Why am I so afraid to approach girls?

So, I really want a girlfriend.

The issue is I am terrified when it comes to approaching girls that I like. I mean, I will freeze up, have no idea what to say, get really nervous, and probably just walk away from any conversation that may start with a girl.

I am fine talking with girls who I know and are friends but any others.. no chance, terrified.

Anyway, there's this one girl that's caught my eye a few times at the gym, mainly because she always seems to be looking in my direction and around me. She has also smiled at me a few times while walking past. And she'll do this thing where, say I am working out in the distance but facing away from her, she'll walk by me but really closely and then over to her friend who will be in front of me but a bit further away. And she does this enough to the point where I can blatantly notice it.

She always seems to use the machines that are right next to me when ever she gets the chance too.

First question is:
-Are any of the things that I just listed above any sort of sign that she is interested in me :P?

-And if they are not signs, what are some signs that I should look out for in girls who are trying to show interest in a guy?

Second question is:
- How can I approach girls without being terrified?

Now I understand you'll say stuff like: "just be confident" or "what's the worst that can happen" or "it doesn't make any sense to not approach a girl you like" blah blah blah. But I have approach anxiety pretty bad I think.

So just saying "be confident" etc, is like trying to tell someone how to cast a Patronus charm by saying "don't be scared" (and we all know how that went for Harry).

Instead could you maybe give me some stuff that girls like to talk about? Do girls even like to be approached at the gym? Do girls like being approached at all? Should I ask for her phone number straight away? Is less mor


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What Girls & Guys Said

  • If both of you are regulars at this gym, maybe ask her if she would like to workout out together sometime? Or run together or something of that nature. You already know that you have something in common, the gym. Start with something involving that. Weightlifting form, body goals, supplements, etc. Being nervous and all that doesn't go away if you dont y'all to women. It would easier if there was, but social skills dont work that way.

  • The reason why you are terrified is because you are outcome focused. You want a girlfriend. Desire gets in the way of flow, it makes you rigid and too careful. Forget about what you want, stop focusing on the outcome, focus on having fun instead.

    Another thing you should remember is that a girl should be validating why she is worth your time. A guy once said ''I don't give a girl my number because I want to get with her, I give her my number to discover if she is worth getting with''

    Guys are so focused on impressing girls that they forget to have standards.

    Back when I used to approach girls, I started out afraid just as you described so I just went to a new town and started asking girls for directions. I didn't try to get a phone number or be clever, I just talked. Zero focus on the outcome. At the end of the day girls are just human beings but when guys place them on a pedestal, then they become much more.

    Another thing I did later on when approaching women was to go up to them, introduce myself, shake their hand and then simply say nothing. I've approached them, now they can show me why I should stick around...

    So this is what you do. Go to a new town, get yourself lost or just wander into some area you have no idea about. Every girl you see walk up and ask her for directions, or where some good places to go are. Do you think you will still be afraid of girls after asking the 20th one for directions?

    Having said that, a guy needs to be careful in this age of METOO, street harassment , feminism and the possibility of false allegations. As to whether women like being approached or not, the following cartoon should give you some ideas...



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