Should I keep dating someone who cheated on their ex?

So I’ve been dating someone for about only 2 weeks now and he knows my last relationship ended bc I was cheated on (I told him before we even started dating). I felt like maybe that would’ve been a good time to tell me he cheated in a past relationship but he didn’t tell me until yesterday. I didn’t catch him in a lie or anything. He just came out and told me and told me he didn’t tell me sooner because he was afraid of losing me due to my last relationship. But I did ask him awhile back how many people he’s slept with and he didn’t tell the truth bc he “wanted to wait for a better time to tell me”. Now, I’m stuck between being afraid this is my Last relationship all over again or giving him a shot bc I do believe people learn, grow, and change.

  • Keep dating, move slowly
    50%(52)53%(135)Vote55%(83)
  • Break up
    50%(53)47%(120)Vote45%(67)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • People are not born to cheat. Most of the time its a circumstantial situation caused by pain and dissatisfaction along with an inability to communicate and resolve relationship problems.

    Someone who is upfront about their past and is remorseful should be trusted unless given a reason not to. Being controlling and needy like a previous ex may drive ir trigger someone to do it again.

    People DO change and grow and mature. Talk about your fears. Communicate! Communicate. Communicate.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • How can he grow or change if he isn’t given a chance to do so? It’s positive that he told you about the cheating himself.

    Keep it under advisement. You don’t have to break up with him right now, but if things don’t feel right between you, then you also shouldn’t hold on. If you know what I mean.

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    • Yeah but most people don't change. It usually takes a lot of effort.

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    • @cavmanier that’s a lot to assume from a photo, bro.

      She’s still got agency here. She can decide that she doesn’t want to give him a chance if she wishes. I merely told her to wait and see.

    • Lol I appreciate both of your opinions and comments a lot. Thank you💖

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What Guys Said 54

  • People change but be cautious not all. Positives which may get ignored are he told you very early in relationship which he could easily hide. He wants to share all specially his negative points or past. Your or his past should not affect your present.

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  • this makes me laugh... playing with statistics while really taking signs one by one is the best approach. He told you early on without you probing. Also, you shouldnmake sure that transparency and honesty is what you consider as a foundational base. Sonyou have some work to do. Then, if he continues being honest and upfront, and if you continue to have a discussion, this would work.

    Also, many women cheat, stoo with the myths.

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    • I did state that honesty is the most important thing to me. But honestly, that shouldn’t be necessary. Honesty should be expected, not asked for.

  • I think you should break up with him cause he is a liar not cause he is a cheater. I wonder what other lies he is gonna say and then tell you the truth later.

    But yea I've cheated on a ex. The reason was the relationship was bad/unhealthy. we ended it soon after. I've had long term relationships where I haven't cheated.

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    • Yes I agree the lying part is the issue

  • CHEATERS CHEAT is my thoughts. Once they break the the barriers that kept them from cheating, I don't think they can truly be repaired making cheating again easier

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  • I dont believe in once a cheater always a cheater BUT my last relationship started with my ex leaving her ex boyfriend for me and in our relationship almost everytime she got drunk in public she had a habit of grinding, exchanging numbers with other guys... once she fucking twerked on me which is just weird in my opinion but at a party once she made a move on my best friend while also drunk. After thay though I just can't date a girl who drinks to that point or I just won't even tolerate it. This guy though does need to start being honest when those moments arrive. Dont accept anymore half truths or any of that sort anymore. It isn't something you need to deal with.

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    • Drunk people do weird things you idiot

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    • Yeah that's something I'd rather not know. Not even 2 weeks after I broke up with her, she went to Switzerland with her friend. He friend ended up taking a picture of my ex making out with another guy and sent that shit to my IG. Before she left she told me she still loved me and wouldn't give up on me but then she pulls that shit. It completely finished shattering my already broken heart. She completely lost whatever bit if respect I had for her. I didn't break up with her because I stopped loving her, i told her I broke up with her because me and her need to grow as separate people so eventually we can get back together and maybe things might work out.

