Do most guys get frienzoned because they're too nice?

I think I've been friendzoned many times because of this.

Opinions?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it’s ridiculous how many ”nice guys” lack any sense of self-awareness at all, and think their only ”bad” trait is simply being ”too nice”.
    First of all there’s no such thing as being too nice. But there is such a thing as being a doormat and letting people use you, however this should not be confused with niceness as they don’t mean the same thing.
    Second of all, a good chunk of these ”nice guys” should dig a little bit deeper than thinking ”oh I’m just so nice and that’s why she doesn’t like me”. In what world do people not like nice people? Maybe you came on too strong, or the opposite - didn’t let her know you were into her. Maybe she isn’t interested in your interests, and therefore feels like you don’t have enough in common. Maybe she’s not attracted to your looks. Maybe she finds your personality annoying. Maybe you don’t have the same core values or beliefs. There are tons of reasons why someone might not want to be with you, and chalking it up to just being ”too nice” is lazy and quite narcissistic.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, partly. It's not because they're too nice as such, it's that in being too nice they avoid certain things and do other things that put women off.

    For example if a guy is a typical "nice guy", he's always going to play it safe. He's too worried about not being liked. He's never going to say anything that he thinks could risk a bad reaction, for example disagreeing with the girl. Instead he'll agree with her on almost everything or he'll avoid having any strong opinions. This makes him seem fake, and it also makes him seem like a pushover, like he has no backbone. None of these things are attractive to women.

    He'll avoid escalating anything, for example flirting, making a move to kiss her, for fear she might reject him. Women tend to prefer a guy who can take the lead, and often are too shy themselves to make a move like that. They prefer the guy to initiate. If he doesn't they get bored of him and go for a guy who will. Without either of them escalating it can't move forward, so they just put him in the friendzone.

    Another thing is that in order for her to see a guy in a sexual/romantic way there has to be some sexual tension, and if the guy is playing it too safe he's gonna do everything he can to diffuse tension, he isn't gonna create any. Therefore she isn't gonna feel anything - this is what they mean when they say that you're a nice guy but there's "no spark". The "spark" is the sexual tension that the guy isn't creating.

    They also come across as too needy because when you care too much about trying to impress someone, so much that you're unwilling to do anything to rock the boat, it just seems needy.

    Or maybe they do try to escalate things, by buying her gifts and kissing her ass. Again, this comes across as try-hard and needy. Some read this as being manipulative too, like you're just doing those things to win them over.

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What Girls Said 67

  • I would personally never friendzone a guy for being too nice, i would friendzone a guy because of lack of attraction.

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    • Thank you.

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    • @MzAsh Busted faces are always f$cking great looking women. avatars.mds.yandex.net/.../s1200

    • Aww. Thanks <3 I still have hope!

  • No. People get “friend zoned” because they expect other people to be fucking mind readers.

    If you never tell someone how you feel, they’re not going to know.

    If you do tell them and they don’t return your feelings, well, sometimes that happens. Not everyone is going to want to date you - and that doesn’t have anything to do with being “too nice.”

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    • Probably the best answer you could hope for right here.

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    • @lumos Lol nope that's who we were referring to! Much appreciated.

    • @snowangle I think the less we engage with him, the more likely he is to get bored and give up. I think we should all ignore him completely. Like report his comments etc. but don’t speak to him.

  • It's less about being nice as much as it is using kindness in place of making an actual move. You act like a kind-hearted friend hoping that a girl will just magically figure out you like her. But the truth is if you learned how to balance just being nice and actually making moves like you're interested you'd be more successful.

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    • This is the right answer. Every other answer is girls just repeating "its because we r not attracted to you". Well there is a reason why they aren't attracted and this post answers it. It's because you are being way too nice

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    • It's about looks

    • @TheUglyMan That plays a part too.

