Any advice? this will likely be my last post on this site. (not anonymous this time either)

So let me start off by making some confessions:

I have posted numerous questions/comments etc. about "Feminism" recently. I took a real disliking to feminists and women in general honestly. I do have some beefs with some things that feminists generally stand for...but that wasn't my prime motivator. A lot of girls reply to feminist rant posts by saying "your just mad because your aren't getting any".. Well, in my case...that kinda the truth except I don't desire sex exactly...I just wish I had some affection from a girl. I'm 20 years old, never EVER had a girlfriend. I've only hugged one girl that was a semi-friend (more like a friend of friend. I still remember every detail and wrote an extensive journal entry on it. It was probably the high point of my life. )My parents are in a horrific loveless marriage, they don't love each other at all and even hate each other, they regret marrying each other, their life is miserable and wasted in their eyes. The thought of living like them is horrifying to me. I have to live at home, I have a job at a grocery store, I'm going to college to be a teacher but because of my depression I am having trouble. Since I pay tuition I must live at home. and witness the loveless, cold day to day living of my miserable parents. At a time when most other people my age are having the time of their lives I feel like I want my life to be over already. The few friends I had are off at school, and I don't see them enough. I met a girl one here I thought was amazing, but we lived far away, I started saving money to visit her, but then another guy approached her, they go out now. She was the only hope I had. So my hatred of women was resentment that I was not good enough to ever b loved by one. And I don't believe girls are stuck up, I literally believe I am just undesirable. So I vented by attacking feminism and women in general. I hated the world honestly...that fact that it showered love on other people but not me. And the fact that I used anti-feminism to try and offend people to lash out for my lack of love in my life makes me realize how messed up I am. I admit I am bitter, frustrated, pathetic, and desperate to all girls that were thinking I was just upset I couldn't get a girl, you were right. You were 100% correct. I just don't know what to do with myself. All I ever wanted was to just feel the touch of a girl, know the joy of going on a date. Most of all, I wanted to know there one person I could invest so much trust and faith in, and that I was worth something to somebody. To give someone the power to hurt you but knowing they wouldn't. I never knew that…even my parents, I mistrusted. So anyway thank you for reading this, and I'm sorry for any ill feelings I caused. Any advice is appreciated and any negative comments, I know I deserve them. Thank you.



Most Helpful Girl

  • It takes a lot of strength to admit this and I admire you for that. But you have to realize you are still really young. A lot of people on this site have never been in a relationship before either. You are in a tough situation. In order to find a girl, you have to find some joy in life. Nobody wants to hang out with someone that hates their life. Find something you love to do and make it a priority to do on a weekly or daily basis. Gain some confidence in yourself. Get out of your house and meet new people. The more you get out of the house, the more likely you are to meet an amazing girl. Not to mention, it seems as if you are putting girls on some sort of pedestal, if hugging a girl is the highlight of your life. Don't, we are people just like you. Join some clubs at your school. You might have to live at home, but that doesn't mean you have to spend all your time there. Hang out in the library or student union. Make friends and hang out at their places. You have to put in some effort, but you can enjoy life. Most schools have free counseling services for students. Go and talk to them about what you have been feeling lately. They should be able to help you.

    • Thats the thing..its a vicious cycle...I hate my life because I don't have a girl or friends....I don't have a irl or friends because I hate life....

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    • Is it really so unreasonable to want a gf...or maybe even not a gf...maybe just a female friend who I'm close to?

    • No, of course its not unreasonable to want a girlfriend. basing your happiness solely on having a girlfriend is, though.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • O.o Wow. I wasn’t expecting this from you. Well, I know you might be annoyed by me as a feminist, you might even hate me, but I can honestly say that if I could I would hug and kiss you to pieces. This makes me kind of sad. No one should feel alone in the world or as if people don’t love them or they are “undesirable” and that no one will ever show love and affection toward them. That is not true at all! None of it is, and the sooner you start realizing your worth and your value, that confidence will radiate to those around you.

