Fear of growing distance?

I'm in a relationship right now and I've been losing a lot of closeness with her, I've been really trying. I'm not gonna cheat on her at all or break up with her. I would rather sort it out. My friends and family all say how amazing she is and she is but I'm losing that spark... I have been inclined to cheat but it goes against my moral compass. PLEASE any advice would go a long way. Any help so I know how to change. I feel I've changed from how I was I work and I'm in education. I don't feel I make a lot of time for her and that upsets me... I'm scared she's gonna walk away... Or I will.


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  • So I'm going to pretense this with that all relationships have their ups and downs and some will naturally fizzle out. I'm glad you want to work on your relationship to keep it but do keep in mind that these things do happen. For starters ponder how long you two have been together... you mentioned that you have a job and you're in school, are you reacting negatively because stress is dictating your attention elsewhere? How long has this been an issue? I'm a big fan of "wait 2 weeks" before I act on anything emotionally driven. If the problem is still the same within 2 weeks then I can actively deal with the situation, but until those 2 weeks are up I think it's likely I'm just in a funk. If the feeling persists then it's warranted.

    For starters you can begin to reflect... What are the qualities in this woman that made you pursue her in the first place? Has she lost some of those qualities, were they too superficial, etc. etc.

    Do you click intellectually? Have you asked her about her thoughts on your hobbies or interest... sometimes we forget that a lot of attraction is surprise and when the unexpected is said and reflected on it can reignite the mystery in someone.

    Have you tried experiencing something "new" together (i. e. going to an amusement park, an elaborate garden, a hike, etc.)? Doing something that sparks conversation beyond a movie could ignite a spark in you.

    Good luck!

    • Thank you so much for your speedy reply, I guess I'm too nervous to talk to friends or family about it. We are in an unusual kind of relationship called DDLG, you may or may not know what that is. I'm so worried that I'm losing my head space to carry on, we have so much in common, we are both metal heads, gamers, same movies, concerts together, she's my best friend but I'm so worried I'm gonna lose her but I'm also pushing her away... That worries me heavily. I'm trying to get in touch with myself to how I was when I first got with her. To touch more on the cheating aspect. I always install a few apps match a couple and just delete it... I just can't bring myself to talk to anyone let alone cheat psychically she knows I do this and it pushes her away. I do love her so much.

      Again thank you so much for your reply and support. X

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