Should I lend the guy I've been dating for three months money?

I've been dating a guy for three months and we get on amazingly well. Recently he has fallen on hard times (a contract suddenly ended).. he had to very quickly find new work, which he has done. He won't get paid until the end of next month and needs about £200 to tide him over. He didn't ask me for this, but has said the only person he can ask is his ex, which I find a little awkward. Should I offer him the money?
Updates:
... I have offered him the money and he has accepted , offering to pay back next pay day, but I've said no rush. Job done :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you only do it with the expectation you'll never get it back. Money is a huge issue and a top reason why couples break up. I would not lend it because then you'll ultimately have to ask for it back and if he doesn't pay then you'll have to fight about it and all that mess. At least if you give it too him then you can just forget about it and not worry about it creating problems. If he's a good guy then he should give it back anyways but at least if he doesn't then it's not a problem in the future. If your not comfortable just giving it to him then no you shouldn't do it at all... trust me when I say you should never ever "lend" money to friends or loved ones. Giving is ok but once you put that it has to be paid back and it's not then a sorts of problems come up.

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    • I'm thinking of just offering it to him, I can afford it, think it would be a nice gesture and feel like he would do the same for me. I just feel it's silly for him to suffer for the sake of £200.

    • I would agree and do the same myself since it is such a small amount. :)

    • :) x

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes if you trust him. Its not always the guys job to look after us girls. I'd do it for my partner

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Let me get this straight : you wouldn't have given two fucks about it if he could borrow it from a guy friend, but now you're thinking about doing it because his ex could lend him the money?
    Why? You fear that because of this he gets in better term with his ex and sees her as more reliable than you?
    Your ego can't accept that a woman could help him, and his ex on top of it?

    Don't lend in him any money if you're doing it for bad reasons, it's a sure way to build contempt and resentment.

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    • I think he feels uncomfortable asking his ex (asking anyone), didn't want him to go through that if he didn't have to. They have the same friendship circle and I just worry about his business being gossiped about. I've decided to offer him the money anyway.

    • Show All
    • @asker if you believe that he is the one, then go for it but you also must know how you're doing okay? Always watch out X) i wish u all the best! And good luck in your relationship and i hope it'll be a forever relationship

    • @alegnatzesin thanks lovely x

  • I'm astonished by all the men and women saying things like, "Hell no!" and in the men's case, "the man should help the woman, not the other way around." Personally if I was in a serious relationship with a girl and I had suddenly fallen on hard times, I would be extremely grateful to her, feeling as though she truly trusted me.

    Which would increase my approval of her majorly. JUST AS long as she didn't put some crazy stipulation on the money lend.

    However that said, a person SHOULD never be in that situation, everyone and I do mean EVERYONE should have plenty of funds in their savings account to tide them over for 6 months or more.

    But in this situation, since you've already said you've provided him with funds. I would simply say, kudos. Now just make sure he pays it back, but don't be the pest type person who reminds him on a daily or weekly basis. See if he's going to pay you back on his own. If pay day comes and he doesn't pay you back, then talk to him about it.

    Hopefully everything goes well with him paying you back and you two prosper as a loving couple.

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  • You can lend him, but if this issue has gone too long, you must stop but you guys only 3 months and it should be a warning sign... U can help once, but it cannot be a everyday thing or else it'll put u in a tight situation

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  • My friend did this, very similar story to what you described & he never gave her the money & he just kept needing more!! She got £5000 in debt thinking it was fine because he was her boyfriend & it was supporting him then he left her without warning & never paid back a penny. Took her 6 years to recover from it!

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    • Oh my God, takers always attach themselves to givers, I hope she learned her lesson.

    • Yes she did but now she remains single because she won’t ever let a guy take advantage of her good nature again & it’s a shame because she’s such a nice person & would have made a lovely girlfriend to the right guy! But she just doesn’t give anyone that chance now

    • Smh that is very sad, that guy will be met with karma so don't think for a second that he's truly happy. She needs to shake it off and pay him back by being happy with someone better, he was a scrub.

  • Um, no. If a guy asks you for money, then he obviously can't deal with real life. Pretty pathetic if he asks you. Should man up and get another job.

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    • He's just paid out several thousand for his father's funeral, then he lost his contract. He's in a legitimate tough spot. I just was wondering if it might change the dynamic or make it awkward. Thanks for answering xx

    • Typical 13 year old.

    • @InTimoreDei. I just saw that hehe

  • If you’re going to lend money, always expect that you’ll never see it again.

    If you can afford to lose £200, then lend it to him. If not, then don’t.

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  • should is rather subjective. Personally I am a generous person maybe to generous so I would lend money to someone and not even think twice about it. I lent my friend 2k (USA because she asked me) I told her to just pay me back whenever she can.

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  • I think you should if you think he is worth the investment because relationships are investments your investing time and and money ( even if it's not money in hand) into someone with the hopes of growth

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  • Money destroys even the most solid long term relationships. I wouldn't. If you lend it to him and he doesn't pay you back are you ok with that? Is this money you won't miss? Are you ready for your relationship to take a different turn, money always changes the direction of a relationship, think about where this would take things!!!

