2 months into a relationship and seeing numerous red flags?

My boyf is 31 his ex is 21 and I’m 23 , my current boyfriend of two months left a girl he was dating in February to be with me. He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even like him to begin with. Her parents didn’t like his age and felt like he was using her because she was so young. He told me the main problem he had was they would have sex but she couldn’t spend the night with him because her parents told her she couldn’t stay. He told me he told her many times and begged her to stay but she wouldn't. my boyfriend and his ex work together too.

So the last day of February he left her and ten days later we were in a relationship. He bluntly told her he met someone else and was leaving her. He told me how she was upset and tried begging for him back but he kept apologizing to her telling her he was sorry and that he still wanted to be there for her. i went through his phone. The day after he broke up with her though he texted her first saying “hey sweetie how are you doing” he initiated the conversation the next day after that too saying “hey sweetie how’s your day going so far” the week after he broke up with her she was still trying to see him and he was trying to clear his schedule to see her too from the text.

Two weeks went by and neither one of them texted each other until last Saturday he texted her first asking how she was doing she didn’t reply. I see text from him asking was she at work that particular day. today i see text from her saying she missed him and said she hoped he was doing good and he said i miss you too sweetie i hope you’re doing alright sweetie.

A few weeks ago while with my boyfriend we saw his ex in the store and they were laughing , flirting, talking abut their little inside jokes, smiling at each other, he was teasing her right behind my back. And before we left the store he tugged on her hair , looked like he wanted her attention

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Most Helpful Guy

  • 10 days after a break up and he hooked up right with you that's something fishy from the start. Texting his ex shows he's not done with her yet and as he clearly stated his breakup was about not getting physical so I can bet her ex's parents were absolutely right judging him. Probably he's just trying to use you either to make her jealous and get her in bed or maybe he may be trying to play two balls at same time.
    Best will be to cut of with him as soon as possible else you might end up being her s*x toy , he won't be showing you any commitment and he may lie up some fancy story to get your emotional side. Life's just not about making own mistakes dear it's about learning from others too. So give it a think if he can do it with her ex you ain't gonna be no different, no matter how much he tries to convince you. You are pretty young, it's not the end of world with him, you have an excellent long future ahead. It would be much better to wait till ya meet someone who actually deserves you.

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    • they did have sex but he said she woudnt committ and stand up to her parent sso she could stay over

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    • @Allesana yes you can

    • It doesn't look like he's ready to commit.

Most Helpful Girl

  • All those things are red things, and he left her because she couldn't stay with him during the nights?
    This shows he is just after lust and physical pleasures.
    Perhaps, few years later you will become his ex too.
    I feel like he is not going to marry any girl, for him and for most guys relationships are just time pass.

    My advice is, whether you choose to follow it or not- don't sleep with him before marriage, if he truly loves you and wants a serious long term relationship, he should marry you and speak to your parents, and his parents should also speak to your parents to ask for your hand.

    Plus do your parents know about him and does his parents know about him?

    In the old days, sex outside marriage was adultery.
    In the old days, girlfriend was called a mistress.

    No offense to anyone but you invited me to share my opinion, and that is all I am doing, the rest is your choice.

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    • I think it was because she was under her parents thumb

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    • @ChurchOfIron Love is never irrelevant except to those who do not know how to love. Sex isn't love.

    • @TrixiePooch It kinda is irrelevant when it's love that has been dead for 2,000 years and existed within an entirely, entirely different social structure, where women were treated like property.

      Sex is fun. It's enjoyable. It's healthy to have, so long as one is careful. And it might not "be" love, but it definitely strengthens relationships.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • So is there a question?

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  • Run Forest Run.

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    • Can you give me some insight

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    • You don't have to be with him, even if he has actually for "asked" you to, even if he begged you, you don't have to be with him. It's your choice. If his action and words are not congruent, then no matter what he says, his action counts.

    • Hunny you don’t need insight, you can plainly see the red flags, that’s your insight

  • He was openly hitting on her in front of you. Do you find that nice or respectful towards you? Nobody would do that who loves you. Sounds like a loser

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  • He could be rebounding. You are supposed to take time for yourself and heal. You are not supposed to go straight into another relationship. He's not over her. He's not over her because he didn't allow himself to overcome the heartbreak and feelings for her. I feel he may be using you as a distraction. Anyone should always wait a few months before getting into another relationship. You should have waited for him to get over her. You should tell him it bothers you that he's still talking to her. Also don't read his text messages. Yeah he's doing things behind your back even though they aren't serious things. It's not cool to read his messages. You don't trust him and you can't build a relationship when you are barely starting out and you are already reading his messages secretly. If it were me, I would dump him. You'll hear he will probably get back with his ex. Plus it's really strange he had to announce to his ex he already met someone else. If he didn't care about her, he wouldn't be telling her his every move. So because he's trying to cause her pain means he still cares. If he didn't care he wouldn't go out of his way. On top of that he's still texting her after trying to get her jealous or cause her emotional pain by saying he already met someone. You can date any guy you want. This guy has to try harder and especially for his age. You don't have to settle for him.

