Am I overreacting?

So I’ve been talking to this guy for the past month. We hang out every single day, spend the night at each other’s places sometimes, we’ve hooked up like 5 times.

Yesterday morning he called me and said he wanted to spend the day together, so we had a breakfast date, jammed in his car, went back to his place, and had some BOMB sex. I had to go to work at 2:30 but he reminded me that we were hanging out at 8 and kissed me goodbye.

Fast forward to 8. I get there, handle of Bacardi, ready to drink for the first time in ages. Long story short, got a little too drunk, to the point where he didn’t think I could drive— I honestly could’ve. I had to be home by 1 because curfew. He made his best friend drive my car and follow me and him in his car to my house.

I’m not sure how this conversation started but during the car ride he told me he didn’t care if I died, and just that he didn’t want me to get pulled over. First of all, what the fuck? I asked him if he meant that, and he said said it again. “I don’t care if you die, I don’t care if anyone dies.” Like who fucking says that? To be fair he did tell me he was feeling really depressed, I asked him what I could do to help him, he said to wait a day and he’ll be fine.

Anyways, after asking him again like what the fuck dude, he said “no, I’d care if you died.” He then proceeded to tell me he has “a lot of love for me.” I feel like he was just telling me things I wanted to hear.

One more thing. We were discussing tinder earlier in the day, and he said he wasn’t about that Tinder life, and I agreed, which is true for me, I don’t have the app. When he let me pick the song on the ride home, he handed me his phone, and Tinder was one of the recommended apps from the drop down list. Also he was talking to some girl named Natalie on there?

Am I overthinking this? Am I overreacting?
To be honest I’m still a little drunk and just overall confused. I’m sure we’ll hang out tonight, but I’m tired of these mixed signals.

  • Yes, calm down, you’re being crazy
    Vote A
  • No, he’s being weird wtf
    Vote B
  • Other
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • haha wow, so you've seemed to have overlooked your own wreckless behaviour, you wanted to drink drive and gave him the idea that you couldve died if he hadn't been there. He prevented that but he also saw it as though you might actually think he's fond of you. Sot to counter (defense mechanism), almost like equalisation, he said what he said lol dont think anything of it, in future don't use car if you plan to get drunk or he'll feel like your just advantage of the fact he cares about you (which he doesn't want you to feel).

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    • 5d

      I didn’t think about this! That actually makes a lot of sense. I know, it was stupid of me to want to drive while drunk.

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    • 5d

      Sounds like we have a similar issue lol

    • 5d

      yeah but mine was worst lol i feel too embarassed to tell you here

Most Helpful Girl

  • The "I don't care that you would die" thing is fucked up, but from what I'm reading it could just be nihilism because of his depression. The best way to deal with that would be just talking about his depression and making sure he has someone to vent to.
    The Tinder thing could also be the same thing, because of his depression he kinda doesn't care how his attitude could hurt people. It's messed up, but a lot of people have this issue.
    From what I've read he sounds like a guy with huge problems that he needs to figure out. If you care about him you should try help him through this, he's not in the right headspace for a girlfriend right now, but it sounds like he could desperately use a friend.

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    • This 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. Thank you. Very helpful.

    • I try, depression a fucked up thing. I'm not expert so do some independent research, that's all the advice I can say.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • Given the situation, the context, and that both of you are in... in a weird relationship. You shouldn't be surprissed by this. That's how I see it, of course it can depend and variate. Hope I helped!

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    • I know, it’s really weird. Most of the time he doesn’t say shit like this, which is why yesterday through me for a loop. I don't know if it’s just because I was really drunk but he was being so standoffish during the drive to my house

    • Maybe it was just a time of weird thoughts racing in his mind. It happens to most people. Probably he fell ashamed after realizing what he said, and didn't apologize because he might want to let it go as a unimportant thing. I don't know... I've never met a couple with a relationship as yours. Sorry if I'm not as helpful 😅

    • Yeah I feel like he felt guilty after saying that, especially because of how I reacted to it. He never apologizes for anything, except for the one time he accidentally hit me and that’s obviously expected

  • I could not read you wrote so much. If you can write SOOOO MUCH, you might as well be overreacting too

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    • Just trying to explain our complicated relationship as well as I can. Sorry that you’re lazy 🤷🏼‍♀️

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    • 7d

      You’re right, I can’t get enough. Life is amazing

    • 7d

      Exactly

  • Nope, you aren't overreacting. It is expected. Just like others it's a 50/50 situation. Find time to get some facts about his feeling and how real he is to you. Also, this could be the signs too.

