I am confused, anyone feel free to help?

i am 20 years old and have only started dating last year round November. the guy had a series of exes (around 30) and around 15 people he had flirted inbetween. before you judge, i should add that he is love over lust and while he did startrd dating in fifth grade, he did say that he did love them but it only ended up in break ups because girls kept cheating on him and got tired of him etc.. in my experience of being his girlfriend now, he does treat me right and as I've seen his past convo with his last ex (which they had managed to last for 4 years but broke up because of religion and the girl always said she would change but didn't.. also she cheated on him), he was a jealous type but i somehow managed to change that? I don't know how but he said so

so my question is... i have never prioritized love before and have managed to live through my mild depression, anxiety and full on self loathing by myself... in all honesty... i said yes cause i pitied him? but i dont really love him yet.. he is "good looking" (or I don't know.. I've got no good eye for outer beauty)... i am full of confusion... i want him to have a good happy relationship but i think im not the one who would be able to give him that.. idont want to hurt him as they have done but i am unsure of this relationship since, admist all the bad news of relationships here and there and me expecting my first guy to be a douch, he is totally the "perfect boyfriend" type... but am i right for him when im in this much doubt? about us? about what i want?


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  • If you were going to be committed in a relationship, it would have been best for the both of you to have built up a connection beforehand such as finding common interests, seeing what you both like and adapting to certain behaviors. The fact that you have this much doubt in the relationship is concerning because if it turns out that you don't love him the way he does for you, you could be leading him on and he'll feel quite heartbroken.

    Should you choose to break up with him in hopes of him finding a better girlfriend, be open and honest like you mentioned here and let him know that you'll continue to be supportive of him and that you're not breaking up with him because you were cheating on him like his ex-girlfriends did. If you want to stay with him and believe the relationship will work, build up some confidence and spend quality time together! Being a relationship within the first year can be unstable but if you two work hard on it, it'll be ok and things will smooth out over time. Hope this was information you were looking for and if not, feel free to clarify with me so I can fully understand the situation!

    • the thing is... I've brought it up many times... he said he was willing to wait...

      we were "a friend's friend" and met through each other there... we did have around 1 year of knowing each other before he opened up about his feelings for me (at the time, he was in a rough break up with the last ex who lasted 4 years with him) but he did assure me every time i asked that he was over her hurting him and the toxicity of the relationship...

      i know commitment is a huge thing... but having no experience with relationships (be it friends or family) i didn't know how to handle ot properly... aside from the self loathing and bit of sadness and anxiousness... i did feel something is wrong with me as while i can empathize to what people go through... i can't somehow "feel" for myself..

      basically... knowing myself and how i do not literally know how to "love ", i am afraid he would be wasting his time waiting for me when he can have someone else to be "the one"

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    • for him being my husband one day is still uncertain.. i am comfortable being with him from time to time but there is still the part of me that wants to consider what couldved happened had he not confessed..

      i guess only time will tell...

      thank you for shedding light to my question though!

    • Just remember that you're still at a very young age and there is plenty of time to think this through! If you begin to feel like he's not the one for you, trust your instincts to find a new boyfriend if that happens. You'll have time to adapt into a relationship as well, to practice prioritizing love when it's needed. I wish you and your boyfriend the best for future days to come :)

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