I am in love with an emotionally unavailable man. He rejected me. Is this my fault?

I showed my interest to him. I did everything. But he doesn't care of me. He is very angry, sad, in depression. And I feel very bad. Is this my fault?

1|0
2091

Most Helpful Guy

  • You seem to be asking this... looking for an answer that it's not you're fault... so I assume that's the answer you will get most.

    Question- how could it be YOUR fault? You only state he is difficult, unavailable, and rejected you? WHY? What caused this (I assume) change in him. Yes, I assume you had a part in it if there is a change.

    "I did everything", to push him away, bring him closer, or one than the other. "Everything"? Like allowing him a safe place to share, then understanding and acceptance... or tell him to get over it, and demand he hear you... did he try to emote... and you ignored him? Now he feels judged, or unimportant, and attempts to build him seem fake?

    I ask all this, because this sounds like it is my wife asking the site. Is your initials mmb? I'm in this now, from the other side. I was distant, because I needed support, that i didn't think of get. Then when I did approach, I was ignored. Then I emoted, I shared, with zero reply, zero interest, zero questions, no effort to understand, or accept. Then when her friends explained how fucked up she made our marriage, she spent forever trying to convince me what I shared... was something entirely different. Not only indifferent to my problem, but applying a different one that is more advantageous to her, so it's better for us... but in realuty, horrible for me, on top of the original thing still looming. Now I have 2 huge problems, zero support, and a militant harpy TELLING me how to feel, about HER decsision on me. Im fucked either way... why emote ahain... and add another imaginary problem to help her feel good that she helped... at a thing she made... where's my incentive?

    0|0
    1|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • No it's not your fault. You are just honest about your feelings towards him. It's not easy what he's been through also. Maybe it doesn't mean he doesn't care, it's just that he has his issues he needs to face first.

    1|1
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls & Guys Said

1990
  • No this is not your fault, and it's not his fault either. You did what you can as a loving caring person showing your love and affection. his reaction could have been down to a number of reasons, maybe he wasn't ready or maybe his past relationships has made him become disinterested in relationships. there is literally a number of reasons why he could be feeling this way. you should seriously never think that it's your fault. you didn't do anything wrong towards him you were good to him

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, it is not your fault. He's emotionally unavailable. You can't change that. He has to want to change himself and become more available to you. Something has his guard up but no amount of begging or pleading will get him to open up until he's ready, if he ever is.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not at all. None of it hun. I've been through this. Its so very hard and painful. The only thing that wuld be ur fault is if u continue in this relationship and allow him to hurt u. And neglect, or emotional detachment or aemotional abuse is hurting you! Please take care of yourself hun. Im here if u need to tlk

    0|0
    0|0
  • No it's not your fault. When I was younger I had intimacy issues. I could date people but not feel very close to them. I had to deal with that and I eventually did. He is probably not ready to deal with that, or has some other issue, but neither issue is your fault. It's on him.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Hello! I'm currently dealing with a similar issue. Can you please tell me how you dealt with it and at what age you've completely overcome that?

    • Sorry looks like I can't PM you.

      @Monkeyba I started with counseling about age 19 but I don't get much out of someone just listening to me. Eventually I had to go out of my comfort zone and just trust someone. Luckily I had a loving girlfriend at the time who helped me through these initial stages. It was tough for both of us. But that did help as she was there for me when I really needed her.

      But part of the issue was my lack of confidence. Confidence isn't given, it is earned. Again I had to go out of my comfort zone on a regular basis, and that did help. But I was in my early 40s by the time I earned my confidence.