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  • Sounds bad, miss. Being a gentleman to an ex is one thing, but it's not hard to be kind yet distant. He might be using you as a rebound, when he tried to bluff her into staying the night with him and it failed, and now he's regretting it and trying to get back in with her. I'd suggest finding a dude with less previous attachment

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    • How did he try to bluff her

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    • Aww that’s cute... But your answer makes sense though

    • So i asked him did he “bluff” her and he said no but he did say i told her i met another girl and she started crying and begging and she went off on me he said she was really upset

  • Ok, sweetheart, I *know* you're smart and kind of figuring out what's going on all on your own, but that you just want reaffirmation that you're thinking and feeling the right thing. This is way too new of a relationship for you to already be doubtful <3

    If he does as you're saying in your post, and the messages to his ex are sweet; I would sit down, have a conversation with him, but not allow myself to be swayed. Ask him about his intentions. Ask him if he still loves her. Ask him what he wants with you.

    You have to find your own place in the relationship (not be her substitute) and he's supposed to help you do that. You should have his attention, not her.

    The danger with relationships that other people bug into (like her parents) is that the break ups are sometimes involuntary; which means that wishes, fantasies and feelings are still there. And if he hasn't dealt with that, but broken off because it became too much, then he's not ready for you.
    In that case you surely deserve better <3 He lacks respect for you, and I would expect a little more adult behavior from him at 31 - although I know age in that sense has little meaning - it's all where he places his values.
    That's why it's important for you to understand and know your own values and goals, so when you talk to him, him sweet-talking won't make your heart go blind.

    Be smart, even if it hurts.
    If he's not done with her, he's not ready for you <3<br/>

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  • Thank you for sharing your concerns with us dear Wesl123Q, I understand how you must be feeling. In my own honest opinion, it is a bit your fault, while he is wrong himself too.
    Let me just explain my point of view:
    First rule to know in this kind of situations dear is to get done with it before going further, which in your case, he should have been over his ex girlfriend before getting into a relationship with you to avoid having a "Rebound" relationship.
    He may not intentionally be wanting to get back with her, but due to the fact he was freshly single from a deep relationship makes you a potential rebound girlfriend for him.
    What you could have done yourself, is to make sure he was really over her, and waited months before officially getting together as a couple.
    I don't want to take any side, but it happened to me loads of times, and if you read official articles or books about the subject you will get professional insight regarding the subject.

    My own personal advice for you dear Wesl123Q:
    Break up with him and explain how he should be done with his ex girlfriend, move on with his life, and once he is literally "Single" you will reconsider the relationship again.
    There is a slight chance he might be with you just to make her jealous, and for her to grow up and stand up to her parents so they can be together again without anybody objecting the relationship.
    It clearly shows he they still have feelings for each others no matter what he could say or justify, from what you have described above.

    Hopefully you are going to make the right decision for you, as for it will be also the right decision for him too.

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    • Why leave if he still likes her, how is this a rebound if he left her for me

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    • Yeah but what do he get out of making her jealous why didn’t he just tell her to fix her problems with her parents why did he throw me in there

    • If he was single now, she wouldn't feel the rush to do anything, thus nothing will be really changing.
      While he is in a relationship and making her more jealous, she will do her best to get him back.
      You never miss or appreciate something unless you lose it.
      this is how most human work dear.
      No offense at all, but it was really a huge mistake to get into a relationship with him after 10 days only. He is not over her obviously, even if he left her for you, it will never change the fact of how humans are, and you still are a rebound.
      You obviously like him a lot and he took advantage of the situation, nothing more nor less.
      Again, we don't know any of you in person, so we base our opinions on what you have described above, and personally, I don't think it is "Normal" to behave like that with an ex, nor be in a new relationship after 10 days of breaking up.
      What are most people here saying and advising you?

