Is friend zoning a real thing?

I just dont understand when guys say she hard core friendzoned me. I feel like you should be happy about that because then she'll talk to you like you're a friend and you'll get to know her better. This way you can get closer to her

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't believe people have some thought process of "this person is going to be my friend and they will only ever be my friend." If someone had the mentality of "friendship but no relationship" I'd generally see that as a precautionary measure. It's a "I want to know you first and foremost as a friend before I'm willing to even consider a relationship."

    If you're in a relationship and you plan to always be faithful... then everyone with whom you are friends is a friend. They aren't in the friend zone as that is the imaginary void from which no one can become an SO. But whenough becoming an SO isn't an option period... it's just being friends xD being in the "friendzone" is a pitty party. It's assuming you don't have a chance with someone because of something THEY did rather than something you've done. If someone decides there's some trait about you they couldn't handle in a relationship but they want to be friends, then it's a friendship.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The thing is people don't decide who they feel sexual attraction towards. And if there's no sexual attraction, you see that person as a potential friend and not as a potential partner. Therefor "friendzoning" people isn't a thing in my opinion. People don't consciously make that decision. But if the one-sided lack of sexual attraction is called the friendzone then that obviously exists.

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    • Out and about I see no one as sensually attractive. Nor as friends. They're real nice and all, sometimes cute and fun for a mo, but not compatible.

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    • Um, most females will tell you that they know whether they like someone, friends or lovers, when they meet them, or even just see them the first time. That first-impression thing. Their like may change depending on circumstance. Like one of my SOs thought I was attractive the first time she saw me - but it wasn't until my roommate/her friend showed her my room (once when I was not there) where she knew inside, "I'm going to fuck him." She told me this after we got together.

    • In any case: I'm saying I know by looking at a photo of someone. And I know no one is out there. I have too much experience, wisdom, and insight to ignore this.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Yes it’s very much a real thing. Being friend zoned is not the same thing as being friends. It’s specifically a scenario where you are friends and interested in dating but the other person is not interested in you. Them being interested and dating someone else is not friend zoned. Them dragging their feet due to inexperience is not friend zoned.

    Surprisingly, the message “you’re really nice and great to talk to but I find you too physically repellant to want to date” makes people feel not all that good. Also a lot of “friend zone” situations the girl perceived as normal friendship, but it looks more like female friendships (lots of one on one talk about feelings) then male friendships (more group activity, focus on doing shared hobbies). The way women behave in friendships is more how guys behave with a romantic partner. And they often have mixed feelings about having that level of emotional closeness with someone who is just a friend. Finally a lot of friend zone scenario the guy was being more than a friend - he was trying extra hard and basically auditioning to be a boyfriend. He thought that was obvious and can feel a little used when he realizes she’s not interested. There are things you’d do for a romantic partner you might not do for a friend.

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  • I feel like only butthurt dudes use the “friendzone” excuse. I’ve rarely seen girls actually flirt with guys & then say: “Oh! I only like you as a friend!” I don't know... maybe it’s just me & crew that have always been really honest from the get-go.

    I will let anyone know what I think of them wayyyy ahead of time. So if someone starts bitching & moaning that I friend zoned them... OK! Then I just cut all contact with them. We’re nothing now... problem solved!

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  • It's real and it means she isn't interested in you romantically only platonicly. I've friendzoned lots of guys. I knew they were interested but I wasn't. I really liked them as a good friend but nothing more. Honestly I also enjoyed the attention of a guys attention and affection even if I didn't want the romantic aspect of it.

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  • I think they have a right to be upset after getting turned down. But to be a dick about it and act like they should have said yes is ridiculous. A girl doesn't have to have a "good" reason to turn someone down and id say to offer to remain friends is really nice of her.

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    • Yeah just as kind as tearing out your heart scrsping it to pieces and hand it back over

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    • So do you want a girl to tell you she isn't interested from the moment you say "hi"? Because most of the time the "friend zone" happens when a guy makes friends with a girl and then asks her out. But from what I gather most guys who believe this also make jokes about how women assume when a guy opens a door for them that he likes her. So which do you want? Do you want us to be oblivious to flirting until you tell us directly or do you want us to just assume every guy wants to date us? Just because someone talks to us doesn't mean they're flirting. We aren't mind readers, if you want a quick answer then say "want to go on a date sometime?" And she will give you a yes or no. If you want to take the route that most guys go, then talk to her for a while as a friend and then ask her, that's probably the most successful method, but it's time consuming and there are no guarantees. No woman wants to be around a guy who can't handle rejection because that shows you are selfish and spoiled.

