Why do some guys assume being "a nice guy" is enough to attract a woman like it's the only factor they look for?

Thoughts?
No, i'm not saying that it's bad to be nice, but I see some guys on here saying "but i'm a nice guy" as any argument to why women don't like them, which I think is dumb.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I understand what you're saying, obviously as a guy I'm looking for more in a girl than just kindness. Men's gripe is when being "nice" is said as a criticism. I've heard it myself before, you're a great guy, but you're "too nice." Like what do you mean he's TOO nice? Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone who kisses my ass, but at the same time I'm really attracted to girls who are kind and caring. This frustrates men even more when see they women saying things like "all men are assholes" "I just wish I had a guy who pays attention to me" etc. So yes, you're right, being nice is by no means the only quality that should qualify a man as a suitable partner. But when women say a guy is nice as a criticism and then complain about men who don't care enough, we're kinda like "wtf?"

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The basic assumption is that in order to like a person on any level, they have to be nice. So I don't get it either, and I see this on here all the time.

    But I think being nice is quite subjective as well, and that's why people find it confusing. And what I mean by that is, that qualities that are generally thought as nice, might not be nice to all people. And also, people behave differently in different company, so the comparison that is often seen on this site "bad boy vs. nice guy" is often misleading, because in many cases the "bad boy" might behave perfectly nice with a person they are interested in.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Most girls don't just want a guy who loves them - they also want a guy who loves himself. Some nice guys are so busy loving their girlfriends they forget to love and properly take care of themselves and don't balance their own interests with that of their partner. A religious person might also want somebody who loves God alongside themselves and their partner and they also somebody who loves the world and the community too.

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    • Wow.. thank you. I believe I've been doing that for years. Just recently I started dressing up nicely and working out hard again. Concentrating on making me comfortable with myself. Where I've been just loving and helping my ex with her goals. This post confirms my thots ty again

  • I think they mean , why don't women choose nice guys who'll treat them with respect , and treat them with kindness in a loving way as opposed to choosing a bad guy who'll mistreat & disrespect them , and be mean to them.

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  • The irony is also that guys who feel entitled to sex or dates just because they're nice to girls, are actually not nice at all. The instant they get rejected, they start showing their true selves. They insult her, tell her she's ugly and that they just approached her out of pity (yeah right), and so on.
    scontent-vie1-1.cdninstagram.com/.../...0432_n.jpg
    #ByeFelipe

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    • Oh i've seen how quickly that turns bad. Just telling the women what they want to hear until they get what they want, if it doesn't work, salt gates FLOOD open.

    • Which is why we need to make the distinction between nice guys (guys who are genuinely nice people) and those Nice Guys™.

  • Because they're self concious and quiet and don't have confidence in any other aspect of their personality or looks, so they expect women to like them solely because they are "nice" even though they tend to not show that nice side towards women because they feel some sort of hatred because they get turned down so often.

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  • Because all men hear from women is "i want to find that nice guy". Women really want something totally different so that's why nice guys finish last.

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    • The guys who claim to be nice guys are usually the first guys to turn on you and insult you if you ever turned them down. Even if you were nice. They show a completely different side to what they claim.

    • Show All
    • If you love someone you love them in any state? Foolish girl. If a woman falls in love with a gym bodied man then he turns into a 400lb man she will leave. If a man falls for a woman because of her chest size then he finds out that she stuffs her double d bra to make her b cups look bigger then he will also leave. If i fell for a woman that was kind hearted then she got mad and decided to burn my clothes. I would leave. Change happens and i understand that. However drastically changing one's body, mind, or actions will result in people around them changing as well. This is common since

    • Looks attract you originally, personality keeps you there. If you leave someone because their physical appearance changed then you either never loved them or you fell out of love and their looks were the only think keeping you around.

  • I agree with you.
    They don't want to face the real reasons. They seem to think all women go for bad guys which is so ridiculous.

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    • Out of interest, why did you just break up? What sort of guy was your ex?

    • @DevilsAdvocator
      He was a good person but had been unhappy and without purpose most of his life. Being in a relationship was just an easy way out and we both ended up unhappy. He's an amazing person but he has to solve his problems on his own.

  • This! Whenever I hear a guy use this line, I immediately cut ties with the dude knowing everything he does for you will come with a price later on. He'll never be a genuine friend and will never be authentic. Everything with him has an ulterior motive and if you deny him his "reward" he'll pretty much show his true ugly self. So yeah, I always run for the hills when I notice this type of guys.

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  • Women are fairly dumb in this regard. Nice guy spiders into everything. The way he treats you, how me makes his decisions, the way he treats others, the way he will raise your kids. He is concerned with you feelings and wonders how things he does will affect you. Dont get with him. Jump on the back of my Harley we will have great se, Ill bang your best friend the first chance I get, Ill lie to you. And leave you devastated. But yeah, fuck him. Great decision.

