What should she do?

girlfriend doesn't speak up to her mom who is alienating her from my family. They already have no other family associating with them. She has no friends in the area and her only responsibility is a dog her mom adopted then decided she didn't want a year later after bonding.
Any trip is made an issue, which my family and I pay for yet her mom tells her we are wrong for not paying to go to them (Fl) where she's more strict and it's more stressful. "They're not meeting you halfway" we are literally paying for the trip to come here or to Myrtle Beach for vaca and be fed, hang out, see movies, etc while her mom pays for nothing and she pays for little.

Is her mom toxic or am I overreacting?

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  • @PeteyConnors yes, from your description her mom sounds like she's toxic, or just wants to be placed on a pedestal that she has no rights to. Your girlfriend should grow some balls. Sometimes being raised around a certain behavior seems "normal". Sounds like her mother's preferences or nagging is what she knows. She's gotta start thinking for herself. You can hint at it, or if a specific situation arises, talk to her about it. Try not to be too pushy though, it may cause rifts, make you look controlling or simply unloving and rude. She should do it on her own. She may be defensive because it's about her mother.

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    • Yeah we have talked about it but I pointed out that she has goals that she can't reach with her relationship as it currently is. I've said many times that I don't want her choosing between her mom and myself, but that to be able to continue the relationship she needs to set boundaries and establish herself truly as an adult (she's 24) for her own sake

    • Good for you! That's very mature and a great perspective.

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