How to slowly convince someone that monogamy can be beautiful?

Turns out the guy I’ve been seeing thinks monogamy is stupid. What can I do to help him change his mind? And for those of you who are going to say that I can’t, please don’t post an opinion here.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm not saying you can't, but I will just outline some challenges, which maybe will help you identify strategies:
    - its pretty likely he actually was raised being taught monogamy was normal and wonderful. maybe not? But it's unlikely he's never -considered- monogamy. He's most likely -rejected- monogamy. If I were to use an example, this isn't like preaching the gospel to people who've never heard of jesus, this is like convincing someone who -left- a church to come back. That's quite a bit harder. You would need to specifically address -why- he rejected monogamy, not just say 'here are nice things about it'.
    - It doesn't sound like either of you actually are looking to settle down, which is one reason some people may slow down their sleeping around.
    - I've never actually seen a player stop being a player because he fell in love. They stop being a player when they make a conscious decision 'okay, time to get married and have kids'. Then they look for someone with specific traits they want for that. I'm not saying it's never happened, but I -really- doubt it.
    - if the reason he is anti-monogamy is that he thinks most monogamous relationships are just anti-jealousy pacts, i'd agree with him. Do you want to be monogamous simply so you don't have to imagine him with anyone else, or do you want monogamy because you actually want a relationship where you really honestly try to meet almost all of each other's sexual desires? That's a different offer from just 'how bout we just stop doing something we like (sex with others)' and replace it with nothing, but get to not be jealous'

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    • Really good points. It’s not a jealousy thing for me, I just feel that I could give him my everything and I believe that that could be enough. I know he has a lot of trust issues and stuff, a lot of family drama, parents are divorced etc so it could be that he’s given up on that idea because he’s witnessed his parents cheat. He’s described his dream girl and I’m literally every single thing that he’s described from looks to personality. I just want to be enough for him because I know he is enough for me and more

  • He just hasn't found The One yet. Show him you are The One and he'll change his tune. A lot of guys will only commit if they have to.

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    • How can I show him I’m the one? I’m taking things slow, and every time we hang out I can see in his eyes that he likes me more and more. It just threw me off when he said “I’m hoping by the way I talk about things you understand my level of commitment, I’m not trying to come off as a dick.” And I said “well it’s not like I’m trying to rush and make you my boyfriend, if that happens on it’s own then great, if not, 🤷🏼‍♀️. Just trying to see where life takes us on it’s own” and he was like “yeah I totally agree”.

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    • Thank you for being so helpful! We’ve been hanging out a lot recently, as we progress it becomes less about the sex and the physical attraction, and more about who we are and what we want and personality stuff. I honestly think we would be great together, I haven’t met anyone who’s made me feel like this this fast— ever.

    • You have The One, then. Just keep doing what you're doing and you'll reel him in.

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What Girls & Guys Said

212
  • Personally I just don’t think you can.
    There are people who enjoy monogamy and are willing to live within its restrictions and there are people who aren’t.
    Trying to convince those who aren’t that it’s the way to go will always end up in heartbreak, either yours because they were true to their nature or theirs because they can’t be themselves with you

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    • I literally said if you don’t think I can then don’t comment but ok

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    • I don’t think I’ve ever come across someone as condescending as you on here! Congrats! Have a nice rest of your day “😊”

    • Thanks! 😊

  • I think if someone isn't getting what they want completely, they seek it from others. Guys and girls equally. You have to convince him, and follow through, that you will be there to provide him with what he wants, whenever he wants it. Use his dick like a leash!

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  • I don’t think it’s a good idea to be with someone who you want to change. Either accept them for who they are or don’t continue the relationship. This is especially true for something as serious as being exclusive or not.

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    • I mean you have a point, I just feel like I can change his mind 🤷🏼‍♀️

  • I think monogamy is the only beautiful relationship. I want to spend my life with one SO, and choose her after being great friends.

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  • Try fuck him. If that doesn't work try hit him with wooden plank. But generaly its bullshit (my opinion) last girl i was with said same shit and now when she fell in love with new guy BOOM no more guys. Just him.

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  • I'm not going to say that you can't, but why would you want to? If you really love someone you shouldn't think of ways to change what they believe unless they want to change. If he is polygamist and you're monogamous then why try to change that?

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    • I don’t love him, he doesn’t love me, but I think that there’s definitely something between us, and I don’t want him sleeping with other girls. I’m not trying to catch some std from him

    • So you don't love him? And he doesn't love you? So you want to force him to only be with you instead of doing what he wants?

    • What? We literally started seeing each other a month ago. So no I don’t love him, I like him a lot. It’s not force, what a shitty mindset. I would just prefer if the guy I’m currently dating would ultimately decide to take things to the next level, exclusivity.

  • You can, you just gotta prove to him that you can be the best wife possible and that life with just you will somehow benefit him in the long run

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  • He just wants to have sex with other women you're just not his one n only sad to say I promise if he liked you like you like him he would sway toward that monogamy is beauty idea

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  • I won't say you can't, I'll just say that wanting to change someone makes YOU the toxic partner in the relationship

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  • There's only one thing you can do in a situation like this, that gives consistent results.

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    • Which is?

    • U know what it is my child. Go. May the wind be your guide. Return to me when you have gathered the magical feathers. We will feast.

    • Ok brb lol

  • If you're going to try to change a guy, you're going to have a bad time

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  • You might not be able to.

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  • Hahaha Aahhh hahahahahahaha

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  • You can never actually change someone. People can only change themselves...

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    • I’m realizing that. I just need to make sure I’m what he wants, because if that’s so, then I have a feeling that me and him could work out, for at least a little while

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