I dont get it can you explain why some of you feel like this?

[Miristheiss]

I feel like all of this stuff you are going on about should apply to the guy who helped put that baby in your womb. If you haven't even given birth yet and this guy is already out of the picture than that makes you look pretty bad to get in this situation and bring this problem to society.

Anyway, I want my own wife and for us to have our own kids together I am not looking for anyone who already has her own family already.

Where is the dad? Why isn't he all of these things for you? Why don't you wait until you are married to start having kids.

[Anonymous]

Well the situation is kind of red flag central. Like you’re coming out of a failed relationship/situation, with permanent baggage, and already looking for someone to fill the void where he is going to have to be involved in the child’s life.
Not only is it not particularly desirable to play daddy (even if not in the financial capacity) to someone else’s kid right from its birth, it doesn’t exactly paint a quality picture of the woman who is prioritising looking for a man over getting herself stable and sorted for a baby and letting that settle.

[jaidee]

First, that's how female psychology works, whether they are conscious of it or not, due to natural selection... And of course, as always: not all women are like that... But the exception makes the rule.
And of course, natural selection has also shaped men's psychology. If we invest a crazy amount of resources (money, sleep lost, nerves, efforts, time) for a mother and child which won't perpetuate our genes in the genre pool... this is like sacrificing our lives with no benefit, no assurance, and no getting back our investment (time, money, etc) and not even having a woman afterwards of she leaves and no relationship with the kid after raising it.

High risk. Low return. Bad deal.

I would be tempted to offer compassion for your desire for love but:
#1. You will always have options for sex.
#2. Considering the relationship starvation, you may actually find some idiot who invests in you.
#3. If I mention my time of 5 years without being able to get even a kiss before 2015 (and related panic attacks) or how I'm still getting under 1 match a week on dating apps... I'm not just gonna get no compassion, but I'll even get insulted. So... not much compassion left to extend.

[MScifiwriter]

I have a different perspective on this that has less to do with finances. For me I would only date a girl I plan on having a long term relationship with, with marriage being a future possibility. No offense to you, but if a girl is already pregnant or has children, then I rationally see it as walking into a relationship that has a family already in progress.

It would never truly be me as a future husband and father, but as the outsider, the step-father. The girlfriend would unlikely be able to split her love equally between me and her child and she would always view the child to some extent as HER child.

Now coming into a relationship where there isn't any child at all and then falling in love with the girlfriend, getting married and having one or more children. My hypothetical girlfriend/wife and I would share a bond with the child, neither of us would ever be considered outsiders. Because we were both apart of creating the new life. Now of course this is in my hypothetical situation, I know there are other people with other situations that aren't like this.

But anyway, to me dating a girl who is already pregnant or has children, I would be the outsider.

If I didn't mind so much I'd probably have an easier time finding a girlfriend, as the city I currently live in has a lot of single mothers on dating sites and dating apps.

[boggboss]

It's easy saying that but Every male knows he will always be second to your child and most can't accept that

[VincentLaw]

I loo km at dating in terms of looking fir a future spouse, so whether it's the case in the here and now or not If our relationship is going to go anywhere I will eventually be responsible for that child. If the relationship isn't going to go anywhere I don't want to be a part of it.

[MindTime]

I think some guys feel that way because some women do that. Obviously you don't, and i think guys shouldn't assume that that's what you want, but sadly I think many just assume :/

[Iamanintrovert]

Because if you took immature descions. How can one really trust you directly?

[jessture]

Because men are allowed to have dating preferences too. Women who have procreated with a man who is no longer with her (assuming he didn't die), indicates some serious errors in judgement.

And please, while it will be the "I don't expect him to pay for a kid that isn't his" attitude while dating, if there is any hope of a long term relationship, it is inevitable that he will be expected to care and pay for that kid.

When a kid is involved, the guy is expected to make the girl priority number 1, but she is never going to make him priority number 1 as she has a kid that should be her priority. I'm not signing up for that.

Finally, I simply do not desire to be a father figure. Again, if it were to go down a path of long term, that's exactly what would happen.

[ravedave]

I don't really think like that, it's just I date for the long term, and whether you want to admit it or not, if you marry someone with kids, you become part of that equation. I don't want kids. I don't want anything to do with raising a child. I don't want to have to deal with finding sitters, finding freetime, having to sneak around to have sex, having to be mindful of what I say or do around the house.

I'm just not looking for that kind of life. Everyone is entitled to seek out the life that they desire

[BigRob420]

It's about the thought of poking the baby in the head for most men of your age.

[Anonymous]

Madam if a guy wants a serious relationship with you instead of just some hook up kind of thing they will take into account the child that will get in their way.