How do I cope with repeated rejection?

haven't been having the best luck with women all together, some claimed I was too nice and others said I wasn't in their racial preference barrier. All these great friendships end up in a hopeless friendzone because of me and I barely have friends due to aspergers which turns people away anyway.

My only nonrejection was due to me faking my personality which lasted for a while.

Its been years since my first rejection and every single one pops up in my head hourly, its painful thinking about it.

Im at the point of giving up to find some way to get rid of this pain. Any ideas?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes rejection is very unpleasant, and if you really liked the person then it can be hurtful. but instead of focusing on the memories and drowning in self pity, you should take them as lessons, so you will be better next time. You should stop being afraid of rejection, that way it won't affect you. you get too emotionally attached to a girl before you even make a move it seems, so it hurts even more. go out there and practice. go and start chatting up girls, many of them. if they reject you don't be sad, just learn from what you did wrong and talk to the next girl differently. it will be scary at first, but eventually your confidence will grow and you will not care if you get rejected cause there are so many other girls out there. girls like confident guys, it's attractive and sexy. so go out and practice. soon you will be good at this and learn what girls want. work on yourself, improve yourself to a person you want to be. when you feel good about yourself, girls will take notice

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It is part of the package. Even successful guys have to deal with rejection. The difference is they don't get hung up and don't take it personally, so it is no big deal.

    Tips: There is no excuse to be rejected more than once by a woman. One time tells you all you need to know. That means NEXT.

    Don't buddy your way in. It is a bad move and rarely ever works. Enter in as a friend, it likely will always be a friend.

    Rejection happens because you are attracted to someone not attracted to you. Attraction is not a choice. The same way you cannot help being attracted to them, they cannot help not being attracted to you. It is simply a mismatch. Move on. Be prepared to get rejected 100 times. If 100 rejections leads to 1 yes, then that is what you have to endure to get what you want.

    Only you are responsible for your own happiness. If you want it, go get it. Just don't expect it to show up on a silver platter. It takes time, patience, and work to accomplish.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1165
  • You need to stop being their friend. You need to start going in for the kill right off the bat instead of treating it like a buddy partnership. This helps you weed out the girls who are genuinely interested or not because they know your intentions right off the bat.

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  • I'm going to honest here; I've had absolutely terrible experiences online with guys with aspergers. By far, they have done the cruelest, more immoral things to me and in the end, blamed aspergers. I'm not sure if you are like this or not but make sure you don't do the same. Remember not everyone is like you and you can really hurt people.

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    • Im sorry to hear that, im not like that but know not everyone with aspergers is cruel, most of us have trouble expressing ourselves and seeing people react negatively to us everyday really fucks us up

  • The special someone will come in time, no need to rush for there's not a given deadline. May I suggest becoming comfortable with yourself which can create confidence. Hardships will make you a stronger person if you let it build you up rather than tear you down. Hang in there, and stay nice, who ever said you're too nice has low standards

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  • Always be yourself, not everyone who rejects you is doing so because of you, a lot of the times they just aren't good for you.

    It's okay for people to say no, skip skip skip until you find one that says yes, rejection isn't about you, its about them, never take it personal.

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  • Ok, when you do get hooked up, why don't you come back here and tell us about it. Let us know how you met her, what cozy words were said between the two of you, your anxieties, how you approached her with the question of when you want to see her again, how kind and warm she was to you, and, of course, tell us how big her titties are. The last one may rank as the most important, by the way..

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  • Rejection doesn’t feel the best. It should make you stronger in some ways. I won’t date someone or even like someone if they aren’t attracted to me, it’s a big turn off. Maybe finding some one with similar culture, race, and life philosophy would help greatly, even someone with aspergers too would help your chances and make some girl with aspergers really happy. Good luck!

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  • I find it easier to have good friendships with people who struggle with the same issues as I do. If people do not accept you for who you are, they don't deserve to be your friend.

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  • Bro, how bout you work on yourself. Why are you looking outside to strengthen your castle? Build your own damn Castle first. Then have fun in your own built Castle. Only then you look out. simple as that. A women wanna date a fun, sincere and real dude. "Nice" don't cut it bro.

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  • Give up / settle for a girl you could never possibly be happy with.

    General rule of thumb, unless you're hot as fuck, or rich as fuck, you're going nowhere bud.

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  • That's tough man I think there is no real solution to that. All you can do is be true to yourself and hope that one day a women comes along who respects that but more so who you are. For now I'd say that's a sign that you should just focus on yourself for a while an hopefully you meet a women along the way.

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  • Rejection does hurt because I've been rejected too at some point in my life and the way i got through it was from the help of family who pushed me through it and started focusing on myself more by doing fun things like painting or writing or exploring new places or making new friends

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  • Rejection sucks, period. The best advice is to look at a rejection as a message that she just isn't the one.

    The most important thing to ask yourself right now though as you contemplate giving up is this. "Am i ok living alone forever"

    If that answer is No, then giving up is admitting you dont want anyone in life. You just have to keep moving forward and be yourself. We all see through fakes eventually.

