So we finally had the talk. Does he mean what I think he means?

So as you can tell by previous questions, I had no idea where we (the guy I’ve been seeing for 8 weeks and I) stood. We finally had the discussion last night over dinner.

He’s not looking for a relationship right now. To be honest, neither was I. I have a lot of shit in my life at the moment that needs to be taken care of (debt, custody issue) before I start a relationship. He has a lot of money too and has lost a lot to gold diggers in the past so I understand his apprehension in moving forward with someone with debt. He has none. I’m paying mine down as quickly as I can. His stipulation is it has to be taken care of before moving forward. That’s fine with me because it gives me a chance to get rid of it and time to sort out the custody stuff. So we are still friends and seeing where it goes.

Then today, I found out that I have $4000 sitting in an abandoned account, which would eliminate 90% of my debt all at once. I told him all but $500 is going towards my debt. I’m putting the $500 away into savings for an emergency.

Said to him, I’m eliminating my debt and cutting all the toxic people out of my life. Move forward stress free.

His response was “You better”

I said “I’m doing it as quickly as I possibly can”

He said “Hopefully”.

So by him saying he wants my debt taken care of before moving forward, and by him responding “You better” and “Hopefully” to me taking care of my debt and cutting out toxic people, does that mean he sees a relationship or a future with me? That he wants one down the road?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly dear his responses annoy me a bit.
    It does not show any sign of enthusiasm at all. The answers are raw as sushi.
    Sorry for the metaphor :-)
    Anyways, getting rid of your debt and toxic people as you said, are really great news, for you and your children!!! Regardless what he wants, you are moving forward with your life independently, and for that BRAVO :-)
    He is still hesitating, and the gold digger thing I don't believe it. he obviously likes you, and you like him back. but what is it that is holding him back like that.
    I mean if you are not in a relationship, what and who are you?
    I don't go sleep with my friend unless i have feelings for her.
    he got me a bit confused frankly.
    It is obvious he wants you, and needs you.
    It is OK if he is afraid of committing and getting married. But at least he should understand his behavior and know what are his feelings towards you.
    He is indeed confusing my dear.
    If he needs 12 months, 4 seasons to make a step forward, level up the relation i understand, but he should be clear about it though.

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    • When I say he has a lot of money, I mean a lot. Like more than 99% of the population a lot. I know about the history with his ex-fiancée and what she did with the money and it was less than a year ago that he left her. So I can understand the apprehension behind not wanting to label a relationship with someone who has quite a bit of debt right now. Part of me thinks he does want something more with me. But I don’t know if that’s my own wishful thinking. He still kisses me, still sleeping with each other. Not seeing or trying to see anyone else (either of us). I mean wouldn’t someone have walked away by now (its been almost two months) if they weren’t even the slightest bit interested in the other person?

    • Show All
    • Voila. Exactly my point dear.
      As humans, when an unfortunate event happens, the fear we feel builds a wall inside us protecting our comfort zone. I am no professional nor a psychologist, but I have read loads of books, and they always mention the same concept.
      You, showing him how much you are investing efforts in the relationship, helps him somehow hold on to you. Frankly I wouldn't blame him and I would try to make sure things are going to be different this time, for the good sake of the relationship.
      Hopefully we are not misunderstanding the situation, and I wish you both get to a serious life time relationship too.
      Love, Respect, Honesty, Crystal Clear, etc...
      Those are important.
      I understand him somehow because Lebanese people are somehow "Gold Diggers" and like to "Show Off".
      You seem a pretty honest decent person to me, and that is a great reason for someone to want to be with you. Regardless everything else!
      Sincerely I hope everything is going to be PERFECT for both :-D

    • Thank you for the MHO der @AnberlinCanucks :-D

      You know, if you need anything, just hit me up with a personal message.
      Would be more than glad to help you :-)

      Have a nice day, and Good luck.

      Cheers!!!

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What Girls & Guys Said

011
  • His responses seem annoyed instead of being supportive. He should be happy that you're able to pay down your debt. It's possible that because you were vague and didn't give him specifics that he thinks you're just trying to appease him with words and not actions. Tell him more specifically what you're doing maybe, but honestly I feel like he could be more supportive.

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  • I think you are willing to be in relationship with him then him... he is keeping himself away from matters and want to continue as you are proceeding.. if u r not getting it then you should talk him openly what u want and wish..

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  • He’s not looking for a relationship right now. So ask your self want do you want. If it's not the same move on.

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    • I don’t want one right now either but I do like him and would like to see where it goes with him. If it’s doesn't go anywhere, then I have a good friend. There weren’t enough available characters to recap all he’s done for me. But it’s been definitely more than just friends would do

  • Eh, he could be just saying that because in general it is better for anyone to do that.

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  • He always means what he means. Men actually understand their own feelings and speak directly with meaning and purpose..

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    • And I hate to break it to yoi but... you're just overthinking that. He literally was just making small talk. Didn't have anything witty to say so he just threw that in there. What else do you say to that? Its the equivalent to someone just saying "okay"... not a whole lot to dig into... as for him wanting a relationship no... you being $4000 in debt was probably unnattractive to him but not the reason he doesn't want a relationship. As a man having money almost garauntees you won't find love unless you're a sucker. The truth is... while you probably do like a lot about him you subconsciously want this to morph into a good relationship because it would give you a rich partner. There is no way whatever that his wealth does not factor into the equation at least subconsciously to a degree.

  • Not necessarily. I’d say those things to a perfect stranger

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  • Well good that you had a talk. How do you think it went?

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  • The only problem I see here is that your Canuck fan.

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    • He’s a Leafs fan and I hate the Leafs. But we get along well. It doesn’t bother the other. But you still have a lot of growing up to do. So I’ll forgive you’re pathetic attempt at a shot

    • Yeah I don't care.

  • Sorry not sure

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  • It could be

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  • Perhaps you are just seeing that you want to see. If he saw a relationship with you in the future, instead of him saying ''He’s not looking for a relationship right now.'', he would have said that and then something about one in the near future.

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