A girl turned me down because I was "too available" is this normal?

So i was dating this girl and all was going Well. But every time we wanted to hang out she never had time. Even if i let her Pick a date she would blow me off. After 4 times. I got mad and confronted her. She allso got mad and told me i was too available, because "every time i wanted to hang out i had time" i said "you fool. thats the whole point of picking a date" but she had a different oppinion.🤔
is this normal what she did or what?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not necessarily normal but I do think, she's not really thinking about you, i actually don't think this is really about you but her, I know it sounds weird but she's wanting or chasing after something in her mind.. perhaps an old lover? Who she was accustomed to treating her a different way therefore making her "work" for it? I know it sounds bizarre, but I'm just trying to think of why she'd say that etc. & truth be told I don't think she wants you, but I also don't think she wants to be alone, its almost as if like she wants to want you but its just not clicking.

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    • Masterson said it right.. all my respect for that.
      Man, if u want to be happy with someone dodge this bullet. I mean instead of fighting for that kind of girl just reconsider and maybe as well fckn RUN

    • @Cmasterson sorry but i was compelled to tell you how gorgeous and beautiful you are!! <3

Most Helpful Guy

  • She didn't want to be straightforward in rejecting you, so she found an illogical way to make it your fault.

    She isn't ready for a relationship, and you do not want someone who
    1. Is not willing to invest effort in spending time together.
    2. Will turn their own issues (lack of communication) into something that is your fault.

    You are much better moving on to someone else. Be glad you didn't waste your time dating her: she showed you all the things you needed to know about her.

    I'm sorry things happened they way they did. It's disappointing. Nothing is wrong with being upfront with planning or letting the other person set the date if their schedule is confusing or variable. It's good that you confronted her; it helped you realize you two were not on the same page. If she was a better person, she might have apologized and asked for more time to decide a date. Not always the case, like this time.

    Good luck with the next girl. This one was only worth a lesson on valuing your time.

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What Girls Said 57

  • Being too available basically means you were too in her face about hanging out, aka clingy. She thought you were just too pushy by the sounds of it and she clearly wasn't all that interested. Her being "busy" translated to: "I don't really feel like it."

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    • That's how I feel about situations like this too

  • She simply doesn’t like you that’s why she doesn’t want to pick a date. the thing is she doesn’t wanna make herself look like an asshole (which she clearly is).

    So my advice? Stay away from her! She did you a favor by rejecting you indirectly

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  • I wouldn't know since this the story is only being told from your perspective. But I am annoyed by men who are more available then I am, I am a working girl, plus I have house chores and errands to run. I hate being bugged and was so glad when I unfriended a guy who always pestered me. It shows he has no sense of priority, what adult is that available?

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    • While I agree that pestering someone to go is something you shouldn't do. In this guys case he is planning a date on a day he is free, and thus its only logical he was free

    • This girl still lives at home has no job. Goes to school 4 Days a week and like i stated i only asked four times

    • not going to dislike on that but I'dd like to say to you it doesn't have to be pestering or not having a life. when you truly like someone you show it and what would be a better way than trying to get free time for someone you like. if you don't like being bugged say so but also don't expect guys to stay since it doesn't put you in a good light

  • That's the lamest excuse I've heard for rejecting someone

    Don't waste your time pursuing her. Use your time for people who appreciate you spending time on/with them

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    • There's no such thing as "too available". If she's busier than you, she'll make time for you... if she genuinely likes you

  • You are so much better with out her. That is not normal and you deserve better than to be treated like that and then blamed that you were the problem.

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  • That girl is being shallow and don't care about guys feeling. they just like to mess up other girls relationship. can't have it since he taken. most girls think single not worth shit. girls that age are dump.

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  • She was keeping you on a back burner or just not interested and didn’t want to say no.

    Sucks but live and learn.

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  • Mmm I'm thinking she may not have been in to you or something cus that totally sounds kind of like a BS reason.
    I'm pretty literal and most dating rules I think are pretty stupid. I don't know if that's normal but I think you are probably better off finding someone else anyhow.

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  • Good thing you found out early on, she's obviously got issues

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  • That is clearly not the reason, never believe that

    She is not interested, she maybe cannot tell you the truth up front, so she settles with excuses

    I know you like her a lot, although I am sure you will meet someone who will treat you better than that

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  • That sounds really dumb tbh I don't even know what to say to that actually. "Too available" the fuck? 😂

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  • She seems a bit crazy, but I kind of see her point. By always being available makes it seem like you have nothing else in your life. No one wants to date the person who has nothing but the person they are dating to consume their life. Even if its just activities that you like or going to the gym, saying no shows that you do indeed have other things happening in your life and your not just waiting around for a date.

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  • Sorry to say this, but she's trash- She was probably never serious, and more or less just wanted to play games. I say move on, dude.

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  • Don't show your interest too much..
    Keep in mind you're a guy.. and no girls wants to date a guy whose running after her..
    I suggest you to ignore her for some time... If she asks give her a cold answer... If she understands she's yours.. or else this is not going to work...

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  • It is not normal. She thinks you are too nice and you have no life besides her and she thinks you're suffocating her. Well guess what? She lost. She will never find a guy as nice as you and she can deal with the jerk who will treat her like crap. Good riddance!

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  • The only thing that would cause me concern is if you never had any plans, ever. That would be a red flag that you don't make friends or have a social life.

    But for the reasons you've stated, no... this isn't a very fair or common feeling I don't think.

