Why aren't girls responding to me on online dating?

It's getting real frustrating. First of all, I'm not in any way shape or form ugly. I'm a good looking guy and I'm a nice guy. Secondly, some of the girls that I message aren't even good looking at all, sometimes they're even fat and unintelligent, yet they still don't respond. But it's okay because I don't want them anyway.

Why don't girls respond to me?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • *Ding ding ding!* There are TWO reasons why girls aren't talking to you:
    (1) "Nice guy": Nice guys don't have a good reputation in the dating scene, known to have no personality, no opinions, always nice basically... we want someone who has an opinion, standards and boundaries as well as balancing a charismatic attitude. It gets boring when we have a guy who literally doesn't speak his mind, what makes him tick, how far will he go for me or is he willing to go all the way? We will value you more if you have standards, opinions and are willing to speak their mind WITH CONFIDENCE knowing that they can be true to themselves and fear no rejection when speaking so.

    (2) You insulted women you've never spoken too nor even had a good understanding or conversation with. I feel like that comes from your frustration from women that have bruised your ego; unintentionally though! This mindset that "women are all fat and unintelligent, I hate them all", they will pick up on this energy you give them and hot foot it run away because they know you hate women. I'd try changing this attitude however you can; find other perspectives about why this may be happening to you rather than blaming it on them

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    • I'm not a misogynist. I don't hate women. And I never said all are fat or unintelligent, so stop putting words in my mouth. And I actually am attracted to some fat and unintelligent girls.

      I'm also not the typical nice guy. I speak my mind and have confidence and self-esteem and I'm VERY opinionated. So you're wrong on all of your points.

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    • You tried, thank you Tephra.

    • No worries anon, I tried the best I could, I hate seeing guys getting so bummed out thinking its their fault :/

  • Online dating is different for men than it is for women. We ( for the most part) wait for a man to message us. But you have to understand that we get hundreds of msgs a day. At least I did anyway. Hi. Hey. Hello. Hello beautiful. Good morning gorgeous. Lots of cheesy pick up lines. I wanna eat day pussy. Lots and lots of different men all day. It gets to be too much. We start only responding to the ones that stand out. Not looks wise, entirely. But the way we are greeted, approached. All I can say is try to stand out and be different.

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    • Thanks

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    • Hopefully one of these girls will see that I'm literally NOTHING like these other asshole/careless guys.

      Thanks again for the help! :)

    • No problem 😊

Most Helpful Guys

  • Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let's talk first: you're approaching the field with a wrong attitude, basically saying you think you're entitled to being spoken to because you think highly of yourself. That's no better than the divas who hate getting rejected by guys and can't understand why because "I'm pretty and educated." Well, your point of view is not educated.

    Dating sites are not great. And they say it's harder for guys. From time to time I've gotten correspondence with a woman and always got likes but nothing was ever really a success. For me dating sites feel like it's really just a meat market for women to pick and choose, and I've often felt like I'm faking it or trying hard to create a really eye-catching profile, and that's just not me. Most women on dating sites are looking for very specific men with celebrity appearance and high status life or background, they're more interested in that than the actual person. Having said that, it's not the first place I would look for a nice lady.

    But you gotta change that attitude too.

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  • I can make a good recipe for you.
    1) Register at some tinder, badoo or other bullcrap of a dating social network
    2) Put an add that you go to Maldives, or Cuba/Caribbean or Hawaii and looking for a girlfriend to accompany you. You pay.
    3) Profit! Enjoy the crazy chics spam you with their nudes.

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    • Lol, that would be hilarious.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 67

  • Because online dating is so superficial and men will flock to these women on a whim, which they know. People get it in their heads that because people reach out to them so much they’re hot shit or have their pick of the litter. Or, your approach may be too boring or unoriginal.

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  • Maybe because you talk like that. You seem like a complete dick head. You seem to think you are all that. They might not be texting you back because they see something your profile they don't like.

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    • You're an idiot. I obviously don't talk to them like that in the messages.

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    • He's literally asking for help in online dating and you assume he talks about online dating to every girl he messages, are you slow. are something?

    • Oh you're 16 lol. You're gonna grow up fucked

  • Wow. You're the typical asshole. You basically just did a "Hey babe let me talk to you" no response "oh well you're fat and dumb anyways" knee jerk reaction. That's your fucking answer.

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    • I never called them fat or ugly to their face. I'm only saying that here so people have an idea of the attractiveness level of the girls. And I also never said babe. And I am NOT an asshole, I've been nice for too long.

