Signs he's only with you because he feels he can't do any better?

I really don't mean to sound arrogant, but I'm starting to wonder if my boyfriend is only with me because he feels he can't do any better.

We're happy enough mostly... but the silly arguments that we've been having often would suggest otherwise. And I don't feel like we're as 'in tune' with each other as we should be after almost 2 years. He still struggles to read me emotionally and things like that which just annoys me.

Either that, he's not enough for me and I'm the one settling... I'm not sure. Any ideas?
  • Sounds like you're both just settling
    Vote A
  • It's hard to tell
    Vote B
  • Relationships get this way sometimes
    Vote C
  • Other
    Vote D
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19

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, maybe you're not a good match, and maybe you're just picking up on him not being 'very into' the relationship.

    But I wouldn't overly obsess over the two particular points you make.
    - most people are with their partner because they couldn't do better. That's how it works. If the day you two first met, your favorite male celebrity, and his favorite female celebrity had been there, and his favorite hit on him, and yours on you, guess what, you two wouldn't be together. Most people will aim to marry the 'best person they can get' meaning they 'can't do any better'. Now if he seems -dissatisfied- with you, that's an issue. But sure, most people are 'settling' in terms of not marrying some foreign royal with a billion dollars, a charity that keeps them busy for a few hours a day and a perfect body.
    - him not reading your emotions well. You are -probably- taking that to mean that he 'doesn't care' or else he'd be more in tune. That's just not true. It's hugely influenced by how well he reads emotions in general. Men as a group tend to be worse than women at this, and a large group of men are -really weak- at this. But -reading- emotions and -caring- about emotions are two very very different things. Plenty of psychopaths actually -read- emotions very well and use that ability to manipulate. On the other hand I know tons of borderline (or fully) autistic spectrum people who are very caring... but oblivious. So try speaking your feelings out loud. Don't rely on him picking them up. If you tell him and he doesn't care, then that's your answer. If you speaking up makes the difference, he's probably just not good at reading emotions.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's hard to say if either one is settling not knowing you.
    I wouldn't care for him asking $10.00 of you or any money at all, you know him best is he a tight with money guy? Even if he was that type of guy in my opinion he was out of line in that situation, like you said it wasn't done on purpose.
    Being together almost 2 years and asking you for money says more about his character, something to think about if I were you. Where will he be as time goes on with you and money?
    If one is settling I'd say you are if I had to choose.

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What Girls & Guys Said

08
  • There's many different types of intelligence.
    And each of them vary quite a bit from individual to individual.
    It's possible that his social abilities, empathy etc may be lower, that he can't quite put himself in your shoes as effectivly as you can but he might still be smarter then you in other ways.

    What we think really doesn't matter here.
    The question is do *you* enjoy spending time with him and are *you* happy with the relationship?

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  • What's his general emotional maturity like? If he's pretty oblivious to everything he may just not know how to communicate. He may not be able/capable/willing to provide the level of connection you desire and if that's the case its probably best to move on.

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  • This is one of those age old, what you are willing to put up with things. Only one question matters. Can you tolerate this for another 2 years? 4? Really think about it.

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  • -He seems bored
    -No signs of any jealousy
    -No Romance
    -If you mention other guys he seems not to care
    -He wants to go out and maybe have sex but isn't trying to get to know you

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  • He can do better than you. And women is the one who is clinging on to a relationship because the depreciation is higher for men than women

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  • Well for how long have you been feeling like this with him?

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  • Other

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  • Just a little rough patch

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