    • I don't know if she told her friend to send it to ur IG saying, "let's see how that nigga feels" or her friend didn't like what she was doing and decided to send it to u without her knowledge. I will never get back with mine even if things change cos what she did was a clear absence of love and empathy. She told me, she doesn't know why she did the things she did and that she has never done that to any other guy.
      I didn't want to tell on her friend who told me she cheated on her ex boyfriend. Yeah and she started acting strange when her friends from Austria came to town. In all, we grew up with a false narrative that women are loving hearted beings and men are pigs. I learned the truth the hard way lol.

  • Keep an open mind and see where things lead at your own pace! It's good that he opened up to you early on and told you this piece of important information regarding his previous relationship.

    If you're feeling uncomfortable knowing this, then it's better end things now before deciding to continue on.

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  • Not everyone has the same story, either there is a weak moment, or they are genuinely not dedicated. something or the other reason will always be there. Whats past is past, learn from it and see if you feel similar symptoms talk it out, and sort it out.

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  • If he was capable of cheating once, he is probably capable of doing it again. His reluctance to tell you indicates he knows it was wrong, but also throws an element of doubt on how up front he is prepared to be with you. At the end of the day, trust is a huge part of a rship. If you can't trust him, what hope is there? You must decide if you trust him enough.

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  • Its easy to say that people can change and grow and everything will be sunshine and unicorns but more often than not, They dont change and its only a matter of time before you things start to head in a way that you dont want them to.

    If you are willing to give him a chance then you should hope that things change for the better, but you asked should be ready for him to pretend to have changed and going behind your back.

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  • I've seen some research that said they were about 3-4 times more likely to cheat than people that haven't cheated. I'd probably lose respect for the person. I have a feeling you may have a bad "picker." Maybe you want the wild and exciting guy instead of Mr Stable.

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  • My sister stayed with her then boyfriend after finding out he cheated with his ex. They later got married and she found a pic of him getting a bj by one of the 2 tinder girls he cheated on her with 3 days before giving birth to their first child. So no. Cheaters are shitty people, don't take the risk.

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    • Yuck, ugh that makes me sick to my stomach

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    • @virginbish well those chicks he slept with are just as pathetic, sleeping with a guy who obviously had a wife and kid. They should have seen the obvious signs and thought actually you know what, I don't want to be sleeping with a guy who's cheating on his wife.

    • Yes... they really should be more wise, but a skank is a skank and a man whore is a man whore.
      They honestly both should turn blue with shame so everyone will know just what they did. It should be a thing... their skin should turn permanently blue. 😡.

  • if you believe that people learn and change, then why date a cheater? have you not learned anything from your past relationship?
    think about it

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    • I believe people grow and change which is why I’m considering giving him a chance bc just bc you do something once doesn’t mean you’ll do it again. It’s not that hard.

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    • No, you didn’t get mine. I already said because people change and it doesn’t mean he’d cheat on me. I’m willing to accept people who’ve learned from their mistakes not creating them within our relationship

    • i know it doesn't mean he will cheat on you. but it doesn't mean he won't.
      maybe he did learn his lesson, but you didn't learn yours, and therefore you're taking a risk and that makes you vulnerable.

      again, im sure he's a great guy and totally learned his lesson, but not all is certain, and in his case nothing is because he's done it before.

  • There is no point into breaking up because of that because pretty much 99.9% of women ONLY are interested in guys who are most likely to cheat. Actually most women will shun away from a known loyal guy and go for a known cheater and just hope that he chooses to not cheat on her (makes her that special one).
    Yeah... life is awful that way.

