Would you date someone with baggage?

Disorders, trama, depression, sexual abuse?
Updates:
I just have a fear of someone dating me and they think I’m too much and leave me. I had problems with sexual abuse since I was younger. I feel like a guy would get tired of me trying to take things slow because of my past and present.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah, but it depends on how they deal with it and how it has shaped their personality. Like if the person has overcome their past or disorder, then why not? But if I feel like they still have some stuff they need to work out with themselves, I probably shouldn't, but I usually give them a chance anyhow if I like them enough, in the past anyways, probably won't be doing that from now on. From experience, some people get so caught up in their own self pity that they become so miserable and sometimes even mentally messed up that it starts affecting their relationships, making them toxic on the other person. Sexual abuse (no STD... I dont want to die a virgin just because I'm waiting) is probably the easiest one for me to deal with? I'm not saying it's easy for someone to go through or to overcome, I just feel like loving someone can give them the power to love themselves sometimes, and as a girl (we all go though this at some point) I feel like I can help someone be content with themselves more than I can deal with depression or other disorders...

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I did date and actually we both were very happy. She opened about her past which was very tough most of the stuff you mentioned above. I didn't mind because I realised she needs someone to help her get through this. But overtime, she started to act very negatively, started abusing me, didn't care at all. For me it started to turn out one sided. I'm a soft hearted person so one day I really had rough moment and ended up in tears. I never usually show this side but I did to her. But she got even more angry and litterly destroyed me. I really got shocked and just thought is this the punishment I'm getting to help her out. I told her to change or at least put some effort, I'll help you. But her response was this is who I am, you have to deal with it. She is my ex now

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    • Fear will lead to failure. You will get the right guy who will understand you. Would suggest to try to be tougher so past won't bother you much.

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What Girls & Guys Said

43100
  • I would consider it depending on what the problem is - some problems - yes - and others know - but I would only date them if they had qualities I wanted in a partner which involves being virtuous and somewhat desirable. I believe its possible for damaged and broken people to be virtuous - even if its a little harder for them.

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  • We all have baggage, I've got depression, adhd, osd, I'm close to my mom, I don't have a job... I could keep going. We all have our secrets but our job as humans is to see past the baggage. For both males and females. I am going to tell you some of the best relationships come from people that don't have everything together. You help each other. It does take knowing when you are wrong however. For fighting to work it takes two people. If fighting is happening then it's your fault too. It's about finding how to peacefully handle conflict. To know your weaknesses and know your strengths. The strongest relationships are the ones where couples don't give up on each other. When your wife or husband goes to rehab that is the example of a healthy relationship. You care enough about each other to help each other. All that being said. Baggage does not define a person but how you judge baggage does. Do not judge a book by it's cover, give everyone a chance. It would be your loss if you let someone go that was struggling to find work when that person happens to be one of the faithful people you have ever dated. You never know someone until you know them.

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  • I have my own issues, two that you’ve already listed actually.

    I feel as long as someone can cope well enough with their issues, why not date them? I wouldn’t be comfortable dating someone though that would become too codependent on me. I can be there for you as a romantic partner would. But it’s not my responsibility to fix you or your mistakes.

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  • I feel like you probably have to have a good character and be gentle and caring with it comes to this kind of relationship maybe go to therapy in search of how to make the person feel comfortable and easy with you instead of like they have to hide it all...

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  • I would date someone with baggage. We all have baggage in some form or another. Just take it slow. You dont have to explain everything other than maybe that you want to take it slow for personal reasons. You can open up to the guy later, if the relationship progresses.

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  • Everyone has baggage.
    Sometimes, people can't carry their own baggage alone. Personally, it's not so much the baggage that can be the problem, but how someone copies with it. For example, if you have health issues but refuse to go to a doctor, you're not the one for me. Buh-bye!

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  • There are good, patient, loving men out there. I felt very similar to you but my fiancé accepts me and my problems. Be honest about who you are and what you face in life. The one who loves you the same will be found.

