Do fights between couples strengthen their relationships?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we haven’t really had a major fight. We argue and makeup. So is it normal for us to not have fights?

Do fights between couples strengthen their relationships?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't really even have arguments with partners, to which many people used to say things like "you don't love each other if you're not passionate enough to fight" and "you can't be having good sex if you don't have make up sex" - and I say it's total BS.

    You guys have been going for four years- you're doing something right!

    Ever person, every couple and every relationship is different, I personally think fights are pretty destructive, and I don't get how people live yelling at one another every day- what's normal for you IS normal- it doesn't matter what other people do- if you've avoided fighting, good for you and I hope you guys carry on that way.

    Those who say it's weird or wrong not to tear chunks out of one another on a weekly basis are the ones getting it wrong in my eyes- you don't have to scream and shout to understand each other, to discuss differences and create compromises.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are obviously doing something right. A couple that has good communication skills will not fight. Even if one side has a rare slip, the other will not allow it to escalate. Couple that fight have communication problems on at least one side.

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    • Damn you could not have been more on the dot. My wife is always telling me that i have communication issues in which i believe i do as well but I've been intensely working on it. Most of our fights always start with "because you don't communicate" and honestly i want to better myself each and everyday for my family because i don't want these fights to continue in any way. So i'm starting to take initiative where I write stuff down to tell her later, or i tell the person that the problem is with my opinion right on the spot to not let it linger and forgotten.
      I've realized that it's honestly helping us a lot with evading arguments whereas when i sense a important conversation is arising i give her my full opinion instead of just listening or brushing it off and i do so with others as well and that makes her happy. She sees it as a form of me standing up and i have to say i agree as well.
      I guess fights can actually help couples cause i want to be better for her and so does she for me.

    • @ramismalafis That is awesome! You are proactively working on it. So I can see how the fights might help in your case. It is almost like fine tuning the machinery. But most fighting couples just fight. They do not think about why. They just do it.

    • To be honest @Opinion Owner, i really love my wife and i know she loves me, we've got a son together and i would not want to ever have him having separated parents because he is just too awesome and i love him way to much as well. When i am wrong i need to do better and vice versa when she is wrong she tries for me as well especially now that we are communicating more. We always have room for improvement especially when you've got love in the picture.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3556
  • Normally no. Usually they cause damage.

    They do have the potential to strengthen if done right.

    People are different, they have different needs, wants, opinions, values and priorities so friction is unavoidable.

    It can be positive if we disagree and deal with problems in a respectful manner. No yelling, name calling, blaming and putting each other down. When we discuss things openly and honestly while still treating each other with respect things can go much better. Being totally transparent and honest is needed too. When we share our true wants and fears and concerns and expectations with each other our intimacy can grow and we know each other better and can cherish and care for each others fears and insecurities.

    When we share total openness and honesty to fully understand each others position we can better compromise and each give a little to reach a bonding, intimate solution to a problem and cherish each other more.

    When couples just scream and shout and cuss each other, call each other names, blame each other, re-hash old offenses, list each others faults... etc. That closes off respect, intimacy, connection and starts separating us and planting seeds of bitterness.

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  • If you're fighting for each other instead of against each other, then yes I do believe it can strengthen their relationship.

    But if you're fighting every day about anything and everything then that's just toxic and unhealthy, to be in a relationship with that much animosity is pointless. Relationships are meant to enhance your life and a relationship where you're constantly arguing will only add more stress.

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  • Yeah it's totally normal. These are the kind of fights that are usually just due to some sort of misunderstanding. And I think it's a good thing because both of you get to tell the other one about your thoughts and feelings without hiding anything, so you get to know each other better, know how to interact with one another in the future to avoid such misunderstandings, which is certainly good for your relationship.

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  • they can strengthen a relationship if a resolution is reached that perhaps leads to better understanding with each person satisfied with the outcome

    fights can also tear couples apart.

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  • Unless a couple is Morticia and Gomez, couples fight. If done right, they strengthen the couple and they receive a better understanding of the other person. When couples scream, cuss, break things, or even just say things they truly don't mean, then it weakens them.