  • There is difference between nice and desperate. I love nice guys and polite. I dont like guys who dont know me and willing to go out of their way to make me happy cuz it seems desperate and I can see them doing that for every girl they like. There are things people need to deserve and being too good when someone dont give you nothing in return is not nice. It is stupid.

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    • They don’t understand it. I used to be like that. I felt like if I didn’t like the same things as a girl she would never like me. If I disagreed with her she wouldn’t like me. If I didn’t like the same movies she wouldn’t like me. I felt like I had to fit into some box to be attractive to girls. Girls liked guys who were... popular. But I didn’t like anything that popular guys liked. Sports and whatever crappy music. But I felt like I had to pretend because otherwise I’d be lonely forever and die alone.

      Of course now I know that’s all retarded. Now I girl girls LIKE it when I disagree with them or stand my ground on whatever topic is it. It’s just a better way to be a human.

      I don’t know why guys like me develop like this. I was an outcast. I never learned how to have friends or how to talk to girls. It was all a mystery. I had to learn as an adult and figure it all out. It wasn’t easy lol.

    • @Kaazsz Good for you. Most guys after being too good for no reason goes to conclusion they have to be jerks and that is wrong too.

  • Nope I love nice guys. fact but this happens not all nice guys are really that nice and are just over doing it to impress girl's which comes off desperate and have nothing else going for them.

    As horrible as it sounds most guys I've friend zoned because I'm not attracted to them but it's not always that sometimes it's because I don't want to ruin a good friendship if things don't work out or if they've slept around a lot with other girls

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  • No, not at all. I mean I guess some girls to friendzone a guy for those reasons, but I definitely don’t. A lot of it is just my impression of you overall as a person and if I really feel something between us. There have been times even when I accidentally friendzoned a guy just because I didn’t think he had feelings for me back

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  • I friendzone guys because we aren't compatible and they're not my type. Most guys that confess have nothing in common with me. These have all been perfectly sweet guys. But NOTHING in common and not my type.

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  • I think u are generalize. The fact that some girls do it to u, doesn't mean u are too nice. Just could be they are immature for have a relationship or both weren't compatible. Anyway, don't change for a bad experience, believe me someday a good girl gonna valure u for the kind of person u are.

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  • Nope, I prefer the nice guys that are well mannered, and sweet. I love those guys, and so do a lot of other girls.

    I mean, don't get me wrong I like a bad boy from time to time, but I don't have relationships with them because I don't think it would ever lead to anything worth while.

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  • You aren't being friendzoned because you are too nice. You are being friendzoned because they aren't attracted to you. It happens to the best of us. Get up, shake it off and move forward. Eventually you'll find someone where the attraction lines up.

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    • @Street_Fighterzzz Ouch I'm so wounded. Nothing hurts me more then the ranting of tiny over compensating nerds who have never gotten laid.

  • no, being nice is awesome, definitely good trait
    But it sure looks like that a lot of not nice guys get more attention from girls so you nice guys assume that
    But that says about girls that choose those guys too
    I guess the question is why many girls would go to that over being nice so you think being nice is the issue
    What I dont like from guys that are "too nice" would be more like combined with something else like them being boring

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    • @Shoot_At_Sightz woow
      lets just insult people for no fucking reason and spread bad vibes and negative energy YEY
      leaving this kinds of comments must be peak of your life

  • Only reason I friend zone a guy is if I am not attracted to him! He could be the nicest guy in the world but if I just don’t feel any chemistry or have any attraction to him, I just can’t lie to him. Unfortunately, I friend zone a lot of guys because I’m very picky!! I need my guy to have the looks AND the personality & that’s hard to find.

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    • Hmmmm that's huge,,,, personality like?

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    • @dothejohnwall97 I think she's very pretty and she was HELPING the guy who asked the question. Also, talking online is not an excuse for being rude

    • @Amaina she said "I friend zone a lot of guys because I’m very picky!!" trying to act like she's a hollywood model. be humble, she probably curved 1 man her whole life

  • No, if someone get friendzoned, it's because he is not physically attractive enough to the eye of the girl he is interested in.
    I specify physically because if she doesn't like his personality they wouldn't be friends either.