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  • To me, he is fine. After all you were quite drunk, things could be amplified, dont you agree?

    He may have had a bad day too. Let's consider his feelings and spare him some love a little bit.

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    • He told me he had a really amazing day I don't know. And maybe you’re right. I was drunk so my emotions were all over the place. Even when I wrote the original post I had just woken up and was still drunk lmao

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    • Could I DM you?

    • Check on his family

  • You shouldn't like him a lot considering he is playing you

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  • No but anyway he just doesn't really care if you're overreacting or not 😂

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  • I'd personally talk to him About it. Because after reading that I'm also 50/50...

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  • He was drunk and just had a bad buzz. It happens.

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  • It's 50/50 you need to talk to him about it

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  • Relax and enjoy

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  • So are you very much in love with him

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  • You are a casual hookup. What sort of message do you think this sends a guy? one of quality or easiness? You aren't the only girl he's seeing, but then why would you be?

    You've accepted the way things are, so you can't complain about it, or the other girl. It's likely he's doing both of you, but if you are ok with that then it's not a problem.

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    • The things we talk about aren’t casual. If he was in it for the sex we would have sex much more often though. He takes me on dates and talks about how our relationship is forming blah blah blah. I’m just confused about the “I don’t care if you die” like is he a psychopath

    • In that case, his statement was probably just due to depression. It's the same reason why they say never to make a major decision while depressed...

    • I have a feeling it’s the depression. Someone else commented and said it was probably nihilism due to said depression, which makes sense 100%

What Girls Said 8

  • I don’t think you are overreacting at all. He seems like he has a lot of his own problems he has to deal with. That was fucked up for him to say that to you and he’s talking to another girl, I would drop him but that’s just me.

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    • I would drop him if my heart would let me. He has me in deep. It’s hard to let go :/

    • Yeah, I know it can be really hard and it sucks. You have to think of you and the future tho you know? Do you think you guys will be together in future and is he going to care for you the way you deserve?

    • I just can’t let him go though. We work together, and if I dropped him he would be confused since he told me in the beginning that he doesn’t know how committed he can be, that monogamy is overrated, blah blah

  • I don't he mean it like that. Just a drunk thought and you never said he was you boyfriend and how you discussed it so of course he talks to other girls too

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  • Now I’m feeling insecure because of that Natalie girl...🤣 I’m just kidding

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  • He definitely shouldn’t have said he wouldn’t care if you died, now that’s fucked up! Even if he’s depressed that’s doesn’t change it

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  • Why all the swearing?

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  • This just sounds weird all around. Join up on Tinder and see what his profile says and shoot him a message haha.

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    • I think that she shouldn't try to test him. Just talk to him. Respect his privacy and try to trust him and if he ever does anything suspicious again, then check on his tinder profile.

  • Was he drunk also? People attend to the speak the truth when they are drunk. You're not overreacting because people shouldn't tell someone that, so not cool. You said he was telling you he was depressed just sit down with him and try to communicate about where you guys stand

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    • He wasn’t drunk. He had had like a shot or two, but nowhere near as much as I had

    • Ohh okay, I still feel like you both should sit down and talk. Just see where his head at. Ask yourself do you really want him in your life

  • You both sound weird. Rule number 1. NEVER EVER drive even if you think you feel fine. This is how so many people get DUI's. Do you really think people who have DUi's were actually swerving? lol Nope! They were driving fine just like you! Except they were driving late at night when cops make an excuse to stop anyone which happens usually after 11pm. You say you are fine and you pass the line test but then you take the breathalyzer and it reads.08 and you are screwed , go to jail and then you never make it home by curfew. I see this a lot! Maybe someone in his life got a dui? A DUI can ruin your life! people assume just because you have a dui that you were driving drunk. You don't have to be drunk to have a dui. You could even be smoking a blunt in your car infront of your house and get a dui if you were on public property. Next time just don't drink if you know you have to be home by certain time. My friend who is a lawyer says that you can never go by what you feel. You may feel fine but the breathalyzer will read something else. .08 isn't much. Anyway, it is weird that he said he didn't care if you died. Maybe he was drunk? Sounds like he does nothing all day lol I don't know how someone can have so much time to hangout lol And plus he's talking to another girl? I think you should take things slow with him and see how it goes. Maybe hang with him less and see what happens. It would suck to invest so much time to find out he's seeing other people.

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    • Thanks for the lecture. He has two jobs, but we find time to see each other after work. Yesterday he was off of work though so that’s why we had extra time. I know. Maybe I should turn down his next invite. Why do we both sound weird though?

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