Does having your own income make you unfeminine regardless of how feminine you are?

There is this guy I am currently dating, we are in the process of getting to know each other, but he says that he does feel I might be untrusting of him, my parents had bad experiences with finances towards each other especially during their divorce. I have not told him this yet. The guy is well-off however I can't see why he has a problem with me caring for myself, it is just unfeminine according to him. He says he understands that women may want to work, but regardless of how normal it is becoming it's a turn off, he says I tick all the boxes and I am a great woman but this aspect of me is a turn off to him, and he says that he is suprised I am "womanly" and "do that". I just want to know it this perception is common among guys in general, he said this is something many men feel, but do not mention, because of feminism, and he aslo mentioned that you could be the perfect woman, a man would still feel turned off by that. I would appreciate full honesty, and thanks for answering if you do.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He is literally the first man I have met that has a issue with a woman working and describes it as "unfeminine". Especially in today's world where it is highly unrealistic in many households to only have one income maker. This guy needs to chill out. Who knew that wanting to make your own money and not be a gold digger is now a turn off too to some.. can't win. On one end we are told we only want money from men but then on the other end there is people saying we are unfeminine for then actually making own money. If you truly are the perfect woman for him, the fact that you work and aren't sponging on someone else should NOT deter him from being with you!!! He is ridiculous.

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    • I agree, I was quite surprised and confused, and he explained this was actually a huge underlying problem, but mow after going online where people can be more truthful (hopefully) because of no consequences and asking some guy friends around, I am starting to realize this is only his and maybe is group of friends or family's views, right now it seems pretty obvious but i'm young I don't immediately realize these, especially because I'm new to dating, I appreciate your reply

    • Oops type mow is now

Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't make you unfeminine at all!!! He isn't necessarily an arsehole for thinking this but he is definitely wrong. It does not turn me off at all and honestly makes my relationship feel more of a partnership, which I love. I don't know any men who this would turn off to be honest. If he has a problem it's his problem not yours.

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    • Thanks for your answer, yes it does not make him wrong but it is a compatibility issue since I am unwilling to change especially now being independent for the first time and not for very long, its too good and new to even consider giving up and I don't know move in back home with my mom again? I agree that relationships should be partnerships because I've witnessed the traditional way working out terribly...

    • It isn't an insurmountable difference if neither of you want it to be one. Keep it going and enjoy it for what it is, but this may be a bridge that needs to be crossed at some point

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What Girls & Guys Said

09
  • No, that guy is a bit of a prick for acting believing such. Unless you're working in Construction, Where you'll blend in with the guys. It's fine. I don't understand how doing a job is masculine. My advice is to ignore him and work. If he breaks up with you because of that, he wasn't meant for you anyway with such thinking.

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    • I work for my parents at their company and I am studying to become a child psychologist, so I don't have a stereotypically masculine job at all, but he was very serious about this being a true underlying problem among men that they must be very cautious with when talking about it if they are even willing to take the "risk" and that many men feel this way that is not talked about , so I knew I my friends would get offended, and I wanted to get someone from the outside so it would be more possible to be truthful, thanks for your reply, so far no one has agreed with his view on it... thanks, yes its a deal breaker...

    • There's few men that actually believe that garbage, don't think every man thinks that. And you're welcome. Hope everything works out in your life.

  • No, that is stupid. The only reason someone would have for not wanting you to make any money is that he wants absolute, uninhibited control over you. A smart, successful, driven woman oozes sex appeal.

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    • Well not to him, or at least its one of the factors that doesn't, you are right though and controlling another person is not healthy, it does not seem that it was his intentions but the control problem is kind of where the whole feminism movement for women working started from so it does make sense, I am happy to hear that you think independence is such a positive aspect for its nice to hear 👍 thanks for your answer.

  • Maybe he is right for the country you both live. In Germany it is fully accepted that women work and earn their own money. Anyway, his attitude is intolerant. If he doesn´t change his opinion, think about if you want to start a relationship with him.

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  • I think above all that's is more important what she wants and if it's good for her. But it doesn't change who she is... I would ask her to leave work only if it's bad for her or the relationship

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  • If he got a problem with you, probably, most probably, most definitely, he or she, is NOT for you. Peace

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  • My opinion is fuck this dude! If he can't see how badass it is that you have the drive to actually work then you need someone else

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  • bullshit

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  • It's not common in north America, no. Men here probably... if they're well established, many do expect to -outearn- or provide on some level, but they don't think it's non feminine for her to work.

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  • No, he's a fruitcake. I've never met a guy like that.

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