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  • I can honestly say I’ve never started dating someone who mistreated me. I have male friends I treat them as my female friends. We hangout have fun share fears, problems, dreams and achievements. I don’t want to have sex or date any of my friends with a vagina same goes for friends with a penis.

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    • @Street_Fighterzzz aww what an intelligent young man you are. It’s okay those bullies can’t hurt you here

    • @Back_to_Zerozzz which was it? Not enough attention from your parents or too much?

  • It could be a factor in getting friendzoned, being too nice also means being a doormat almost and letting people have control over you and appearing weak. I wouldn't date someone who acts like a doormat to other people, at least they should have a spine. (I myself am not too nice)

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  • No, it's not because a guy is too nice, it's because I don't see him as boyfriend material. He could be mean and get friend zoned, lol that would be an offense that REALLY removes a guy from the potentials list.
    It's really unfortunate actually that so many seemingly chill dudes are not dating material, but sometimes I just don't like a guy... or I'm already dating someone else. And actually, I'm quite thankful nice men are approaching me and not mean people...

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  • No. A guy is never friendzoned for being too nice. Thats a cop out. The truth is, something else about him turns her off.

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    • @Street_Fighterzzz says the guy who keeps getting friendzoned... lol

  • A lot of guys have a tendency to pretend like all they want is friendship and then it gets really creepy when outbof the blue they confess there love for you or try to kiss you or feel you up during a hug a little to much. It’s not cool. You friendzoned yourself. Stop pretending to be my friend if you have romantic interests as your real motivation. I thought i knew what kind of platonic relationship j was pursuing and now this guys is confessing romantic love for me. It’s really gross tbh

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  • I have friendzoned guys because they just aren't my type. I hate how guys think that 'Well, I'm nice' means that's enough for a girl to want you. Is that how low your standard is now? People can be nice all the time, male or female, and still not be someone else's type.

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  • It depends on girls attraction. Younger girls 16+ we be attraction too bad boys. I am not attraction to bad boys. I am attraction to gamers & smart men. I will friend zone a guy he being a asshole. I don't have time to be wasting time on trash.

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  • Genuine niceness can never turn a girl off (unless there's something wrong with her.) However many nice guys are faking it and do it just to get in your pants. Acting like a friend and expecting sex as some kind of a reward.

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  • I friendzone if there they play too many games and if there is too much drama.

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    • @Back_to_Zerozzz

      Yeah no to all of that but I feel 'ultra' sorry for you that your life is so meaningless that you must resort to this pathetic behavior. You obviously have nothing going for you at all.

    • Oh and you aren't even close to being anon. Real anons aren't losers like yourself.

  • No, you get friend zoned because girls see you’re a nice person but they have no sexual interest in you.

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    • @Street_Fighterzzz boring,

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    • I've always seen it like that. Physical attraction brings them in BUT if you have a good personality that could work too but it's just harder to get the attention from them if they don't find you attractive physically.

    • @MarkTheory there i disagree. But I'm glad we see eye to eye in some areas.

  • The only reason youd get friendzoned is because the attraction between you two is not enough. The nice isn't the problem, the lack of more than just nice, say hot or sexy, could be the problem.

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  • Some guys get friendzoned bc they don't share similar values with the girl they're trying to date, or some other factors. It's never just "oh he's just too nice" as the only reason.
    I always hate when guys complain about being friendzoned. It goes both ways bc they do it to girls who are perfectly nice and would be interested in them all the time. But they aren't attracted so it doesn't happen. It's the same with girls.