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  • You shouldn't do business with family or friends.
    It's honestly based on how much you trust him. But rule of thumb is to not unless a) you don't expect them to pay you back or b) you trust them enough to lend to

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  • You should never lend any money to anyone that you don't feel comfortable not getting back. That being said, if you can afford it, just giving him the money will make you feel good and hopefully he'll appreciate the gesture instead of feel guilty about the obligation

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  • If you have the money you should.. Bringing yhe ex into the equation even if it might be harmless is still not good mentally for the relation.. You shud help him out yourself... It will also make your bond stronger as a couple

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  • That's completely up to you. I'd look at it the same as lending money to anyone else. Can I afford to, and don't ever "expect" to see it again. Hopefully they are the honest type that will pay you back, but never expect it. Also if you do this, and he starts asking for more, that's a red flag to me. But cross that bridge if/when it happens.

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    • And 200 isn't a lot is it? Does he not have credit cards or anything, no savings, nothing?

    • I mentioned a little bit further down he's just paid out several thousand for his father's funeral, right before he lost his contract. Awful timing but that's why he's in this position. He's already secured himself another role he just won't get payment until the end of the month, which is what's landed him in this situation. I offered it in the end and he reluctantly accepted saying he would pay back at the end of May to which I said no rush. So we'll see! Thanks for answering :)

  • You can. But think of it as 200 that you're probably never getting back. If he repays, brilliant. But if he doesn't, or if your relationship flourishes to a point where it doesn't matter, then no point mourning the money. Think of it as a kind gesture, if you will.

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  • Hmm, I wouldn't take money from someone I just started dating, it's poor taste and a bad signal so early in a relationship.

    I do not think he should accept money, and I really don't think you should give him the money. 3 months isn't a long time...

    You would have to really know him to feel safe loaning him your hard earned funds.

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  • The issue is next month he'll have all the same bills along with owing you $200. For most people, they need to make bills a priority and resist unnecessary spending. People tend to not pay whatever they can get away with. Like if a landlord isn't serious about a no pay no stay policy, renters will often just not pay.

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  • Hmm.. I guess everyone has very opinionated views on this.
    My opinion: money is money. It comes and goes, and if we are good at saving then we should be good at giving. Technically, we should just be giving. When we are willing to give strangers our change then why can we not give someone we know more than change?
    If you would like to help, then do so. If you are anticipating him to repay you (even with interest) then state it as so. Just know that you are the one capable and willing so the choice is really yours. Also, all this speculation- he may even decline your kind offer.

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  • No he should be helping u out takin care if his girl if not somebody else with a J. O. B will ya feel me

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    • She seems to be an indepemdant woman with a job, if she can help him out then why not? Everyone falls on hard times. If my boyfriend needed somwthing that i could offer him i'd do it in a heartbeat as i know he'd do the exact same for me. X

    • @PeekABooItsMe here here x works both ways! Anyone can struggle at times.

  • Sure. Sounds like a guy that just needs to be held down for a min.. doesn't seem like he wants to cheat you... If he did, he would probably ask for more...

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    • Actually she said, he didn't ask for anything originally. But whatever. :)

    • Right, and if you read and actually understood my comment, it said it seemed like he was a genuine guy. And if he was trying to do her wrong, when she gave him the money he would have asked for more or said he needed more than he actually did. 😊

  • You can but I wouldn't leave youself short of cash... like gambling they aying goes "only bet as mucg as you can afford to lose"... loaning money to people is a bit like gambling!

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  • No buddy. Don't trust anyone blindly because some people trap girl for money when they get they will leave you... If you very comfort with that guy.. and if u trust him honestly. You can give him money. Not all people bad. Some people good and some people...

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  • Only if you truly want to, and don't expect to get it back.

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    • I've got a feeling he won't accept it anyway, I just don't like the idea of him struggling when I have the money there and feel like he would do the same for me, I doubt it would be a regular thing he's just having a bad month.

    • What would £200 be for? Food? Rent? I don't even know how much that would buy. In my country that is about enough for rent for a single bedroom apartment for a month.

    • His rent is £1000 a month it's for his council tax bill. (What fun!)

  • Offer if you want, but if you don't want it to be a gift, sign a small "contract" to show it's not!

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  • No dont give anyone anything that you dont intend to get back , you could help him out if you want just dont expect to see it again , he might pay you back but I'm just saying be prepared for nothing in return or payback.

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  • Depends on the amount, if it's not a big deal for you then you should lend him, if you do consider money a big breaking point then don't, (if i was you i would ask my self do I need that money right now? , And do consider that you may never get it back )

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  • NO. he's grown, he can deal with his own financial woes. my mom always said "don't lend money unless you're okay not getting it back."

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  • I think you should be clear that you want to help, but your help had boundaries too, as your relationship is new.

