Guys, I feel like I’m putting in more and more effort with my boyfriend for the past month. What’s going on on his end? Should I be worried?

A few weeks ago, I looked through his phone the second time in the past 6 months we’ve been dating. For anyone who might judge this, he’s cheated on me before, so I’ve been giving him a second chance. Well, there was this girl that he had been hanging out with and texting a lot more recently. And I see on his phone that sometimes they’re a bit inappropriate with what’s exchanged. They’ll talk about sex, or he’ll all her cute, “accidentally” call her baby, and one time she even joked about them finally hooking up one weekend when I was out of town. I know this isn’t technically “cheating”, but I do think it was inappropriate and disrespectful to our relationship.

I confronted him about it, and he realized he would be jealous too if he found out I did the same thing. He apologized, admitted he was in the wrong, and then we moved forward. Except, it doesn’t feel like it.

Their text messages were almost constant and they almost always had something intriguing to talk about. And when I look at the messages between my boyfriend and I, they’ve been almost dry and we don’t talk as often as we used to (this was due to him focusing on her). I’ve brought this up with him earlier this week and he got really upset that I kept bringing her up. But it bothers me that it doesn’t feel like he wants to talk to me over text.

It seems like I’m always the one wishing him goodnight or good morning first. This morning, I had to wait till almost 11 to get a good morning from him, even though we both wake up relatively early every day.

Our 6 months is today, and I know this sounds really pathetic but I’ve been waiting for him to say something about it. He’s coming back to town in a few days. But I would really like to see some initiative or effort in him for our relationship.

Am I going crazy? Is this too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable? I’d like an answer from a guy to tell me what’s possibly going on. Thank you.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It almost seems like he's either lacking excitement and/or attention in the relationship and is talking to another girl to cure that problem or he has commitment issues. It's concerning that he's not coming to you about this if he feels troubled in the relationship as he should be giving you more attention than her. If he was considerate and respectful of you, he'd have known before that he cheated on you and trust needs to be earned back for the relationship to work.

    You have every right to be concerned about where this is heading. Tell him that he needs to tone down the flirting with his friend and be prompt about it. You two are in a relationship together and if he wants to flirt with someone, it should be with you and you only! If he's inconsiderate of your feelings and doesn't make the effort to change, it might be best to move on to someone who'll be devoted to you and prioritize you always! (Unless there's an emergency).

    • Thank you so much for your input! He is a flirty guy, but you’re right that he should only be flirting with me. I’ve told him to stop flirting with her, and now they don’t even talk anymore (that’s what he says). However, I don’t know why he would feel like he wasn’t getting attention or any excitement in the relationship since I’m very caring and am always looking for ways to make him feel loved.

    • It’s just hard to keep that momentum going when I don’t see him trying or I see him focusing on someone else.

    • You're very welcome! That's the part you need to figure out because if he was more involved in the relationship, he wouldn't have any need to flirt with anyone else as you'd give him the desires and attention he needs! I believe that you're a wonderful girlfriend, that he just needs to get his priorities straight and communicate with you about what he wants in the relationship. Maybe if you looked back to when he cheated the first time, that might help you understand why he'd try to flirt with another woman at this time. As long as he's true to his words and starts giving you more attention and care in the relationship, you two should be fine! I'm hoping you'll come to the point where you can trust him again; that you wouldn't have any need to look at his phone for validation.

  • It may be a time to ask if he's truly happy being with you.


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