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  • Girls and guys friendzone because they don`t feel any attraction towards the person. If the person wasn`t kind or nice they wouldn`t have had anything to do with them to begin with

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  • I think it depends on what the girl is into, if she's into bad boys she ain't gonna be interested. But I don't necessarily think it's because you're 'too nice', just lack of attraction and interest, that's all

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    • @Back_to_Zerozzz wth

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    • @Kevinnnn yeah he keeps making fake accounts, but using similar names he's a A class retard man, he also can't think of anything else to comment :/

    • He could do so many other things instead, which would be more useful... can't eblieve people waste their time like that

  • I think they get friendzoned because of lack of sexx appeal.

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  • Usually you get friend zoned by me due to delay to make it clear you want to date me.

    Men aren’t totally to blame. I used to be clueless not wanting to assume everyone was into me.

    A simple “hey so you want to do X some weekend” would work.

    That’s a big ask on its face, I know.

    But you wait too long and it disappears.

    There’s a window and you’ll sense it better with experience.

    But even still, it’s organic and it works or doesn’t.

    You can have a really good chemical fit but your lives aren’t adding up.

    They will with someone and you’ll learn how to act on it.

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  • Friendzoning happens to guys that I don't mesh with right. But I still like as a person. It has nothing to do with how nice you are. Of course everyone wants to date someone who's nice to them.

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What Guys Said 95

  • No, no, no. You think you're nice, but really you do the things you do so the girls will like you, instead of being yourself. This is why you get friendzoned. You care too much about what they think of you, instead of being yourself and living your own life. Do you, let if go, and you will meet a girl.

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  • Its how you approach the girl. Are you safe or is there a risk involved?
    Women need some thing to tell when you want her as a freind or want to date. If you change she will feel hurt that she felt safe around someone who would hurt her.
    Also usually it is cause your not her type. Most of the girls I ask out only want a BBC.

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  • A lot of times when people say ‘nice’ in a negative way they mean ‘passive’. Do passive guys often lose out to more aggressive guys? Yup. Sitting around hoping she will take most/all the risk of rejection and make a first move is a bad idea IF you want her. There’s 10 other guys willing to ask her out & be upfront any random week.

    Let’s flip your question around... do you signal that you’re only a platonic friend by being passive?

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  • There's a difference between a nice guy a kind guy

    The nice guy is a suck up who tries to manipulate by being "nice"

    The kind guy is generally a warm person who has other things going for him

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  • Such a stupid assumption... "Nice" guys think it's because their too kind... Really? No man, you just miss your chances. And you lack confidence.

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  • If by nice you mean never disagreeing with anything she says, always laughing at her jokes, acting like an asexual and never hitting on her, out of fear of being disrespectful than probably. A lot of guys talk differently around girls and put on a front.

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  • It's usually done because the girl doesn't understand the guy is trying to be her special friend. When he realizes that you two are compatible as friends, he knows having a relationship with you will be the same. Fun, easy, adventurous. Imagine hanging out with your friends like you do all the time, how you feel. Now think about that with a guy who you know and how it would be different. It probably would not be much different, besides the sex thing of course.

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  • Lol these girls are lying hard, i been nice to girls before and got friendzoned or ignored but girl still wants to be friends but i ignored back, when i come off a asshole they wanna know everything about all of a sudden and throw themselves at me haha being nice gets you really nowhere in the beginning of trying to keep a girls attention on you lol

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  • I believe so... only because a good guy represents the fairytale happy ending that they were told about and meeting them at that time wasn’t right for them so they are put to the side for a later purpose (just my opinion)

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  • I don't think that is actually the reason. I think it is because some guys take much longer to get emotionally attached enough to someone to actually want to date her. Because of that he is around her for a significant amount of time before showing any romantic interest and she gets used to him as a friend.