  • Bible says when 2 people have sex, it actually joins their flesh together. 2 become 1. its not something to break out off. thats why God made the extra precaution of marriage only. since it would be heartbreaking to break something that is joined like that. it is something very close, a special intimacy but has to be careful it's within boundaries. God invented sex anyway. as the phrase goes, Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy. ((of course, except God's salvation that is lol, completely free)) but u know what i mean. so how is it suppose that a marriage be beautiful like that when not much care is given to it.

    about the red flags. yes, it is good you notice it rather than just blindly leading on, or living on false hopes. This phrase, action always speak louder than words. i'm sorry you have to go through that,,, like u observed what happened and he's still saying you are his girlfriend. by the way, it is a Very, very big deal for a guy to break up Too easily like that to hop onto another relationship. usually it takes a lot of heart turmoil, you dont want to just be used, sorry to say so. sometimes people have another relationship to show off they can get someone. i hope you dont feel too bad, i'm here to help you. you need to see if a guy is serious on you, like he really pays attention to what you says. and he values you. then he actually cares for you, like what happens to you, but also stuff like your family, your career, your ambition, dreams. he wishes the best for you. if a guy truly loves you, he would want the best. and i know many guys that even if breakup, they sincerely still wish the best for the girl. they actually have true goodness like that. of course not all guys are perfect, but he will have intentions to want best for you and cares how you feel. do they take time to spend and enjoy your company, not just a status but how much people invest on a relationship. mind you, relationship is both sided. so about your boyfriend and his ex. they have a connection, physically, emotionally, mentally. there is a very strong bond. i know breaking up is not easy, but know that, even if you are married to him, he will still think of her that way. thats what sex does unfortunately. do let me know if u should have further questions

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    • What do you mean break up easily like that

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    • And maybe because he didn’t care? Or he wasn’t invested in it

    • prolly a strange thing is that he asked you to be his girlfriend and then he broke off the other one. careful you are not part of their game. you need to tell him that you still see him attached to his previous one, and tell him, if he is to be with you he needs to be serious about you. you can see by his actions. how he treats you. i guess it might also be painful for you... i'm sorry.

  • Generally I avoid answering these types of questions as there is simply too much nuance and context that gets lost in the translation. Someone who responds has to assume that the story he or she is reading is the complete story - it seldom is - and does not know enough about the personalities and history of the people involved to offer anything more than speculation.

    That said, something about this one sticks out: "He told me he complained to her about standing up to her family and she never did it and how her family didn’t even like him to begin with. Her parents didn’t like his age and felt like he was using her because she was so young. He told me the main problem he had was they would have sex but she couldn’t spend the night with him because her parents told her she couldn’t stay. He told me he told her many times and begged her to stay but she wouldn't."

    In other words, this man demanded that his girlfriend choose between him and her parents. It was not enough that they were together and having sex, he demanded that she displease her parents and forced her - a younger woman - into an impossible situation.

    Now if this woman was living on her own, this might not be an entirely unreasonable request. If she was still dependent on her parents in some way, on the other hand, then it was excessive. In effect, her parents had some right to lay down the ground rules so long as this young woman was still living with them.

    Even if she was not, his demand that she stick around after sex regardless of what impact it would have on her relationship to her parents is excessive. For a few extra hours she should burn her bridges with her parents.

    Whether this suggests the young lady was too tied to her parents is debatable. Yet again, there is not enough information to judge. What we can see, however, is that this man placed his own happiness over something relatively trivial over his gfd's happiness regarding her relationship to her family.

    Remember, this young lady was not married to this man. She had every right to lay down some ground rules and to take her parent's concerns into account. It was not an unfair thing to ask of him to be understanding. He was not and broke up with her over it.

    You wonder if there are any red flags here? There is one giant one right there. Good luck to you.

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    • According to him they were kind of controlling and she had a car and a job and she was still under their thumb

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    • Nightdrot, you're seeing it as a parent which I suspect you are (don't think you mentioned it). If you were 25 years younger (29) and had a choice of hot young 20 year olds cause you were such a lady's man, you may see it differently.

    • @PeterB1517 So I might - and yes, I am a parent - but good manners and regard for those for whom we purport to respect applies regardless of what age we are. It is true we cannot help what we feel - and hormones are at play - but we can help what we do about it.

      Your theory seems to be that youth and hormones justifies poor behavior. I submit that poor behavior is poor regardless of the age of the people involved.

  • > Her parents didn’t like his age and felt like he was using her because she was so young.

    That's not always true. Some guys like the younger, OR inexperienced girls because they aren't as bitter as the older ones.

    > He told me the main problem he had was they would have sex but she couldn’t spend the night with him because her parents told her she couldn’t stay.

    Well, sex and staying the night is very intimate for me and i need intimacy. But if she's living with her parents, I respect that her parents make the rules. SO yes, lack of intimacy over the long term could be a deal breaker for me. I don't do flings, I want a relationship.