  • No It’s not your fault. I just had the same exact thing happen to me. I told him I liked him and asked if we would ever have the chanc and he said we did but then ghosted me. He had previously told me that he was having issues with depression and anxiety and so I took that as a sign... one quote that helped me was... you have to love yourself before you love someone else... that’s what he needs so just be there for him as a friend and let him know he’s not alone

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not your fault, it's some kind of issue HE has. I was that way a long time ago. When I was a teenager, I was pretty socially immature, and didn't even want anybody getting close to me that way. There were a couple of girls that were interested in me, but I never opened up to them, because I was clueless, didn't know how, and just played it safe by staying in my own shell. I regret that now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Might you love pain
    I mean about think it
    If answer is yes
    He don't love him
    You love the pain
    And he don't love pain
    Then there is no point
    Or one more probability
    You might don't love him
    You just feel bad for him
    And you confuse that feeling for love
    Think about it
    If feel bad about him
    Do thinks to make him better
    Not to make yourself worse

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not your fault, or his. He's emotionally unavailable, which means he's incapable of loving anyone right now. Cut your losses and take care of yourself, somebody else will come along.

    Please don't wait around for him. You deserve better!

    0|1
    0|0
  • Multiple layers to this question.. first of,

    the depression business.. not ur fault..

    But it will be your fault if u leave him now..

    2nd.. U love him, And there is a reason.. stick around n talk to him about it issue..

    Third, uhmm.. I love that pic... Beautiful

    0|0
    1|0
  • In no way whatsoever is it your fault. I know you may not see it now, but it is good for you that he rejected you. Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable is likely to turn toxic. It doesn't end well. I am sorry for what you are going through now. You will find love that is reciprocated.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't assign blame circumstances are what they are blame will not change that but you can be friends and you can help each other and from there you can maybe help each other move to a better place emotionally

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, he probably doesn't know what he wants yet. People are like that and I have experienced it myself, last girl that did this we dated for only a week until I decided it wasn't working. So it's probably because it won't work out between you 2 and you should probably move on.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Why would it be your fault. You don't make people feel anything. Like people choose their emotions. Depression while it is a much stronger emotion, can still be changed. It's just much more difficult to. I say just be his friend if he is in this state, he won't be able to give you what you need.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Why play the blame game? Girls are always so weird? Why blame blame blame? Is it fun to blame? I don't enjoy blaming people or myself. What's wrong with you? The fuck? Hey, a rejection is just a rejection. Suck it up, and move on.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think you have answered your own question. He has his own issues to deal with. That doesn't have anything to do with you.

    general fact: Its never your "fault". even if he doesn't like you that way, you are going to reject and be rejected until you find the person you are compatible with.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Don't loose you time and your heart ! If he don't care of you and you need it then forget him. Do it before too late.
    It's NOT your fault ! It's only his reaction, his kind of life.
    Sorry, my English is bad. I hope you understand me.
    Take care of you !! Nobody do it for you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Man you really are being pathetic. If someone has a disease how could it possibly be your fault?

    People get sick that's not necessarily anyone fault it just happens. If your friend died in a car accident is that your fault too? No of course not.

    0|0
    0|0
  • it is your fault for pursuing a guy who you know is not really available but it's not really a big deal.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Give it time, some guys need time to find themselves, it is not you fault, neither your responsibility to support him if he doesn't want to. Have your time and be sure of what you have to offer to the ones how are willing to accept

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dust yourself off and move on. You are not mother Theresa, to aid and heal the wounded, nor deserve to suffer along with him.
    Trust me, it may hurt a bit now, letting go, than suffering on the long run!

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not your fault. You did all you can but he doesn't care. You are too much for him and don't fell bad, some people doesn't know what kind of person they have be their side until it's too late.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Nope.. you can't fix people.. You can't make people happy, just because you are you. And you can't be responsible for other peoples mental status, unless you are an abuser.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is not your fault. You are also not in love with him, you are merely undergoing a short-term hormonal and neurotransmitter imbalance.

    0|1
    0|0
  • No it isn't. If you don't express yourself, THEN it would be your fault. You need to be honest to yourself

    1|0
    0|0
  • No it's his people feel low I had this I have got better now but speaking to someone helps and loving and caring about someone does he should of seen that you do love and care about him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly I'm in a similar place. It's not your fault who you have feelings for, it just not very healthy and we should both try to move on. There is someone one there that deserves your feels.

