Confused... does he want more?

4 years ago I started seeing this guy, let's call him A.. We were talking all the time, had a great connection and the sex was just amazing! After a couple of months I got really insecure, I guess I needed to know things were going somewhere. Initially, he responded really well, telling me he really wanted to give me what I needed and would try his best, but that he basically had the tendency to be a bit cold and distant sometimes. Unfortunately, my behaviour eventually drove him away... I was devastated, but too stubborn to contact A. and talk it over. After a couple of months of no contact though, we did reconnect, but instead of telling A. I wanted to try to work things out between us, I hooked up with him and kept on doing so until he went on an internship in Eastern Europe. (I really don't know why I did that) After that, I decided to try to forget about him and met someone else. When I informed A. About my SO, he seemed kind of disappointed, but we decided to stay friends and we kept in touch.1,5 year later, things ended between me and this guy and the first thing I did was send a message to A. to tell him the good news. We started hooking up again... I'm very confused about what I want from him, when we are together I just want to have sex with him, but as soon as he is gone, I start fantasizing about a relationship with him. He is sending me a lot of mixed signals as well, talking about basically everything with me, being very affectionate (even in public), telling me he misses me etc...2 days ago, I asked him when he would take me somewhere on a date and he said: "What do you want to do and when are you free?" Not at all what I expected... I thought he would tell me he basically just wants to hook up with me and nothing more. Now I am thinking that I am giving him all the wrong signals and that maybe he really does like me and would be open for something more? What do you think? Any advice?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I'm going to be honest with you so please try not to be angry with me okay. Why would he want more from you when he's getting everything that he wants without actually being in a relationship with you. It's like why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Just think about it if you wanted to be intimate with somebody and that's all you wanted and they're giving you that but they want a relationship why would you give them a relationship you're getting everything you want if you want more then you have to change what you're doing you can't just keep sleeping with a dude and say you want a relationship guys are not like girls they can have sex with no strings attached they don't need a relationship you understand what I'm saying.

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    • I am definitely not angry, thank you for your opinion. I do hope that I find out sooner than later that he is one of those guys that believe women lose their worth because you can have sex with them without being committed as that would be a huge turn off for me. I believe both women and men can sleep with whomever they want and if the sex is good + you have a good connection and genuinely like each other then why would someone not want to make it official? If you find a gemstone, it doesn't matter where you found it or how hard it was, right?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Explain your feelings, no sugar coating!!! It will go so much smoother once intentions are clear and in the air!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Seems like he like you. If he asks you where you want to go and stuff then sure he really likes you. He was even sad that you. got with another guy which proves that he really cares. And you said he talks to you about everything. He might as well already be your boyfriend as far as I'm concerned.

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  • Maybe the date will be a good opportunity to talk it over (if you're able to keep your hands off each other). From your text, it appears like he's open for more. However, he could have a different interpretation of what's going on. If he was single when you got together with the other guy, that could play a big role when deciding what next

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  • It's about labels for you. Ask him if he wants to be exclusive with you. Those aren't mixed signals, they are very clear. Just remember you're looking for feelings he doesn't have. Most men don't show emotions.

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  • Talk to him. Say "The sex is nice, but I can get that anywhere. I need to know if there's potential for more here." If he winces, you have your answer. If he perks up at the idea of "more"... bonus.

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