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  • Fights can weaken or strengthen your relationships, it all depends on the nature of your fights. If they are fights that bring about growth and improvements then fine, if it's frivolous garbage that is just a cover up for other issues, then it definitely is a relationship breaker.

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  • If you can talk about your problems without getting into a fight, you're normal. But if you can't talk about problems together someone between you two is being selfless and will going to explode anytime soon.

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  • I never thought arguing would help. I always tried to escape from such a scene. But now i am looking it different. From my recent experiences it helps us understand each other better.
    Relationships are not like fairy tales. You of course have different opinions. As long as you respect each other and do not hurt other 's feelings, it can be good.
    Constructive criticism i am talking about, not damaging.

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  • For me, no. Im very calm, peaceful, open minded and drama free. If someone in dating wants to cause arguments, i won't play in& they can see their way out my life. Not worth the stress.

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  • No. Fighting is not actually a normal healthy thing, disagreements happen but you give each other some space then talk it out later. Knock down drag out constantly yelling fights are not good for you or your relationship.

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  • No. I dream of a relationship without conflict because it's definitely possible despite what others may say. It usually happens when there's good compatibility. It means that you agree on most things. Conflict in relationships doesn't ever make them stronger as some people may say.

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  • Does the difference btn fighting and agruing mean include physical stuffs i think you are just fine tho, many people wish they could have that, i think arguing from time to time is necessary it helps you know what your partner likes and dislike but fights I don't know what do you want to happen for the conversation to get really heated?

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  • I would have to say that no, they do not. But I can't comment with absolute certainty - in my case the 'relationship was online and it fell apart because of arguments. Perhaps if we lived with each other they would have been manageable but alas.

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  • Communication, respect, listening and understanding each other and how to resolve issues together helps relationships.

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  • It's normal for couples to argue. I always heard that it does strengthen the relationship, the reason could be that if you work it out instead of ignoring each other for a long time.

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  • Its not really about that. Its about ondividuals asserting themselves. Not really 'relationship' function. Or a romantic sexual thing. Just how people suss eachother whether lovers or friends or relatives. Sometimes fighting is play fighting to show you have a backbone.

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  • Certain arguments often test the couples' love, respect and patience with each other. As long as the couple is having a “fair fight”, it may strengthen their relationship because they COMMUNICATE.

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  • The only fight me and my boyfriend had was when he was trying to tell me I am beautiful. I'm really bad with compliments, but I'm improving. I'm not going to let my non existent ego ruin the relationship.

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  • Don’t think it necessary strengthen its... if there is decent communication in a heated argument and the problems within or on a path too solutions then yes, it can strengthen it... but if not, then it just does as much damage...

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  • I think you should count your blessings that you don't have huge fights, but I think you should be prepared for the day when one does come because it might knock you on your ads if you aren't ready for it

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  • I don't think they're helpful to a relationship, no. I'm like you, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, and we've never had a fight. We've had moments of disagreement or if he upsets me we just apologise and make up. To me I think that's healthy. We recognise the other persons point of view and apologise or get over it. Fighting all the time is not a good thing. If fights are dealt with and worked through in a heathy way, that's different, and they do happen, but constant fighting isn't a good sign. I'd take it as a good thing, sounds like your relationship is strong to me :)

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  • Fighting does not help no however fighting can be a catalyst to resolve issues which if unresolved will cause harm
    However if you can resolve whatever issues without fighting so much the better

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  • If a girl wants to fight out of boredom or to prove love id dump her. If its like what you are id marry her. I dont need the stress I want a happy fun life. If she can't enjoy herself and its becomes my stress, she can become someone elces problems..

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  • Fights can be classified as disagreements. Its the disagreements and working it out that strengthens the relationship.

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  • I don’t think it’s necessarily fights that strengthen its finding ways to revolve the arguments as you have to be honest and meet in the middle.

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  • Depends on how the fight is handled. Screaming like children and being petty doesn’t strengthen anything. Discussing like adults and communicating does.

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  • Fights strengthen relationships if a great makeup comes afterwards but it's great to not fight, it means more time to be happy together <3

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  • Fights prove the true love between lovers

    If no fights at all even a little bit how will we prove that our loved ones care a lot for us

    Fights has its part in relationship but not at high extent

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    • I got engaged last month lol so of course we love each other. We just don't fight because we understand each other very well. We don't need to fight.

