Is my low self-esteem influencing my perception, or does he seem like he really only is after something casual?

So, met this guy online two and half months ago. I kept falling off the radar because life was hectic, and also to be honest he wasn’t a high priority. However, he kept in touch; when I addressed the fact that he didn’t let the long pause stop him from reaching out (which happened a few times) he said that he’s tenacious.

So, we met in person about a month ago, and we’ve been having nice, casual dates. Brunch, library book sale, movie, picnic (which we both brought homemade food), and now we just had dinner and Netflix at his place. He didn’t kiss me until the end of our second date, and he’s been very respectful of my personal space. Tonight at his place, we basically cuddled all night... and I felt him occasionally kissing my head and/or smelling my hair. It was active cuddling (rubbing arm, stroking shoulders) too, instead of pseudo-sleeping. We didn’t even make out, although we made out a little bit while on our picnic (I felt
weird and stopped it since there was a family nearby). He texts me every morning to wish me a good day and he sends me random texts throughout the day (even though I usually can’t text back since I’m teaching). He remembers things that I’ve told him, including preferences. He’s called me adorable many times.

I’m trying not to over-analyze... but it feels like we’re already boyfriend and girlfriend. Keep in mind also at we’re both around 30, so it’s kind of odd how this is going. Pleasant and comfortable but odd. I don’t want to initiate a conversation with him YET because a) who asks about exclusivity after one month? And b) I’m insecure that he will tell me I’m jumping the gun.

Any outside perspective?
I was the one who initiated the first kiss, and several physical things as well. I also planned a couple of our dates... so I’m not being passive.

I suppose I’m analyzing this because if I have “the talk” with him too soon I’m concerned he might feel weirded out. It’s just this month of dating has been more of a relationship in terms of communication and consideration than the last two relationships I’ve been in.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why bother analyzing it if things are going okay so far? Seems like he is the one taking initiative and you aren't. Let it play out unless you wanna leave the relationship.

    • Concerned he will be weirded out? C'mon, you guys are bloody 30 or something, you guys shouldn't be weirded out by something like this. If they can't take it, I'd be concerned that they can't handle simple topics properly.

    • Yeah, but “are we dating” isn’t usually a question that pops up after a month, regardless of age. . Hence the awkwardness.

    • Better to confirm it then. Leaving it with uncertainty will just make it more awkward. Deal with the problem before it gets out of control.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • I say wait a bit and get to know the most about him that you can and when that's done and u still want to ask or talk about it then definitely do so.

  • I would say find out what exactly he is looking to get out of you guys talking and reply accordingly.


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