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  • I love this I laugh at nice guy because to them being nice is the only thing that matter no dumbass being nice is required being charming and sweet and funny and having a personality and looks and mystery these are all things that make a woman want you not being just nice

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  • I've been wondering this for a while. There's a bit of hypercriticism, because very rarely to I see guys actually consider personality in women as a factor, beyond "not being insane"

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  • They don't know any better.
    They've never been challenged to think outside their confort zone, which is to be a kiss-ass.
    On the other hand, I feel like these individuals havn't been taught on how to interact with women, on more than the horniness level. Wether it be at school or home.

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  • Because its easier to transfer the fault on the girl instead of looking what you're doing wrong. My ex is a really nice guy, he's amazing, but he's jealous, he's not open minded and a real sticker never wanting to be away from me which were some of the reasons not to work out between us.
    What im looking in a man is intellect (not on diploma, but what there really is in the head), open minded, not putting me in a cage, good person thats normal (noone wants to spend their life with a trash), getting my jokes (he has the same flirty dark humor as me), loyal, but not clingy, honest (even if he wants to do something thats a nono just to tell me and it won't be a problem).
    My type usually is a good guy who's a mess. Im a fixer and i like it to be the person who would support him and be with him when he's in need and try to make his life happier and with a purpose.

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  • It seems a lot of guys think nice is being a total pandering pussy. They are quite easy to spot.

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  • It's because that's what girls say they want when asked. Little do they know that women never say what they want. They are too caught up between social expectations and their own urges and needs.

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  • Its literally the first step from a boy to a men. Then the second is the drop. When they realize it's not gonna work. The comes the third, the transformation.

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  • Boys constantly hear women complaining that most men are pigs/jerks/players. Then they get told they’re nice. They probably are sweet and gentle. They imagine that is apparently what women are looking for. They themselves are often looking for an “ok” looking girl who is “sweet”. They imagine women have the same preferences since they’re told men and women are the same (in fact men probably like “sweet” women because we evolved to see it as a useful trait for a mother of children, just like women look for assertive, strong men who can accumulate resources partly because that’s useful for a father).

    When they don’t have success with girls they assume they must not be behaving nicely enough so try harder and then themselves into doormats who behave somewhat fairly while increasingly resenting how their efforts aren’t being appreciated.

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  • I agree. Men should work on being more interesting AND nice. Being nice alone doesn't attract women. Usually having interests and participating in sonething does

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  • They try to sugarcoat how lackluster they are by saying they’re a nice guy. I don't know why they do it, lmao I don’t understand guys brains

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    • Younger men say the same thing. They don't understand women's brains either. Once guys get a bit older a switch gets flipped and then women's actions make perfect sense.

  • Oh... Those nice guys aren't that nice after rejection...

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  • Lmao thank you!
    I believe it's cause they are more on the insecure side and feel like when they act nice women will like them, cause women be like "oh he don't treat me right" and if they treat them perfectly right, they are of course immediately the dream guy and she is obligated to like him and to be with him forever but attraction doesn't work that way tho
    There are also guys who say they're nice guys but then insult a woman cause she rejected him lol I just run for my life when someone uses this sentence cause of nice guy syndrome

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  • They don't. Their frustration is that women often choose pieces of shit which confuses them and hurts them.

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  • There's different ways to look at this:
    Some guys are told by women they are "nice, but..."
    Some guys show "nice" gestures with ulterior motives.
    Some guys show "nice" gestures because that's how they were raised (pay for a date, open a door, buy flowers spontaneously, etc.), but the other party doesn't even care for that.
    They have to see the other sides, such as: are we physically attracted to each other? Do we have a consistently flowing conversation (s)? Would you pick this person, even if other options were available to the both of you? Do you think this person has more to offer? Is this your go-to person?

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  • I don't know man. Please telk me why. I'm sure you have an opinion on this matter.

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    • Because it's a societal stereotype that there's "nice guys who are loyal", then there's "douchebags who cheat".
      That makes an impression & some guys think it's the only factor period, which is misinformation.

    • True there's more to just being nice. I agree on that. However i can believe that there are girls out there who like the break the rules behavior by certain guys.

  • Females hate nice guys they like bad guys who are cilivzated . Who wants someone who is just nice?

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  • Being nice is a big factor and some can only rely on that traight

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  • True say its down to the morals of the ting ur tryin to court...

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  • Guys who say they are a nice guy, usually aren't.

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  • Nice guys are losers nowadays

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  • Ignorance

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  • Very true. I think they are just trying to justify to themselves why they are unsuccessful with women. There are usually other major problems that they overlook.

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