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    • Noooooooooo holy shit stop with the “all women cheat “ crap

      I’m not saying women don’t cheat what so ever, but there are plenty of good chicks. I’m one and I’ve met several 🙄 never in my life have I cheated and I hate douchebags but people also need to understand that damn friggin personality matters too. Someone can be the sweetest guy on earth but also it’s possible for a couple to not click

    • @GD247 I didn't say all women cheat. I said "All women are interested in guys who cheat and hope they are the special girl who he doesn't cheat on".
      OR on the other hand
      "All women don't like guys who are guaranteed to be loyal"

  • That is a hard one. Honestly, how do you trust a cheater? and once a cheater, I think always at least a potential cheater. But people can change. however, I think it takes time and they have to learn what a piece of shit move that was. At 20, no way he has learned that. If it was 5 or 10 years ago, I would say sure give him a chance but watch close. In my opinion, if I have to worry even a little bit that she is going to cheat, then we should not be together. So it it up to you.
    I think guys that are weak cheat easier then women, because for guys it is mostly a physical act. I think it is worse when women cheat because, usually, they need some kind of emotional connection. I was with my ex wife 25 years and never cheated. It wasn't even a "almost" in there. Did I fantasize about other women, sure. That is natural. I am sure she thought about other guys. But I never would have acted on any.

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  • this is tough. i firmly do not believe the notion "once a cheater always a cheater" that would suggest humans are incapable of change is of course is not true.

    i think the concern is that he wasn't willing to be honest and effectively lied to you which says a lot.

    i frankly wouldn't stop dating him because he cheated in the past. i would give him a chance to prove himself to be a changed and honest person. unfortunately he didn't show himself to be an honest person and that would probably cause me not to date the person (that combined with their history of cheating)

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  • Don't let past experience ruin your chances for something new. This is a different guy completely. And you don't know the circumstances that led him to cheat.

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  • I'd never date someone I know has cheated in the past. I believe that people that can cheat on others are less intelligent (emotional intelligence mostly, but overall intelligence as well) and are the scum of the world.

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  • “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is untrue. People can change. Just be careful.

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  • If he has cheated on people he has dated in the past then the odds are that he will probably keep doing it to go more than just this once. If you do give him a second chance then ask him the questions that he has been avoided to answer again, if you don't like the response then it is time to move on.

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    • I haven’t been avoiding any question

    • Not you, him if he doesn't what to answer a question then it means that her is trying to ride the truth.

  • You'll never find anyone who hasn't made a major mistake in life somewhere, so you either let the past be past or never date anyone ever.

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  • Ok I'll try to be clear but I'm French so be lenient ! Trust and communication are keys in a relationship, and if he trust you and you are communicating enough for him to say it to you, then you have to look deep inside you'r heart and find out if he is worth the try, and yeah maybe also worth the pain he could one day cause to you... But no relationship end up all black, and it would anyway have granted you with awesome memory, and relationship maturity (not to mention awesome sex, and I'm joking of course) so I'd say, if you are questionning about that, he's surely worth the try !

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  • I wouldn't want that energy around me... But you know what they say... The best sign of change is changed behavior.

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  • It takes time to get to know people and to learn to trust. and if you start talking about things you wouldn't have spoken about earlier, it means that your relationship is growing. so it's up to you how you proceed.

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  • I have never seen a reformed cheater but it's your call.

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  • Nope. Break up. Once a cheater, always a cheater...

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  • Just be very careful, not paranoid or controlling, just careful.

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  • You could proceed with caution, but keep your eyes wide open.

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  • Give him a chance, he may have cheated on his ex but he hasn't done anything to you. Why would you punish someone before they committed the crime?

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  • He really seems sincere with you but if I was in ur shoes I wouldn't continue the relationship. He was once honest with his ex before, then he broke it. People feel different at different times. People do change from their cheating ways like 1% of them change permanently, so I don't want to find out if she is part of that 1%. I think cheating on someone ever goes to show what level of empathy a person lacks and shows what they are capable of doing even if they avoid doing it.
    This one is totally ur call

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  • Use this tool; if black or Latino, they will cheat. If white, very likely to cheat

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What Girls Said 38

  • It's hard to say, as not every case will be the same. But tread carefully. For whatever reason, he thought it was okay to cheat in the past and he could very easily justify doing it again and again and again. I wouldn't go ahead and get too attached just yet.

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  • I'd definitely be a little cautious, but I hate judging people on their past. Just because someone's cheated before, doesn't necessarily mean they do it again, so give him the benefit of the doubt. As time goes on, people learn from their mistakes, they grow, and hopefully, they change for the better. Trust your instincts though, from personal experience, it something feels wrong it's usually because it is.