    • Guyana , easy off pressure 😂😁

  • What doesn't kill the relationship makes it stronger. When he sees the ugly side of you he can know more about you, and that's important in a relationship.

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  • Depends how you define "fight". Some people would say that arguing and fighting are the same thing.
    I don't think fighting is healthy in a relationship. What's healthier is being able to talk things out like adults, avoiding sudden outbursts, tears, anger, yelling, insults and so on if possible. Talking things out is what's going to make your relationship stronger, because you respect each other enough to not want to hurt the other or make unnecessary conversational choices (pettiness, insults, passive aggressiveness...).
    So in that regard, clearing the air is good. Open communication is good. Yelling and being aggressive is bad. Not listening is bad. Shutting the other person out is bad. Most of which are used during fights (or arguments).

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  • If the couple learns lessons from their fights, it will strengthen their relationship.

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  • Strangely, they can. But typically they don't - especially if they never open up their mind and admit they were wrong.

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  • The fights doesn't. Overcomming the fights and problems however, do.

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  • I feel like honesty is very important, so there's bound to be arguments in a relationship with honesty. As long as both of you makeup, (and avoid insulting each other too badly) then it's fine

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  • They can, but I definitely don’t think they’re essential to a healthy relationship.

    If fights are happening because you’re both very passionate about something and you disagree but ultimately respect the other person’s opinion, that’s good and healthy.

    The problem that some people have is that they fight about the same things over and over again without anything changing - it’s their hobby horse, essentially. You either need to stop bringing up the topic, or you need to break up because whatever it is seems to be a recurring problem.

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  • Nope. Things are said or done during an altercation that you don't forget. You can forgive, but you dont forget and over time that wears on a relationship. Best not to fight

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  • The fight doesn't strengthen the relationship, no
    The fact that you made up after what was said
    The forgiveness is what strengthens the relationship

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  • As long as no one dies...

    Jk. Argue but don't fight.

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  • The frequency of it may make or break a relationship.

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  • It does yes. Heels to know more about yr SO. You should not make a fight just for this thou, it's silly then. It's good, both of you understand each other well it shows

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  • Yeah that's fine. I'm the same way. Been with her for 3 years but we haven't really had an actual fight, just minor disagreements.

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  • I think they can weaken relationships if not done respectfully.

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  • You see! Fights happen in every relation, it's normal but it depends on the type of fight, whether it's gonna strengthen a relation or not.

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  • Arguing and fighting is two different things, arguing is normal (if you make up) just don't get abusive to them.

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  • Its not about the fight that strengthens the relationship. Its m9re on how you resolve it

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  • I'm really Naive at this, always afraid that i may hurt her😅

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  • to be honest i always hated girls that have no fight in them, i believe some disagreement is only natural. I think there should always be opinions that come and go and when that happens you will always find some opinions that don't completely go with each other. When that would happen and she would just not say anything to me or just accept it; it would always really bother me cause its being bottle up and one day she would explode and just leave.

    Anyways If you find something wrong with your partner but they think it's alright you should talk about it and if it escalades into an argument then be it, try to understand where the other is going. If communication is good enough then you guys could definitely learn from one another and grow as a person... if you have an open mindset that you are not always right (cause if your always right then the fight will just get bigger and bigger).

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  • Okay the way you guys do it yes little arugements and disagreement are good cause just imangrne someone who just agreed with everything you did it wouldn't be very healthy and it helps you guys learn from each other like why the ageument started maybe one of you liked this thing but the other didn't well now you know. but big arguments where your saying hurt full anything really isn't good and is an unhealthy relationship it will just make things worse and make each other hate one another. so be mindfull of what type of arguments you guys have and if it's big ones all the time either seek out some help lime counsiling or maybe its time to break up and find a new partner. hope this helped 🙂

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  • Depends. If you fight all the time, it's probably not a good fit. But a few fights can be beneficial, helps to vent.

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  • It does, if a big fight gets resolved then it shows that you have a strong relationship and understanding between each other.

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