    > The day after he broke up with her though he texted her first saying “hey sweetie how are you doing” he initiated the conversation the next day after that too saying “hey sweetie how’s your day going so far”

    He should not be contacting her for 2 weeks or so because he's sending the wrong message to her. He can resume a friendship when her emotional connections to him are mostly gone. He should not do anything to rekindle any relationship other than a friendship. He's being too much of a "nice guy" with not enough tough love on her and this is causing confusion for her and you. He should not be doing things that cause confusion!

    The red flag I see here is he doesn't have good boundaries with an ex. Do you see any other reason to break up with him? Or do you just want to quit?

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    • They’re communication has been cut down a lot but , when he sees her it’s almist like he wants her attention

    • I've been studying psychology and relationships for 30 years. Tell him his behavior is not appropriate. He should be focusing on you not his ex.

    • That’s a lie the older ones won’t put up with their crap so they chase after the younger cause they are easier to manipulate just like these woman can’t take a hint they he’s playing her and ganna screw her over in the end with an even younger chick that’s how old guys work just think how old he was when she was 15

  • Wow this is so similar to my story. I was “talking” to a 31 year old while i was 23. He and i were everything for 2 months. Then i found out he was sexting someone else after an argument we had. So i left him for-my current boyfriend. But he and i became cool again a month or two later. We stopped talking cause we got jealous of eachothers new relationships and didn't wanna catch feelings. But yea your guys a red flag by talkin to her again

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    • And my current boyfriend is 21. Haha close to your ages

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    • But he shouldn’t be in a relationship when he wants her i assumed he was over her

    • Im over mine. I don't know if he's over his tho

  • The man us needy in the fact that he wants the attention of females younger than he is. Since he is older younger women will see him as experienced and that will get their attention, so if a new female who's willing to give the time of day he'll do you like her

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  • rom what I can tell, and I don't feel good about saying it, but, it sounds like you were there almost as a consolation to him when the other girl didn't work out as planned--basically a "rebound." Like I said, I really hate to say that, but I've definitely been in that situation and it sucks. How did you meet him? Had you met him before and talked once in awhile and then out of the blue he starts coming to you with all of his problems about his ex then gets together with you? That would be a red flag for me. He might like you to an extent, but it sounds like he is still holding out hope for the other girl. As long as they're in contact, I don't believe you should be confident in your relationship with him. Since he probably would be upset if you asked him to stop talking to her, I think the only options you have are to break it off with him or somehow steal his attention away from her. More often than not the latter doesn't work. If I were in your position, I would bring it up to him directly and I'd actually mention how disrespectful it is so obvious he still has feelings for his ex yet got with you.

    You don't have to admit that you went through his phone, but tell him you notice he isn't "present" when he is with you and that you noticed the way he was with his ex at the store and that's how you know.

    From what I've experienced, you never ever get with a man when you know they just broke up with a girl that they had been dating or serious about for awhile.

    I hope you can make it work whatever you decide to do..

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    • Well if he still likes her why ask to be with me

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    • Giving her space nail what?

    • Until what**

  • Ok, so here is the thing with this guy. He is a sexually active 15 year old in a 31 year old's body. He might even care for you but he hasn't figured out how to be there for anyone but himself in a real sincere manner.

    He GAVE UP ON HIS LAST GIRLFRIEND for reasons that were actually outside their relationship. The family issue was something he should have respected and over time they would have been okay with it as long as he really showed them he was there for her... He wasn't... The family was right.

    Now he has you and he still is texting this chick and flirting. He is not there for you either. This is actually really disrespectful to you in the most real sense. If you left him tomorrow do you think he would start texting you or her? I would wager it would be her...

    He might even think he is there for you but let me put it this way, someone says they are an artist and does nothing but say they are trying their hardest to be the artist they think they are but when you actually examine that person and watch them over a month you notice they spend all their time talking about making music or making a painting in very engaging language but never actually sit down and make a song or paint a portrait. They may love art but do you really consider that person serious about their art? This guy may be talking about how all he wants is to find the right girl and he gets treated like shit in the process or that he tried and it just doesn't seem to work.

    The thing is, he thinks he's serious but by the fact he gave up on his last girlfriend seems to be contacting her behind your back, he is ONLY serious about what HE wants in a relationship and NOT AT ALL serious in giving the woman in the relationship what she wants, which he should be very interested in doing if he is actually serious.

    It's immature and especially for someone of that age to not at least be a little more mature with handling family matters or not disrespecting his new girlfriend its my opinion that you deserve better than that.

