Is it okay to date a guy I am not attracted to?

So I started dating this guy who is totally not my type. I'm not attracted to him very much physically. But he is very lovely and we spend nice time together.
So is it okay to keep dating him if I don't find him that much attractive? I mean, I think it is how it should work, right - we should date someone for who he is not what does he looks like.. but well it is not how it usually is...
What's your opinion about it? Would you date someone who you are not attracted to?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My honest opinion is, when you said,

    "I mean, I think it is how it should work, right - we should date someone for who he is not what does he looks like.. but well it is not how it usually is..."

    is that you are following that society rule. And I believe most people that say that don't really mean it. It's a politically correct way of making people feel good when publicly talking.

    If you are comfortable dating him like that, then I hope the best for you. I personally wouldn't do that though, especially not at your age.

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    • Maybe not a society rule but my experience. I followed my heart before and I was with guys I was very attracted to. But both of them in the end came out to be more in love with themselves than me lol.
      And that's why I started to wondering if giving so much importance to the appearance is a good approach.

    • I agree that the more attractive guys or probably more likely to be players. That's how it seems to be due to Tinder an apps like that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, do you still feel romanticly towards him or is he more like a friend to you. Because if you don't feel any attraction, it might mean he us way more into you than you are to him, which might end really badly. But if you can see it as a romantic relationship, even though you aren't attracted to him, I think it's fine.

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    • He is not my type but I am attracted to his personality, how he treats me and how we spend time together which makes me somehow feel romantically towards him

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What Girls & Guys Said

1030
  • It depends. Do you find him unattractive? Or just nothing that overly attracts you? Because that might grow as you get to know him better. But, it's important that you find him physically attractive as well. Eventually, this will affect the relationship if it doesn't change. But, as long as you aren't "repulsed" by him lol, you might find you are attracted to him as you get to know him more.

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    • I had an ex that I wasn't overly attracted to, but I wasn't turned off either, and as time went on, she became physically attractive as my feelings grew.

    • I think he is attractive. Just different type from 'mine'.

  • So honestly i dont think it's a good idea. I did that once and he actually fell for me but I couldn't completely fall for him which just made everything bad. Its better to not leave anyone hurt

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    • I agree with her because it is horrible to lie to someone because you can potentially inflict substantial mental damage.

    • True, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But on the other hand shouldn't we look for a personality, not the look?

    • I mean that's what we try. But who am I kidding, honestly. Personally, I like the personality but looks play an important role for me too. But go for it if it's sum you're not too interested in.

  • I couldn't ever do it, I have to find them physically attractive too, it just doesn't work for me if I don't.

    You do you, but think of the future, are you still going to want to be with someone you don't find attractive later in life?

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    • Well, some people can change with a time. Look is just a look, isn't it?
      I mean, I had been in a relationship just two times. Both with very attractive guys. Both times I have been left and I hurt a lot. Their great appearance didn't make me feel any better... So that's why I am wondering if I should push away someone who maybe can give me the true love

    • True, but I feel around the ages of 18-20, you're going to look pretty much as good as you can hope for (naturally) without lifestyle changes.
      I never said that they only had to be attractive, it's the same for personality.

      I won't date a woman where I don't find both physically attractive, and like who they are as a person in general etc.
      I understand your thinking, but i'm sure you can find someone you're both attracted to & can get the love you want.

  • I did.
    I was introduced to ex through mutual friends, we were in contact for a couple of months before meeting, never knew what she looked like, had begun to develops feelings based on our messages. For me who someone is is more important than looks.
    If things work out into a long term relationship, people's looks will change over the years, are you really going to end it because they go grey or put of a little weight, lose their hair or whatever.

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  • I think it's easier for women to date someone they aren't attracted to because personality is more of a turn on for them for men it's more looks but then again men usually have lower standards and multiple perferances.

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  • I also started to date a guy I wasn't attracted to.
    But with time, my interest started to change and now I'm really attracted to him.
    It's not about the fact that you are attracted to him or not. It's about the person itself.
    Our preferences change according to who we love.😊😆

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  • I think u r a bit unfair to him and to urself as well... May be he interested in u and u may hurt him when u leave him... so let him clear that ur dates are just meeting good friends or if u have feelings for him then redirect ur thinking as it's not important to be attractive but it's loves care and company most matter.. the way u r going u stop dating him in future and he will get hurt if not knows

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  • Only if you feel like your attraction to him is growing. I’d say look at the next few dates and see if your attraction to him grows, but if it doesn’t then it’s best to leave. I think physical attraction isn’t as important, but it still plays a role.

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  • No it's not okay. If you date someone you should be attracted to them because if you find out that this person isn't good enough you were messing with them the whole time and that's not right. I wouldn't want to date a girl who doesn't think I'm physically attractive.