    • @The_Gentelman : that is a straight answer. Or you can push the question. I have, and have gotten out of them, a little un-easilly but they have come forth with, 'yeah, I don't really...". Regardless. Be autonomous. Someone not being forward and forthright means they aren't qualified.

  • It's called friendship and its great! I mean I friendzone girls on purpose often. I also get "put" there, i dont mind :) Guys who call out adn whine about the friendzone are just to insecure to ever to build something strong enough that they "escape" it. Guys who whine about the frienzone are dicks who just what sex and can't value a woman as a close friend :) girls and guys can be great friends!

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  • Friend zone is just a rejection. Staying friends w/someone who is interested in you romantically is not possible, I have done it once. Some people just friend zone to not reject the person, but also push them away.

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  • u know sometimes i want to friend zone some guys that i like just cause i feel like we could last longer, since i feel young right now, id like to know the guy will be my friend for a long time where as in relationships it could go all down the drain and too much expectation

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    • I see this all the time, and while I don't think it's dishonest, I don't understand it. If relationships are only with guys who aren't good friends, is it any wonder that the relationships crash and burn?

    • @JZ909 meh more like i know those guys aren't going to last forever i know its going to end so might as well make the best of our friendship while we can.

  • There is no point wasting time with someone if they friendzone you. That means that 98 percent of the time you will stay there no matter how much you know her or feeling grow. You are asking for heartbreak. So if that person real intentions is to be her boyfriend and not just a friend he should leave it alone.

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  • From my perspective, friendzoning happens when someone is looking for something dramatically different in a partner than they are looking for in a friend. I don't think it's (generally) intentionally cruel, it's just an unfortunately side-effect of this difference. As a friendzoned friend, you may understand your friend better any lover she's ever had, but that level of emotional intimacy never leads to full intimacy, because emotional intimacy is not what she's looking for in a partner, she's looking for someone who's hot and confident. She takes care of her emotional intimacy in other ways.

    For me, emotional intimacy is a key factor in deciding if I'm going to get serious with a girl. I ended up being VERY attracted to a girl largely because we could talk about anything together. When I tried to ask her out she was very surprised that I felt the way I did, and I think she genuinely felt bad about it. I don't think she tried to lead me on, it's just that what she was looking for was very different from what I thought she would be looking for.

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  • "Friend zoning" is a term guys came up with to make themselves feel better about the simple fact that a girl just isn't into them in the way that they'd like. Guys (myself included, early on in life) had this feeling that I was good enough for any girl I wanted. In fact, that's how we're kind of taguht. That if you act this way, or talk this way, you can have any girl you want. While I'm all for confidence building, ultimately, this leads guys to becoming whiney and self-indulging. You'll hear them say "man, that girl always says she wants a nice guy, but she always goes out with these jerks." That usually can be translated into, "man, I'm the perfect guy for her, she should feel lucky to know me."

    Of course, there are some women tha do take advantage of it. They know exactly that they can get this guy who clearly has feeling for her to do almost anything for her. While she is under no obligation to pay any favor back romantically, it's still a cunt-y thing to do. Those women are the ones that reinforce the idea of friend zoning.

    Anyway, to your question, in reality, yes, in a better world, that guy should be happy he's close enough to her to be her friend and get to know her better, but unfortunately, some guys don't know how to take no for an answer when they finally make their feelings known, or they can't come to grips with reality and just try and hang on. So, there is good and bad to all that.

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  • Friendzoning is when one person is attracted to the other, but that person views it as platonic. Usually people bitching about being friendzoned have made no effort to be attractive, and are acting entitled to being more than friends.

    To your second part, that's not how it works. Friends means friends and nothing more, it's not an opportunity to stick around and get to know each other better, hoping that something more will develop.

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  • No, not really.

    When someone says “oh that person is a bitch/asshole because they friendzoned me!!!” what they actually mean is “that person didn’t return my feelings because I never had the cojones to tell them about it and now I’m angry that they couldn’t read my mind.”

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  • It's real. It's really real. I just unintentionally did it for the first time to one of my friends I met this year, and feel really bad. It's just... sometimes you don't see certain people as potential mates, but still as allies. Like, they kind of become a non-sexual entity in the other's eyes. It sucks.