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  • she was on games from when she met you. I don't think she intended on giving you a chance either way. its ok, move on.

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  • She probably doesn't like you and she's probably also busy therefore she doesn't think you are worth the time to her. If a girl really likes you she will let you know when she's available.

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  • Not normal. Some girls view availability as detriment, She seems immature and not overly interested in you. I'd stop requesting dates and being available... to her.

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  • Some girls enjoy the same "chase" that guys do. It's why some girls automatically start liking a guy when he has a girlfriend, the fact that he's not easily available and you'd have to work for him can make him for interesting.

    I'm not saying you should change yourself or your availability or anything. I'm just saying that for some girls [usually the ones who will end up being unfaithful] the chase is wanted. I'd suggest finding a better taste in women, the ones who actually wants to be around you.

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What Guys Said 111

  • 1. Overavailability may mean that a guy is so eager to have a relationship with you that he will change everything in his world for you. Women interpret that as being needy and lacking self-confidence.

    2 You called her a fool? How did that work out for you?

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  • Wow. I've never heard of a chick being that dumb. Too available? It sounds like she wants a guy who's busy, as if it indicates that he's very important, ambitious, or successful. Or that she wants somebody who's just as busy as she is because it would mean you both "have goals." I can't stand chicks like that. Either way it sounds ridiculous and there's nothing wrong with ACTUALLY having some free time to breathe and enjoy doing something together.

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  • To be honest that sounds like some kind of bullshit. Okay, being constantly hounded is annoying, nobody likes a clinger. However, you've not mentioned being like that so I'm assuming that she was just one of those people whose head is firmly buried up their own butthole.

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  • no it's not normal but i think it's just a reason she used rather than the reason. if you truly like someone you aren't going to be turned off that they are available to hang out with you. i think perhaps she didn't like that you got angry about her lack of availability more than you being always available

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  • Yea it is common.

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  • Man that her loss. Crappy and honestly a shit reason to be mad with you. You gave her the power/ball honestly quit wasting your time with her. She is literally the definition of a girl who won't know what she is missing till its gone.

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  • She doesn’t want to see you anymore but instead of just using her communication skills, she’s doing what a typical woman does; she’s giving you a code that you have to decipher. Women are pathetic communicators.

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  • She not worthy to ur kindness and affection... not normal... some people have a syndrome that they love themselves and they only attracted to those who are not in thier reach and when they get it they lost thier interest.. such persons are selfish and careless.. if u find this so soon.. u r lucky.. get a girl u deserve...

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  • Yes, it is the second most common cause for a woman to friendzone you, after the fact that she doesn´t find him attractive, so there you learned the hard way that if you are too giving or you will be abused or they will give up on you.

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  • I think her saying that you were too available was just an excuse. You said that she would never have time for dates and blow you off. I think what that shows is that she was never really interested in you, because if a girl genuinely likes you, she will make time to see you, no matter what.

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  • Yeah there is a such thing as being too clingy and making the girl your whole world and not making time for yourself such as working on your own hobbies and such. Now in this case the girl just doesn't know what she wants, likes the attention or is just doesn't care about you.

    Just move on bro and don't worry about her. I generally have a three strikes you're out rule. Also don't put too much faith into girls early on and it won't hurt so bad.

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  • A clear indication she is one swayed by prestige. I've met this attitude time and again. What it boils down to are mind games.
    It's your call if you want to bother with it or not.. sooner or later, you have to. You may as well get it over with now, so you'd get a feel for this kind of behaviour.

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  • No, she was just not interested in you and that's her excuse for why. Same with the usual line of "I'm not ready to date" and things like that. Just move on, keep being you.

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  • If she turned out down because you are too available then you dodged a bullet there. I'd imagine she either blame you or reject you for dumber reasons if that relationship went on. At least you didn't waste more time on her.

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  • Dude same. I kept inviting this seemingly great girl to stuff but she was always busy... so I kept inviting.
    Then she told me I was coming on too strong, "you can't just invite me to every thing in your life", "let's not plan to hang out". I was so confused and hurt. Why shouldn't I keep inviting you if you haven't been able to come?

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  • It depends person to person. My first serious relationship she would want to hang out with me all the time and I enjoyed it. But some people like to be more distant and some people like to spend as much time together in relationships as possible so it varies. I would just move on and not think to much about what she said. You can find someone that suits yourself and be happy. Breaking up with someone for wanting to spend time with them is harsh.

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  • Dude always being available comes off as desperate.

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    • No dude if she asked me to hang out. And i name a date, how am i desperate?

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    • Thats the weird part i usualy only have one or two nights a week free due to sports and work but i would only ask her once a week so i wouldn't come off clingey

    • Woah once a week? Like every week you’d ask her out?

  • Some girls logic man... makes no sense. In a relationship they complain about you being too available. In a marriage when you're always working, they say you're not available enough. There's no winning. Find a girl a logical girl. They're out there.

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  • She's one of those game players you don't want to deal with. Whether she just wasn't into you, or she wanted someone who was more of a challenge and harder to get, you don't need any of that shit. Be glad she's gone away.

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  • She sounds like a slut don’t trip. I think she’s saying that because she thinks your intentions are to serious and if you guys were to break up you might not recover very easily and you might get crazy kind of a thing.

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    • no she's just a bullshitter.

    • your scenario is what everyone worries anytime there is an excuse but it is rarely if EVER reason to get angry. shed just say no. they are not involved enough for her to get mad. she is just being defensive.

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