    You can find someone, but you can't expect them to come to you.

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  • You keep trying until to don’t get rejected. You have to keep your chin up, knock the dirt off and try again. Be yourself and eventually one who will like you for who you are will come around. Maybe change up who you are chasing and don’t try too hard. Let love come to you but don’t let a good opportunity pass you bye.

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  • Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Don't listen to the be yourself bullshit. Instead become a better version & you and don't be discouraged by rejection. You are worthy just like everybody else man & you deserve to find a girl who will like you for who you are. And remember most importantly. DON'T BE AFRAID TO FAIL. You're not a failure.

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  • It’s ok man. There’s dating sites for people who have certain disabilities. There’s a dating site for literally everything. So first every guy gets rejected, like a lot. Even Brad Pitt does, just less often lol So don’t take it personally. But I’d try a dating site that has women who are similar to you.

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  • Maybe the problem is in you? If you act friendly towards them, they'll want you to be their friend, naturally. Maybe you're trying to hurry it too much. Take notes from when you "faked" your personality and filter down what girls want from their significant other

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  • Bro I'm in the same place you are I keep trying my best but I can never seem to make it work but I stay hopeful that I'll find her eventually and it won't be a day to soon. You can't give up even in the worst of times it's easier said than done but you have to find a away to pick yourself up and carry on.

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  • Fck them, and live life happily, i guess u have became too desperate for a relation, don't do that every girl who is your friend can't be your girlfriend, stop chasing a rltn and the right partner for it, be yourself and enjoy wdeva cms your way hero

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  • Stay away from relationships and focus on yourself. You can't be a part of someone else in a healthy way until you fill the parts of u that aren't complete. Is there anything besides a relationship, that youve wanted? Go out and get it. Make it happen. Do things you enjoy, try something youve bever tried. I dont know your financial situation or much about your life so I can't be specific, but work on making yourself happier right now. Make your life by yourself what u want it to be. Then you will be able to meet the right one with confidence and finally have a successful lasting relationship.

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  • Definitely be yourself. Not everyone one is going to like you, just keep trying.

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    • Worst advice you can give is telling a guy to be himself. Just saying

    • And that is bad because?

    • Because he is being himself & it's not getting him anywhere. What he needs to do is become the best version of himself. I left an opinion for him on the matter. You should go read it

  • How can you not? Rejection is part of life... if u you haven't been rejected you will be no matter what it is that you're being rejected to... just know that the right one will reject you too if you don't fight to be accepted... nothing comes easy

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  • You just keep going. There's a video on YT of a guy cold asking girls in vegas to have sex with him. 7 out of 100 said yes. He didn't even say hi to them or tell them his name, just asked for sex.

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  • Forget about the girls that rejected you. Just think of it that way you are a great guy and if they didn't acknowledge that then they don't deserve you so just stay above it and try finding someone who will deserve you don't settle for less

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  • Buy a Fleshlight. No, seriously. Buy a Fleshlight, focus on your job, build solid relationships with friends, and don't make yourself available to having female friends. Then just wait for someone worthy of your time, to come by.

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  • Stop pretending you have to hide your motivations from the women you meet and stop agreeing to be their friends.

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  • You can't get rejected if you don't approach them. That's me. I've embraced my loneliness and the fact that I wasn't meant to be happy.

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  • First of all, never give up. Never. Did you read that clearly, NEVER. Ok now that we got that covered, you are doing great my friend. Being rejected is a step in a positive direction. You are closer to finding someone each and every time you get rejected. The number doesn't even matter, so stop counting. Sure it can hurt, I have been hurt by rejection, but the only way to go is forward. On to the next girl, or guy whatever floats your boat. Try to put your focus on yourself more than people you fancy. Look the best you can look, smell the best you can smell, and 100% be YOURSELF. NO FAKING, this will only hurt you. To cope with rejection, try to treat it like a game. You lost this round, find someone else and start playing again, until you finally win. Life is short, so stop feeling rejected and get out there and play! Best of luck to you. - Asksthem

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  • Workout, focus on your craft, brush the rejections off and be more social. Even though you have a syndrome don’t let it define you aight

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  • No girl wants to be with someone who's miserable. They're not going to set themselves up for heartbreak just for the chance that you being together might solve that. You need to be content or even happy with your life on your own - girls will be far more interest if you manage that.

    Think of it this way - generally speaking the girl becomes a part of the guy's life, not the other way around. I know that sounds really old fashioned but look around - it's still basically true. Girls don't need to have their life together to the same extent that guys do because guys aren't looking around to join a girl's life. Girls are looking for stability and strength in just about every sense of those words, while guys are just looking for a girl that is gentle and attractive.