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  • No, it doesn´t mean it, it just mean that the woman is not attracted to you, and if you are attracted by her that will suck, but majority of times it is due to not being physically attracted, which can be tuned around by becoming more muscular and lowering your body fat enought to have visible abs, but if the reason is more than not being physically attracted it would be harder to make a come back, but still possible if you know were you need to improve.

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  • Sometimes when u love a person and want to be with her, friend zoning is like bitch slapping. Besides she will find another guy and u will end up being road kill because the guy won't always be open to the girl talking to the other guy and she will break it off with the guy and keep the boyfriend. Hence the dilemma. Happened to me when I was a tad younger.

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  • No it isn't. If a girl doesn't want to date you it's because you never said you were romantically interested and expected her to read your mind.

    Also it comes from some gross place where friendship is a consolation prize instead of a good thing? No.

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  • Except 99% of the time when a guy is friendzoned they never see the girl again. She just said lets be friends cause she was too pussy to say she isn't interested in you. You might exchange a few texts but then it dies off when she puts no effort into the texts and is always too busy to catch up as friends.

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  • It all depends. If I feel a sense of intimacy with someone and they back off, it is very difficult to handle because of what is lost. Sure I'm happy because the connection is not lost but in a real sense, what really matters has been lost.

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  • Guys who complain about the friend zone dont have the social skills to pursue a woman and dont have the emotional maturity to deal with rejection. Its like they put all their eggs in this one basket and dont know what to do with the basket when the person doesn't want it, not realizing there's billions of other people to try and give your basket to.

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  • Women don't friendzone men. Men friendzone themselves. If he's not willing to be just friends, but settles for friendship with hopes of being more later, he's a fool.

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  • Friendzone means you're seen as nothing more than a friend, 0 potential to date someone. Getting closer to her wouldn't do anything but put you deeper in the friendzone. It's like if you had a gay bestfriend, except they aren't gay, and have feelings for you

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  • That's not a good thing. A lot of the time guys don't want to be friends with attractive single women they want more. And if they have feelings why would being just a friend be a good thing.

    The friendzone means they don't want to go out with you and all you'll ever be is a friend.

    You may think a lot of your guy friends are okay with being just friends but you'd be surprised how many would rather be more.

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  • No. It’s what guys have called rejection to somehow make it the girls’ fault. People no longer see themselves as the issue, instead, everyone else is wrong. Especially guys do this, because they’ve not been raised to deal with emotions that come with rejection.

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  • Nah. It's a tactic to blame others for not seeing the rejected person as a potential lover.

    People should be happy to be seen as a friend rather than someone who they will never talk to again.

    I think people need to respect the fact that some people are going to love them, and some people aren't, and if they choose to be friends with you, they obviously see the value you have as a person.

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  • The problem with guys are that some of them are chickens afraid of making moves and showing their intentions, because they are afraid of rejaction so they make friendships hoping that will take them closer to sexual relationship. Instead of dating and picking up girls they are usually waisting there time until masks fell off and friendships broke.

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  • There is such thing as "friendzone" because I put a lot of guys that crushed on me when I was dating in the friendzone. My crush of over 6 years did the same to me. It happens, we just aren't both mutually attracted to each other.

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  • THANK YOU!!
    Guys who complain about the friend zone just dont get it. I know that they want some booty, but if you learn how to be her BEST friend they will get some anyway. There's a little secret to the friendzone that guys dont get.

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    • That's not true at all. The friendzone is compared of people who aren't attractive.

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    • @Acegoolah: okay, the book/product pitch. Let's hear it!

      crazy8000 has it down. Bein pro-ac-tive. I'm somewhat in this mode, though I have no prospects and no opportunity. But I did last weekend. She talked herself into and out of hanging twice in two days. I just watched it. And I knew it was coming before it happened! She messaged me, by the way, an extraordinary thing.

    • Hahaha it does sound like a book or a product I know. But I swear it's not, it's not a gimmick it's just an epiphany I had one time that seemed to work. I'll message you.

  • I'm not sure you know what it means till now. When à man likes a woman, shoes interest in her, and then reveals he's interested. Then the woman says I'm not interested in you in that way, we can still be friends, now that's friend zoned. Not fun at all. And a lot of the times it's hard to be friends with a attractive woman when you are single. It's just human nature. But still possible to be friends first then hook up.

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  • It isn't a real thing but it occurs when the in-love-person tells his feeling to the-loved-person but the-loved-person decides to decline the strong feelings of the in-love-person and also decides to just keep the in-love-person around, just as a friend.

