Why hasn’t he asked me on a second date?

Ok, so. I met him online, we called each other and chatted on the phone immediately and got on really well. He set up a date then for Sunday. Sunday came and went. It was a great date, we had so much fun being silly, dancing, and singing (shared passions), and had a great chat. I don’t usually kiss on the first date, and despite telling him this, he still kissed me. Ok, I liked it. So we shared a few passionate kisses and cuddles in the park (So notebook like). On the way home he had his hand on my thigh, and I told him that he was super intense for a first date. Apparently he isn’t usually but he believed that we both really clicked. I was laughing to the point of crying and just felt really good with him. He messaged me that night saying he had a great time and we chatted a little.

He hasn’t messaged since. He is a calling person, and busy with uni back this week (possibly exam week). I don’t want to pursue him and ask for a second date, but is it bad for me to casually message him, or maybe just ask if he was just after casual fun or not? Input is appreciated! X

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  • I would say there's a couple main reasons why.

    1 could be he doesn't want to seem to keen/interested and come across as "desperate" - yes even though the date went well and all that.

    2 could be he is busy with uni, or maybe a mix of other things in life and just wants to be available to ask you out on the second date.

    3 could be he had a good time, but not as much as you did, and just isn't feeling the connection you do.

    4 is lastly, he might just be interested in casual fun like you said.

    I would wait a couple more days, say to the end of the week (if you don't hear by Monday, maybe send him a cheeky little message and see how/if it he replies, and take it from there)

    Now, this is the opinion of someone who's not been on any real "dates", and has only been in a relationship for 3 weeks of his life, so take my advice with a grain of salt. Just thought i'd give my own thoughts on it. Would much prefer you listen to someone who knows about this stuff.

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    • Haha, you’re a legend! I actually said to him so many times, “dude, you’re really intense”. Like, he is all “stare into my eyes” intense. However, i fun despite the full on passion he had. That’s why I find it weird to think he is suddenly not interested in me... you’d have to be bipola to change like that. Honestly. It was intense. Hahahaha! I’m thibking maybe the casual thing. I shall wait until the end of the week to message. Thank you xx

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What Girls & Guys Said

517
  • You don't want to seem desperate so dont message him if he had a good time as much as he said he did he WILL message you first. Just let the week go by until after exam week and see from there.. if not don't waste your time because there's too many fine ass men out there to be occupied on one who isn't shit.

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    • I love this 💕
      That’s all I want, some fine ass man! Haha thanks girl

    • Lol no problem

  • here is a quick reality check of online dating... yes he may just be shy or too busy but more likely he has had a few dates lined up with other girls too and it turns out he has chosen another girl over you. shitty but true

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    • This could be very true. I’m cool with that reality, honestly, however, as I said in one of the comments above, he was so ridiculously intense and into me on the first date, it doesn’t make sense to lose interest like that. Maybe I’m wrong. I hate being left in the lurch. Do you think I should just ask him about his thoughts?

    • no harm asking him. i think thats fair and maybe im wrong anyway

    • Thank you x

  • Firstly you met him online secondly it's a player a Dom you got played block him meet men in real life social apps is for the box not "that box" 😊👍

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    • Hello fellow Aussie girl. I find it so hard to meet people in real life. I’m in the performing arts - so a lot of gay guys in my industry, and I live in a small town :(

    • Hails fellow Aussie XD that's ok look take my advice k we don't date online for literal ok sweety as well think literally yeah a man can wear the mask or the veil of just about anything and he loves to become a mastermind he's always pretends to be good guy but he's bad guy just enjoy man's company refer to self if that's the case or hell leach off of you girl to girl you now what it means :) men are for childbirth only we're all we need as a women alone to self if this tickles your fancy a baby? ok fare be well these men online are a good source to learn from that only I've not seen it work out 2-meeting online before besides what marketing says a man is anything you added him out of a site for oblivion he's got the ability to lie right to your face honey

    • I've got that same issue however what we meet in the box is kept in the box I've yep met a few I've known for over a decade plus ok I've arranged to meet in real as for it went anywhere else nope his behaviour needs to remain the same for I to do that I can call those 3 some decent friends I make sure this opinions backed up with a trusted man friend I'm female wtf would I know of a man I don't know indeed and what he sup to I do many online safety things I'm a gangs woman my hubbys a gangs man

  • He is a random guy isn't he? So if you embarrassed yourself, it wouldn't matter. Huh!
    Call him. Or text him a funny joke from reddit high score r/jokes.

    Don't stand still. But allow HIM to chase you.

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    • So I can still message him and allow him to chase me by just not mentioning about a date, hey?

