Is it bad to ask what someone's intentions are?

We both have said we like each other but hasn't really gone above that yet. My thing is I'm older and fear we probably aren't looking for the same things. Aside from that there is distance between us location wise but I'd be happy to travel.

My question is before I get too attached would it just be better to figure out if we're on the same page?
Updates:
I asked and i got "Im not sure" :\

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1032

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, ask him. Because you don't want to fall for him completely just to realize he doesn't feel the same. Humans are complicated.

    I had guys who flirt and say all if these things to me then before I knew it, they went to get themselves a girlfriend or they delete me from everywhere. Shrugs.

    It's better to know ahead of time then be heart brokened mater and feel bitter about it. so speak what's on your mind. Ask him. Talk to him.

    I had a guy friend say he liked me and everything. I asked him and we both clearified that we were just flirting with each other. We we're going to date but long distance is hard. We are still friends now and he still flirts with me. But because we know our intent is not to fall in love, we keep out limits and space.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think things like that should be clear from the first few dates. But sometimes it is very hard to be the serious one. You don't want to kill the fun.

    Mabie keep a smile on and look into his eyes from below while you ask so as not to scare him. Mabie even hold on to his arm while you do it so he won't run jk. But seriously, mabie no direct confrontation, but facing the same direction tipe situation might defuse the question a bit.

    On the other hand if he starts joking about it, then show him you're serious.

    Love the initiative, good luck!

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What Girls & Guys Said

931
  • I think that’s only natural. Knowing where someone is going in their lives is important especially if you’re trying to be serious with them. It gives you a peace of mind. Also an insight on if you’re interests are the same.

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  • Yes. There's absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone where you stand with them. It'll prevents you from jumping to the wrong assumption. And prevent any confusion and doubts about him

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  • No, it's ok to ask, but you can't expect him to give you much of an answer if you've only been dating 2-3 months. That's not enough time to get to know if they want to marry you.

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  • Yes ask. But realize he's going to try to tell you what you wanna hear and will mostly be willing to lie about his intention to get in your pants. Best thing you could probably do is tell him upfront you're dtf but you wanna know what he wants after.

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  • It's more weather you both have the same end goal and wether or not things can work out or are the inconvenience becoming an issue

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  • Yes. If you are already concerned... It's better for you.

    There are types which live in the zen mode, appreciating each day no matter what... But it's neither me ;)

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  • If only I could express how many times I wanted a girl to ask me so I could explain myself without appearing overwhelming or sudden... I say go for it lol

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  • Absolutely not. You have the right to know what the other persons wants/needs in the relationship regardless of it is the first date or 3 months. Why waist your time even further right?

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  • Yeah just ask there's no point wasting time I think if you communicate it takes a lot of pressure off

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  • Of course it's not bad. You're looking for something and so is he. Nothing wrong with making sure you're looking for the same thing!

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  • Never get attached until you meet the person, if you are in for some bed breaking sessions why bother, just don't get played

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  • I think you definitely should, no need to waste time and travel

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    • Did he give you any ideas?

    • Show All
    • A lot more than I'd like but from the start I expressed it and he insisted age was a number. He's in college and he has goals he wants to accomplish after.

    • I see what you mean, don't want to waste time on some random fling. I would say enjoy for the time being, you only live once

  • It's best to honest, perhaps test the water a little but be straight forward when you feel like that'd be best.

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  • I feel like it's better to be on the same page early rather than too late. If you want long term and he/she wants short term.. could be an issue

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  • No, but dont ask it like that maybe you can say something like "what do you see in a girl"

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  • It's not bad to know. You should ask where you two are at before going any further.

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  • Yes ask. A mature answer with get a mature and true response if he's a good guy

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  • It is not bad to ask, actually it is good... Because it says we are open hearted

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  • ofcorse do that. dont waste your time to travel distance and then maybe to be dissapointed.

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  • Not really,, cuz then u know what needs to happen next

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  • Depends. Whats your total body count so far and are you feeling your biological clock ticking

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  • Not at all. Better to know now, than find out the hard way later

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  • Yeah! You should figure out if you both are on a same page and then move forward.

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  • It's not bad to ask. As men, we don't typically ask because we know we're going to hear a lie anyway

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  • Nah, most guys would appreciate the honesty.

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  • Nothing wrong with it.

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  • Let me guess. Sexting much?

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  • Yes it would be

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  • Ask him you'll be better off for it

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  • Of course not

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  • Nope

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  • Very good question in my opinion

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  • Fuck no. Protect yourself.

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  • Of course not

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  • Very bad

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  • no not at all go with the flow lol

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  • We must be honest

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  • No. But the timing needs to be crucial.

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  • Ask everyone everytime

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  • I ALWAYS do this, if anything at least so they can’t hold it against me later.

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