    Leave this guy, he is too immature and you seem to be working towards a mature relationship that he is either not willing or incapable of giving you as you deserve. You should actually come away from this with greater self-respect realizing you are more mature and looking to establish a worthwhile relationship like a respectable person.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh but i think you already knew the answer and needed help finding the words to understand it... I really hope this helps

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    • He told me after a year he kind of got fed up with playing second fiddle to her family. And she wouldn’t stand up for herself because she wanted to spend the night with him too. It was his age that her parents didn’t like and she respected her household

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    • A huge okay thanks for answering my questions i thought he told her he met someone else so she’s stop pursuing him and so that they could both move on

    • Happy to help and I hope my opinion actually was helpful :)

  • I’m sorry, I don’t like what I’m hearing. He doesn’t sound very loyal. With all the initiating text messages, it shows where his mind is at. You’re correct in feelings these red flags. I would too. He seems like a very in the moment guy from what I’ve read.

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    • I assumed he was trying to be her friend. Cause he told me she loved him a lot

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    • He’s an indecisive, very in the moment type person, and I guess you were the next best girl. And if he left her for you and she didn’t do anything wrong... What’s to say he won’t leave you for someone else when she arrives on the scene? And I would definitely get another red flag if he calls you the same nickname that he used for her originally. Like if he called her “sweet thing” through text, and now he calls you “sweet thing” through text. But that’s just me.

    • Next best girl?😟

  • 2 months.

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  • Screw this guy get out of here. And I think you know you should get out of this. The clue for me was that the second thing you mentioned was his ex's name. He shouldn't be with you. He should have resolved the issues he had with her.

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    • What do you mean his ex’s name

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    • And if he still likes her why didn't he take her back when she begged

    • Maybe he likes her attention and likes her begging. Some people get a good feeling off of that. Maybe he's one of them. I don't know for sure. He seems very confusing. I'll tell you this much, it's red flag city with this guy. He's so sketchy. So freaking weird. I don't know. Only he knows what he wants. But my first response was 5 days ago so what has happened since?

  • I don't agree that just because he wanted her to spend the night he was just after "physical pleasures"

    He gets the sex already... he wanted the "after glow"

    I am much happier when a girl spends the night after sex.

    But I do think he is going to fuck around on you. Not out of being a dick, but because he's attracted to you... and her.

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    • What do you mean the after glow

    • That oh so satisfied bliss you feel after having sex with someone you actually want to spend more quiet time and be close with.

      I apologize I'm sure you don't want that image in your head. But I'm sure you like spooning and sleeping (real sleep) with a guy you genuinely care about, rather than him bouncing right after sex.

  • It seems he DID loved her. No question about that. Based on what you seen/saw/heard, their relationship simply couldn't work out and so he ended their relationship. Personally I never believe true love can move on so quickly such as 10 days later he begin a new relationship with you. While yes he did miss her and all that, but on the other hand does he loves YOU? I'm skeptical. At no point did you mentioned he ever did anything particular with you in mind, except that he fully explained to you what happened with his previous relationship (very right and good thing to do though).
    How he felt with his ex was genuine love, you got to give him that. What he should've done is have some cool off period time. But he didn't. It feels like he wasn't ready for a new relationship at all. But mind you THIS PART is HIS problem, not yours. Neither it is something you need to sort out for him.
    The only thing YOU can do is ask yourself: do you want to be in this relationship (now you see/know all of these things) or not. Yes and no are legitimate answers, and you act so accordingly. He has to accept your answers either way, especially if you explain to him everything you posted about here, how you're uncomfortable at all of this knowing what's going on behind your back. Be honest, calm and logical here - yes you'll stay in the relationship despite X, y or z; no you're not comfortable so you leave. Done.

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    • How can you say he really loved her ignore he dumped her and went straight into relationship mode 10 day she later

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    • Why didn’t he have a cool off period

    • Anything. One end maybe he really likes you and thought he should date you before he's too late. On the other hand he could just didn't want to be single or anything similar selfish reasons.

  • Hon the best thing for you right now is to end that relationship. If it can even be called that because he's clearly using you as a rebound. 10 days aren't enough to get over a person, muchless under another and into a relationship. He clearly still wants his ex and if you can't see that you're in denial. Best of luck!

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    • How can he still want her if he left her to pursue me

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    • He's proud? Likes to be begged? I don't know him as a matter of fact so only you can answer that. Really you're just looking for a sliver of give on this to justify his actions and I don't blame you. He's your boyfriend and you want to think the best of him, but it's simply ridiculous at this point. You're deceiving yourself with this nonsense. You suspected from the start

    • 🙄🙄🙄 An unsuspecting girlfriend doesn't go through their partners phone. Really keep on wistfully thinking, but I think that deep down you know the truth.