    • Call him. Make sure he is available to talk and not in a meeting or classroom. Share a laugh or two. If he was into you, you would understand. In asubtle and smart way let him know you like him and you want a second date. Hopefully he'll ask you out. If not, you ask him out

  • Its ok. Dont freak out. U shud message him n ask about his uni n exam. Like how r his exams going? Juz b casual. Dnt ask him about d date n things. 😊

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  • If you really want to see him again just go and talk to him and set a second date, you have to fight for what you want, you're not a child anymore.

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    • Hahaha, I understand that darling. Not sure if you read it correctly, I said I don’t want to pursue. The reason for this is because that is what I usually do, and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere, so I’m letting the man do what he does best... chase me.

    • I read it perfectly sweety. If for you making one move is already pursuing that's kind of a light definition.
      Seems like a fear of having your ego hurt.

    • You might lose him if you don't chase. But if you don't like him that much then don't worry.

  • In all honesty, you dont sound very appealing outside the general norm after reading your narrative.
    Frankly, we can get the same things with Tinder with a bonus of sex.

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    • Sorry, care to explain “you don’t sound very appealing outside the general norm” ?

    • I dont need to explain. Just re-read your shit. It sounds like every other bubbley profile

    • Lol, you’re a waste of air mate.

  • Oh darling, whatever you do, don't message him. There are so many things that I can already pick up that may have happened and I don't even know him.
    First of all, if you are saying that he is call person and that it may be exam week, you have answered yourself. I would certainly understand your preoccupation if he hadn't told you he had a great time.
    Relax. Get your mind off him! Or it will feel like ages, talk to a friend, find something new to do (even talk with me if you need to keep occupied). It's only been like 3 days, it's perfectly normal and in some way attractive that he hasn't reached to you again. If the date as well as you describe, he will.

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    • Hahaha, thanks Darl. I am just used to taking over the pursuit (I guess, the male role), but i’m really trying not to this time. So waiting is killing me. Hahaha!

    • Let me know what happens!

  • Screw him... if he was interested he would have called you like several times by now... you sound like a nice gal... find a guy who makes you feel appreciated... he probably has something else going... when a guy is aggressive as far as putting his hand on your thigh etc. He wants to get laid... and when a guy says "I'm usually not so intense but we just really clicked" or something of that nature he is lying... its just a line of b. s... he does that to every girl... if I am attracted to a woman and I want to have sex with her I usually will just be honest and say so... because lines of b. s. just make you look manipulative and phony... so I take the honest and real path

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    • THANK YOU! That’s what I thought. I’ve dated enough to know when I hear BS. However there were other things throughout the date that were sweet, despite his inappropriate touches. I have not long come out of a relationship (but at the stage where I’m ready to meet someone new), so it felt good to be like that with someone, however I was getting the vibe that maybe he wanted to root and boot. My bio online made it clear that I’m not after that. I’d so prefer someone to just honestly say what they are after and then I’m not stuck confused.

  • Maybe your first appearance wasn't pleasing.. in short was not pleased of you

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    • Hahaha, I’m an attractive person, and he couldn’t keep his hands off me. Wasn’t that buddy.

    • Mmh. maybe has other reasons to avoid you.

  • since you are saying that this is exam week just send him a message that says "hey, you busy this week?" if he is busy hell tell you, if he isn't then this will be a date setup right there

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  • He might just be worried that (1) he offended you in some way or (2) he is waiting for your response granting him permission to continue your relationship or (3) He is just an asshole.

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  • If you don't want to pursue him, why do you care? If you want to see him again, don't waste time. If you two got along so well, why lose the connection?

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  • He's obviously not gonna tell you if it was just casual... i mean let's be real.
    And i'm a little suspicous because he dates right before his exams, like it doesn't matter, and ghosts you because his exams suddenly matters.

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  • He either has someone else or he's fishing himself dating several girls online. Too many possibilities

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  • Looks like he is not serious about you or find other. You need move on :)

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  • Message him, if you see him acting off or different stop messaging him

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  • What what do you want out of him?

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    • I want to go on a second date to see if I potentially see it going anywhere. However, most importantly is to know how he feels about our first date and where he is at. Iole to be honest and not beat around the bush.

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    • Hahaha, I don’t want to play games. That’s the whole point. I want to meet a guy that is actually interested in me, so they can chase me. I am by chasing a guy that is just along for the ride. I want to meet someone genuine.

    • Wanting to be chased is playing games why not move togther but meh people like this shit and that's why I'm happy I found my women whist it was not common place to act like kids when dating

  • If it's exam week, he's probably very busy.

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  • Just do it

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  • He met someone else

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  • May be he won't like your behaviour

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