How do I jump back into dating with all my issues?

Some context:
The last guy I dated was almost a year ago. On our last night together he sat me down and told me he was getting back together with his ex. Needless to say it was the most embarrassing night of my life.

A few weeks later we talked and he said he would have sex with me but would never be in a relationship with me, but he also wasn't with his ex. He also wouldn't tell me why he wouldn't date me or what about me turned him off.

I thought I was confident person who had all this good stuff going for her and didn't give af about what anyone said... but my self esteem was shitty. I haven't dated since.

It's so hard to talk to guys. The few times I tried I just cut them off because I couldn't believe why they would want me other than sex. Sometimes, before I had the chance to cut someone off, they would bring up something sexual, or they would invite me to their home without even offering to go out on a date, and I would freak out. Not on them, but to myself, wondering what vibe I'm giving off,, why can't I attract someone who wants to get to know me.

I can't get his words out of my head. He was just like all the guys who I strictly avoided because I knew they were only interested sexually. He told me he liked me and wanted to build to a relationship and then that shit happened.

I really want to start dating again but I can't be used like that again. I shut down the first time and I don't know how well I'm going to be able to handle it emotionally if someone did that to me again. I never understood how people are okay with hurting others and I don't try to understand because it's just wrong.

I hate being young. I hate how dating works. I hate myself for letting someone fuck me over and not being smart enough to see it before then. I'm wondering what my negative qualities are so I can fix them and not have anyone ever do or say that to me again but he wouldn't tell me and I'm making shit up. I don't know what to do.
Now that I reading this I realize I might have more issues than I thought. And probably shouldn't even be thinking about dating at this point.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Everyone is different. Things that he found unattractive about you, someone else could find extremely attractive. So I wouldn't worry so much about your "negative qualities." It sounds like he was a boy, anyway, not so much a man. Men take other people's feelings into consideration, and try not to cause them emotional harm, which is clearly not what he did for you. Only you can really say how ready you are to date. The thing is, a lot of people in this world suck. They're self-centered, egotistical and greedy. But there are some people out there who genuinely care. It is true: you just need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. You should remind yourself of why you are one of the people trying to make this world suck a little less, and let that be what powers your confidence. Why do you make people's lives better? How do you make others happy? That's what really matters in life.


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What Girls & Guys Said

  • I can't say my advice is credible because I've never been in a relationship before, but I'd say you have to learn to love yourself more before other people can love you. Everybody has negative qualities, but learning how to deal with them on your own is what attracts people.

  • I’d say take a break from dating and focus on yourself. You’re not gonna get the results you want with the way you’re thinking right now. I understand where you’re coming from trying to figure out what it is that you think you need to improve on but you need to accept the fact that you are who you are.

  • I think you need a little time for yourself.
    Dont rush into a new relationship.
    I know it is a cliche but the right guy for you will be out there somewhere.
    Just dont rush it.
    That goes for sleepin with guys to.
    (I dont say that is what you do, i dont know you)
    But if a guy wants to be with you he is willin too wait.

  • Hey, don't be so troubled. I feel like right now what you need is some reassurance. It's normal that the effect of that last experience with your ex caused you to feel this way, but finding that someone takes time. The first thing you need to do is stop cutting off guys, because there may be people genuinely interested in you that you aren't letting into your life. Try to be more calm and aware of people's intentions, especially those who aren't just in it for the sex. It's tough, I agree, but you need to be able to recover from your past.


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