Boyfriend hooked up with a minor and now I’m disgusted by him?

I know disgusting is a strong word and believe me I’m not using it lightly lol.

We were together, then broke up and spent a few months apart, now we’re back at it. He asked me if I was down to going to his friend’s sister birthday party, I said yes, and he confessed he hooked up with her while we were split up. The only problem is that this is her 18th birthday.

I can’t help but feel literally disgusted. I don’t even want him to touch me anymore, I am so unbelievably turned off. At this point I’m just hoping it passes because if it doesn’t I really won’t be able to go on.

What to do in this situation? I’m just lost
Updates:
Yeah I’m just gonna break up. Thank you for all your opinions though!

0|1
312

Most Helpful Girl

  • The girl was 18 and them hooking up when you were not dating is a lot of things but not disgusting. Here people are legally allowed to have sex when they’re 16. She was an adult not a child so whilst I appreciate that you feel disgusted, it’s not actually disgusting on their part. They did nothing wrong.

    You want disgusting and in perspective, imagine two people aged 24 and dating then the guy confesses that he had sex with his friend’s sister who was 13! The guy only confessed because the cops turned up to their workplace to arrest him for statutory rape! There was no rape involved (as per the court transcript) but because she was under 16 it’s automatically rape. Now that... is disgusting!

    In your case, you have to figure out if you want to be with him or not. If you’re not able to forget it and move on, which you’re not going to be able to do since you find it disgusting, just walk away from him. It’d be a bad idea to even try with that in the back of your mind. You could never feel the same way about him again so why waste both his and your time. The problem is yours and honestly, you’re never going to shake how you feel no matter how hard you try. Sad but true.

    1|1
    0|0
    • Disgusting because he had sex with a 13yr old, not because it was statutory rape. Should have explained that bit a lot clearer lol

    • Show All
    • That’s what I mean, the issue is that you have a problem with it, not that it’s actually wrong, disgusting or illegal. When you have a problem with it, it’s clear that you have to walk away because you’d never feel any differently.

      It doesn’t matter what your point was when you asked this question, you didn’t need to have a point. You needed to vent and just talk it through with people which is fine... that’s why we’re here.

    • Thank you

Most Helpful Guy

  • Um, if she's 18 now then the girl was probably 17 when they hooked up, is that really that bad?
    Remember that the age of consent is 16 and she's expected to be rational enough at that age to make her own informed decisions.

    0|1
    0|0
    • It is bad to me. I don’t really care what the age of consent is, it’s just gross to me that he would hook up with someone as young as that, even younger than his sister who he is so protective about. I really can’t help being turned off by that but I guess I’ll just break up then

    • That's up to you.
      For me what matters when it comes to relationships is consent and the ability to make a informed decision about consenting to something.
      And quite frankly he didn't do anything *wrong* even if you don't like it.
      The reason *why* it's considered wrong to do anything with a minor is due to their capability of making informed decisions being considered lower then that of an adult and because the consequences for a minor *can* be quite severe.
      Neither of those two would be really factors if he used protection and was careful with her at that age.
      To be quite frank, he probably did her a favour by giving her (what was probably) a good experience compared to the boys her own age.

      Do you like historical fiction?
      If yes then I'd like to recommend that you read the Earth's Children series by Jean Marie Auel.
      The first book is named The Clan of the Cave Bear.
      Anyway, if you read the whole series you *might* get a different perspective on your husband.

Recommended Questions

Loading...

Have an opinion?

What Girls & Guys Said

211
  • if you're disgusted by him break up.

    0|0
    0|0
  • ... So what? She was 17. That's above The age of consent. What, does someone magically become and adult from 17 to 18? Be realistic, there's little different here. I don't really understand where the disgust is coming from.

    Maybe you're really just upset that he slept with ANYONE and you're trying to blame your feelings on her age.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I’m not really the jealous type and she sure isn’t the only one he slept with while we weren’t together. I didn’t exactly stay at home crying about him either. It’s just very unsettling to me that he would actually fuck a teenager regardless of age of consent. I think it’s just a red flag for immaturity. But anyway, thank you for your opinion!

    • Different perspectives I guess. As long as he's not considerably older, and as long as everything was consensual, I see no problem. I don't know how a 1 year difference speaks to any sort of immaturity.

  • I think your hurt more because she's younger than you and your worried he'll leave you for a younger woman eventually.
    What he did and who he did it with isn't important since you weren't together, what is important is how you feel about each other. If you dont think he's worth it just break up.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I mean I’m 20 so I’m not really already worried about him leaving for someone younger lol (might be the case in a few years though who knows). As you said we weren’t together and I certainly don’t see a problem with the other girls he slept with in the meantime. It’s just that him fucking a literal teenager speaks volumes about his maturity level to me. I now see that I’m going to have to break things up but thanks for the opinion!

  • If you can not come to terms with you feelings toward him. There no reason to waste anymore of your time with him. Plus he could be charged with rape of a minor.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 14 16 & 17 are legal ages of consent around the world he can't get charged dumnass

    • @Lifeasasasavage I am so glad that you know everything. You will make the world a better place, I am sure!
      But, when you turn 21, I wouldn't be messing with a 14 year old. As they say, 14 will get you twenty!

  • "I'm not using it lightly lol" lol? Im not using it lightly but im laughing out loud?

    0|0
    0|0
    • What I meant is that I am actually disgusted, not just throwing the word around and not meaning it.

  • It shouldn't matter tbh, i slept with a 17YO.
    Though where im from thats legal :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you don’t feel comfortable with him it’s not going to work out.

    0|0
    0|0
  • How old is he?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Exaclty, if he is 18/19/20 then you are going overboard. Is he over 21/22 then that is a bit odd yes, is he over 23 then its not ok

    • Show All
    • @Losalt I respect your opinion but there’s a huge difference between a 6 year age gap when you’re a teenager and the same gap when you’re both elders. A 54 and 60 year old couple are two people in the same stage of life. A grown ass 23 year old and a high school senior just don’t have the same mentality and maturity.

    • I completely agree with that statement. Your life experience as an adult is greater than that of a teenager

  • I don't think this is a big problem.

    0|1
    0|1
  • He is just multitasking

    0|0
    0|0
  • She's not a minor tho

    0|0
    0|0
    • y'all wete sperated. Now you are mad at him for being free smh

    • I don’t mind that he fucked other people. So did I. I’m just bothered that he fucked a literal teenager at nearly 24 years old. But anyway, he’s an ex boyfriend again so not my problem anymore.

  • You're letting society's hard line 18 is the legal sex age for everyone over 18 dictate your morality. Just so you're aware most states have a Romeo & Juliette law which talks about pre existing relationships for situations like this one. I've seen other situations that were much stranger like an 18 year old messing around with a 47 year old. So if you compare it like that it doesn't seem that bad. Back when mortality rates were much higher it was not unusual for a girl to be married off at 13 which is disgusting by today's standards.

    You need to figure out if you can get past it, but it doesn't sound like you can. Ultimately the situation could be much, much worse.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Good, you should be

    0|0
    0|1

Recommended myTakes

Loading...