Why boys are happy to date women with mental issues but not physical disabilities?

I'm a wheelchair user; my disability is quite mild, being able to walk and live independently. I know I'm pretty attractive: boys look at me at the streets, hit on me at discos, don't have any problem in having sex with me, and they seem to enjoy it.. but dating is proving to be impossible. A male friend told me that men are lazy, and I quite got it; but recently I have met this girl. She has bipolar disorder and borderline personality, she had a big crisis lately and had to be cared by a group of friends. However, this doesn't stop her from having boyfriends. She isn't specially beautiful or hot, just cute. I also had a friend who dated a girl with severe depression. Of course, it was a disaster, and when I asked why, he told me that he thought the girl worthed it.
This made me pretty sad because, depite all the good things I have to offer, I don't think no one has ever thought of me in that way. I have tons of friends, people seem to like me genuinely most of the times, I'm really funny, clever, independent... but my experience proves that none of these things matter when you're disabled. Ok, I get it; men don't want to care for their girlfriend. But what puzzles me most is, then why it seems different when it comes to mental issues? I honestly think that it must be far more tricky to deal with them than with a mild physical disability.

I would like to have some answers to understand this, because I really don't get what is so wrong with me. Thank you
Updates:
Thanks for the replies. I imagined these were the kind of things that were in people's minds. I think it's more frustrating than sad because it shows that prejudices and stigma are the only things that stand when "normative" people conceive someone disabled. It's so stupid.
I guess people's motivations are driven by prejudices above all, even when they are seeing otherwise. No hope for me or human race then, haha

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't get it either. If I were a guy I'd go for a woman with a physical disability over someone with mental illness, a person with metal illnesses can harm, you themselves or their children and very often do. Many of them will tell you they wouldn't date a girl with mental illness but that is not true.

    I do not know what to say darling, I think you should try looking in the right places for good men, I know it's hard but just try to. Men are very shallow at times, and not even about the right things.

    They are weak minded, lazy as your friend suggests and also not very loyal. You just have to find the right one, and the one who will not have you, is just one you shouldn't want either.

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    • I'm starting seriously to consider that there are no such men. But I'm starting to not care at all, too, haha. Thank you for your reply! :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • As unfortunate as it is, I think it's an 'out of sight, out of mind' issue with guys. It's easy to look past mental conditions because they're not visible, while at the same time, it's impossible to *not* see physical conditions.

    Personally, I don't let it stop me, and I've dated disabled girls before. But that's not the case with most other guys.

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    • Yeah, I think so too. The difference lies in which you can see it right away or not. Thanks for the reply

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I don't know if we have a completely logical answer for this. It would seem that as guys are OK with an emotional issue, they would be OK with a physical disability. Maybe it has something to do with the expectation of mobility when young. I don't know.

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  • Depression isn't that bad. I think it is a good thing for sure if your partner is trying to help make you happy... For the physical disability and mental part I guess they are equal. I think some men think that if they like someone with a disability it will be hard to be happy with them... because they think they will have to care for the partner more than just having fun with them. Almost as if they were a younger sibling or babysitting someone.

    At least this is what I have been told...

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    • Depression is not the same as being sad, and love is not going to save someone from depression. This is something everyone who had a depression or have dated someone with depression could tell. Also, physical disability is too complex to equal it with being dependant: there are different degrees, also some people can hire a carer...

      What you're saying is really simplistic, but at the same time is the "pop" view about both topics. Disabled people are tragic people who will always require help, and depressive people are artistic, intelligent people who only need a little love to heal. This makes me wonder how much Hollywood and fiction cliches have influenced this view. Thanks you your reply

    • I am depressed. People can still cheer you up now and then, and partners can help with that. This is from experience.

      As well, for the physical disabilities, I have heard from friends who have dated someone like that.

    • I don't now what kind or degree of disability your friends' partners will have, but I haven't been dependant in my whole life -well, as a kid, obviously- and it's really annoying that everybody is supposing that all the time.
      I honestly think that most of the time the thought you're mentioning is a simple excuse not to date us, and that it actually is a kind of status thing -like, they're ashamed of dating us, because we're obviously not trophy girlfriends or someone you can show off-. And I realise that precisely because of this girl: she needs far more help than I do, but still, that doesn't prevent her from having boyfriends.

      So, yeah, your comment proves that no matter what I'm or what I do, I'm going to be a poor, weak, dependant thing in the eyes of others. A pill hard to shallow, but it is what it is.

      Regarding depression, of course, people who love you are going to be of help, but it's not going to be enough if it's a severe degree.

  • I think it's all due to how noticeable it is. If a girl announced she is bipolar straight away she'd probably find it harder to date someone for the same reasons. However, you usually only find these things out once you're invested. Personally, I like to get to know someone either on a first date, or for a while before anything happens to see how I like them, so I like to think it wouldn't so me dating someone (but it's never come up).

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  • Nothing is wrong with you, you just have men with a fucked up brain there prolly. I mean please don't think if less guys has approached you means it is because of your disability it could also be because you are just amazingly awesome that all the guys feel almost the same like you i mean 'do not deserve you kind of stuff", but deserve the mind fucked shiet like they are themselves? Either way be positive and love yourself.

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    • That's sweet! I do love myself and have a good self-esteem, but I think this is a problem that cannot be solved by this, unfortunately. I don't have any control over people's prejudices, I'm afraid, and I'm sure this is all about that. Thanks for your sweet words!

    • Well u can easily ignore their prejudice n shiet I'm sure. There are indeed many guys out there and you will find the right one in time!!! Or not? XD I don't know but lets be positive and enjoy life either way, guy or no guy.

  • That's entirely too complex a question to answer in 1000 static characters. PM me if you want my opinion.

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  • Depends on the issues really. If a man can make a woman mentally dependent on him, it'll give him the greatest kick and that's what they subconsciously go for.

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    • Yeah, I thought about that too. It's pretty fucked up, but fits with the fucked up world we're in

    • It's not really fucked up. It's instinct to make your significant other rely on you, so unless they actually aim for that, it's the usual

  • I have dated a women in a wheelchair. We broke up because our lifes where going in different direction's.

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    • She was one of the most fun people I have dated.

    • Thanks for a different and actual view on disability! Hopefully there are people who can see past prejudices; unfortunately, not many, haha

    • I'm sorry that all the guys you have met are so narrow minded.

  • I would guess that a physical problem is more present when you start dating while mental issues are getting more and more noticeable. First dates with someone in a wheelchair seem a bit awkward and that won't make things easier for you... Some people even feel bad when they see someone in a wheelchair you got to get them to think about something else than your wheelchair so first dates should be "stationary" otherwise they will just see you rolling and that's what's going to define you in their heads

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  • That is so sad

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  • because they are visual

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  • it comes down to preference, i wouldn't date neither neither of those, but im sure you'll find someone who likes you the way you are!

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