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    • Not universal. I know couple that didn't start dating until two years later. Lol

  • True, welcome to the friend zone community haha , bro don't be nice with everyone have time for yourself and don't show every time when they need because they will remember you whenever they will be in trouble or problem or your help will be needed have some self respect and work on yourself give time to yourself then you won't be get friend zoned again and express your feelings of you have some for her don't wait too much be brave and smart and ask okay. Because life Is too short too wait

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  • No, they get friendzoned for being doormats. Being a doormat is probably one of the least attractive traits a guy can have, and something that nice people generally are. Hence why women say they like nice guys, but go for the bad boy type, it's because not being a doormat trumps being nice.

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  • Absolutely true, there was this girl in my class who's superstitious and super nerdy, I thought she would never be stupid enough to fall for a jackass guy who bunk classes regularly... I was so wrong. Even the nerdy girls go for guys like that.

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  • Repeat after me. The friend zone does not exist. Awkward people Who dont know how to socialize came up with it to stop from feeling bad about getting rejected. If she's not into you, so what? there's 4 billion other women in the world.

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  • I am blame the guys who get friendzoned , because they can't handle the rejection and choose to be friend with her. man and woman never can't be friends in the end there always be sex or very bad argument.
    Avoid the friendzone , find a girl who would like have relationship with you. Get a self respect.

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  • No... most guys who get friendzoned think they deserve sex for doing something nice, when really they need to work on being attractive and less entitled.

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  • I find that being nice isn't exactly what friendzones you. It's lack of attraction. Showing that you care is nice, being too nice or holding your person of interest on a pedestal isn't attractive though.

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  • A guy is friendzoned when he isn't being himself. When he's trying too hard. When comes off strong as a kid. When she thinks he can't handle himself properly. #friendzoned boi

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  • I don't believe anyone gets friend zoned for being too nice. I think it's because nice guys forget to show backbone.

    It's all well and good being nice but if your not going to stand up for yourself it comes across as weak willed and insincere.

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  • It's mostly because either they just aren't attracted to you, or because you didn't let your intentions be known.

    You can't just sit back for months and expect something to automatically develop. If you don't let your intentions be known, they are likely to assume it's just friends. You don't have to try to get in their pants on day one. But you don't want to wait months, or even weeks, to let them know you are interested in more than just friends.

    Waiting for months is not being "nice". Letting them know your intentions is not "not nice". Letting them know your intentions is honesty. It lets them know where you stand. As long as you don't come on too strong, they aren't likely to fault you just for being interested. If they are not interested back, they can let you know. If they are interested back, then it can move forward.

    Whatever way you do it, you need to move it forward. A stalemate will likely default to just friends.

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  • I don't think that being too nice sends you to the friend zone. Most of the people I see trapped in the friend zone is because of a lack of confidence. No woman finds that attractive.

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  • The genuine nice guys get friendzoned because they are so occupied on giving her the best that they forget to show they would like something in return.

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  • It's because you are not assertive. Don't impair yourself by looking for something else to blame it on. That leaves no hope for improvement.

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  • The only people who get friendzoned are the ones who either don't make a move, or don't move on after rejection.

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  • No. You end up in the friendzone because

    1 - You don't make a move. You don't tell her how you feel.

    2 - If you do tell her and she rejects you, you continue to talk to her hoping she will change her mind.

    You put yourself in the friendzone, not her.

    Assert yourself, if she rejects. You decide. You want to be friendzoned or you want to find someone else?

    Being in the friendzone is not bad. Its only bad if you don't want to be there in it.

    Stop the nice guy BS. Your nice but being nice is not enough. Dominate! Pee all over your enemies!

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  • I know that if I had been less nice I would have gotten laid. Being nice got me friendzoned every time. Women don't like nice guys so I became a dickhead.

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  • Yeah, always being there for them, listening to them when they are complaining about their current boyfriends and things like that get you friend zoned.

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  • Nah, guys get friendzoned for either not being attractive enough, or not being fun enough, not for being too nice.

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  • Instead of crying about all the girls that will never have a relationship with you, why don't you instead focus on the girls who will?

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  • Lol no, there's just no or not enough attraction. I don't suppose y'all fall in love with every friend of the opposite gender?

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