Is an ultimatum ever a good thing?

I’ve been seeing this guy for 5 months now. Basically we are ‘seeing where this goes’ whatever that means in man language lol. Anyway, only recently have I started to want more, but due to discussions in the past I’m sure he still isn’t looking for a relationship, at least yet anyway. The other day he told me I was perfect and has told me several times that ‘anyone would be lucky to have me’.. But I don’t get it. If he thinks that, then why doesn’t he want more?
Do I ask him outright that it’s all or nothing now, or do I just keep letting it progress organically? I just want it to be mutual, not just on his terms.


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  • In some situations ultimatums are a good thing yes.
    I don't think this is one of them though.
    But do tell him that you'd *like* more.
    Let him know how you feel about this and where you'd like the relationship to progress.

    • I didn’t think it was a good idea, but my friend (who’s a boy) told me this was gonna be my only option now. He knows I like him, and he’s told me he likes me and even loves me.. But I trust actions and not words. Although we do see one another all the time, I feel like I want stability now even though it is going good. My mind worries that because we aren’t committed, he can find someone else at any time.

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    • My point is this, you can't controll his actions, you can controll yours.
      You can't controll his feelings, but you can controll yours.
      Perhaps while talking with him you can come up with another agreement with him, or the two of you can find a compromise you're both happy with.
      If not then you'll have to make up your mind about how much you want this relationship and what compromises you're willing to accept.
      If the two of you can't agree on *different* terms from the current ones then the only other two options are keeping the status quo or ending it.
      People don't like to being forced, so the previously mentioned ultimatum would make it a lot more likely that he'd simply pick leaving as his option even if the terms might have been acceptable if agreed upon through proper talks...

      Communication is the key here, let him know that you're unhappy about the current situation and try to be open to ideas to improve that situation.
      We'll see how much he's willing to give.

    • Then you have to make up your own mind about what you're willing to accept.
      But if you want negotiations you need to actually be open to negotiate instead of just saying that this is the terms, take it or leave it or negotiating and then never being happy with anything less then 100% of what you want.

      The best negotiations tend to leave both parties equally unhappy with the result.

  • never


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