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  • I don't know. I think in terms of for guys having a female friend generally comes with attached romantic feelings. So by that regard I suppose friend zoning exists in the sense she does not have those in return. Though I think it could go both ways in that sense.

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  • 'This way you can get closer to her'

    And in that one sentence you've shown the entire problem with the whole friend zoned thing. It Very rarely works that way. You want to be friends you need to get past it and be her friend otherwise it's just creepy.

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  • Dont mean to be rude but its very naive thinking. Also wrong. Once a girl friendzoned a guy has like very small chance to turn it around.1st of all, you're calling friend a guy who you wouldn't have sex with.2nd, would you have sex with a guy whos been your friend for like a few years and knows you like a 2nd brother? Thought so. Basically friendzone=not my type lets just talk.

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  • It is but i think its more of a way to say i like you and want you as a friend. So yes its bad in one way but at least she likes you enough to want to be friends. But it can be hard to see someone you like and then see them with someone else.

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  • yeah..
    and guys need sex.
    friends do not get sex.
    i did that with my first crush throughout school..
    she needed a friend more at that time..
    she never viewed me in that way..
    after that day i decided i would never be that guy..

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  • i friend zoned my man hard at the start. He was the 1st man to ever go past the friend zone but he was worth it.

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  • My guy friend friend zoned me which is very confusing because he wants to spend every weekend with me and get me to do everything with him. Whether he admits it or not I feel like a girlfriend and I know that if I ran away he’d chase me like hell. I’m cool with it though, because if Hercules comes along the way and can commit I would be with Hercules.

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  • To me that just means she killed our freindship. never have I had a girl stay just freinds cause they can't handle knowing that you liked them at one point.

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  • Sweetheart you misunderstand what the term means. No woman views a friend as a sexual partner. Ergo the term "friendzone" because you're in limbo and she's decided you're "like a brother" which for men is a death sentence in the dating game.

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  • I always cringe when I see people complain about the friend zone. Would they rather be enemies with the person, making it awkward seeing them from now on?

    I mean sure rejection sucks, but complaining about that is flat out entitlement.

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  • Females don't make very good friends. They are like girlfriends you can't show any sort of affection towards without her being creeped out. Don't get me wrong, some women make great friends, but those women are few and far between.

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  • I had my best guy friend in the world keep asking me out. I just did not have those boyfriend feelings for him ever. He called it friend zoning but we HAD been friends for 12 years lol! We are not any longer becuz he got shitfaced drunk one night and tried to kiss, grope me. He may hav been drunk but I could not trust him anymore after that and chose not to have him in my life. I think we keep people as friends fir a reason. Because thats who we want thwm to be, FRIENDS. and if thats thier zone, they can stay in it or not even be on the map!

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  • People who complain about being friendzoned want to be something more with the girl. Most of the time its their own fault for not taking no for an answer and the girls trying to be nice bu saying "cant we just ne friends"

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  • It’s an imaginary place that doesn’t exist. If she likes you she likes you, if not then a guy just needs to move on, respect her wishes and find someone else who will be interested in them. It doesn’t have to be complicated.

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  • Well most times when she put you in the friend zone that's a good thing unless of course you're the guy that wants to be with her and you want more than that then it's a very frustrating thing because no matter what you do or how you try she'll never see you as anything more than just a friend and if you push too hard then you'll push her away.

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  • Yes and it means *he can't get any closer* to her. He'll only ever be a friend. That sucks. Even if you're not interested in her, being seen as a suitor would be better.

    Friendzoned does not simply mean being a friend. It describes a specific mechanism for becoming a -- and being a specfic kind of -- friend.

    It's mostly something observed in girls. You don't really see guys do it.

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  • Easily I do it everyday. To state basically that you won't want to be in a relationship with the person. Some people will take it as an insult but really its better to have many friends then multiple failed relationships. But friends are honestly life long (after highschool)

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  • Yes, it is a real thing, but I think that people misunderstand it. It's not a transitive property; that is, no one can friendzone you. Only you can put yourself in the friendzone or get out of it. No one can friendzone you without your consent.

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  • Those who dream forward and forget to apply the brakes , fall into friend zone if they proceed forward. The same as if you will go over a cliff if you don't stop in time. If someone else has to apply your brakes for you , its called friend zone.

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  • I'm friend zoned so hard by a guy so yeah it is a real thing and I'm not happy about it because you get closer but only as friends when you want something more

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