My son makes him not want to be with me?

So here’s the deal. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He has no kids I have one. A 10 year old boy with adhd and odd (oppositional defiance disorder). Admittedly he can be tough to handle sometimes Temper tantrums etc. but he’s a good kid. Well last weekend my son had a complete melt down at my bf’s house. First time it was really bad. My boyfriend looked exasperated. We are both mid 30’s and I’m used to my son I get that he’s not used to kids. Anyways he told me tonight that he doesn’t know if he wants to continue the relationship due to my son. Last weekend in particular. He says that he doesn’t want to live like that forever. It was a one time thing and can understand his fear but come on. He went on to say things would be perfect if it were just us. I was upset with him for saying that. He knew that my son was like that this and am I wrong for feeling as if he should offer to stick by me and work it out together to get my son in a better mental place? Is it ok for him to just throw in the towel because my son has tantrums every now and again, and can be hard to handle? I’m really disappointed in him. What do you guys think? Would you stay if your partners kid was less than desirable?

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210

Most Helpful Guy

  • Man I don't even want my kids there exhausting. As a single guy, no way in a million years would I take on a woman with perfect kids. There wouldn't be a single hope in hell that I'd ever see you again after witnessing that.

    That sounds horrible I know. I'm very sorry for that I'm just being straight.

    My kids are basically angels and I love them to pieces but there's still not a second that goes by when you wish you never had them in the first place there exhausting difficult expensive. Extremely resource unfriendly. Resources being time, food, energy, money, well just about anything yourd like more of.

    As a single guy looking, when there is no real obligation. Why on earth would you saddle yourself with such huge hassle.

    This guys reached middle age without be shackled to that kind of massive moral obligation. i totally understand why he'd like to keep it that way.

    That being said

    There are guys that love kids, are great with them, even enjoy there company. There's men that wouldn't be put off at all by a ready made family. So there's no reason to be put off dating or men in general. Just like everything else, you just need to find the right guy for your situation.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He isn’t really being unreasonable, children are a huge commitment to take on and it sounds like your situation is particularly difficult.
    I think you’re wrong in feeling that he’s in any way obligated to offer to stick by you and your child and help with his mental health; as he isn’t the child’s father. While I can completely understand the disappointment over him not wanting to, I don’t think it’s fair to expect it of him

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What Girls & Guys Said

19
  • That guy does not deserve to be with anyone. If he can't handle a child with some disabilities he should be alone. Every relationship I have been in the woman had kids. I have always tried to have a parental type relationship with the kids. I am sorry that guy was a jerk to you and your son. I am sure you can find something better than him.

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  • Honestly, I can see where he is coming from. I don't want kids either and in the evemt where I was saying someone who had a kid, the behaviour of that kid would heavily influence my decision to stay with that person.

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  • Just saying if you are dating a woman with kids you aren't dating her. you are also dating her kids. Least in a love based relationship.

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  • Simply put no no one should have to stay in a situation they don't like or want given what he said was not nice but clearly he is not ready

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  • keep them separate, get babysitter when with your lover or get new boyfriend

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  • Get rid of the guy it's all about your son not some stranger dude anyway

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  • Well it is a package deal with you snd your son so i can see how it is a lot to take onto your plate. Id be more concerned with the frequency at which this happens.

    If it is often than chances are it won't work and its too much for him to handle. If its seldom than id more look into what else is affecting him at that time as it probably isn't the exact situatio. Why he is giving up. He is taking a lot on his plate to be there and support u so take a bit of extra tome and effort to maybe communicate eith him and maybe help him with something he is having an issue with.

    Hope it helps!

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  • You and your son come as a package, if he can't handle that then it's time to say goodbye

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  • Say that we are a package deal.

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  • I can't say I blame him. ADHD is bad enough, but combine it with ODD and it can make life a living hell. And it gets worse in the teen years.

    Your guy is in his mid 30's with no kids. It isn't unreasonable to think that handling your son's disorders with 0 child raising experience is enough to make you snap crazy.

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