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  • You should save yourself the trouble and lend it to me

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    • I'd need to know what you needed it for and post another question about the topic ;)

    • For penis enhancement surgery, of course! 😉

    • For £200? Guess you're getting it done on the cheap. Good luck! :P

  • NO. NOPE. NADA.

    A lot of companies will let you pay late if you explain

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  • First you need to think of why you feel awkward about this. Do you really want to help him? Or you are just afraid that he will ask his ex for help and it will make you anxious about your relationship. If it is the latter, I think that's the key point to your problem.
    Then you need to know how you value £200. Is it a large amount of money under your fiance condition now or not? What will happen in your plan and how will you feel about him if he couldn't return your money back on time?
    Finally you need to make it clear if you believe he has the ability to earn this money back.
    These are my opinions. Good luck!

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  • There are two things that you have to consider.

    1) Can you afford to loan him the money?
    2) Would you be upset if he didn't pay you back?

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  • No, don't offer him the money. Why he would tell you that the only available loaner is his ex? You are not his provider.

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  • If you can live without it sure. But I make it a point to never lend money that if it will mess me up if they dont pay back. 200 seems reasonable.

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  • Offer him the money but make it clear that you're not just going to give him money all the time. It will only be occasionally. (Presuming you want it to be occasionally.

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  • Dont offer money. But do offer support. Buy some groceries, dinner, or something. Make him "owe" you.

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  • You can try, just so long as it doesn't become a habit

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  • I think firstly you should tell him what on your mind. If you lend him money, your relationship should be considered as friends, until he show you his effort to support you in more situation

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  • If you have to ask, then no. If you're actually with him then money shouldn't be separate. You're a team. If you have to ask you are not actually with him, not for the long haul.

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    • They've only been together for 3 months... why would their money count as one? I've been with my boyfriend nearly 5 months and i'm not sharing an account with him.

  • If you want it is your choice one of those times when you aren't a bad person if you do or dont. I would say yes go for it might make you guys stronger

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  • No never lend money you're not willing to lose. If you ever what it back you'll probably have to go settle it in court.

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  • No. This will show him to stand on his own two feet. He'll be upset but if he truly love you he'll understand that you want him to be better with his money.

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  • I mean, it depends on how well you know him and trust him. 200 is a lot.
    If you won't be needing it later, and as long as you make it a one time thing.
    But you have to keep in mind that you may not get it back. I would not give it all at once, maybe pay for the things he need to have paid.

    AND why doesn't he have any money on the side? what does that says about his ways? He should have something saved up, for when things like this happen.

    It kinda weird he doesn't have any money and it's even weirder for him to feel comfortable to go ask for money to his ex, it feels like he's playing you into giving it to him, because naturally, you don't want him to go talk to his ex.

    Maybe you shouldn't give him any. and keep an eye out for details

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    • £200 isn't a lot to me which is why I was considering it. If I couldn't afford it or would struggle I wouldn't offer. What you said about the ex... Yes! I did wonder that. Out of character for him but I wondered if he was in some way trying to manipulate me, however I then found out that he lent her money six months ago which she's paid back, wondering if he was just trying to pull a favour

      With regards to him not having any cash about him, his father died a month and a half ago and he paid for the funeral which cost a few thousand. Once he was buried, he lost his contract. So I'm trying to be helpful and sympathetic without being silly. If that makes sense! Thanks for posting :) x

    • Well, yeah it does make sense.
      But like I said before, maybe do not give him the money just like that just word it out like this "If you need some expenses to be paid, just talk to me", like for you to know where the money is actually going, instead of handing him 200 and having no idea where it went. :)

  • Don't "lend" money out, you're not a bank. If he needs it he can put it on a credit card and pay it back later or else take out a loan. I don't suggest lending any money you'd want back. Either give it to him and don't expect it back in return (if he does give it back in time even better), or don't. Also, if he's really considering asking his ex for money, that's already a bad sign in my opinion that he's already used to being dependent on someone besides himself financially, something to consider for the future...

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  • ... noooooo
    never lend money to friends/etc. giving is alright.
    it always end in bad way for me though.

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  • If you can totally trust him to get your money back, then take the chance

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  • If you like him, you have to trust him. At last it's only some money

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  • If its not a big deal then go for it. I would say dont expect to see that money ever again just in case.

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  • In my opinion... no.
    He has to understand how to solve his problems alone

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  • I just think you need to be careful lending money to people who you just started dating only 3 months ago.

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  • I really dont know what type os situation is that but in my case if im pasing whit a hard time like that i would not ever try to ask my Ex, thats not even have any logic the name say it EX not mom or familie... the only problem is that if is it a trick next time he will ask you and start a circle like that... If he need it to pay something say that you wana go whit him take the money and dont tell him anything when you get to the location tell him... You know is like a surprise because in that way your not making compromise and your looking for what he need if it is important or just a trick... is my opinion because in dont even know whats happening. Have a good day

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