    All It takes is an attitude adjustment. I mean this in the most genuine way possible, I think you should get a counselor or a therapist. Someone who you can talk to about this if you don’t have any close friends to talk to. Have you ever talked to your parents about the way you feel? Maybe they might have something to say that would shock you. Maybe not. A lot of people end up in crappy marriages. Honestly, I’m not going to get too deep on you but marriage doesn’t have to last forever in my opinion. I think when it gets to the point when people can't stand each other, they need to just walk away. Perhaps, being apart, they can respect and care for each other in more visible ways than being together and miserable, sometimes affecting their child’s view of life. People usually stay together for the exact opposite effect – to benefit the kid but don’t realize they could be hurting him. My parents may not be “in love” any more but they still love each other. They argue and say horrible things to each other, yes. Even if they get a divorce soon (which they probably will ) I have no doubt that they at least cared for one another for twenty something years. Some people don’t so I can’t speak for everyone, I’m just saying there’s something to be said for sticking around. I know they love me as well. Fear to live usually has something to do with why people don’t follow their dreams, but still if you don’t care about someone at all, you would have no problem walking away. Maybe your parents do care about each other, but they are just so changed and regretful that they are not “in love” anymore? I’m sure they don’t mean it from a malicious place, but life can take its toll on the heart and the mind and you wish you did things differently so you take it out on those around you. Doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love them. It just means that you are hurting inside and you don’t know how to say it and you feel hopeless because at 40 something or whatever age and one or so many kids you feel like there's nothing you can ever do with your life to change it. This of course isn’t true, but I digress. Anyway…You are not your parents.

    You really need to find some purpose in your life. Start with happiness, fulfillment, exploring yourself and other people, etc. You should never depend on someone else to make you happy. That WILL lead to a horrible marriage or relationship eventually.

    • You need to find peace within yourself first before you even worry about loving someone else in that way. If you can’t love yourself, how do you expect other people to? If you can’t love yourself, how do you expect to know how to love a girl in that complicated way? No. You need to get friends first. Join clubs at school. You’re in school for Christ sake! Go to events around where you live and meet people. Go volunteer with kids, animals, old people, etc.

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    • Ya kno they spent all this moeny sending me to Catholic Schools were they taught this garbage and then they act like its no big deal that it really had an impact on me. btw...I just realized you added a bunch of comments...I haven't read through them yet...and I honeslty teared up when you said " but I can honestly say that if I could I would hug and kiss you to pieces."..and even tho I may disagree with you on some stuff...I absolutely appreciate that....and hoenstly...

    • I actually agree with feminists on a lot of issues but I interperated all of it as hostility to masculinity. argue that attitudes about masculinity hurt boys in skool and stuff. I was in denial because I worried that I was a member of an inferior gender...and I was scared I'd never finish college, get a good job, but most of all not be a respected person. So I tried to bury my head in the sand. The barrier between me and Feminism is not nearly as big as my insecurities made it appear.

What Guys Said 1

  • Wow you sound a lot like how was at 17, 18 years old.

    Since that time I realized a few things: The first being that women were a lot more like me than I thought. I used to put them up pedestals and thought they were angels. When I realized that they too got angry, frustrated, horny and faced the same problems I had it made me appreciate them so much more for some reason. You can easily see there are a lot of girls here who are lonely and can't seem to get a boyfriend too and it really brings them back down to earth.

    The second thing is that my negative attitudes and beliefs were self-fulfilling prophecies. By being bitter, sad and outspoken I was pushing women away. It was a vicious cycle: The more bitter I got the more it turned women off and the more women got turned off, the more bitter I would get.

    Strangely, I saw the light when I got frustrated and started reading PUA (pickup artist) literature. When most people think of those guys they think of words like "players" or "manipulation" but they really changed my life in a very positive way. No I'm still single, I wasn't and still mostly am too introverted to try out most of their techniques but just what it did for my attitude made me a better person and also made it possible for women like me.

    What I took away from it is that women weren't the reason for my misery. I was. It was my beliefs, actions and behaviour. This site was also a godsend, even if I did discover it far too later. It's so much easier to communicate with them here, since there are none of the social barriers of real life. Pretty much all the girls I've chatted with on here are kind, compassionate and affectionate people. They make me feel really good about myself.

    Once I learn to get past the social barriers that can keep us apart, I'm now confidant that I can make a woman feel happy and loved and that they are capable of doing the same for me.

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