  • Hmm sketchy... extremely sketchy. Like he is a sketch pad at a community college art class. Simply put it sounds as though he is using you as a plaything until she grows up. I am a bit disturbed by the age difference. Its like his favorite way of meeting women is come here little girl crawl into my van. I have candy. He sounds very predatory. Especially with a co worker.

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    • Well she begged for him back , he said no so how could he be waiting for her

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    • Oh wow 🤦🏼‍♀️

    • Sorry but such a huge age difference makes him seem... predatory.

  • Age isn't necessarily an issue, but you do have major red flags.

    1) He dumped her for you. Past behaviour is a good indicator of future. He will probably do the same to you.
    2) He texted her "sweetie" after they broke up? AND he initiated it? He's probably ACTUALLY "broken up" with her so her parents get off his back
    3) They flirt together? Eish...

    Get out before you get hurt.

    Even if his behaviour is subconscious, you will get hurt.

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    • Ahh so he wanted her parents to leave him alone?

    • Yes, in my opinion.

      It's even possible they came up with the idea together to "break up" and him "see" someone else to get her parents to back off.

      Either way you're better off away from him until he's matured enough to work out where he wants to be.

  • A couple of things here... First off, you never said how long they were going out for, but it doesn't matter. Him running into her, showing affection, txting on the phone is good enough for your 'Red Flag'. Another thing, a guy in his low to mid 30s is in his prime, he'd (even myself) would be going for all the girls I could catch. Also, I 30'something yr old dating low 20something yr old gals is a lot of fun, so he's probably enjoying that and again would continue doing so (related to last point). And finally, Very Important, the reason I ask about how long they were going out for, because if it was a LTR, YOU have to be careful as you might be the 'Rebound' girl. So, keep that in mind. I'm I lot more experienced then you based on ages. AND I'm telling you, my last point is a Strong possibility. I'm sure you like dating older men, but in this case, I'd consider the consequences that could happen in a very short time from now. You never know, he might be already still fooling around with her (not to put any in your head) but it is possible. So, I'd serious consider start looking elsewhere for love. Sorry, for the 'Bad Take' on this situation, but it seems you were smart enough to realize it anyway. Be careful on you're next move

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    • Follow me...

    • How is this a rebound situation when he left her for me?

    • Because he's going from one LTR to another, right away. Most guys need to play the field first before jumping into another LTR. Just saying, Be Careful

  • i agree with what everyone else says, but a big red flag that you missed altogether is that he left someone FOR you.
    this means that WHILE he was in a relationship, you two were somehow developing feelings for each other on the side.
    So, i can't say i'm surprised about his ex and him being flirty.
    "You lose them how you get them."

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  • he's obviously unstable with relationships and doesn't know what he wants. I also think he's taking advantage of girls who are a bit younger because maybe he feels like theyre naive (not saying you are) and can be manipulated. Not really a healthy situation to be in something like this.

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  • OK. Well. Thanks for inviting me to give my opinion on this situation.

    I basically agree with those who've told you he's not over her yet. What appears to be happening here is that he only pretended to break things off with her in order to get her family off his back. It's also possible, sorry to say, that his relationship with you is to give his ex's family the impression that he is involved with someone else, i. e., you, so they need to be less concerned about any sort of relationship he maintains with their daughter, sister, etc. It would not surprise me if she has done essentially the same thing, started a relationship with a man closer to her age all the while being flirtatious with her ex, your current boyfriend.

    Also, it doesn't appear that he's forthcoming about the nature of the kind of relationship he wants to have with his ex. I'm guessing that if he told you still wants to maintain a close friendship with her you could be, understandably reluctantly, OK with it. But he should know to be careful about the language he uses with her, and with how he interacts with her in your presence, and, of course, when not in your presence.

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  • I feel sadly that things will get hard and your going to get hurt either by you checking his phone and reading these messages it's not going to help you. Or he's going to find out your checking up on him or he feels you are checking up on him and then arguments may happen.

    I don't feel this is a good thing to have in a relationship.
    You either need to talk to him openly and calmly about what each other want. But I feel you should walk away from this one. Difficult thing to do but good luck.

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  • A girl that goes through your phone is a red flag. Especially after two months. That needs to be pointed out. He works with her.. you just dove head first into a can of worms. Speaking from experience. Exit that situation. Unless you like the excitement of drama, utter confusion, and self hatred. He needs to get his shit together and find a new job before that'll ever work. He's gonna fuck with a lot of people heads. And his own. I've been down his road. It's irresponsible and hurtful.

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    • I mean he can’t just up and quit his job

    • I said find a new job. Not quit his job immediately. And that absolutely can be done. Its not the easy route and is likely extremely inconvenient but you can't write off a solution as impossible just because it 'doesn't fit your schedule'

  • All of those are not red flags, they are signal flares. Leave, its going to end poorly for you otherwise.