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    • @cherryphi82 also there's nothing wrong with you. But take my advice and you may find something

    • @sweetman1234 I agree that we should have compassion for all people, but that does not mean that I can't say what I said. It also does not mean I don't have compassion for this particular person. Calling a spade a spade is actually the compassionate thing to do in this situation, not to coddle them.

  • Based on this, you sound like a cocky asshole... Try turning the douchiness down several notches and not being an arrogant butt pipe. Just a suggestion.

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    • A good chuckle at this fine comment! "You butt pipe!" :>

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    • Let’s get a group hug going rn guys.

    • @Corpse_of_Death who peed in your cheerios sunshine? Why don't you crawl back into your mother's basement where you can troll in peace😘

  • I don’t know if you are good looking or not, but I’ll take your word for it. If you’re sending girls 🍆 emojis, then they probably won’t respond to you. If you ask them when you can meet them in person, then they will not respond to you because they are afraid to meet you in person—what if you’re not who you say you are? Also, if you aren’t sending meaning full conversations and it’s boring, then they probably won’t respond to you.

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    • Makes sense.

    • You’re replying to the wrong opinion. I’m gonna put my profile on private mode now.

  • Are you talking about a dating app that requires "matching" before you can communicate or one where you can message anyone? If it's the latter, it's most likely that they simply don't find you attractive.

    Also, what are you messaging girls for that you find unattractive? What's the point?

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    • I know it's mean, but I just try to test to see of the unattractives ones will respond. And still they don't which is crazy to me.

      I use POF and OKcupid.

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    • Wow, sorry about that...

    • Normal internet craziness.

  • Life ain't fair and so is dating sites. You can't take it personal. The right matches will come. However if you are going to be super picky then yeah excpect to get less matches.

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    • I have to take the unfairness personal. Injustice is injustice.

  • What are you messaging them? I only reply to messages if they really pique my interest. (Personally I usually reply to about 1 out of about every 7 messages) try sending them stuff specific to their bio so it’s clear you made an effort!

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    • Thank you, Princess Alexandra. I will try to do what you said.

  • Urmm because of your attitude? "It's okay because I don't want them anyway." Lol you sound like be pretty see-through and shallow person, nice one 👍🏼
    maybe change that- be more genuine, down to earth and a girl will date you

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    • I'm as genuine as it gets lmao.

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    • @Wwwyzzerdd Idiots!

    • Lol I'm not saying girls are any better, if you think they're worse be BETTER than them. Prove THEM wrong, all i'm saying is with a better attitude like that when it comes to dating- I would think girls would be/hope see you as a genuine person.
      Yeah I don't know you off the internet, but I judging you and answering your question as to why girls aren't responding. I reading your question with the same tone you use on dating websites.
      And please don't bundle all women into the same box 'you women' 'girls don't do the same thing' , not every girl/boy is the same, I'm only trying to help you out?

  • The only common denominator is you, buddy, so you have to be doing something to turn them off. Are you sending copy pasta messages? Just a greeting? Do you have a long list of “standards” in your bio? Do you use the same tone in your bio and messages as you did in this pity party?

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    • Everyone needs to throw a pity party once in a while.

      No, I do not use the same tone I'm using here.

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    • Would you mind showing me some screenshots?

    • I can't because those messages are old and gone. I only messaged 1 girl recently which is why I made this thread. And I quoted what I wrote in the first message to another girl who answered this topic. But thanks anyway.

  • Probably unsure about you.. Which is understandable but isn't right at the same time.. Before I met my boyfriend online, majority all the guys that messaged me started off as nice and then will talk sexual or send a dick pic. It was really getting annoying and I was about to give up because I continued giving a guy a chance but I always regret it. Luckily when I posted on their in the gaming section about a game I bought. That was when I met my boyfriend.

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    • Gaming section?

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    • Thank you so much for the help. I appreciate it.

    • You're truly welcome

  • Your profile and attitude says a lot about you. They may be sensible in avoiding you, considering you view "some of the girls... aren't even good looking at all, sometimes they're even fat and unintelligent". You may have clued them in on your douchy behavior with something on your page or how you message them.

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  • Because you are a douchebag. I met my boyfriend on an online dating site and I love how nice he is.

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  • Because you sound like a dick weed... Nice guys don't message girls they call fat and stupid to try and get dates... Nice guys won't waste peoples time by messaging them even though they aren't interested... You don't sound nice at all. You sound like the kind of self righteous, judgmental, entitled douche women avoid online...