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  • I would, but that person need to be aware of his issues and that he can change and be better... im willing to grow together

    Some doesn't even notice they have issues and would just say irrelevant words like im like this... u accept me or bye

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  • I want to wait for marriage so that is cool if she needs time.
    I hope she would just be able to (after reasonable amount of time) be able to open up to me and have that trust and face her issues somehow.

    What is a reasonable amount of time? Not sure, very hard thing to tell.

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  • I have and it has never ended well, either there emotional trama gets in the way or they start to blame the other person for there difficulties. Its hard to say but I have dated many women and I finally am dating a girl who is independent and is my rock when I need her just like I am for her. Its impossible to makr something work if one side makes it all about them

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  • If its something i can handle i would love to date her if i like who she is. Helping her overcome it adds more depth to the relationship but if it interferes to much to the point where i constantly get hurt and can't be happy it wouldn't work out.

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  • Yes because everyone has their own baggage and if you wouldn’t that makes you hypocrite. I have depression anxiety trust issues I’ve been sexually abused and raped and yeah it’s not fun to deal with it but I do and it’s mine to deal with.

    That being said I would want my SO to understand that and not get angry or upset when I have my moments.

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    • Not everyone has baggage

    • Show All
    • If you don't want to date someone who does the like eggs that's fine, it's a preference, a strange one but it's a preference.

    • That’s not what I meant good lord

  • Everyone has baggage, the important difference is some people are better equipped for handling it than others. Baggage to me lets me know the person is real and has depth to them. I'd be more hesitant to date someone who's never had any real adversity

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  • Depends on the guy. I have a lot of baggage and my boyfriend knows and is helping me. I hope you do find someone that will love you and will help you. It builds a special bond.
    My ex had baggage and I still stayed with him.

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  • I would like to say yes, but my last situation taught me that sometimes a person won't let you help in the particular way they want help/support, because they are too stuck on the past.
    I don't think too many people would mind handling another's "baggage" as long as it's not just one-sided.

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  • Everyone has baggage but my partners is destructive anxiety and depression. It means our relationship has not moved on and will not move on. B It has made me feel ill with my MH. I’m thinking of leaving him now. It’s exhausting relationship that just have gone nowhere due to his anxiety.

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  • A person is a person. If you want to be in a relationship with that person you have to help each other out by carrying each others "baggage". A good way of doing this is talkong about it or getting creative with it. I would draw little pictures for my partner of how i felt and he would draw a response that would make me smile every time. The relationship is supported by communication mainly.

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  • Everyone has baggage, but dating someone who is depressed, suicidal etc really drains you. I would think twice about it.

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  • Yes i would because i dont care what happened in there passed it shouldn't matter who you where it should matter who you are now. And i have adhd and depression, anxiety. It sucks and i have been through hell so to speak and i still get up in the morning and live my life

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  • Be yourself and enjoy life. If you do experience with some issues we all do even if some are harder than others. If a guy cares then he will stay unless you are so damaged it's to the point of where you're in a constant state of emotional instability. My girlfriend has her own mental issues as well and I've still stayed with her and I don't regret a thing either.

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  • Everyone has baggage in some shape or form. I have dated women that have had some serious issues and I did my best to help them. There grateful till this day. And I have been in a relationship while going through some depression. And my significant other at the time helped me as well.

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  • It depends on the severity of their depression, and how well controlled it is. It also depends on the cause.

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  • Everyone has baggage, the most important part is finding someone who can grasp that a person will need support for what they deal with. Any person worth time works with you to understand.