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  • @KDria I feel that every relationship should start with a clean slate, for you & for him. If you feel the signs point towards him being deceitful than move on. If you feel there maybe some real connect between you both then keep working at it. Besides, 2 weeks in is too soon to tell and you can't hold your own insecurities or his previous mistakes within your relationship cause it's not the same.

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  • I answered a similar question not too long ago and honestly it really depends. Did he tell you why he cheated? Because personally, I can be a bit more lenient towards a person who cheated because their ex was abusive, rather than cheating because they were drunk or bored, or were too spineless to break up. But even then I'd see it as a red flag, simply because cheating is cheating, whether your partner is abusive or not, and it does say quite a lot about someone's character.
    Sure, it was nice of him to tell you so there's that, but just because he was honest about it, it doesn't make him less likely to cheat again. You just never know.
    What is raising quite a big flag for me is that he's clearly hiding some things from you, even if he eventually opens up about them. He had a window of opportunity to come clean when you talked about your previous relationship, but didn't come forward until later. That could maybe be chalked up to a sensitivity thing (maybe he himself thought it would be insensitive to bring it up right then and there). But then you've also asked him how many people he has slept with, and he clearly wants to keep you in the dark about that too since he didn't give a straight answer. That makes me believe the number is very high.
    My gut feeling is saying that this guy doesn't seem 100% trustworthy and is probably not worth your time. Not just because of his cheating ways, but also because it seems to take him a long time to open up about certain things.
    Theoretically, if I had ever cheated on someone, I'd be 100% upfront about it with all of my future partners. I'd lay out all the cards on the table and be like "this is the deal, this is what has happened, I'm doing xyz to work on myself to make sure it doesn't happen again, and if you have any questions and concerns I will answer all of it completely". I just don't think past cheaters have a lot of room to act mysterious or withhold important information or details, since that's the kind of shit that will make them a lot less trustworthy.
    If you still want to feel him out, I'd have a serious talk with him about all of it. Sit down somewhere private and demand that he spills all the beans (like how it happened, if he's going to change, how many people he has slept with etc) because you can't trust him otherwise. And if he's not willing to do that or keeps being vague, dump him.

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    • For example, my brother ended up cheating on his last girlfriend. They had a really rocky relationship at the end, she was draining him quite a lot emotionally because she had her issues. I'm not blaming her, she was a sweet girl, but her issues got the best of her and it deeply affected their relationship. They had basically scheduled a date when they were going to talk things out and (probably) officially break up, but a week before that, my brother slept with another girl. He did break up with his girlfriend though, and spared her the extra hurt feelings of telling her he cheated, since they were ending things anyway. I was pissed at my brother because I didn't think he had it in him. But do I honestly think he doesn't deserve to love and be loved, in a happy relationship? No. I honestly believe he learned from his experience and won't do it again. This is why it's so hard to judge someone who has cheated in the past. So talk to your guy and try to analyze him.

  • It depends... was he a teenager when he cheated? Because I’m not saying that’s excusable, but teenagers make so many mistakes and learn from them and I wouldn’t say someone will always do the same stuff they did when they were younger without life experience. If it happened recently? Then I would be very cautious. But if you’re really into him, I’d give him a chance but be smart! And look out for other signs, things he does, says, that are red flags.

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  • I know the feeling of being cheated on. It hurts like hell. If you think he can change you can continue this relationship and be with him and if not then break up because I think it’s best to not be in doubt about whether a person is going to be faithful or cheat on you.

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  • Dogs still bark, flowers still bloom. Your nature is still your nature, cheaters very rarely reform themselves. No matter the circumstances, he’s proven himself incapable of loyalty. Props to him for admitting he cheated, but I wouldn’t trust him. You’re not very invested, you’ve been dating for 2 weeks. I’d leave him.