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    • Vomit. Men can have standards too. Sex is a need if he messages a girl below par then that is his choice. It isn't his fault women are rotten creatures who deserve disiplined out of their hypergamous self-righteous pomposity that is given to them by the state. They do not deserve their privelidged position in society. They are rotten bullies. Most of them.

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    • @Saoirse1122 "Men can have standards too" Lmfao! That's the point: He doesn't!

    • Thank you @Annie-Mosity... very well said

  • "some of the girls that I message aren't even good looking at all, sometimes they're even fat and unintelligent"

    you sound like a dick lmfao, that could be why

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  • Maybe you're not as great as you think you are. Just from this paragraph, you sound really ignorant and stuck up.

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    • I'm frustrated, that's all.

  • Maybe ur profile isn't very interesting. N maybe ur not giving the right approach.
    Sum guys feel like a simple hi hey hello cuts it but it doesn't for every female. U don't av to give a essay intro but be a gentleman. Say sumn like hello beautiful how are u doing today or how was ur day sumn of the sort

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    • I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

    • Because you're a fucking ugly slut hahahahaha fucking ulgy prostitute. No life in real life and coming on gag and spreading lies. hahahahahahaa

  • The way you worded your question sounds like you have the Nice guy syndrom. What is not good.

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    • Nope, I'm the sweetest guy you will meet. People in real life love me.

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    • What is the nice guy syndrome

    • Telling everyone they are a nice guy but as soon as they got rejected turn around and insult you and call you ugly

  • Maybe cause your being a jerk and judging them on how fat they are... But who knows, it could just be me who thinks that

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    • I don't judge them like that.

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    • @Urstupid entitled to attention or a chance or a date... It might suck but that doesn't mean you're entitled to some conversation from someone who doesn't want to talk to you.

    • @Annie_Mosity that makes sense, i guess he needs to change his approach because its not working.

  • They might feel a little intimidated by you and think “oh a guy like him would never be into me” or something like that.

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What Guys Said 63

  • Hey man... i wrote a book on this called "The Art of Online Seduction" .. if you want a free copy I will be happy to send you the link. Many tips and tricks in the book and kinda explains what your probably doing wrong. Let me know.

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  • You sound like an asshole if I'm being honest, but there are probably several answers.

    The biggest one is that nearly every dating site has more men than women on it, and women can afford to be choosy.

    Other than that, here are a few pointers for you from someone who has had no problems getting dates online (and in fact, that's the main way I do it when I start getting that lonely itch):

    1) Actually read their profiles and have your initial message include something from it. My Ex's have shown me what their inboxes have looked like on occasion, and sometimes as many of half of the messages are just one word, usually 'hey.'

    2) Double check that profile picture. You think you're hot stuff, but so do most people when they look in the mirror. Wearing dorky looking glasses (hint: google 'model wearing glasses' online and then compare yours)? Get contacts. Odd, patchwork beard? Shave that shit, son. Even a little pudgy? Hit the gym and try again in as little as 2-4 months. Having visibly defined muscles makes you instantly more physically fit than the majority of most men in your locale, I promise you.

    3) No one's forcing you to date fat chicks. I don't do it myself. But you know what I also don't do? I don't send them messages on dating apps or lead them on, because that's being an ass.

    4) Have an interesting hobby listed, and no, 'playing video games' is not an interesting hobby. Nearly every guy does it, myself included. It might as well just be a fact of life instead of a "hobby." Come up with something else if you don't have anything.

    Other than this generic advice, I can't really give you anything solid without seeing that profile or a picture of you my dude.

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    • Sounding like an asshole doesn't mean I actually am. And I will not be putting a picture of myself on here. I'm anonymous for a reason.

      But all around great answer.

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    • That is an issue. Again though, you have to remember that with the gender ratio being so horribly imbalanced, girls (even the 'fat' ones) will be getting a LOT of messages from guys. This even before you factor in that some people will only be hopping on these sites and apps a few times a week. For all you know, that girl you just messaged and didn't get a reply back from would love to reply to you - but she just went offline for the weekend or next few days. (This depends on what site/app you're using, I prefer okcupid myself).

      I'd easily send messages to 10-15 girls a day when I was looking for a new fling. I'd probably get replies back from 4-5, and that's on a good day. It's completely normal. Hell, I had days where I'd message more than that and not get a SINGLE reply back (that day).

      If by 'how often did you message,' you're asking if I sent a second message to people who didn't reply to my first one, the answer is "fuck no." If you mean follow up conversations - quite a bit.