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    • What do you mean

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    • I have a feeling he might’ve told her that to motivate her to move in or leave him alone

    • Possible, but unfortunately that means its still you getting the short straw. Best to find some one who will actually be dedicated to you.

  • You might be either a rebound or he’s using you to control her. It seems he wants her to feel hurt that he left her for someone else so she can stand up to her parents.
    Don’t be a tool for him. Just cut off all contact. He’s not over her it’s blatantly clear he still into her. Just cut off all contact and move on. Don’t even ask for any explanation. The longer you stay around the more he’ll talk and see his ex then he’ll tell you it’s over. Ghost him.

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    • Well why wouldn’t he take her back when she begged

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    • Oh wow makes sense

    • There already texting and flirting with each other that’s a dead giveaway who he wants. If she’s smart she’ll cut off all contact as well. Nobody needs a man like that.

  • It a tough situation to be in because they work together and the break up was still kind of fresh. I hope he wasn't using you as a rebound chick to get her jealous with? How are things going now between you and him?

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    • Things are okay I've noticed he keeps giving his ex false hope like leading her own

  • This goes to show you that you can't get into a new relationship until you are over the first. But frankly, I just think we wanted to wet his pecker in more than one girl at once. I'm thinking he is now wanting to maybe getting back with her after smelling a different rose. You were just there in the role of a chump. I think you know what you have to do.

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    • If he wanted to do that he would’ve kept me a secret from her

    • Yet he dumped her for you and now is seemingly getting chummy with her again. Maybe he is playing both of you and you both are being played for chumps. He just is not over her yet. By the way, snooping in someone's phone doesn't promote trust in a relationship.

  • Look your his back up at the moment. I know you do t want to hear that, but he knows he's got another relationship in the bag if you fold but it's good keeping you around bc you play along with his bullshit. Tell him asap that you should be his priority, not her. If he defends her, leave his ads, u can always do better girl.

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    • how am I the back uo when he left her for me isn't she the back up

    • That it may seem but you're playing into the role of a back up when you put up with him just casually working his way back into a past relationship

  • I'll go straight to the point. Girl, nobody deserves to be treated like an option. A real boyfriend (a real man rather who is truly in love) would cut off my connection that would threaten his relationship with his girl. He's just using you as a trophy or something he could rub in his ex's face. (Do yourself a favor and walk away from this kind of relationship) you definitely deserve a better man. (YOU'VE SEEN HIS TEXTS didn't YOU? DUMP HIM PLEASE GIRL.)

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    • Why is he trying to rub me in her face

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    • How can you tell he’s using me for that

    • What other reason can you think of? Okay let's say he's normally like that. A flirt or whatever. Either way he doesn't respect you. Only you can decide what you want to do for yourself girl. I just hope whatever you do, it'd bring the best for you.

  • i think the reality and it is a red flag of sort is they never lost feelings for each other. they broke up because outside forces sort of forced the issue. plus the speed at which he got into a relationship is also a red flag. it suggests he really wasn't ever fully over her but realized that a relationship with her had lots of external obstacles. so he broke up. but they still had and probably have deep feelings for each other

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    • Why did he get in a relationship so quick,? I don’t understand your answer

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    • I assumed he got in a relationship quickly because he wasn’t invested in her

    • i think perhaps, and not meaning to be cruel or harsh but honest, that you figured this because you liked him and were hoping for the best

      it's rather hard to truly move on from someone after 10 days. especially if the break up was the result of external pressures rather than issues between the two of them

  • That's just one big mess, get away from him.

    If you need to go through someone's phone, it shows there's way too little trust for a healthy relationship.

    He's not over his ex, so he can't be a good boyfriend for you.

    He cheated on her (emotionally at least), he won't stay faithful to you. He already isn't.

    To conclude, he is 31 and sounds like an extremely immature person. You can do so much better.

    Get out!

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  • That's why you gotta realize a guy leaving someone to instantly be with you is a red flag in itself. If he's fickle enough to just drop someone why do you think he couldn't do that to you?

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  • Is there any need to answer a question? Its pretty clear. In fact you know everything and also know its impact on future.. it seems you like him. So ur heart trying to fool ur brain. But u need to strong. It will affect your future. So listen to brain rather than heart. And hope you will get best partner after this. Gud luck..

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  • He was a guy 31 years old dating a 21 year old who , for one reason or another, is still influenced by her parents. In her case it may be the best thing. He isn't looking for a romantic relationship. He is looking for a young girl to have sex with. He may not like you leaving after sex but he isn't doing without sex. Her parents may be absolutely right and trying to keep her out of hurt. Really 31 and 21 really aren't the same sophistication level. Get away, you will be next.