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  • Simple answer is yes I would still date them the way I look at it is I live in the here and now so if a girl wants to take it slow cause of there past we will and wouldn't pressure her what so ever but yes we allhave baggage some are more severe then other just do what makes you happy that's all a guy should ever do

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  • I have. I don't expect to fix them or for them to always be okay. I just want honesty before we start dating and when we are, that's all... If I don't know better, I can't do better. Be honest

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  • Every person has different types of flaws... if a guy can understand and still want to continue with you... he's worth it. On the other hand a girl should also look at his flaws and should put an 100% effort to be there for him. As for the question if it was me I would date a girl who has lots of flaws because no one is perfect

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  • Definitely. I would take care for them as much as I would be capable of and maybe a little more. I'd make sure they feel safe and secure and I would reassure them how beautiful and wonderful they are and how much they mean to me

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  • Kind of depends on whether the person's personality is like. If it's been completely altered where that person is emotionally unstable then he/she probably shouldn't be dating

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  • If they're willing to work on moving on yes, we all have troubles in our past, but the willingness to move on from them is the hardest part and from there a partner/close friend can make a huge difference in helping them

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  • no reason why not everyone has baggage and anyone who says they don't is lying to themselves and the person they are with.

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  • I think everyone has some form of baggage. Some can be more serious and traumatic, but ultimately we are all human beings with one issue or another. So in short, yes I would date someone with baggage.

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  • I have dated people with and without baggage with the same end result I married my wife and the rest I don’t think too much about. If I were single yes I might date someone who has baggage but who knows how long I would date them.

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  • Everyone has baggage. But under it all you are still a person. So you like them for who they are, regardless.

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  • Yes. I have some baggage too and it make easy for me empathize with whom I date. It's almost a requirement for me if i want something real. Other wise I just don't understand how they think or feel and visa versa.

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  • Ask that question to yourself. If you carry the baggage, it will be difficult for a guy to be in a relationship with you. Also, if you have a positive attitude to empower yourself through your experiences, it would not be a problem.

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  • Tbh if someone really loves you they would be okay with you taking it slow. I’d be okay with it as long as They’re are willing themselves to accept help and want to get better but if they want to drag me down with them then I’d have to reconsider

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  • Probably not if I knew about it beforehand. Trying to date someone with one or more of those is very draining and exhausting.

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  • I am sorry to inform you that everyone has baggage, if you find someone who claims that they have no baggage, then run away as fast as you can.

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  • It would be impossible to find anyone without at least some kind of baggage.

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  • Yes for sure you will find someone that will accept you for who you are. But make sure before entering in a relationship try to at least work on yourself

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  • I would work on yourself a bit first. Everyone has issues but I’m not a problem fixer and have issues of my own to deal with.

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  • Since there are people without much if any baggage, the question becomes... why would you date someone with baggage?

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  • I would want them to be mentally healthy. A sad past is one thing, but I would not want to date someone who's on a bunch of psychiatric medications.

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  • Honestly, no. I dated a guy with depression, sexual abuse and schizo for over a year and it took a lot of mental strengh an I just can't do that again.

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  • Everyone has been through some kind of trauma, has an obsession or shaky past, overcoming them and trying to learn and live a normal life is what makes each of us deep and different.

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  • Well yes I have disorders so I would feel more relatable if I had someone who had similar issues too. It would be like teaming up helping each other defeat it and love each other at the same time.

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  • Everyone has baggage, to one degree or another. So yeah.

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  • So I have problems myself I have depression and anxiety and Asthma so whenever my anxiety kicks in because of my depression my asthma kicked in and I can't breathe properly and I have struggled with this myself I've been left before because my depression was just too much for them to handle and it is a fear of mine that's why whenever I'm entering into a new relationship before things get serious I always let them know this is my issue and if this is something you cannot handle just don't I don't want to put them in a position where they have to feel trapped because they don't want to make my conditions worse you need to make sure that you're upfront about it and if they can't be okay with letting them go let them walk away before things get too serious and that is honestly the best way to approach it in my opinion I've had people say I appreciate you telling me this isn't something I can deal with. Just be honest

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  • I have. And if my current relationship were to tank I would again. I am not perfect and do not expect perfection.

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  • Already have and I would of said yes but... depends. Because sexual abuse can cause so many issues...

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