    • I think dating in general is hard. Offline no girl fits, online the ones that do fit don't respond or never go online.

      But I think I need to send out more messages. I also need to search harder for more girls that fit so I'm not so limited.

      Thanks again for the info, you helped me out a lot.

  • Girls on dating sites wouldn't even respond to Ryan Gosling or the one from that pirates series that women unfathomably find attractive.

    Talk to women in real life. It'll differentiate you from 90% of men who are too pansy to do it.

    Online dating doesn't mean anything. It's a joke.

    Also, why swipe right on girls you're not attracted to? Keep yourself respect. It's about the only thing that's truly yours in this God forsaken planet.

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    • Thanks for the help! I also agree with you. It really is a joke. Lol

    • There's a lot of wisdom to this

    • @pooper89 Or indeed, bitter experience.

      I do think online dating can work. But it really only works when you live such a life that you don't really need it anyway, which kind of defeats it's point =/ Confidence begets confidence.

  • Because women's egos are boosted online and if you aren't an 8 or above you're lost in with the rest of the crowd. Also women can sense the attitude you have, I don't know how, but they can. What works the best for me is coming up with something to make them have a laugh that stands out because I am no 8 but when I have the right attitude I can get at least some messages back

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    • Their egos are ridiculous. It's truly disgusting.

    • It's true but welcome to 2018, not all are gonna be like that though

  • Girls are not on online dating apps to get dates or even respond to you. They merely want you to be thirsty for them and look at their pictures.
    They are too busy to respond to you. They have to upload some more pictures on their twitter, instagram, FB accounts where they have another million men following them.

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  • You may be always trying to seek her attention which makes her insecure, so let her have her space. Dont be over excited and try hit lame jokes to make her laugh. Dont just go on texting and texting whole day. Their is no formula to impress a girl just be a real you.

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  • It's enough to be good looking. You have to be one of the BEST looking people. Girls in online dating can pretty much choose from every guy. So they are very picky. Thus only very few guys get likes and answers (but thetefore many).

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    • I think you're right.

  • This may be a shocker, but you might be interacting with girls who are smart enough to not date you.

    Blaming people for not being interested will get you nowhere.

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    • I'm not blaming, just getting more info. Getting more perspectives on my issue.

  • (1) Most women on those apps get flooded with male attention. Yes, even the "fat unintelligent" ones. Unfortunately they will receive more messages than you will ever receive. This is why so many guys complain about "pedestalization" nowadays (i. e. we've taught even the lowest quality women that they can find love/sex with minimal effort).

    (2) Calling those women out as being fat and ugly doesn't really bode too well for your cause either

    But I definitely do understand your point

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  • You sound like you have a high opinion of yourself. You talk about how great you are then talk girls down. Talking to them, being upset when they don't respond, then saying "I didn't want them anyway because they were ugly and dumb" sounds terribly spiteful.

    Look up Dr. Nerdlove and his articles on "Nice Guys" www. doctornerdlove. com/problem-nice-guys/
    He has a lot of good advice for dealing with attitudes that will make you unsuccessful in dating and other social relationships. There is also his book New Game +.

    I'm saying this because I don't want you to do yourself in by your own attitude and the way you regard others. I've had to work hard to get rid of my "Nice Guy" tendencies. I'm still working.

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    • Listen, I don't fucking have a nice guy syndrome. I already know how kind and caring and thoughtful I am. I don't need to be humble all the time.

      And I never actually call the girls dumb or ugly.

    • I promise I'm not being a troll, as much as that promise means on the internet. I read through a lot of material on a Nice Guys from multiple sources (there is a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy written by a psychologist that was super useful.) I get that vibe from what I am reading.

      I don't mean any of my statements to be an insult. I know it's a hard pill to swallow. It was for me. I don't get anything out of knocking people down. I just want to help your situation because I've had the same thoughts and similar issues when it came to online dating. I could very likely be wrong about your situation, and if so, good! Someone else would be better able to offer useful advice and I accept that. Please don't take what I say as personal attack.

    • Well thanks for being so thoughtful, I appreciate that!

  • Just based on the wording of you question you seem a bit desperate. If that's how you come off in the DMs then that's why, they want someone confident and willing to wait for a good thing. Also based on the wording of your question, there's a chance you're just a sh! tty person. Calling a woman fat or unintelligent is hardly a good way to find a date. My apologies if that was harsh but some people just need to be told straight up.