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  • Well first of all one of the red flags is he is calling her sweetie. I mean, does he even call you sweetie? If he doesn't, it's very odd for him to be calling another woman sweetie and not his own girlfriend. Second, the flirting is a red flag too. He shouldn't be flirting with her if he's in a relationship with you.

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  • Those are huge red flags and you admit it yourself confront him about it and see what he says but for me its really clear he is using you sort of not to be alone because he had those problems with his ex and parents and made you believe he was leaving her for you

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    • He didn’t tell me he left her he told her he was leaving for someone else

    • Do you think that person is comitted what tells you tomorrow then he will not leave YOU for someone else

  • It doesn't seem like he's over her. Maybe it's best to talk him about it. Being in a relationship with someone that has feelings for someone else or hasn't let go of the ex. The relationship will turn one sided.

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    • Why leave if he still likes/want her

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    • If his ex would of done what he has told her, he would still be with her, but she didn't and he used you to move on.

    • Ohh gotcha

  • Red flags all over. He still want's her but she won't stay with him at night. So I think he is seeking you as a way for her to realize how much she misses him and stands up to her parents. You should get out.

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    • but she begged for him?

    • I don't know, it feels to me like it what he intended to do. He wants her to feel desperate. That's all just my opinion tho. Maybe that's just what he told you. All I'm saying it be ready for anything.

    • Ahh okay makes sense

  • Well he started seeing you before he broke up with her and has no intention of being in a committed relationship looks to me he wants two uncommitted relationships so he can be footloose and fancy free a relationship is just a word to him in would bet there's a third girl that you don't know about yet
    Time to leave him block his text messages and phone number and email address
    He's only about having fun !

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    • Why is he still with me then

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    • What do you mean you wouldn’t go back

    • I would not go back if someone can't make up their mind and reconnect with a ex after they broke it off saying they are going to be with you but the flirting with the exception continue , the text message both exes working in the same place etc. They simply want both people and won't stay with one person and the behind the scenes still continues that is a red flag

  • I'm sorry but I feel like you're just a decoy for him to make his ex jealous and as a potential backup plan. He obviously cares for her and maybe he left to trigger her, and him bluntly telling her about you is pretty solid proof. If I'm right, then what he's doing is unfair and frankly disgusting; you have no hand in their drama. LEAVE asap

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    • Jealous for what? Trigger her for what

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    • You're very welcome

    • Maybe he told her to motivate her to move on

  • this is bad.

    he left a girl coz she can't stay overnight.
    he hooked up with u after 10days
    you are going through his phone.
    he's still contacting the ex.

    I dont see any reason why u should still be in a relationship with this dude.

    I doubt it if u will still trust him after that and him after you going through his phone.

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    • I don’t think it was just overnight i think she was under her parents thumb

  • You just broke the rule number one. You got in a relationship with someone who was in love and just broke up. He can't get over her in 10 days and decide to be with in the same time. I think you should just let him go. I know this might seem hard for you but it is obvious that he still want her and those things that he did in front of you and the texts prove it. Leave him you deserve someone who gives his all for you only.

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  • Only 10days... Your a rebound, how long prior did you know him before. Maybe he planned it out to use you to get back at her. sounds like they still care for each other. If I were you. I would break it off with him. Good chance you'll get dumped because he decided to go back to her.

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    • Hey back at her for what

    • Because she wouldn't stay they night or whatever else they may have been fighting about. he's much older so he could be using you to manipulate both of you. People tend to want what they can't have. Now that she can't have him she's more willing to go after him. Hence your 2 other posts of what's been going on. Just sounds like drama and him showing off.

    • How can you tell he’s using me to get back at her

  • He is definitely not over her. Theyre still calling each other sweetie. They see each other at work, you dont know whats happening there. More flirting probably. I definitely think he used youn i think he got what he wanted when you said the ex begged for him to come back to her. Thats his main reason why he got on with you, so he can use you to tell her he has someone new. So that the ex will be scared of losing him. Theyre definitely not over hun. Cut him loose before he does it to you.

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    • Why would he make her jealous for

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    • Yeah he probably told her he netbook someone else to motivate her to get her situation fixed but he didn’t tell Alex her back when she begged so? I’m confused

  • Ditch & upgrade your boyfriend asap Wes. He is playing you both (99% sure sleeping with both) & laughing at both of you. He thinks he is a player and has no respect for either of you. Leave now & save yourself a lot of hurt. You are lucky you havn't had this manslag's children & then trapped into knowing him for life. You & his ex can do a lot better than him.

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