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  • People put far to much stock in initial physical attraction
    It never has been nor will it ever be a good basis for relationships
    If you enjoy spending time with him then just enjoy it
    If you develop actual feelings for him in time those feelings will make him attractive to you

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  • Usually the more I like someone the more attractive they become to me, but I’m generally attracted to them to begin with so I don't know

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  • I mean, there’s nothing really wrong with it. But if he tries to initiate intimacy with you, it may cause problems if you can’t feel turned on.

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  • I'd that it depends if you're happy together, attraction has some aspect, such as intimacy.
    Maybe you can influence him to change his style and hair slightly to see if his aesthetics improve.
    Good luck

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  • Yes, honestly I'm not attracted sexually to girls most of the time, I think I'm just turned on by a good conversation with girls and weather I have a good time with them, but still never got a girl so that burns

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  • Do you at least find him interesting enough to hang out with?

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  • What would be the point in that? It's like trying to force yourself to like something you already know You don't like.

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  • Of he's paying the bills for the meals and drinks then no. Dating is generally about leading onto relationship So if your not physically attracted to him why you going to put him through that pain?

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  • Honestly the fact you had to ask the question means a lot. If you aren't sure early on when the fire should be there during the honeymoon phase then its unlikely to last

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  • No physical attraction is a big deal. If you are not physically attracted to each other I don't see it working. I am very attracted to my wife and she is attracted to me as well. We make love at least every other day even after a 16 year relationship. She is as beautiful as ever and we both still really enjoy making love to each other. It would be hard to have a relationship that you don't have sex much due to lack of attraction.

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  • Usually it's not good to. I think that physical attraction comes first, to get a couple interested in each other. Then comes the shift towards an emotional attraction, where you're attracted to their personality. If you're attracted to his personality, then great, but if not, I'd end it sooner rather than later

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  • Yes if you having good time then it's okay to date that guy. But try to be clear with him and don't let him have high hopes.

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  • If you think that you will leave him for someone you find attractive, then you need to break it off now before it becomes serious and you hurt him bad.

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  • Well no. At the end It is scince that you are atracted to atractive people. And don't feel bad about it. You are allowed to have standards, despite what the modern nerrative says.

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  • I dint think it's fair as pretty obviously your eventually find someone that does hit all your buttons

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  • You can love any person if you stay with them long enough.

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  • I speak for myself, but I wouldn't date someone that I'm not attracted to.

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  • Attraction ain't the only factor in a relationship

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  • Been there done that #dumped.

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  • Of course! Love is not about physical appearance.

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  • If you're​ trying to make him happy how sweet.

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  • If you think that you should

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  • Ofcourse this is not mater

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  • Yes why not

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  • It really isn't okay

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  • Oviously not

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  • So, I was like you 3 years ago. But I decided to be with him I gave it a shot to knew him better spend more time with him. No more than 3 months later attraction toward him grew I was in love with him I literally couldn't imagine myself without him I also considered my life lucky to have found him. I think attraction is some kind of trick happening in our mind you see after 3 months me loving him it's not because his face changed or he did plastic surgeries I just loved him for who he was I didn't even notice the issues I first had when I met him.. And the funny shit is I am 500% attracted to him now of course haha. I also tell him if we don't get married chose how do you wish to die? Lol

    Beside my story follow your heart.. We are all unique. But sometimes attraction doesn't bring happiness. We are going to age some days hell yes life is a bitch too an accident can happen to you and lose your arm leg whatever..
    Good luck

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    • It's funny how feelings can change our views, right? I think we can never be really sure at the very beginning what future will bring... I have had just two relationships with attractive guys who I was totally attracted to but then they just left me and I never really felt more loved just because of how they looked like...

      Thank you for your opinion :)

  • Honestly it’s up to you if to want to stay. Yes the other answers are right that kindness and stability are inportant in relationships, but in my eyes that’s more important if you are legimately looking to settle down in the long term with marriage, mortgage and kids. If you just want to be in a relationship while still be young, then from experience, if the attraction doesn’t grow, you might find yourself bored, unsatisfied and even resentful of him after a while even if you dont want to. It’s not always an intentional or even a conscious thing that you want romance and sexual excitement

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  • how long have the two of you been dating? I'd say give it time.. his looks may grow on you.

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    • Not long time, we had just two dates so it's not much, I think.

    • you should definitely give it a bit more time, but if you feel like the attraction will never be there and you have to force it then don't waste either one of your time (idk if I said that right lol, but you get it?)

  • You can lead him on and break his heart later, but he will do till something better comes along.

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  • Yeah it's okay and it's possible done it and i dont regret it

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