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  • Good looking girls get like 1000+ messages every day from guys, going through that shit can be exhausting, most of them most like never even open yours, also you must be average looking or below average to get 0 return on all of your tries.

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    • I don't believe they get that many messages. And even if they do, that doesn't mean that pretty much every girl should ignore me. I don't even message the good looking ones all the time.

      I am definitely not below average, and I wouldn't say average either. I think I'm way above average. Even random strangers in real life call me handsome.

    • They do, I once opend up a fake account as a really good looking girl and I deleted it after about 5 hours because I was getting 20 messages a minute. Many from frustrated dudes writing offensive things because they new the gir was out of their league. If you don't believe me try it yourself.

    • I tried something like that, but maybe it wasn't the same as you. I will try doing it again to see what happens, thanks for the advice.

  • So the OP claims to be good looking but is completely anonymous and provides no evidence...

    Claims to be a nice guy but shows constantly disgusting and rude behavior and obvious arrogance...

    His other behavior on other questions is the same.

    Let's be realistic. It's statically common for 3-5s to really believe they are 7-8 and that's likely what we have here.

    Without looks, social skills and having an abusive rude and arrogant personality wouldn't it be surprising if woman did message him back?

    When the entire world doesn't like you when you do your real face and personality... The truth is probably the simplest one...

    There is nothing to like.

    Perhaps rather than blaming everyone else you should take an honest look at your personality

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    • You're a moron. I don't act like this on the actual sites lol.

      And I'm definitely not a 3-5, trust me lol.

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    • I already added plenty as did many other posters but you don't want honest advice you want praise and excuses for your complete failure at dating online.

      Why would I be insecure?
      I've never had trouble dating online or or in person.

      It's funny how that works right? You are having such trouble but it's working for everyone else?

      I would be able to sympathize with your issues if you had Asperger's or the like but... You really just seem like a dbag tbh

      It's no wonder you aren't getting anyone.

      Just because you don't want to face reality didn't mean I and everyone who called you out on your attitude isn't adding to the discussion.

      It's you who isn't capable of having an actual conversation and does nothing but look for praise and verbally abuse anyone who doesn't give it to you.

      How about you go to bed?

      To ask a question like why is no girl interested in me and be so active and abusive on gag you've obviously had a real tough time

    • I did NOT say no girl is interested in me. I said no girl is responding to me on ONLINE DATING. That's all. Lmao

      Sure, buddy. You're really adding so much yet nothing you said is true or of any real use. It's just you hating / being insecure.

      Please leave my thread. Thank you.

  • Fat girls still get hundreds of matches and msgs.

    You need to add value to your msgs; be unique and funny without making the girl think too hard about how to message back if you wanna stand out from the crowd and get a response. So no questions! She needs to laugh from your message and be excited to message back instantly with cheeky banter before she gets distracted from other msgs.

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  • Girls simply don't use the internet as we do. When they do, they're specifically looking for sex or they're hookers looking to sell sex. If you're looking for something other than that... you went to a place where ALL the girls that are not in the categories I just spoke of are just seeking attention. In fact, they probably forgot about that profile by now... and turned off the notifications... why? Because in real life... more dicks get thrown a girls way in real life than it does on Tinder. Real dicks, and chicks enjoy that face to face shit.

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  • When you say all that stuff about yourself, it makes me think you over think your attractiveness. Second online dating is typical shit for men. Its more biased towards women. Women select more top tier men, so your stuck with lower value women. Besides that, online dating isn't to great on the self-esteem. Finally, you aren't entitled to attention or sex from a women, same goes for women. No one is.

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  • I dont know man. And I don't get while some people called you douche evetho your question is pretty reasonable.
    If you are good looking then maybe you are lacking in the talking to girls department. Or you live in an area where the "competition" is very strong.

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  • a lot of girls are about as smart as the dumber worst end of the spectrum of guys. What I mean is that a lot of girls unintentionally act or behave and want the opposite of what they actually want. Part of the reason I've found and seen over time so many of my female friends consistently unhappy with their relationship choices.

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  • It's the photos. It's always the photos. Get some professional shots done. Put thought into it. You will be amazed the difference you see immediately.

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  • Online apps are to dating like farting is to fine dinning... you're not gonna make flowers grow in the desert any faster by peeing on them, then you are with online dating. Meet people bro. Get stuck in some crazy shit. Do whatever you can within legal confines to the law. After all, what are we without actual interactions? Go make some, man. Best wishes and kind travels, slick

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