    0|0
    0|0
  • This isn't your fault at all. If this man doesn't love himself and is depressed all the time how can he love you? Don't date broken people because its a matter of time before the break you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not your fault you have a beautiful heart of 24k gold and I'm sorry that he doesn't feel the same don't force your love on him at this point he made his choice to wallow in his self depression

    0|0
    0|0
    • Whatever to the rest... it's your opinion, good for you. But the part about "you have a beautiful heart of 24k gold" is pure shit. How do you know she's not a cold hearted bitch? She feels bad? Why? She omitted anything to do with how he became that way. "In love with", not crushing for, or boyfriend. It obviously changed at some point. Was he always distant, angry, sad, and depressed?

    • From the description she fell in love with him and he rejected her. Most women as far as I know wouldn't even bother

    • That's my point, she wouldn't be "trying everything" for a crush. I think the rejection is more an emotional rejection, in an established relationship. She's trying to get her man back to good, not hook up with broken. Imho.

  • How is this your fault when he is the one emotionally unavailable?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Honestly no. If he is already emotionally unavailable this could mean one or two things one he's just not stable or two he's not ready never blame your self

    0|0
    0|0
  • No its not.. Leave him alone and find someone that will love you

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, why would you think it's your fault if you've done all you can from a good place.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Read your question to yourself. That's your answer.

    he doesn't care of me. He is very angry, sad, in depression.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It isn't wrong to show affection to someone, but it is wrong to hound them, so it really depends on how far you went.

    Have you tried asking him if he is upart with you?

    0|0
    0|0
  • No this is not your fault.
    He clearly had his own issues he needs to deal with first.
    Don't feel bad. There is no reason to.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It seems like he wants to try to fix his own issues before dating someone else.

    2|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like he has a lot to work through some people don't want to get better, some don't realize they are in need of help, and some cases are more difficult than a simple explanation can do justice for. Depression is a bitter fight and it takes the person feeling it to want help to even attempt to get through it for some it's harder than it is for others but if you've been far gone deep into depression for a long period of time emotional availability is not existent to you and no matter what anyone's tries it won't change how you feel. It can be so bad that you just aren't attached to your emotions if that's the case then you're at no fault. He can't really control it and needs to come to terms with his issues and receive some form of counselling or therapy to get on the road to recovery. It's mostly internal. You can continue to try and help him if you really care but that's a long treacherous road to take. Most people would hightail it

    0|1
    0|0
  • The guy sounds like a nut job. Move on. (and why would someone be angry, sad, depressed if they are rejecting someone else?)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Take time and be helpful in his life before asking him out, that can make thing worse if he has more on his mind

    1|0
    0|0
  • No its not your fault. Maybe he got some things on his mind and needs to work those out. Happened to me to years ago

    0|1
    0|0
  • Certainly not your fault but best you found out early so you can move on

    0|0
    1|0
  • How him being unable able depressed and grumpy is your fault? It's his choose to keep sticking to the past you did nothing wrong.

    0|0
    0|0
  • if he doesn't care then you're not interesting to him. stop crying and move on. whats the big deal

    0|1
    0|0
  • If people doesn't care for you , Start ignore him , and try to Showing infrant of him that you are very happy.

    0|0
    0|1
  • I don't think its your fault it might impact of his current situation if you love him wait for some time he will come back to you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Not your fault at all. Don't think you are to blame. There's nothing you can do except wait for him to be ready.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Determine what your motivation was with falling in love with him. How often has this happened in the past?

    0|0
    0|0
  • No this is not your fault some people just need to find their own way he might not be interested right now but that could change

    0|0
    0|0
  • Of course not. You simply got unlucky. It may be hard now, but just give it a bit and you're sure to move on

    0|0
    0|0
  • It is not your fault at all... Maybe he just doesn't want to bring you into his world of pain...

    0|0
    0|0
Show More
59

Recommended myTakes

Loading...