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  • Once a cheater, will always be a cheater.
    I wouldn't keep dating a guy if I knew he cheated in the past
    I've been cheated on as well.
    So there's going to be a lot of trust issues from my side if I was dating a guy who cheated in his previous relationships.
    Hence, I'd end it

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  • I'm voting for you to stay with him. What's happened in the past is in the past and people learn and change. As one of the other girls said it's not worth it to stress over nothing. He was honest with you about it, even though he thought he might lose you that way, so I guess he cares about you. Just make sure you two say whatever you have to each other, so you don't have to worry about secrets.

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  • If i were you I wouldn't give him a chance. It's true that people learn but I don't like taking a risk.. especially that you haven't been in a long relationship with him and you can't completely know what kind of person he truly is.

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  • Hell no, how can you even trust them? I would put myself in their ex's shoes, if they can cheat on them whats stopping them from doing it to you when another pretty face walks by. Its huge ass red flag, dont complain about getting burnt when u play with fire

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  • Just because he cheated in the past doesn't mean he will cheat again. It shouldn't matter how many people he's slept with in the past because you are the now and not in the past. His past should stay in the past and all it's going to do is to get you thinking and stressing out over nothing (why put yourself in that situation anyway). I would make sure the lines of communication stay open and you both are always honest with each other. Take it slowly, not reason to breakup yet unless you have other reasons.

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  • I would never date someone who previously cheated. In the end there is absolutely no excuse for cheating, absolutely none!

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  • To break up with a guy who hasn’t done anything to harm you is ludicrous.

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  • Unless you want to be cheated on, don’t stay with them. A cheater doesn’t have a problem with cheating again. They did it to their ex, they’ll do it to you.

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  • At least he was honest enough to tell you and I think he's fears are probably legitimate. If you decide to proceed, do it with caution though

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  • Be careful because he could seem like a good guy now but that can change. Once someone cheats there is a good probability that sooner or later they’ll do it again.

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  • It's just the past but I still feel a little wary if your situation.

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  • It is one thing to like, kiss another person while in a relationship (not condoning it or saying it is OK) but a entire other to sleepp with someone else. The type of person to actually go out and fuck another person is just a utter sleazeball and disgusting behavior. I personally could never date someone who would do that. It is not a "mistake" or a slip up. It was something he wanted and he didn't have enough respect for his partner to control himself. I think a donkey hits their twice. He has shown his colors.

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  • I would say to give him a chance but keep a eye for the signs. Wish you the best of luck!

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  • “This is my last relationship ever”

    You’re 20. Not 200.

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    • Read properly before you comment honey.

      She said “This is my last relationship all over again” not “This is my last relationship ever”

      She isn’t quitting dating altogether. She just doesn’t want what happened in her last i. e previous relationship to repeat in this one. 😕

      Sheesh seriously! 🙄Stop judging and put on some glasses! 👓😂🤣

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    • Oops my bad..! I didn’t know @Hidden_P I’m sorry! My mistake!

    • @AneeB it’s fine lol.

  • Successful/serial cheaters are habitual/pathalogical liars. They do it for the thrill, the pleasure, and the self-satisfaction that they can have their cake, eat it too, and walk away from the wreckage unscathed.

    The fact that it's only been 2wks and you've already caught him in multiple lies (omissions count too in my book), he's definitely fitting the "habitual liar" trope.

    Also try to figure out if he's cheated on more than 1 ex. I get a weird feeling about him deciding to randomly come out and announce this to you despite lying a few weeks ago "because he was sure it would remind you about your last relationship" even knowing it would uncover other lies... He might be trying to cover his tracks in case 1(or more) of his exes are feeling vengeful.

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    • It was one lie and yeah I asked but he said it was just that girlfriend. He seemed really in love with the first one.

  • I wouldn't, once a cheater always a cheater. That's an automatic turn off for me.

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  • past is past you should focus on whats happening now. people change , and sometimes for the better

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  • I probably would never be able to trust him so i wouldn't risk it by dating him.

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  • If they can cheat on someone else, why not to you?

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  • he already sounds like a never ending flood of bad news

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  • I guess if the idea of cheating exists, it will repeat!

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  • Nope

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  • Nope

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