an apology as long as you were sincere, if he wants to act like a child put him outside. What kind of relationship are you going to have with someone when I'm there first signs of a little drama he shuts down on you? You can do better.

    • Thank you :)

  • I think telling someone like it is from the very beginning of a relationship is awesome. Don't ever apologize for speaking your mind in that way. I wish there were more women who did that. Tell me what it us want from me and how to make you happy, that would be great...

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  • Men play the offended role to get control over women. Don't fall for that. In your place I'd get offended for even saying he doesn't know what kind of men you're used to.
    Up your standards. You are no one's toy

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  • Just give it some time. Wait about a week and if he doesn't message you back by then you should move on.

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