Sometimes the past still bothers me?

So my fiancé and I have been together for 4 years. At the very beginning of our relationship, like 4 months in he cheated on me. He did a lot to mess up our relationship and I stayed with him and it all still continued for a very long time. Texting other girls including exes and saying things he definitely shouldn’t have been saying. Showering them with attention etc. I stayed with him because my gut told me he was different and everything got better. Slowly but surely it did. And we’ve had a great 3 years together now. But sometimes the past still gets to me and I get sad and down on my luck every now and again because I don’t feel like I’m enough. The thing is I have forgiven him and things are great. But sometimes my mind travels there. I’m not looking for once a cheater always a cheater (believe me I am terrified of that) I need advice on how to stop these once and a while spells of sadness towards our past. Just how to whole heartedly trust him again, because deep in me I know he wouldn’t do that again. Any advice?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • hey there hunny, well firstly you are a great deal smarter and savvy than i think you actually realise and secondly your guy is very lucky to have you in his life. Of course here on in its my opinion, going from mostly your side of the view... to me it appears that actually youve been through those early days are three years past it and are actually happy so i could assume his behaviour is good and has been from then. you say quite clearly when you feel down etc then you have a drop and feel drawn back to those times of insecurity that you recall? not that he is acting in anyway like he did back then to arouse these feelings... so if understand you correctly it sounds like you have wavering emotional states that lend you to feel down, insecure which then lead your mind back to more emotional traumatic times? rather than anything he is currently doing? if we address this possible view point it is quite natural but still somewhat shows a level of you not feeling quite your potential full worth that you can absolutely exist in this world ALONE no matter what... possibly is he still not a partner that is giving enough to you to make you feel wanted and secure? enough from me your turn xx

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    • I mean he is a great guy, he is seriously one of those men that you can only dream of being with aside from ya know the first portion. He is an amazing father (not to my child to his and his exes. She stepped out and left the two of them. But she is one of the exes he was saying inappropriate things to.) He shows appreciation both emotionally and physically to me. He’s good at communicating for the most part and he’s very caring. But because of everything he did behind my back sometimes I feel like he doesn’t have absolute happiness in me. And that he will never love me the same way I love him.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Once trust is broken it is incredibly hard to get it back. Cheating is one that I could never forgive and still be with that person. If you're going to worry about this happening, it won't just go away. I'm sorry I don't have more encouraging words but don't ever say you're not enough. You are a lot better than me to even forgive someone that would do that and still be with them.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You reconized a pattern in the first 4 months. Us men can be slow to realize we are in a the relationship of our dreams. If the patterns never surfaced after that you were right to trust your gut.

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  • Let me tell you something you will never ever want to hear. My mum caught my biological father cheating on her about 10 times in the first 3 years of them being together. She forgave him and tried to convince herself he was a "better person now" and all that shit. Made her live in fear and depression for 20 years. Please don't make the same mistakes. Please don't make yourself go through what my mother went through.

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