How do I get my boyfriend to trust me?

My boyfriend has pretty bad trust issues. Things happened with his ex and he's bringing it into our relationship. I love him and wouldn't do anything to risk it but its very hard for him to believe me. I just don't know how to work on it with him. any thoughts?

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1019

Most Helpful Girl

  • In all honesty I sort of had the same thing going on with my boyfriend. He didn't even want to officially date me until he knew he didn't have to worry too much about me cheating. But he was still worried. I remember right when we made it official (which was months after we started seeing each other) he went out of town for two months for work and was coming back afterwards. I remember him telling me that since I was staying in the dorms at college he was sure I was going to get drunk and cheat on him, I told him that would never happen. I don't think he really started believing me until I remember this one time I was at the first party I went out to with him gone and I was outside with my friend and he asked if I wanted to call and I said sure why not I'm drunk lol.
    And then for some reason every time I went out to a party I would get pretty drunk and end up calling him. He told me that always made him feel better because it was obvious I wasn't hooking up with anyone. Eventually he had to trust me and with time he eventually became almost completely trusting in me.
    Although now his fear is that when I turn 21 (which is this year) and start going to clubs and bars I'll meet older/cooler guys who are actually worth my time. I will admit I've never been into younger college guys, but I feel until I show him that even clubs and bars won't change me that he will always be nervous. But I always tell myself "It comes with time". Show him that he can trust you. Don't give him any reason not to. And he will come around I promise.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • you don't. no seriously you can't make someone trust you. They have to find it within themselves to start trusting people. Can you help develop that I guess by being honest all the time. Course if you end up breaking up with him after saying the words "I love you" then depending on how he sees those words you could end up making things way worse because it means you didn't love him. Before you get mad for me saying that understand that there is a difference between loving, lusting, and infatuation as well as loving someone as a romantic partner and loving someone as a person. A lot of people can not seem to tell the difference between those nowadays which makes for very destructive relationships because it just keeps compounding the misunderstanding for those things

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What Girls & Guys Said

918
  • Keep reassuring him. Be honest when he asks questions and let him know you're understanding but he has nothing to worry about with you. Beyond that, there isn't anything to do. You just have to tell him to calm down.

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  • Three things need to be present. He needs to be willing to learn to trust, you need to be trustworthy, and time. At issue, also, is if he is mistreating you, or is emotionally abusive, due to his lack of trust. if that is the case, then you need to leave the relationship, and he needs to work on his trust issues with a therapist. You do no owe anyone the "right" to be abusive toward you, just because they have trust issues.

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  • It depends on how much patience and sacrifice of freedom and privacy you are willing to give.

    My wife was very possessive and jealous once we became official. I was pretty transparent with her. She had passwords to my phone or computer, after being together she had a key to my place. She was lucky I was a homebody and didn't have facebook and things like that. After time most of it went away.

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  • That's not fair. You're not his ex. If he's got unresolved shit over her, he shouldn't be dragging you through the crap too. Don't get treated like crap because of someone else's crap.

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  • Just take a deep breath and realize that it takes time in any relationship to build that trust and even more when someone has been badly hurt. Just try to be patient and show him that you aren't her. It's not fair that he put that on you but that is the reality. Just keep showing him that you are not her and that he can trust you.

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  • I'm sorry you have to go through this. I have trust issues as well and unfortunately my boyfriend had to go through the same thing.
    Always make sure to back up anything you say with proof. Because even if he doesn't tell you he will suspicious and his head would be filled with scenarios as to how u can be lying to him. Make sure to be honest with him. Don't let him cross limits in wanting to know whether you're honest, like taking your password or going through your convos. He has to know that there are limits for everything and he needs to understand that the problem is with him, not with you, nd that you're trying your best to be completely transparent with him and understanding.

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    • I have trust issue with girls and take long time become friends with woman since I had bad experience girls in my past. I am going to my boyfriend when he wake up.

  • It just takes time to build. You can force it or make it happen faster. Just continue to prove it with you actions and it will come.

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  • It sounds like he's creating a self fulfilling prophecy. He's expecting you to hurt him, so he's treating you unfairly, which can wear you down over time, and ultimately push you into doing something that will hurt him, which includes leaving.

    I'd sit down and have a talk with him, explain how you feel, and all him if there's something you're doing to make him not want to trust you. Then explain how he's going to have to take a chance and risk bring hurt again, or he's never going to be happy. If he can't do this for you, he's not ready yet, and you should walk away.

    How long after her was he single before you started dating him? Are you sure he was even really over her? I've known men that tried dating years after a bad breakup, and the girl was still a rebound.

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  • Sit down and talk to him. Explain exactly to him how this makes you feel. Explain to him you're not his ex, you're you. You are your own person. Trust issues can be understood but only to an extent. Also, be more open with him. show him that he can trust you vs just saying it. I hope it helps but some people with trust issues can be past helping and they need to do it themselves (not saying thats how he is but I've met many people like that. an ex was so distrusting it was a very toxic relationship and i had to leave)

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  • Time and patience that you have to be willing to give.

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  • Ill dump his ass. Tell him "Im not your ex , or do I look like her twin? Get open minded , do you want to be with me? Then trust me , if you dont trust me , I suggest you to find someone you can do that too because Im not here to prove you what you want because 1 girl played with you. Im not her. Done. "

    (Quote)
    If a dog gets beaten by 10 humans , but one shows him love , then He will have faith in humans again.

    (Quote )
    A human , if he is hurt by 1 woman /1 man , he/she will never trust someone completed even if the partner shows love.

    And that humans are stupid.

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  • Then he doesn't need to be in a relationship right now

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  • He needs to get over it. You don't need to do anything.

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  • Ask him if he's willing to trust you or risk losing you and see what he says

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  • Don't duck other dudes like my wife did to me. Before we were married.

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  • Its definitely gonna take time

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  • Not your problem

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  • Change ur boyfriend

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  • Cheat him on small things and see the reaction

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  • By earning it over time and not breaking it.

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  • By trusting him!!

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  • Leave him alone for a couple of days

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  • Leave him

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  • Just be honest 😊

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  • Your not like his ex's

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  • The thing is, you can show him to be the most truthful person in the world but it's up to him to really get rid of those insecurities. You can't really do it for him. If it's too hard for him to trust you, you really need to reconsider the relationship. One of the most necessary things in a lasting term relationship is trust.

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  • You should earn his trust

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    • even if I haven't done anything to lose it. Like i've been nothing but honest to him

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