    You think "well that's not fair because I don't expect that of her" but you're not her. She's a woman and you're not, and that means she's looking for different things in the opposite sex. Embrace that

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  • Rejection are part of life.. If u don't face that.. U will never be happy when u got success.. Take it positively. And think in that way that maybe she is not the one for u.. U deserve far better. :)

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  • Here's the key to women... you got to treat them like shit... they don't want a nice guy... The more of a dick you are to them the more pussy you'll get

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  • Either keep trying until you succeed, and even then it's not a guarantee that you will succeed. Just have to recognize and realize that in actuality and reality, that not everyone will have a relationship or have a point in their life where they are guaranteed to be with someone, BECAUSE THERE SIMPLY ISN'T ONE! Or simply, JUST QUIT, and be committed and follow through on quitting. The truth of the matter is you don't need a relationship or sex to be able to live and survive, unlike a job, career or money since NOTHING COMES FREE, and you actually need to pay bills, rent, loans, for food, water and all other necessities, etc. You do have to consider the possibility that you may end up single your entire life and if so, then, what would you do about it? How would you accept it and take it? What exactly us is it that you are willing to do if that does become your future and reality?

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  • Don't give up. I didn't have much luck with women until my mid-20s. And then I had lots and lots of sex and eventually married an incredible woman when I was 33.

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  • Well first wherr are you find these women you shouldn't be classified by race but by personality just take toure time and find some one who shares you're taste

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  • Art of seduction is a good novel
    Read it
    It will help

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  • Getting rejected is just part of life, it'll help you grow. Try focusing on yourself and being comfortable by yourself first.

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  • Dude, learn to focus 100% on yourself and loving yourself. The chicks will come and go just like buses and one will eventually match with you.

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  • I guess work on becoming ways girls want or get other interests to focus on.

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  • You're still young, the ocean is big, I think it'd be worth your time to swim a bit more.

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  • Learn to love yourself (which is much harder than it sounds, for the beginning try to know yourself).
    Rest will come after that in the right moment.

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  • The best things in life are on the other side of fear. Dont be afraid to loss people and take leaps. It sucks, but after a while you get used to it

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  • Move on when you realize you only have one life only then will you get it. Stop trying to please others.

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  • Its not aspergers that's really responsible for the constant rejection that is just normal level of rejection. So what do we do? Rejection hurts because before we've even approached them we are already imagining what it WILL be luke to date ay particular girl right so there's the first thing to stop doing. Second if you really want a girl you have to play it by the numbers start with the most unobtainable one and practice your approach and timing study it a bit then by the time you get to someone you might suit you should be quite effective and confident

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  • Change yourself for the better so you don't get rejected.

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  • Focus on your career and not your relationship because relationships automatically fall into place. Focus on the things you love whether it be an activity or a Hobby. It will naturally just happen on its own if you think about it too much you will build a wall in your own mind for it to happen. If you like girls that are fit then maybe you should join a running group if you like girls that are smart maybe you should be involved in Toastmasters, think about what you like and do stuff related to it and it just happens naturally I don't understand how people don't get this. You don't go 2A cooking class when you want to meet somebody that's interested in astrophysics.

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  • I have Asperger's syndrome as well and have had pretty bad luck too. I hear it's a numbers game, that you have to try over and over and over.. it's rough. I don't bother myself, partially due to being sick of rejection and partially because I want a dominant woman and they are the ones that aren't afraid to ask ME out.

    Try looking online for people that share your hobbies. You might not land the prettiest woman in the world if she's into video games or whatnot but most women are fine, not unbearable to look at.

    Try focusing on finding someone relatable to you and put looks on the back burner if possible. You gotta talk to a lot of people and be comfortable with rejection.

    Easier said than done, but hell, even I can get dates if I try. I recently had a girlfriend who then turned into a friend with benefits, known her for 8 years, mostly as a friend for that time.

    Good luck!

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  • I would, i general say, that confidence goes a long way with girls/women. I can understand, that you may lack in self-esteem, but i would say that practice makes you better. Also i have during the years realized, that boys/men, tend to talk too much of them selves and not ask enough questions from the opposite sex.

    From this short question i would say that, you are sure to have your strong points and your weak points. By knowing your strong points, it's good, when the girl asks you a question, then try to lead the question to some of your real (not fake) strong points and go from there and also in your mind try to let go of your own imaginitative negative points (you can work on them later).

    Also be sure to smile and have eye contact and compliment her...

    Otherwise, i would say, you need more practice, do not give up...

    All the best,

    Jonas

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  • You need two things, both fall into the class of maturity. You need to do some challenging things, that develop your character buy helping know simply that you got through them. This will change your confidence - tjibgs that freaked you out before just won't be as big a deal, like leveling up. You won't feel stronger, the world will just seem less stressful. 2nd, you need to change the way you communicate - with everyone. You'll do this by learning to focus on how you come across to other people. There are shallow ways to do this, but better is just to practicing empathy and start focusing on what other people need and become a better listener. This isn't faking anything, it's a life skill. These two things will make all the difference.

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  • In world is 3 500 000 000 women... Just keep going.

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  • Well give up on that type of gender and try something fresh

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